Overwhelmed by Everything

I thought I was busy when I was a SAHM, but since I started back to teaching
the beginning of August I've been overwhelmed by work and everything I have to
do at home. Things have been particularly stressful and busy at work the past 3
weeks, so it just keeps getting worse. I am either close to tears or actually
crying a large part of the day every day. I wake up at 5:30 every morning and
get myself ready for work and help get the girls ready for school, leave the
house at 7:00 to go to work. It takes me an hour to pick up the girls from day
care and take them home. By that time it's time to fix dinner, feed them, and
do the bath and bedtime routine. Then there's the kitchen to clean up and
lunches to pack for the next day, laundry to wash, etc. Then I go to bed and do
it all over again day after day. Sometimes I want to scream thinking about
doing this over and over for the next umpteen years. If I didn't have June and
July off then I think I would seriously lose my mind. Dh gets the girls dressed
and takes them to school, but he doesn't get home until 9:30 every night, so he
doesn't even see the girls until the next day and I have no help from him at
night. Of course he also works Saturdays, as a lot of you all already know.

I don't know of any way things can be made better. I have someone clean the
house once per week, although she's been doing a crappy job and I'm getting
ready to let her go if she doesn't improve after I talk to her about my
concerns. That's also stressing me out because then I'll have to try to find
someone else to do the cleaning. I don't spend any time cooking dinner, so I
can't cut back on that. Dinner is usually take-out or a frozen meal or
leftovers. I feel like I never see my children anymore. I spend more time with
other people's children than I do my own. By the time I see them after work I'm
so exhausted that I snap at them, and they're exhausted from being at school
and day care all day, so they are cranky.

I'm sorry for whinning. I know a lot of people are in the same situation as I
am. I guess I'm just having problems adjusting to being a work away from home
mom. I would appreciate any tips on things I might be able to try to make
things easier. I am trying to find a part time nanny to pick up the girls from
school and watch them at home. That would cut my evening commute time in half.
Other than that, I can't think of a thing.

Thanks,
Andrea
twin girls-Jordan & Madison
4 yrs. old

I wish I had a good answer for you. I will be in the same boat come
December, when my mat. leave ends. All I can say is that I feel your
pain and sympathize. I live for weekends and school vacations, so that I
can be with my kids. It sucks to have to work, and I would love to be a
SAHM but it is not in the cards right now.

I want to know what advice others have for you, because I feel the same
pain.

--
Terri & Rob
Colton (11-29-00)
Aimee and Kylie (12-22-03)
Visit us at:
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a..._kylie_colton/

((((((((Andrea))))))))

I am sorry this adjustment has been difficult for you. I wish I had some magic
answer! The only things I can think of: when you talk to your cleaning lady
hopefully she will kick it up a notch and start doing a better job. Is it
possible to pay her a little more to do laundry? Maybe you could even save a
few loads for her and that would help you during the rest of the week. Are you
spending weekend time changing bedding? Maybe she could do that for you. As
for dinners, winter is a great time for crockpot stuff. I know you said prep
time is not a problem, but it might give you some variety. And don't spend
time doing dishes, use paper plates! Especially since DH is not home for
dinner. Also, maybe you could try to make a few days' worth of lunches for the
girls at once, at least getting stuff in baggies and ready to just go in their
lunchboxes. That way you can just throw everything in each morning. I know I
asked you before about carpooling and IIRC, that's not an option where you
live.

Again, I am so sorry this is so hard. I sincerely hope it gets easier very
soon.

Hugs,

Ellen
--------
Erin 6/26/95
Bradley & Alex 10/5/00

Andrea
I usually only lurk here, but I wanted to jump in and tell you I felt the
same way when I started back to work. I only have one child, but I'm a
single parent so that evens the ratio out a bit (doesn't it?). In hindsight
it took me about 6 months to perfect and get used to the new routines that
worked for me. It's a huge adjustment, so give yourself time to get used to
it. If you have high expectations for healthy meals, clean house, and time
to relax, let them go just for a while. Keep the cleaning lady and the
crappy job she does just till things settle down a bit. Let the kids take
too many packaged lunches for a while. In the winter, can you get away with
bathing them only every other night? Just "top and tail" them? Give yourself
enough sleep time. Everything will be more difficult if you are tired.
Once you start to settle into your new groove, you can start fine-tuning
stuff to better suit you.
Here's a few things that worked for me, though I fully recognize these
wouldn't suit everyone.
-plan NOTHING for weeknights for awhile. No errands, no housework, no
visits, no projects. Just the bare necessities.
-do all laundry and shopping on the weekends only. Buy clothes/linens
sufficient to get you through the week. The only thing that prompted me to
do laundry during the week was solid food vomit, or toilet training
accidents. Everything else waited till the weekend.
-make sure all dinners are large enough to provide leftovers for lunch the
next day - if you order pizza for dinner, order two instead, extra orders of
chinese food, make 2 or 3 packages of Kraft dinner.... you get the idea. If
you find the time to cook something even close to healthy (on the weekends
only), make lots and freeze it.
-lower your housekeeping standards to the bare minimum. Choose not to see
the mess, or just recognize it as the price you pay for some
sleep/playtime/sanity for the time being.
-get a babysitter, even once a month, and get out alone. Even if you have
nothing to do, just go and sit somewhere and have a coffee. Meet with a
friend. Even an hour or two can help to restore you.
-get the sleep you need. Make this a priority. Things always look better
when you're well rested and always look worse when you're tired and
frazzled.
-don't feel guilty about anything. Guilt is a useless emotion. You set your
priorities, make the decisions you need to make, and this is how things
are. If anyone doesn't like it....well, you don't have time for disapproving
people right now, right? Cut 'em out.
I was run ragged in the first few weeks after I returned to work. I started
paring back the unnecessary things in my life, streamlined my must-haves,
and adjusted my expectations and within a short time, things started to get
back on track.
Once I was on top of my pared-down world, I started fitting the
nice-to-haves back into my day/week/life - healthier food, playtime, social
life, extras at work. I have to admit, housework was waaay down the list,
but that may just be me.
Hang in there Andrea, it will get better, and soon.

nancy - lurker









"Andrea" wrote in message
...
I thought I was busy when I was a SAHM, but since I started back to
teaching
the beginning of August I've been overwhelmed by work and everything I
have to
do at home. Things have been particularly stressful and busy at work the
past 3
weeks, so it just keeps getting worse. I am either close to tears or
actually
crying a large part of the day every day. I wake up at 5:30 every morning
and
get myself ready for work and help get the girls ready for school, leave
the
house at 7:00 to go to work. It takes me an hour to pick up the girls from
day
care and take them home. By that time it's time to fix dinner, feed them,
and
do the bath and bedtime routine. Then there's the kitchen to clean up and
lunches to pack for the next day, laundry to wash, etc. Then I go to bed
and do
it all over again day after day. Sometimes I want to scream thinking about
doing this over and over for the next umpteen years. If I didn't have June
and
July off then I think I would seriously lose my mind. Dh gets the girls
dressed
and takes them to school, but he doesn't get home until 9:30 every night,
so he
doesn't even see the girls until the next day and I have no help from him
at
night. Of course he also works Saturdays, as a lot of you all already
know.

I don't know of any way things can be made better. I have someone clean
the
house once per week, although she's been doing a crappy job and I'm
getting
ready to let her go if she doesn't improve after I talk to her about my
concerns. That's also stressing me out because then I'll have to try to
find
someone else to do the cleaning. I don't spend any time cooking dinner, so
I
can't cut back on that. Dinner is usually take-out or a frozen meal or
leftovers. I feel like I never see my children anymore. I spend more time
with
other people's children than I do my own. By the time I see them after
work I'm
so exhausted that I snap at them, and they're exhausted from being at
school
and day care all day, so they are cranky.

I'm sorry for whinning. I know a lot of people are in the same situation
as I
am. I guess I'm just having problems adjusting to being a work away from
home
mom. I would appreciate any tips on things I might be able to try to make
things easier. I am trying to find a part time nanny to pick up the girls
from
school and watch them at home. That would cut my evening commute time in
half.
Other than that, I can't think of a thing.

Thanks,
Andrea
twin girls-Jordan & Madison
4 yrs. old

Thanks Ellen, I appreciate all the great ideas. Don't know why I never thought
about making more than 1 day's lunch at a time. I figured someone would come up
with some good ideas I hadn't thought of.

Thanks Again,
Andrea
twin girls-Madison & Jordan
4 yrs .old

Andrea,

I'm so sorry you are so overwhelmed right now. I won't pretend to understand
since I've not a clue. But, I've been through points where things just all
seem to be caving in at once and you feel so smothered and helpless with no end
in sight!

I'm glad you posted about it since it looks like you got some great ideas. I
hope things are easing up a bit by now. (((Andrea)))

Missy
Missy in Indiana http://hometown.aol.com/mhrust/overviewforng.html
Morgan Olivia & Julia Lucille 4/28/01 (YAY!)

Thanks Missy. I was at a really bad point the day that I posted. Things have
calmed down a little bit and I've been able to catch up on work, which has
helped. I interviewed a lady for a part time nanny position today and I was
impressed with her. I'm hoping that her references and everything will check
out and I'll be able to hire her to pick up the girls from school every
afternoon and watch them at home. I'm hoping that will help help me out a
little.

Thanks Again,
Andrea
twin girls-Jordan & Madison
4 yrs. old

Andrea,

I'm so sorry you are so overwhelmed right now. I won't pretend to understand
since I've not a clue. But, I've been through points where things just all
seem to be caving in at once and you feel so smothered and helpless with no
end
in sight!

I'm glad you posted about it since it looks like you got some great ideas. I
hope things are easing up a bit by now. (((Andrea)))

Missy
Missy in Indiana http://hometown.aol.com/mhrust/overviewforng.html
Morgan Olivia & Julia Lucille 4/28/01 (YAY!)