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#21
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Can't let the disfunction out too early... LOL
On Sun, 16 May 2004 11:10:53 -0400, "Kristi Carney"
wrote: Discuss amongst yourselves... I'll give you a topic: Is she dysfunctional? And is that a "dis" or is she "functional"? What's the relation between the two? (Saturday Night Live and Mad TV are my saving grace.... without the sense of humor, I would've blown up a long time ago... I mean it!) Jon Stewart does it for me. Funny *and* smart, and with a certain something too. Are you near Charleston? lm |
#22
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Expunging Feelings...
On Sun, 16 May 2004 19:38:12 -0400, "Kristi Carney"
wrote: Kate, Thank you! Just from you and Celia... I already feel a warm hug... and it helps.. it helps me tremendously. You mentioned different ethnic backgrounds.. same here.. and even more complicated.. because it is likened or can be likened to a black/white situation.. but not really. I was adopted from Korea (my sister is my bio sister and was adopted as well) by caucasian parents. I love my parents.. etc.. but there have been issues attributed to being adopted... alone... and race identity/etc.. So.. obviously.. I'm Asian... My daughter's father is a black male... poor... nothing like what I am... and not raised in the same way either. In his family (and maybe the culture)... Hmm, a bit judgmental maybe? children out of wedlock is commonplace.. not an anomaly. Not only that... extended family raises the children.. etc... but I don't see an emphasis on education or anything else... goal-oriented.. I was not in love with and didn't love and don't love my daughter's father. I know many will probably say yeah right... we could all say we "got caught up"... but how would you explain his high school education to my master's degree level education and my ambition and drive... versus his... dishwasher... jumping from job to minimum wage job? Wow. Seems to me your feelings for your ex go beyond his not being a proper father. Just some examples. And no.. I don't want to seem or sound racist, because I am not. Hmm. I prefer to date black males... at the time.. 21-22 years of age.. I did a lot of things that were self-destructive. So dating black males is self-destructive? I drank a lot.. geesh... that year was a haze.. I partied a lot.. I did a lot to NOT have to deal with identity issues.. etc... and therefore.. my behavior is what got me pregnant... not that I hadn't been raised right.. etc.. You keep referring to your upbringing as being a positive thing -- middle class, educated, "raised right" -- yet your family has largely abandoned you. But I attribute this behavior to depression as well... seriously... I have been a depressed "sad girl" for as long as I can remember... there has always been something underlying there... some undercurrent... not feeling good... EVER about myself.. and people maybe perceiving that as "low self-esteem" or "low self-confidence".. but it wasn't that... I have been highly skilled at masking my depression... being that "good girl" in the respect of NO discipline problems.. honor roll grades... respecting my parents.. and following the rules.. having plenty of friends.. no problems there... but as far as the way I have felt inside... that's another story... so... that time was a very very very dark/black time in my life... I medicated my LIFE with alcohol and didn't sober up all the way around until pregnancy... and I haven't had drinks of that nature since.. a light went on and I became a very very very responsible person from conception on.... I realize that to go any further in my life... I am going to have to get the insides to match my outward life... that has me living independently, paying my bills, being ambitious and involved in my daughter's life... because you're right...it would feel great to feel good... instead of like **** all the time (pardon the cursing there... but it describes how I feel perfectly). I mean... that would be liberating. And it's something I know I HAVE to do for myself. Because.... nothing is changing on it's own.. it's really not.. it's just trapping me and putting me on hold and in a stagnant position... that's not good at all... and in that respect.. I agree.. My daughter deserves to have a very coherent ALL THE WAY HERE parent in me... and I deserve to feel good too. Your interior/exterior sounds a lot like me. Good grades, nice girl, etc, but depressed. I've got crap self-esteem too but otherwise it sounds similar. I've just recently started taking Effexor. I was anti-meds forever, plus I subsisted on my own adrenaline for years with my schedule, but it's something to think about. Works pretty well, no side effects to speak of. lm |
#23
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Introduction
'Kate wrote in message ... On Mon, 17 May 2004 11:37:57 +1000, quietguy Talk about calling the kettle black Kate - YOU used and spelt "dysfunctional" correctly, and in context!! :-) David hehe... damn. I've been caught. The education process does result in learning. I got my BS Friday. :-) I'm one step closer to where I belong and it feels good. 'Kate Totally awesome Kate. Time to party/take a vacation/something fun. T |
#24
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Introduction
Kristi Carney wrote:
Hi Everyone! I just figured out how to subscribe to these newsgroups this morning... so I'm trying my hand at it . I am a single mother of a beautiful 5 year old daughter. I never married her father and that was probably one of the BEST decisions I've made in my entire life! She is my world, can't imagine life without her, but I feel the need to find support amongst other single parents, because it is rough... it is very very very rough working full time (I'm a special education teacher on the high school level) and then parenting full time. If you hadn't gathered, my daughter's father is very very very uninvolved. Things got really messy when he discovered that I wasn't going to put up with any more of his **** and I kicked him out (when our daughter was 1) and then after another year of harassment and verbal abuse, I took him to court and that solved that. Now... it's more of day to day struggle... finally being ready to get back in the dating game (have had a few foul ups in between now and prior to)... I just don't know... I have a lot of things going for me... and a lot of things going against me... Just basically wanted to say hello and hope that this group will be useful and supportive! Thanks! Kristi Welcome to the group... I am also new to this group. I am a single dad finding it a little hard to cope so I thought I would check out this newsgroup... Welcome anyway :-) Gordy Remove nospam from e-mail if replying via e-mail |
#25
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Introduction
"Kristi Carney" wrote in message news
Just basically wanted to say hello and hope that this group will be useful and supportive! Hello and greetings from Ireland Dennis |
#26
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Introduction
"Nick" wrote in message ...
whoa..... nearly missed it (when its good news can ya'll ...wave a white hankie... or summat?) *Congrats*... well done an all that stuff n ... sooo, (the important stuff)... whens the party?...where... will there be beer? are we all invited?... Congrats from me, too, 'Kate! For some reason, I never see your original posts, but catch stuff in follow-ups. Karen |
#27
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Expunging Feelings...
"Kristi Carney" wrote in message snip at the time.. 21-22 years of age.. I did a lot of things that were self-destructive. I drank a lot.. geesh... that year was a haze.. I partied a lot.. I did a lot to NOT have to deal with identity issues.. etc... and therefore.. my behavior is what got me pregnant... not that I hadn't been raised right.. etc.. So now you have taken the moral highground and are judging from where you are now rather than where both you and the father were a few years ago. Your pregnancy and motherhood changed you. Perhaps something else is needed to change the father. Perhaps it will never happen. Either way you have some cheek coming here slagging him off when, by your own admission, you became pregnant during a 12 month drunken haze and now moralise about his lifestyle. Dennis |
#28
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Expunging Feelings...
lm,
Thanks for the response. I am definitely going to check in to meds/options when I go see the family doc. I'm tired of feeling like shiznit... tired of all the tears (from where do they come?) and I think prior to now... my life was hectic enough I wasn't able to sit down, ponder, and be "depressed" so to speak. Great coping skills/mechanism... whatever you want to call it. And the other stuff I'll address in a minute.. because it appears as if I've given the wrong impression.... in respect to my daughter's father... Kristi |
#29
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Opposites don't always attract...
Dennis,
NO! I'm not taking the moral high ground. I take just as much responsibility for my pregnancy and the birth and raising of my daughter as I've ever had. You know what? I hate it when it feels as though 'support' is more or less like attack. You may be a single parent, but you will NEVER be a single mother. You didn't go through nine months (40 weeks is technically 10 months) of pregnancy. I shifted to auto-pilot... so part of me wants to say "screw you"... the other part of me wants to clarify. Age 21-22.... who knows what the hell they are doing?! I sure didn't. I am admitting that.. here at age 28. YES... I have grown up... 5 years later.. NO... my daughter's father HASN'T grown up. He was never supportive during the pregnancy... and he was never an involved father, period... and when I finally got tired of being someone's douche bag by all respects... I kicked him out... and for that... I got a year of harassment and threats and panic and anxiety attacks. So.. if you think that's fair... whatever. I don't have to explain or justify anything to you... because you don't live this. It's easy to say I'm on some moral high horse... but you don't know me well enough to say that... and that's not a fair statement, period. It's sometimes rough in these group discussion board settings to intimate everything that I'm thinking and feeling... and even more difficult to put in the necessary emphasis and voice inflections... but... in no way have I hampered anything that's gone on in his life... I tried to work things out amicably...even took my daughter up to see him every other weekend for the first year... and when I was still getting abused... I said screw this and went to court... to have visitation set up and child support ordered.. does he follow the court order? Not at all. He doesn't visit his daughter. He doesn't call to see about her... and me... I've been given the lovely task of being civil... being accommodating.. of "being the bigger person" all the time... and get what? I get flack from someone like you who just sees black and white... not grey... and the fact that I AM being a parent... and the fact that HE isn't... period... end of story. Do I think people can change? Yes.. I hope that they do and will change as they mature... but has it happened in 5 years? Not yet. So.. if I'm on moral high ground... I have a right to sound that way... when I'm being both mother and father. You may not see it that way because you HAVE stepped up to the plate... but I see it that way when he has not. Kristi |
#30
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Location...
Hey lm,
I'm 3 hours away from Charleston... Kristi |
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