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#61
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#62
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I'm saying that I basically agree, although there's some wiggle room
there for people who begin stepparenting very young kids I agree, because the longer you are with a kid, the more you earn the right to take the parental role...so a step parent is going to be more of a parent to a younger child... And I also believe discipline is the parents job. Mmmmm. Better tell that to all of us teachers...we go around disciplining other people's children all the time! Well maybe i'm thinking of different levels of discipline...obviously even a baby sitter has certain disciplining priveledges... Seriously, we part company here. I believe you earn the right to discipline a child by virtue of having a trust relationship with the child and parent Well I don't know if we are so far apart, but I still think the philosophy of discipline is set by the parent, the responsiblity is the parents and the older the children are, the smoother everything will go if that is left up to the parent. I think the thing is that the step parent would *defer* to the parent in matters of significance where there was disagreement. Yes. That's what I'm saying. Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle |
#63
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"P. Fritz" wrote in message ... "Tiffany" wrote in message ... "P.Fritz" wrote in message ... "Tiffany" wrote in message ... "P.Fritz" wrote in message ... "CME" wrote in message news:5wlwd.63$0C1.34@edtnps91... "P.Fritz" wrote in message ... Well I am still in the cold north......just not the boonies.......but can't wait for the 27th and 80 degree weather. :-) Yeah I think you need to take me with you, if not just to hear me stop whining about it. You want to share a room for a week with a complete stranger? As long as I'm paying right LOL Christine LOL Busted! When you put it like that though, the romance is gone. ~sigh~ DAMN! So if you paid your own way, would you feel better about it? heehee Don't kill the romance Paul! Pay up! She will get over it as soon as you romance her in person. Romance wasn't necessaily what came to mind ;-) Romance will get you to where you want to be! lol So will 3 or 4 adult beverages......................................(jo king!!!!!) You know that is not a joke for most! lol T |
#64
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"Tiffany" wrote in message ... "P. Fritz" wrote in message ... "Tiffany" wrote in message ... "P.Fritz" wrote in message ... "Tiffany" wrote in message ... "P.Fritz" wrote in message ... "CME" wrote in message news:5wlwd.63$0C1.34@edtnps91... "P.Fritz" wrote in message ... Well I am still in the cold north......just not the boonies.......but can't wait for the 27th and 80 degree weather. :-) Yeah I think you need to take me with you, if not just to hear me stop whining about it. You want to share a room for a week with a complete stranger? As long as I'm paying right LOL Christine LOL Busted! When you put it like that though, the romance is gone. ~sigh~ DAMN! So if you paid your own way, would you feel better about it? heehee Don't kill the romance Paul! Pay up! She will get over it as soon as you romance her in person. Romance wasn't necessaily what came to mind ;-) Romance will get you to where you want to be! lol So will 3 or 4 adult beverages......................................(jo king!!!!!) You know that is not a joke for most! lol T It is to me,,,,,,I'm not a cheap date Lisa |
#65
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#66
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"Tiffany" wrote in message ... "P. Fritz" wrote in message ... "Tiffany" wrote in message ... "P.Fritz" wrote in message ... "Tiffany" wrote in message ... "P.Fritz" wrote in message ... "CME" wrote in message news:5wlwd.63$0C1.34@edtnps91... "P.Fritz" wrote in message ... Well I am still in the cold north......just not the boonies.......but can't wait for the 27th and 80 degree weather. :-) Yeah I think you need to take me with you, if not just to hear me stop whining about it. You want to share a room for a week with a complete stranger? As long as I'm paying right LOL Christine LOL Busted! When you put it like that though, the romance is gone. ~sigh~ DAMN! So if you paid your own way, would you feel better about it? heehee Don't kill the romance Paul! Pay up! She will get over it as soon as you romance her in person. Romance wasn't necessaily what came to mind ;-) Romance will get you to where you want to be! lol So will 3 or 4 adult beverages......................................(jo king!!!!!) You know that is not a joke for most! lol So do you want to meet for a drink? or two? or 3? heehee T |
#67
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On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 14:03:14 GMT, lm
wrote: On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 03:22:50 GMT, Cele wrote: On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 02:34:45 GMT, lm wrote: On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 01:32:47 GMT, Cele wrote: I understand what you're saying, but I think Joelle's got a pretty strong case. To a significant degree, it depends on the age of the kids and the situation. My own daughters are 17 and 19, and have a strong relationship with their father. Should I choose to remarry, the man in question would need to be clear on the fact that he was *not* in a parenting role, but rather, in a supportive adult role. Obviously values & modeling & so forth are important, but they're important to marriage, as well. Presumably, if you're thinking at all, you're going to marry someone who sets a good example or you wouldn't be choosing that person. But it's very, very dangerous ground for a step parent to tread, to try taking on the parent's role. It's also very arrogant, in some circumstances. There needs to be respect for the existing or deceased parent and that parent's role in the child's life, and there needs to be clear boundaries around the buck stopping with the child's own parent for discipline and child rearing. That said, of course, it's sensible for *any* adult to establish their *own* boundaries.....with respect to themselves. With all due respect, your kids are practically grown. That's right. But the one is still at home. And to step in as a parent with one that age would be nuts. I believe I mentioned that age makes a difference. Your post said that Joelle's point was a good one, that "his wife has no voice where the children are concerned." Yet your paragraphs don't really say that, they say that the amount of parenting involved depends on age, relationship, time together, etc. All reasonable things, and none of them appear to me to be in agreement with "his wife has no voice where the children are concerned." Am I misreading? It's more an issue for Paul's son than for your daughters. You'll be a parent whether either of you like it or not. I'll be an adult in the home who cares about him and as he gains trust, I'll become more involved. But I'll respect *his* and *Paul's* relationship as the primary one WRT parenting. And I'll be a parent to the degree that they both are comfortable...which likely will increase over time, but only if trust is built. You don't just walk in and start parenting other people's kids. Of course you don't, and it will be harder for you guys than for people who are local to each other and get to know the kids gradually. My partner and I went through that as well, and with the biological father in the picture too. It works quite well the way you describe, and the idea of my husband having "no voice where the children are concerned" is ludicrous. If the child is very young and has no recollection or awareness of another parent, it may be reasonable for that stepparent to take on the role. But boy, you'd sure have to have compatible child rearing views & styles to make it work. And isn't that the point. I expect it wasn't yours. But it was one of mine. :-) Of course it was my point. I said this to Lisa: "Nobody should get married -- whether there are existing kids or not -- if they don't share the same basic beliefs regarding parenting/discipline/values/morals/etc." lm Cele? lm |
#68
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"P.Fritz" wrote in message ... "Tiffany" wrote in message ... "P. Fritz" wrote in message ... "Tiffany" wrote in message ... "P.Fritz" wrote in message ... "Tiffany" wrote in message ... "P.Fritz" wrote in message ... "CME" wrote in message news:5wlwd.63$0C1.34@edtnps91... "P.Fritz" wrote in message ... Well I am still in the cold north......just not the boonies.......but can't wait for the 27th and 80 degree weather. :-) Yeah I think you need to take me with you, if not just to hear me stop whining about it. You want to share a room for a week with a complete stranger? As long as I'm paying right LOL Christine LOL Busted! When you put it like that though, the romance is gone. ~sigh~ DAMN! So if you paid your own way, would you feel better about it? heehee Don't kill the romance Paul! Pay up! She will get over it as soon as you romance her in person. Romance wasn't necessaily what came to mind ;-) Romance will get you to where you want to be! lol So will 3 or 4 adult beverages......................................(jo king!!!!!) You know that is not a joke for most! lol So do you want to meet for a drink? or two? or 3? heehee T Honey, it wouldn't take any drinks for me to be with you! T |
#69
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On Fri, 17 Dec 2004 03:25:48 GMT, lm
wrote: And I also believe discipline is the parents job. You earn the right to discipline a child by virtue of having been there their whole life...not by having sex with their mother or father. When you marry someone .... or *join* your life to theirs in any permenant arrangement, you do so in the full acceptance of the circumstances, including children, and in a way that shares ALL responsibilities as you agree between you. Adults in a relationship decide between them who takes what role .... there are no taboos or boundaries in the way you seem to be suggesting; just adults arranging their lives in the best interests of both themselves and their children. Few things, imo, would kill a relationship quicker than an adult feeling *excluded* by writ, from sections of family life. my 2c steveb |
#70
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On Sat, 18 Dec 2004 00:18:27 GMT, 'Kate
wrote: I'd have to disagree in principle.. All of this is true, of course, if you pick the wrong partner ste .. |
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