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#1
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I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?
BIL & SIL will be visiting soon and want to take DD during the day
while here. I said sure. However, they're staying in a hotel, with sliding doors that open onto a patio that leads to a pool - no other fencing between the sliding door and the pool. I know *they* would be careful, however they have 2 boys, 4 &7 who are not so mindful of things. They're kids. DD doesn't walk yet, but she scoots and does so really fast. now, if she was walking or even crawling I think it'd be more obvious, but her ability to move is misleading - she's a lot faster than you'd think. I am terrified one of the boys will leave the door open, DD will scoot out and be out by the pool (god forbid IN the pool) before they realize it, esp if mom or dad are slightly distracted by the boys. I asked DH to mention to them how quick she is, and to really be mindful of that door because she's so quick. He said that would **** them off and they'd say forget it and not keep her for the day, because I don't trust them; that they raised kids, they know what they're doing. True, except they didn't have 2 boys who are big enough to open a sliding door and they don't have a pool at home with another almost toddler about. BIL & SIL are both very conscientious, but also have a tendency to get distracted by the boys, and if it wasn't for the pool I would have no qualms about it. I am super anal about pool safety, having grown up with a pool and a father who drilled it into us. Our pool had a high fence and gate and we were under strict guidelines about when/how it could be used. With my own siblings, I could say that. They might roll their eyes at my paranoia, but I'd still say it. However they also are all super anal about pool safety. So, if your brother was to say "Just be extra cautious with that door given the pool is there, as she's really fast and the boys might not be so careful...." would you be offended? I do realize I'm being paranoid - I love the water and I want DD to have a healthy respect for it. So I'm not anti-pool, I just fear people who haven't had as much exposure to pools in such a setting might not be so aware (that said, BIL is a swimmer, it's not like he has no knowledge of pools, but there's a big difference from a highly controlled environment like an athletic club pool and a pool in a home setting). |
#2
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I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?
"cjra" wrote in message oups.com... So, if your brother was to say "Just be extra cautious with that door given the pool is there, as she's really fast and the boys might not be so careful...." would you be offended? I wouldn't be *offended* per se....but I'd think it was a bit odd. I mean, surely they wouldn't allow the 4YO, or even the 7YO to just open the door and run out of the room. I mean, at home, yes, but in a hotel in a strange city? Not if they're the conscientious parents you describe. So I think you could just give a generic warning about having to keep an eye on her because she scoots so fast, and the extra warning about the door and pool would be unnecessary. Still, if it makes you feel better, I also don't think it would cause any harm. Bizby |
#3
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I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?
On Jun 30, 11:24 pm, "bizby40" wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message oups.com... So, if your brother was to say "Just be extra cautious with that door given the pool is there, as she's really fast and the boys might not be so careful...." would you be offended? I wouldn't be *offended* per se....but I'd think it was a bit odd. I mean, surely they wouldn't allow the 4YO, or even the 7YO to just open the door and run out of the room. I mean, at home, yes, but in a hotel in a strange city? Not if they're the conscientious parents you describe. Yes, they would. I think it's partly cultural - where they live in Europe, there's a lot less fear about such things. However, this hotel they have stayed in before, the pool is enclosed by the hotel - the only access is through the hotel. Their room opens right out onto it - not *that* close, it's about 15 ft away. When we visited them at that room before, the door was open and the older boy (then just 4) was running in and out and they carried the one year old. So, it's not a whole lot different, except that instead of one boy potentially leaving the door open/distracting the parents, there's a second one - who is really bad about listening to direction and very readily distracts the parents because he can be difficult - to monitor while watching DD. They *are* conscientious though, I do trust them otherwise, I just have this thing about pools... So I think you could just give a generic warning about having to keep an eye on her because she scoots so fast, and the extra warning about the door and pool would be unnecessary. Still, if it makes you feel better, I also don't think it would cause any harm. Yeah, we will give that warning....I am just feeling the need to point out the added risk. Maybe if I add an example about how I turned for a minute and DD had moved from the kitchen where I was standing to the dining room - which requires scooting over 2 awkward thresholds and across a raw wood floor and very near an open closet full of tools... (she wasn't ever at risk, but it made *me* realize she's a lot faster than I thought!) |
#4
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I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?
On Jun 30, 9:18 pm, cjra wrote:
BIL & SIL will be visiting soon and want to take DD during the day while here. I said sure. However, they're staying in a hotel, with sliding doors that open onto a patio that leads to a pool - no other fencing between the sliding door and the pool. I know *they* would be careful, however they have 2 boys, 4 &7 who are not so mindful of things. They're kids. DD doesn't walk yet, but she scoots and does so really fast. now, if she was walking or even crawling I think it'd be more obvious, but her ability to move is misleading - she's a lot faster than you'd think. I am terrified one of the boys will leave the door open, DD will scoot out and be out by the pool (god forbid IN the pool) before they realize it, esp if mom or dad are slightly distracted by the boys. I asked DH to mention to them how quick she is, and to really be mindful of that door because she's so quick. He said that would **** them off and they'd say forget it and not keep her for the day, because I don't trust them; that they raised kids, they know what they're doing. True, except they didn't have 2 boys who are big enough to open a sliding door and they don't have a pool at home with another almost toddler about. BIL & SIL are both very conscientious, but also have a tendency to get distracted by the boys, and if it wasn't for the pool I would have no qualms about it. I am super anal about pool safety, having grown up with a pool and a father who drilled it into us. Our pool had a high fence and gate and we were under strict guidelines about when/how it could be used. With my own siblings, I could say that. They might roll their eyes at my paranoia, but I'd still say it. However they also are all super anal about pool safety. So, if your brother was to say "Just be extra cautious with that door given the pool is there, as she's really fast and the boys might not be so careful...." would you be offended? I do realize I'm being paranoid - I love the water and I want DD to have a healthy respect for it. So I'm not anti-pool, I just fear people who haven't had as much exposure to pools in such a setting might not be so aware (that said, BIL is a swimmer, it's not like he has no knowledge of pools, but there's a big difference from a highly controlled environment like an athletic club pool and a pool in a home setting). Go for it. Say what you need to say. I don't care how anal you are, or that they have raised kids. People tend to forget things. And yes 7yo and 4yo do have a tendency to leave doors (any doors) open, so there is cause for concern. If they get bent out of shape over it, too bad. If my SIL reminded me of something, even if I knew about it, I would in no way get ****ed. I would want to do everything to reassure her that I would handle it and understand her. As for hubby, he should always be on your side of things. If he has to be the one to clue them in, tell him to use you as an excuse. *My wife tends to be very worried about pools and kids. We know how responsible and how great you have raised the boys, but just a reminder, baby is quick and if the boys run outside without shutting the door, you know baby will be right there with them and in that pool.* End of story, you said your peace, it is at the forefront of their mind now. Really, what would be the point of getting a nice break with your husband if you are going to spend the time feeling anxious about your babes welfare. Vickie |
#5
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I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?
On Jun 30, 11:46 pm, Vickie wrote:
Go for it. Say what you need to say. I don't care how anal you are, or that they have raised kids. People tend to forget things. And yes 7yo and 4yo do have a tendency to leave doors (any doors) open, so there is cause for concern. If they get bent out of shape over it, too bad. If my SIL reminded me of something, even if I knew about it, I would in no way get ****ed. I would want to do everything to reassure her that I would handle it and understand her. As for hubby, he should always be on your side of things. If he has to be the one to clue them in, tell him to use you as an excuse. There is somewhat of a language barrier (their english is tolerable but not great, my french is hopeless, so anything important I let DH communicate). He thinks I'm being paranoid, but he also knows how extra sensitive his brother and SIL are. *My wife tends to be very worried about pools and kids. We know how responsible and how great you have raised the boys, but just a reminder, baby is quick and if the boys run outside without shutting the door, you know baby will be right there with them and in that pool.* End of story, you said your peace, it is at the forefront of their mind now. yeah, I have told him to use me as the 'paranoid new mom' and blame it all on me... Really, what would be the point of getting a nice break with your husband if you are going to spend the time feeling anxious about your babes welfare. heh, we're not even getting a break. They'll take her while we're at work, so our daycare provider is getting the break ;-). They mainly want to take her so they can spend some time with her. |
#6
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I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?
On Jun 30, 9:51 pm, cjra wrote:
On Jun 30, 11:46 pm, Vickie wrote: Go for it. Say what you need to say. I don't care how anal you are, or that they have raised kids. People tend to forget things. And yes 7yo and 4yo do have a tendency to leave doors (any doors) open, so there is cause for concern. If they get bent out of shape over it, too bad. If my SIL reminded me of something, even if I knew about it, I would in no way get ****ed. I would want to do everything to reassure her that I would handle it and understand her. As for hubby, he should always be on your side of things. If he has to be the one to clue them in, tell him to use you as an excuse. There is somewhat of a language barrier (their english is tolerable but not great, my french is hopeless, so anything important I let DH communicate). He thinks I'm being paranoid, but he also knows how extra sensitive his brother and SIL are. *My wife tends to be very worried about pools and kids. We know how responsible and how great you have raised the boys, but just a reminder, baby is quick and if the boys run outside without shutting the door, you know baby will be right there with them and in that pool.* End of story, you said your peace, it is at the forefront of their mind now. yeah, I have told him to use me as the 'paranoid new mom' and blame it all on me... Really, what would be the point of getting a nice break with your husband if you are going to spend the time feeling anxious about your babes welfare. heh, we're not even getting a break. They'll take her while we're at work, so our daycare provider is getting the break ;-). They mainly want to take her so they can spend some time with her. Oh man! Too bad. Parents of little ones always need some couple time. They are honestly that sensative? That just seems absurd to me. You do what you think is right. Better to make them a little miffed then regret your decision if something goes wrong. Not that I think it will, but you need to say your peace to have your peace. I would even go so far as look up words for pool, worried, and boys need to shut the doors. Smile when you say it and laugh at yourself by doing it. How can they be mad at that? And you are still getting your point across. Best of luck, Vickie |
#7
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I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?
On Sat, 30 Jun 2007 21:18:21 -0700, cjra wrote:
BIL & SIL will be visiting soon and want to take DD during the day while here. I said sure. However, they're staying in a hotel, with sliding doors that open onto a patio that leads to a pool - no other fencing between the sliding door and the pool. I know *they* would be careful, however they have 2 boys, 4 &7 who are not so mindful of things. They're kids. DD doesn't walk yet, but she scoots and does so really fast. now, if she was walking or even crawling I think it'd be more obvious, but her ability to move is misleading - she's a lot faster than you'd think. I am terrified one of the boys will leave the door open, DD will scoot out and be out by the pool (god forbid IN the pool) before they realize it, esp if mom or dad are slightly distracted by the boys. I asked DH to mention to them how quick she is, and to really be mindful of that door because she's so quick. He said that would **** them off and they'd say forget it and not keep her for the day, because I don't trust them; that they raised kids, they know what they're doing. True, except they didn't have 2 boys who are big enough to open a sliding door and they don't have a pool at home with another almost toddler about. BIL & SIL are both very conscientious, but also have a tendency to get distracted by the boys, and if it wasn't for the pool I would have no qualms about it. I'd just keep the baby and have the SIL see the baby with me there or they could come watch the baby at your place. You could explain that you are extremely paranoid about pools. |
#8
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I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?
"cjra" wrote in message oups.com... BIL & SIL will be visiting soon and want to take DD during the day while here. I said sure. However, they're staying in a hotel, with sliding doors that open onto a patio that leads to a pool - no other fencing between the sliding door and the pool. I know *they* would be careful, however they have 2 boys, 4 &7 who are not so mindful of things. They're kids. DD doesn't walk yet, but she scoots and does so really fast. now, if she was walking or even crawling I think it'd be more obvious, but her ability to move is misleading - she's a lot faster than you'd think. I am terrified one of the boys will leave the door open, DD will scoot out and be out by the pool (god forbid IN the pool) before they realize it, esp if mom or dad are slightly distracted by the boys. I asked DH to mention to them how quick she is, and to really be mindful of that door because she's so quick. He said that would **** them off and they'd say forget it and not keep her for the day, because I don't trust them; that they raised kids, they know what they're doing. True, except they didn't have 2 boys who are big enough to open a sliding door and they don't have a pool at home with another almost toddler about. BIL & SIL are both very conscientious, but also have a tendency to get distracted by the boys, and if it wasn't for the pool I would have no qualms about it. I am super anal about pool safety, having grown up with a pool and a father who drilled it into us. Our pool had a high fence and gate and we were under strict guidelines about when/how it could be used. With my own siblings, I could say that. They might roll their eyes at my paranoia, but I'd still say it. However they also are all super anal about pool safety. So, if your brother was to say "Just be extra cautious with that door given the pool is there, as she's really fast and the boys might not be so careful...." would you be offended? I do realize I'm being paranoid - I love the water and I want DD to have a healthy respect for it. So I'm not anti-pool, I just fear people who haven't had as much exposure to pools in such a setting might not be so aware (that said, BIL is a swimmer, it's not like he has no knowledge of pools, but there's a big difference from a highly controlled environment like an athletic club pool and a pool in a home setting). You know, maybe I don't understand their motivation, but there is no 'visiting' with an infant. Your DD is going to be doing her infant trying to be mobile thing, is not a conversationalist at this stage, and napping and sleeping. Why would they want to borrow a baby for a whole day when you have perfectly adequate carers who know here and are set up for dealing with a child that age? Maybe they want to relive the baby thing, I don't know, but there is no real visiting involved here, and if I've understood most day care situations in the US you are still paying for that day of care you didn't use, so there is no help to you. Personally, even knowing I might upset husband, I'd push for the baby to go to the carer for the day and they can visit with you all when you're not at work. While they are visiting they can hold the baby and such, but really, unless they are into diaper changing and burping, they'll get their enjoyment without the worries over the pool issue. But, then there is that part about talking with your hubby to help him understand so he can then translate to them. Good luck. It is too bad their visit has to create stressors like this, I'm sure they don't intend to. Aula |
#9
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I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?
cjra wrote:
.. I am terrified one of the boys will leave the door open, DD will scoot out and be out by the pool (god forbid IN the pool) before they realize it, esp if mom or dad are slightly distracted by the boys. I asked DH to mention to them how quick she is, and to really be mindful of that door because she's so quick. He said that would **** them off and they'd say forget it and not keep her for the day, because I don't trust them; that they raised kids, they know what they're doing. True, except they didn't have 2 boys who are big enough to open a sliding door and they don't have a pool at home with another almost toddler about. BIL & SIL are both very conscientious, but also have a tendency to get distracted by the boys, and if it wasn't for the pool I would have no qualms about it. Your husband knows your BIL and SIL better than you do, and if he says it would cause offense, then it probably will. But if they then say - OK then we won't keep her - that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Because I agree with Aula - I don't see why they would want to have a baby for a day while you are at work unless they just want to have the experience of a baby girl. And it is no benefit to you or to the baby whatever. On thinking about this - I'd suggest that your husband didn't mention the pool, but just say that you would rather she stay with her regular routine during the day while you are at work. |
#10
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I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?
In article , Rosalie B. says...
cjra wrote: . I am terrified one of the boys will leave the door open, DD will scoot out and be out by the pool (god forbid IN the pool) before they realize it, esp if mom or dad are slightly distracted by the boys. I asked DH to mention to them how quick she is, and to really be mindful of that door because she's so quick. He said that would **** them off and they'd say forget it and not keep her for the day, because I don't trust them; that they raised kids, they know what they're doing. True, except they didn't have 2 boys who are big enough to open a sliding door and they don't have a pool at home with another almost toddler about. BIL & SIL are both very conscientious, but also have a tendency to get distracted by the boys, and if it wasn't for the pool I would have no qualms about it. Your husband knows your BIL and SIL better than you do, and if he says it would cause offense, then it probably will. But if they then say - OK then we won't keep her - that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Because I agree with Aula - I don't see why they would want to have a baby for a day while you are at work unless they just want to have the experience of a baby girl. And it is no benefit to you or to the baby whatever. On thinking about this - I'd suggest that your husband didn't mention the pool, but just say that you would rather she stay with her regular routine during the day while you are at work. I dont' think they would 'get' what's supposed to be meant by that. "Regular routine" = "no pool" huh? Waaaay to obtuse. Maybe a way around this would be "no no, WE'D love to take YOUR BOYS for the day! No, don't mention it, we'd love it" :-) Or, take the day(s) off make plans for mutual outings while they're here. It's at the sacrifice of a days or so work, but since this is all about who-watches-baby to begin with, if one or the other parent (or both) take the time off, this all should go away. So that's IMO the solution. No feelings hurt, no worries about baby. And more fun with the inlaws to boot. (Unless they're visiting for a long time, wouldn't time be taken off work anyway?) IMO a lot of 'problems' people have like this (and the gym daycare thing) are really about little changes (new person, visitors), and folks not seeing how little changes one can make oneself can solve things. Instead people look to that outside element to bend around or go away so they don't have to make even the littlest adjustment in their routine, and, well, bending other people around doesn't generally work ;-) Banty |
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