I need help!

I recently posted in this newsgroup about my 13 year
old daughter being pregnant. Thanks to everyone who
responded. However, I have recently found out that she
is not pregnant. She lied. Since my post, I have also
found out that she is using drugs and possibly giving
sexual favors for drugs. The other night she ran away.
I reported it to the police and they found her at the
mans house who she was sleeping with. He was taken
into custody and she was taken in for questioning. She
has always been a story teller and she apparently told
the police that I beat her up and supply her and her
brothers with dope. They took her to a local Youth
Crisis Center who expects me to be there tonight for a
counseling meeting of some sort. Now I'm afraid that
if I go I'll be arrested for child abuse or something.
I don't know what to do with her. She is completely
out of control. I cannot talk to her or reason with
her because she just screams obscenities at me. The
Youth Center will only keep her for three days. Where
can I get some real help for her? If I don't go to the
meeting they will call CPS and charge me with
abandonment. What are parents supposed to do these
days. We're not allowed to lay a hand on our own
children to discipline them and then when they get so
out of control that we can't even deal with them
anymore, then nobody's there to help or give advice.
All they want to do is blame or punish the parents. I
love my daughter very much, but the only way that she
will be happy is if I just let her run amuck and do
whatever she pleases. Please, can anyone help?

'Kate wrote in message
...
On Tue, 04 May 2004 19:07:58 GMT, DebLeppard

I recently posted in this newsgroup about my 13 year
old daughter being pregnant. Thanks to everyone who
responded. However, I have recently found out that she
is not pregnant. She lied. Since my post, I have also
found out that she is using drugs and possibly giving
sexual favors for drugs. The other night she ran away.
I reported it to the police and they found her at the
mans house who she was sleeping with. He was taken
into custody and she was taken in for questioning. She
has always been a story teller and she apparently told
the police that I beat her up and supply her and her
brothers with dope. They took her to a local Youth
Crisis Center who expects me to be there tonight for a
counseling meeting of some sort. Now I'm afraid that
if I go I'll be arrested for child abuse or something.

Tell the truth... that's all they want. They have had so many parents
in and out that they can tell someone who is actively involved in the
child's life and sincerely wants help. If you're nervous, tell them.
Of course you are.. who wouldn't be? I know you're feeling like you're
walking into the den of horrors and it is sometimes that way in corrupt
social services offices by most aren't like that.

I don't know what to do with her. She is completely
out of control. I cannot talk to her or reason with
her because she just screams obscenities at me. The
Youth Center will only keep her for three days. Where
can I get some real help for her? If I don't go to the
meeting they will call CPS and charge me with
abandonment. What are parents supposed to do these
days. We're not allowed to lay a hand on our own
children to discipline them and then when they get so
out of control that we can't even deal with them
anymore, then nobody's there to help or give advice.
All they want to do is blame or punish the parents. I
love my daughter very much, but the only way that she
will be happy is if I just let her run amuck and do
whatever she pleases. Please, can anyone help?

The social services place is exactly where you are supposed to find
help. They know that some teens do not tell the truth. They didn't
send the police to your home so they are giving you the benefit of the
doubt. They have resources available.

It takes more than good parents to raise a child. It takes the support
of the community, institutions, and schools, peers, etc...

ehhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,you are sounding like Hillary........and if that were
true, then children raised in remote areas......away from community,
institutions, schools, and peers would be dysfunctional adults........but we
know that is not true.


You're only
one part of the picture.

No, the parent is the picture.......ecerything else is just the frame

You are the most important part and your job
is to advocate for the best interests of your child. Approach it like
that... enlist their help. If what they're saying is not true, tell
them that. IF it is, tell them that too.

I'm glad she's not pregnant. All I could think of was the future health
repercussions.

Good luck tonight. Post back.

'Kate

'Kate wrote in message
...
On Tue, 4 May 2004 22:52:17 -0400, "Paul Fritz"


'Kate wrote in message
.. .
On Tue, 04 May 2004 19:07:58 GMT, DebLeppard

I recently posted in this newsgroup about my 13 year
old daughter being pregnant. Thanks to everyone who
responded. However, I have recently found out that she
is not pregnant. She lied. Since my post, I have also
found out that she is using drugs and possibly giving
sexual favors for drugs. The other night she ran away.
I reported it to the police and they found her at the
mans house who she was sleeping with. He was taken
into custody and she was taken in for questioning. She
has always been a story teller and she apparently told
the police that I beat her up and supply her and her
brothers with dope. They took her to a local Youth
Crisis Center who expects me to be there tonight for a
counseling meeting of some sort. Now I'm afraid that
if I go I'll be arrested for child abuse or something.

Tell the truth... that's all they want. They have had so many
parents
in and out that they can tell someone who is actively involved in
the
child's life and sincerely wants help. If you're nervous, tell
them.
Of course you are.. who wouldn't be? I know you're feeling like
you're
walking into the den of horrors and it is sometimes that way in
corrupt
social services offices by most aren't like that.

I don't know what to do with her. She is completely
out of control. I cannot talk to her or reason with
her because she just screams obscenities at me. The
Youth Center will only keep her for three days. Where
can I get some real help for her? If I don't go to the
meeting they will call CPS and charge me with
abandonment. What are parents supposed to do these
days. We're not allowed to lay a hand on our own
children to discipline them and then when they get so
out of control that we can't even deal with them
anymore, then nobody's there to help or give advice.
All they want to do is blame or punish the parents. I
love my daughter very much, but the only way that she
will be happy is if I just let her run amuck and do
whatever she pleases. Please, can anyone help?

The social services place is exactly where you are supposed to find
help. They know that some teens do not tell the truth. They
didn't
send the police to your home so they are giving you the benefit of
the
doubt. They have resources available.

It takes more than good parents to raise a child. It takes the
support
of the community, institutions, and schools, peers, etc...

ehhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,you are sounding like Hillary........and if that
were
true, then children raised in remote areas......away from community,
institutions, schools, and peers would be dysfunctional
adults........but we
know that is not true.

Actually... the more support a child has, the better.

It depends, it is not better if the 'support' interfers with that of the
parent.



You're only
one part of the picture.

No, the parent is the picture.......ecerything else is just the frame

When the parents fail, some children still succeed. Something worked.

Sometimes the frame is worth more the picture :-)

Well, my daughter is home again. Apparently some good
came out of all of this. She was scared pretty good
being in that place. There were some really bad kids
there. One girl even put another girls head through
the wall. It was enough to wake her up into realizing
that she was headed down the wrong road. And she
definitly doesn't want to be in that place again. And
they told her that if she runs away or gets into
trouble again, she will go to juvenile hall next time.
I'm keeping her out of school for the rest of the
week so I can keep an eye on her and we can work on
repairing our relationship. Last night was a good
night. There is still hope. Thanks for all your input.

She was scared pretty good
being in that place

That is temporary. This girl is out of control. You need more help than can
be provided here. Get some.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

On Tue, 04 May 2004 19:07:58 GMT, DebLeppard
wrote:

I recently posted in this newsgroup about my 13 year
old daughter being pregnant. Thanks to everyone who
responded. However, I have recently found out that she
is not pregnant. She lied. Since my post, I have also
found out that she is using drugs and possibly giving
sexual favors for drugs. The other night she ran away.
I reported it to the police and they found her at the
mans house who she was sleeping with. He was taken
into custody and she was taken in for questioning. She
has always been a story teller and she apparently told
the police that I beat her up and supply her and her
brothers with dope. They took her to a local Youth
Crisis Center who expects me to be there tonight for a
counseling meeting of some sort. Now I'm afraid that
if I go I'll be arrested for child abuse or something.
I don't know what to do with her. She is completely
out of control. I cannot talk to her or reason with
her because she just screams obscenities at me. The
Youth Center will only keep her for three days. Where
can I get some real help for her? If I don't go to the
meeting they will call CPS and charge me with
abandonment. What are parents supposed to do these
days. We're not allowed to lay a hand on our own
children to discipline them and then when they get so
out of control that we can't even deal with them
anymore, then nobody's there to help or give advice.
All they want to do is blame or punish the parents. I
love my daughter very much, but the only way that she
will be happy is if I just let her run amuck and do
whatever she pleases. Please, can anyone help?

Okay, I'm gonna give this my best shot.

Take a lot of deep breaths and think very, very carefully. It doesn't
matter whether you post what you think here or not. Just think very
carefully. Be very honest with yourself.

Has she always been a challenging child, or has she become challenging
quite suddenly?

Was she young for her age, old for her age, or pretty typical, until
things changed?

Can you think of any specific time when she became out of control?

What things have happened in her life that you think are out of the
ordinary, and that might have affected her?

Here are some things I know:

If a child is basically a good kid, eager to please or at least
respectful of authority, and then suddenly they lose the plot around
their adolesence, in a big, scary way, then one of two things has
happened. Either they've run up against some kind of adolescent onset
instability that quite likely runs in the family, or someone has done
something to them.

When a young adolescent is oversexualised and extremely out of
control, there is not uncommonly an assault history that may or may
not be obvious. A lot of kids who are assaulted suddenly and violently
don't tell.

Kids in either situation will lie and accuse their parents of abuse
sometimes. If the parent has done anything abusive, that's a big part
of the problem. If the parent has not and this is completely off the
wall, either, these accusations are new, in which case, I'm guessing,
sudden onset with the behaviour as well, or, the lying has escalated
throughout the child's life, in which case, I'm guessing, organic
illness.

You need to think through very carefully, and make notes, about what
your daughter has done that seems abnormal, and when, and when it all
started. Then you need to call your doctor or nearest mental health
unit and sit down with someone with some training and go carefully
over everything.

Because if your daughter has a mental illness, it's probably treatable
and she needs some help. If your daughter has a hormonal problem, it's
probably treatable, and she needs some help. If your daughter is
involved with drugs, she's going to need help and she can get well. If
your daughter has been grievously harmed in some way, by someone, she
can get healthy but it's going to take a lot of work and she's going
to need some help.

What you describe isn't normal, but if you pay really close attention
and take steps to work this out, it can turn out okay.

Go to the meeting. What country are you in? I can help more if you're
in Canada, 'cause there's not much I don't know at this point about
who to contact WRT teen catastrophe in Canada. And who not to contact.
Otherwise, someone from your country might have some help for you too.

Good luck.

Cele

On Tue, 4 May 2004 22:52:17 -0400, "Paul Fritz"
wrote:


'Kate wrote in message
.. .
On Tue, 04 May 2004 19:07:58 GMT, DebLeppard

I recently posted in this newsgroup about my 13 year
old daughter being pregnant. Thanks to everyone who
responded. However, I have recently found out that she
is not pregnant. She lied. Since my post, I have also
found out that she is using drugs and possibly giving
sexual favors for drugs. The other night she ran away.
I reported it to the police and they found her at the
mans house who she was sleeping with. He was taken
into custody and she was taken in for questioning. She
has always been a story teller and she apparently told
the police that I beat her up and supply her and her
brothers with dope. They took her to a local Youth
Crisis Center who expects me to be there tonight for a
counseling meeting of some sort. Now I'm afraid that
if I go I'll be arrested for child abuse or something.

Tell the truth... that's all they want. They have had so many parents
in and out that they can tell someone who is actively involved in the
child's life and sincerely wants help. If you're nervous, tell them.
Of course you are.. who wouldn't be? I know you're feeling like you're
walking into the den of horrors and it is sometimes that way in corrupt
social services offices by most aren't like that.

I don't know what to do with her. She is completely
out of control. I cannot talk to her or reason with
her because she just screams obscenities at me. The
Youth Center will only keep her for three days. Where
can I get some real help for her? If I don't go to the
meeting they will call CPS and charge me with
abandonment. What are parents supposed to do these
days. We're not allowed to lay a hand on our own
children to discipline them and then when they get so
out of control that we can't even deal with them
anymore, then nobody's there to help or give advice.
All they want to do is blame or punish the parents. I
love my daughter very much, but the only way that she
will be happy is if I just let her run amuck and do
whatever she pleases. Please, can anyone help?

The social services place is exactly where you are supposed to find
help. They know that some teens do not tell the truth. They didn't
send the police to your home so they are giving you the benefit of the
doubt. They have resources available.

It takes more than good parents to raise a child. It takes the support
of the community, institutions, and schools, peers, etc...

ehhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,you are sounding like Hillary........and if that were
true, then children raised in remote areas......away from community,
institutions, schools, and peers would be dysfunctional adults........but we
know that is not true.

It helps a whole hell of a lot, though, if other adults don't actively
do damage. With that in mind, a whole community that is HELPFUL is
best, and a remote area comes next.

You're only
one part of the picture.

No, the parent is the picture.......ecerything else is just the frame

Rubbish. If that was true, my youngest would be happy, healthy and out
working for the summer, instead of going in for inpatient treatment to
beat down one more demon that neither her father nor I planted.

We may be a significant part of the solution, or lack thereof, but
parents, I guarantee you, are not always the problem. Society can and
does make a difference. One person can, and sometimes does, do
catastrophic damage.

Cele

You are the most important part and your job
is to advocate for the best interests of your child. Approach it like
that... enlist their help. If what they're saying is not true, tell
them that. IF it is, tell them that too.

I'm glad she's not pregnant. All I could think of was the future health
repercussions.

Good luck tonight. Post back.

'Kate

On Wed, 05 May 2004 16:54:29 GMT, DebLeppard
wrote:

Well, my daughter is home again. Apparently some good
came out of all of this. She was scared pretty good
being in that place. There were some really bad kids
there. One girl even put another girls head through
the wall. It was enough to wake her up into realizing
that she was headed down the wrong road. And she
definitly doesn't want to be in that place again. And
they told her that if she runs away or gets into
trouble again, she will go to juvenile hall next time.
I'm keeping her out of school for the rest of the
week so I can keep an eye on her and we can work on
repairing our relationship. Last night was a good
night. There is still hope. Thanks for all your input.

Does she seem really remorseful at times, and then go into completely
out of control rages, where it's like she's a totally different
person?

Cele

"Cele" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 4 May 2004 22:52:17 -0400, "Paul Fritz"
wrote:


'Kate wrote in message
.. .
On Tue, 04 May 2004 19:07:58 GMT, DebLeppard

I recently posted in this newsgroup about my 13 year
old daughter being pregnant. Thanks to everyone who
responded. However, I have recently found out that she
is not pregnant. She lied. Since my post, I have also
found out that she is using drugs and possibly giving
sexual favors for drugs. The other night she ran away.
I reported it to the police and they found her at the
mans house who she was sleeping with. He was taken
into custody and she was taken in for questioning. She
has always been a story teller and she apparently told
the police that I beat her up and supply her and her
brothers with dope. They took her to a local Youth
Crisis Center who expects me to be there tonight for a
counseling meeting of some sort. Now I'm afraid that
if I go I'll be arrested for child abuse or something.

Tell the truth... that's all they want. They have had so many
parents
in and out that they can tell someone who is actively involved in
the
child's life and sincerely wants help. If you're nervous, tell
them.
Of course you are.. who wouldn't be? I know you're feeling like
you're
walking into the den of horrors and it is sometimes that way in
corrupt
social services offices by most aren't like that.

I don't know what to do with her. She is completely
out of control. I cannot talk to her or reason with
her because she just screams obscenities at me. The
Youth Center will only keep her for three days. Where
can I get some real help for her? If I don't go to the
meeting they will call CPS and charge me with
abandonment. What are parents supposed to do these
days. We're not allowed to lay a hand on our own
children to discipline them and then when they get so
out of control that we can't even deal with them
anymore, then nobody's there to help or give advice.
All they want to do is blame or punish the parents. I
love my daughter very much, but the only way that she
will be happy is if I just let her run amuck and do
whatever she pleases. Please, can anyone help?

The social services place is exactly where you are supposed to find
help. They know that some teens do not tell the truth. They
didn't
send the police to your home so they are giving you the benefit of
the
doubt. They have resources available.

It takes more than good parents to raise a child. It takes the
support
of the community, institutions, and schools, peers, etc...

ehhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,you are sounding like Hillary........and if that
were
true, then children raised in remote areas......away from community,
institutions, schools, and peers would be dysfunctional
adults........but we
know that is not true.

It helps a whole hell of a lot, though, if other adults don't actively
do damage. With that in mind, a whole community that is HELPFUL is
best, and a remote area comes next.

You're only
one part of the picture.

No, the parent is the picture.......ecerything else is just the frame

Rubbish. If that was true, my youngest would be happy, healthy and out
working for the summer, instead of going in for inpatient treatment to
beat down one more demon that neither her father nor I planted.

Not 'rubbish' at all. Ever think about where your daughter would be (and
be headed) if she didn't have solid parents? Sometimes the frame can
overwhelm the picture.


We may be a significant part of the solution, or lack thereof, but
parents, I guarantee you, are not always the problem. Society can and
does make a difference. One person can, and sometimes does, do
catastrophic damage.

Never said that parents are always the problem.


Cele

You are the most important part and your job
is to advocate for the best interests of your child. Approach it
like
that... enlist their help. If what they're saying is not true,
tell
them that. IF it is, tell them that too.

I'm glad she's not pregnant. All I could think of was the future
health
repercussions.

Good luck tonight. Post back.

'Kate

Cele, I reckon kids are more like a car than a train.

Start a train going and it (almost always) stays on the track you set it on.

Kids tho - you can point em in the right direction and tell em which way to go,
but they can change direction anytime along the way, and end up anywhere the
road they follow takes em.

David - who has seen time and time again that loving the wrong person can derail
an otherwise happy life.

Cele wrote:

Rubbish. If that was true, my youngest would be happy, healthy and out
working for the summer, instead of going in for inpatient treatment to
beat down one more demon that neither her father nor I planted.

We may be a significant part of the solution, or lack thereof, but
parents, I guarantee you, are not always the problem. Society can and
does make a difference. One person can, and sometimes does, do
catastrophic damage.

Cele