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I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?



 
 
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  #61  
Old July 4th 07, 02:44 AM posted to misc.kids
cjra
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Posts: 1,015
Default I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?

On Jul 3, 5:06 pm, Rudy wrote:
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Rudy wrote:


However, I do think you are missing the greater issue. You either
think they'll watch her well or not. If you *really* feel they will
watch her well, then the comment is only for your benefit and not
really necessary.


I'm a bit mystified at the several people who've made this
sort of comment. I think not only is it not necessarily this black
or white, but it's *rarely* this black or white with any person.
I think lots of people are generally conscientious and hard working
with child care, but are either unaware of certain potential issues
or forgetful of them. A quite reminder or heads up can make a lot
of difference in those cases. Kids come with a lot of idiosyncrasies
that we know and accommodate as their parents, but folks who don't
know them as well don't automatically divine that information unless
we share it with them.


I see your point but in this case I don't see this issue as an
idiosyncrasies. Babies move, pools are dangerous. Everyone knows that.


If everyone knew that there would not be so many drownings and brain-
damaged toddlers due to near drownings.

"knowing" something doesn't always equate to applying that knowledge
in every day life.


  #62  
Old July 4th 07, 02:48 AM posted to misc.kids
bizby40
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Posts: 251
Default I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?


"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
Frankly, they often don't
believe me at first, but they become believers very quickly after
they've had her for a bit!


See, this is what I think. This family has raised 3 kids of their
own. If the OP comes in trying to warn her about watching the baby
because of the pool, it's very likely that even if they aren't
offended like the husband thinks they will be, they'll brush aside her
concerns as a new mom being a nervous nellie.

And frankly, she *is* being a nervous nellie. Because the chances are
that the door will not be left open, or that if it does, the child
will not scoot out of it, or that if she does, *someone* will be
watching her, and so on. Is it *impossible* for the child to scoot
out of the door and into the pool before anyone sees her? Well, of
course anything is possible. But the likelihood of everything
aligning in just such a way as for that to happen are astronomically
small.

My first thought when she talked about the baby scooting so fast was
that she might scoot in front of the door just when someone is
bursting in from the outside. That almost happened to us. We were
sitting there watching and laughing as the baby rolled over and over
so fast. The danger of the door didn't even occur to us until we
heard my dad's footsteps on the stairs. He was in the habit of
running up the stairs and throwing the door wide open. And there was
the baby right there! We screamed, and thank God he stopped without
opening the door.

Whew! Okay, so there is my confession of bad aunthood.

So saying, "She really scoots fast, you need to keep an eye on her"
will probably neither help nor hurt the situation. Going on about the
pool and the boys and so on could very well be taken as insulting.
And so in a nutshell, I've moved over to the viewpoint that the OP
really just needs to decide in her gut whether she thinks it's an
unsafe situation or not. If so, don't leave the baby at all, and if
not, then trust them.

Bizby


  #63  
Old July 4th 07, 04:02 AM posted to misc.kids
cjra
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Posts: 1,015
Default I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?

On Jul 3, 8:48 pm, "bizby40" wrote

So saying, "She really scoots fast, you need to keep an eye on her"
will probably neither help nor hurt the situation. Going on about the
pool and the boys and so on could very well be taken as insulting.
And so in a nutshell, I've moved over to the viewpoint that the OP
really just needs to decide in her gut whether she thinks it's an
unsafe situation or not. If so, don't leave the baby at all, and if
not, then trust them.


You make a good point, and I fully admit to being a nervous nellie.
It's hard to shake though. While all things need to be aligned for
something bad to happen, when you know of it happening all too
frequently (fortunately, no one close to me), you don't want to be
that one. Even if something happens only one time in 1000, it sucks if
you're that one.

I appreciate all the insight, it's helped me look at my feelings from
a different perspective. I think it goes back to 'saying my peace to
have my peace.' I will probably say _something_ just because it'll
ease my mind to know it's been thrown out there. We'll just have to
find a way to do it without causing a big ruckus.

  #64  
Old July 4th 07, 11:20 AM posted to misc.kids
Welches
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Default I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?


"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
. ..

In the US, at least in the cities where I've looked into this (and i
used to work for a hotel), there's a law stating that a minor must be
accompanied by an adult, so two kids under 18 could not stay in a room
alone. When the ILs travel in Europe, they always get the two older
kids their own room - usually not one with an adjoining door as these
are not common (they are in the US). I've never seen what you describe
in the hotels I've been in Europe (which cover the range from low
budget to 5 star - someone else paying ;-)).


I don't think there can be the u18 rule in most countries in Europe,
certainly, I've stayed in rooms with my sister when both under 18 numerous
times in many different countries.

I think the ones that have the 3rd bed as a bunk are mostly low end French
chains, but they have spread into ajoining countries. They are so cheap
that they make Travel Lodge (which welches mentions) seem expensive and
luxurious!

Wow! Last time we stayed at TL it cost us £7.50 for 4 of us! But it is quite
comfy.
Debbie


  #65  
Old July 4th 07, 02:17 PM posted to misc.kids
Sue
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Posts: 613
Default I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?

"cjra" wrote in message
Example - I wouldn't 'trust' these ILs to care for DD overnight. Trust
is the wrong word, more like, wouldn't be comfortable with that. WHy?
They had little ones, surely they can handle it, no? No. Their 3 kids
slept through the nightby 3 weeks (or so they say). DD is 1 year
(today!) and wakes up to nurse at least 3 times, sometimes more. SIL
really loses it if her sleep is disturbed. It's not that I think she'd
harm DD, but DD would either cry all night, or be so stressed because
her caregivers are so angry/upset. All in all, a lousy situation. That
doesn't mean I wouldn't feel comfortable with them watching her for 8
hours during the day, in the appropriate environment. (I also wouldn't
leave DD with my mom overnight, but for different reasons).


That's pretty unfair. You don't know exactly how they would handle it if
they had your DD overnight. If SIL is like that, she probably won't offer.
If I offer to keep someone's baby and they are still waking at night, I know
this and would definitely comply. If I didn't want to handle a particular
age, I won't offer. I think it's just new parent jitters and not thinking
anyone can take care of the little one like mom can. And just to add a
little more to the fire, my girls slept for long hours when they were first
born, not the first few weeks, but by 5-6 weeks old, they were at least
sleeping 5 hour stretches at night and I didn't torture them to do so. That
is just what they ended up doing. DD1 did wake up one time a night until she
was about 8-9 months or so. So just because someone's baby sleeps good
doesn't mean that they made the baby do it.
--
Sue


  #66  
Old July 4th 07, 08:33 PM posted to misc.kids
cjra
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Posts: 1,015
Default I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?

On Jul 4, 8:17 am, "Sue" wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message
Example - I wouldn't 'trust' these ILs to care for DD overnight. Trust
is the wrong word, more like, wouldn't be comfortable with that. WHy?
They had little ones, surely they can handle it, no? No. Their 3 kids
slept through the nightby 3 weeks (or so they say). DD is 1 year
(today!) and wakes up to nurse at least 3 times, sometimes more. SIL
really loses it if her sleep is disturbed. It's not that I think she'd
harm DD, but DD would either cry all night, or be so stressed because
her caregivers are so angry/upset. All in all, a lousy situation. That
doesn't mean I wouldn't feel comfortable with them watching her for 8
hours during the day, in the appropriate environment. (I also wouldn't
leave DD with my mom overnight, but for different reasons).


That's pretty unfair. You don't know exactly how they would handle it if
they had your DD overnight. If SIL is like that, she probably won't offer.
If I offer to keep someone's baby and they are still waking at night, I know
this and would definitely comply. If I didn't want to handle a particular
age, I won't offer. I think it's just new parent jitters and not thinking
anyone can take care of the little one like mom can.


DD is in daycare (in home, this is her second, the first one closed),
and my mom has also cared for her. So no, I'm not afraid to let anyone
else care for her. I even let the daycare provider take her to a pool
with the older kids. For a variety of reasons, I was 100% comfortable
with the circumstances and the level of supervision.

The ILs haven't offered to take her overnight...so it's a non-issue. I
was pointing out the circumstances however, in which I would not feel
comfortable with certain people caring for her. I *do* know them, I
*do* know how SIL gets if someone -even a child - disturbs her sleep,
because I've witnessed it. And honestly, because her children slept
through at 3 weeks, she has no experience with a night-waking older
baby. And if the child has made noise, they don't hear it because he's
in a not-quite-sound proof but well blocked room behind a closed door
on another level of the house.

Like I said, non-issue since the offer for overnight was not made. I
was using it as an example of how different circumstances warrant
different concerns. My mom is perfectly comfortable caring for DD, and
has offered to care for her late into the night (not overnight). I
didn't feel comfortable with that as she uses a CPAP and once she
falls asleep is basically dead to the world. Now, yes she's raised 8
kids and dealt with the night waking, but at 73 is not quite attuned
to that anymore. Also, when she gets tired she's *out*, almost
immediately. She's rarely up past 9pm. Once I explained to her that I
was worried that either she wouldn't wake up, or she'd be so stressed
about not hearing DD that *she* wouldn't sleep and then just fall over
from exhaustion, and that tho DD would likely be fine, we'd be so
stressed we wouldn't enjoy ourselves so there was no point, she agreed
wholeheartedly. She understood it wasn't about lack of trust, but the
circumstances. She did care for DD every day from 7:30-5 for that
week, however.

  #67  
Old July 4th 07, 08:47 PM posted to misc.kids
Cathy Kearns
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Posts: 111
Default I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?


"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...
On Jul 3, 8:48 pm, "bizby40" wrote
I appreciate all the insight, it's helped me look at my feelings from
a different perspective. I think it goes back to 'saying my peace to
have my peace.' I will probably say _something_ just because it'll
ease my mind to know it's been thrown out there. We'll just have to
find a way to do it without causing a big ruckus.


I'd suggest making your concerns known to the 12 year old. I doubt she
would be offended, and since she is likely to be the one tasked with
watching your daughter, it might even make a difference.

  #68  
Old July 5th 07, 02:20 AM posted to misc.kids
cjra
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Posts: 1,015
Default I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?

On Jul 4, 2:47 pm, "Cathy Kearns" wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message

oups.com...

On Jul 3, 8:48 pm, "bizby40" wrote
I appreciate all the insight, it's helped me look at my feelings from
a different perspective. I think it goes back to 'saying my peace to
have my peace.' I will probably say _something_ just because it'll
ease my mind to know it's been thrown out there. We'll just have to
find a way to do it without causing a big ruckus.


I'd suggest making your concerns known to the 12 year old. I doubt she
would be offended, and since she is likely to be the one tasked with
watching your daughter, it might even make a difference.


Oh yeah, we'll definitely do that. It may be the main solution.

  #69  
Old July 8th 07, 12:16 PM posted to misc.kids
Chookie
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Posts: 1,085
Default I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?

In article .com,
cjra wrote:

BIL & SIL will be visiting soon and want to take DD during the day
while here. I said sure. However, they're staying in a hotel, with
sliding doors that open onto a patio that leads to a pool - no other
fencing between the sliding door and the pool. I know *they* would be
careful, however they have 2 boys, 4 &7 who are not so mindful of
things. They're kids. DD doesn't walk yet, but she scoots and does so
really fast. now, if she was walking or even crawling I think it'd be
more obvious, but her ability to move is misleading - she's a lot
faster than you'd think.

I am terrified one of the boys will leave the door open, DD will scoot
out and be out by the pool (god forbid IN the pool) before they
realize it, esp if mom or dad are slightly distracted by the boys.


Just a thought -- can their children swim? If my 4yo could not swim I would
be very vigilant about the pool. If they all swim like eels it's a different
story, but most 4yos are nt good swimmers, if they swim at all.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may
start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled."
Kerry Cue
  #70  
Old July 8th 07, 02:06 PM posted to misc.kids
cjra
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Posts: 1,015
Default I know I'm being a paranoid mom, but would this cause offense?

On Jul 8, 6:16 am, Chookie wrote:
In article .com,

cjra wrote:
BIL & SIL will be visiting soon and want to take DD during the day
while here. I said sure. However, they're staying in a hotel, with
sliding doors that open onto a patio that leads to a pool - no other
fencing between the sliding door and the pool. I know *they* would be
careful, however they have 2 boys, 4 &7 who are not so mindful of
things. They're kids. DD doesn't walk yet, but she scoots and does so
really fast. now, if she was walking or even crawling I think it'd be
more obvious, but her ability to move is misleading - she's a lot
faster than you'd think.


I am terrified one of the boys will leave the door open, DD will scoot
out and be out by the pool (god forbid IN the pool) before they
realize it, esp if mom or dad are slightly distracted by the boys.


Just a thought -- can their children swim? If my 4yo could not swim I would
be very vigilant about the pool. If they all swim like eels it's a different
story, but most 4yos are nt good swimmers, if they swim at all.


They swim like eels. They go to the lake all the time, even the 4 yo.
He was exactly DD's age when they were here last time, but then they
only had one boy running around (the now 7 yo). But even then, I was
surprised at the door being open and the older kids running in and
out. The then 1 yo wasn't moving around at all though (I don't think
he even really scooted and he wasn't walking/crawling then - he
started walking a few months later).

 




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