new baby coming -books for preschooler?

"Sophie" wrote

None of my children ever said they didn't like their new baby brother.

My niece said it during and after my SIL's pregnancy. She is 6 now and was 5
when nephew was born. She still doesn't like him. She basically ignores him
or tries to control him. LOL. The situation is not that bad though, she just
wants attention herself and is used to having her way and doesn't like
sharing, but she is not hateful. He, on the other hand, ADORES his big
sister. If you ask her if she loves her little brother you will get a
silent, stony stare, and not a word. But of course she loves him.

Karen wrote in message thlink.net...
I too would generally prefer books without the whole sibling rivalry
thing, not to deny any feelings he might be having, but moreso to not
give him ideas he didn't already have on his own (like additional
subjects to be jealous about) and to not reinforce any negative issues,
but just talk through them on our own if we can. At least, that's the hope!

-Karen, mom to Henry 3 1/2 and someone due 4/24/04-

I definitely found that the typical sibling books influenced my DD's
perception of her experience as a big sister. I had actually just kind
of been lazy about not getting the big sister books out of the library
*before* the baby was born, but finally did when the baby was a few
months old. Suddenly, big sis here (4 at the time) starts quoting
verbatim from all these jealous-sibling books. It was hilarious. I had
to remind her that she hadn't felt that way before we read
such-and-such book, that she in fact had always seemed quite ecstatic
about being a big sister!

One book that clearly influenced her way of dealing in what I found
was a good way was an almost offensively old-fashioned book called "My
New Baby". It's a "little golden book". It's so 50s -- the Stepford
parents, the crib, the bottle, and all. But the story is really about
the little girl (3?) whose mom has a baby. It's written in first
person, in the girl's voice. It's about her "shadowing" her mom's
every move with the baby with her new doll, which daddy brought her
home at the same time as mommy brought "her" new baby home. When mommy
feeds the baby, the little girl feeds "baby dear" (the doll); when
mommy sings to the baby, the little girl sings to baby dear; when
mommy talks to the baby "to let her know she's the best baby in the
world," the girl talks to baby dear. The way it's written and drawn,
it used to creep me out, but my DD loved it and, indeed, she got a
Bitty Baby doll from my mom just before the baby was born, and she
spent much of her time those first few months imitating me, right down
to the painful nipples, the pumping (I had major BFing problems with
the baby), and the lactation consultant visits. It worked for her...
LOL

For a different data point, though, I'll note that my eldest child, my
DS, did not seem affected by the sibling-jealousy books, which I
dutifully got out for him before his little sister (who would later
become big sister to our baby) was born. He never said a negative word
about her or about her presence in our lives; he was 3 when she was
born, and appears to have fallen in love at first sight. Pictures of
him holding her as a newborn show him to be in rapture. Stayed that
way until she got to be about 3.5. He still loves her dearly, but can
be mean to her as well, and obviously competitive, which is sad. Now,
he did have an adjustment period, but it did not involve being
anti-baby. It involved being anti-MOMMY. He was obviously very angry
at me for weeks. I remember crying to my husband one day, "he hates me
now!" And this, even though we got out doing all his usual activities
-- playgrounds and museums, enormous amounts of reading together,
preschool -- pretty much right away. They're so unpredictable!

That's a good point. However, the book that I chose (the Berenstein Bears,
the new baby) doesn't address jealously at all and is more what things you
can do with a new baby. Brother bear is put out that the baby can't play yet
and it goes on to say what things brother can do with the baby. I thought it
was good.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

Jan Andrea wrote in message
...
"Karen" wrote in message
link.net...
With new baby due end of April, I'd like to find some books for my 3 1/2
yo to prepare him a bit for the arrival and life with baby. He is at the
moment particularly unwilling to accept the idea that baby will be
nursing (he still nurses 1-2x/day). MIL gave ds a book for x-mas, but I
returned it as it showed baby being given a bottle and put in a crib,
neither of which we have ever done or ever will do, so what we need are
AP friendly books. ANything that includes breastfeeding, co-sleeping,
sling carrying, etc. I would appreciate any specific recommendations or
links to sites with lists of recommendations or books for sale.

"We Have a Baby" is good -- the kids are both gender-neutral, the family
could be just about any race, the baby is shown breastfeeding, and while
they don't touch the sleeping issues, there's no crib in sight -- I think
at
some point the baby is sleeping in the parent's arms. There's also no
mention of sibling rivalry, which is nice -- Stephen has had none towards
Sophia, and I think it's partly because he doesn't know he's "supposed"
to.
Most of the books I looked at in the library went "older child learns of
new
sib, child is jealous, child gradually learns to appreciate new sib". I
didn't want to make him think he had to be jealous, KWIM? If your older
child is already feeling threatened, though, maybe one of those would also
be helpful.

Jan
--
Mum to Stephen, 22 May 2000
and Sophia, 2 October 2003
My personal page: http://www.sleepingbaby.net/jan/
Baby-related crafts: http://www.sleepingbaby.net/jan/Baby/crafts.html

(Nevermind) wrote in message . com...
Karen wrote in message thlink.net...
I too would generally prefer books without the whole sibling rivalry
thing, not to deny any feelings he might be having, but moreso to not
give him ideas he didn't already have on his own (like additional
subjects to be jealous about) and to not reinforce any negative issues,
but just talk through them on our own if we can. At least, that's the hope!

-Karen, mom to Henry 3 1/2 and someone due 4/24/04-

One book that clearly influenced her way of dealing in what I found
was a good way was an almost offensively old-fashioned book called "My
New Baby". It's a "little golden book". It's so 50s -- the Stepford
parents, the crib, the bottle, and all. But the story is really about
the little girl (3?) whose mom has a baby. It's written in first
person, in the girl's voice. It's about her "shadowing" her mom's
every move with the baby with her new doll, which daddy brought her
home at the same time as mommy brought "her" new baby home. When mommy
feeds the baby, the little girl feeds "baby dear" (the doll); when
mommy sings to the baby, the little girl sings to baby dear; when
mommy talks to the baby "to let her know she's the best baby in the
world," the girl talks to baby dear. The way it's written and drawn,
it used to creep me out, but my DD loved it and, indeed, she got a
Bitty Baby doll from my mom just before the baby was born, and she
spent much of her time those first few months imitating me, right down
to the painful nipples, the pumping (I had major BFing problems with
the baby), and the lactation consultant visits. It worked for her...
LOL

That's the only one I have, as it happens (a hand-me-down), but we
haven't read it lately. I think the part I emphasized when reading it
was about how some silly people use bottles to feed babies, but you
got mommy milk. I'm not sure if we've even read it since I got pg! I
am considering getting a baby doll for him, though, so he can do the
same thing, though I think dh thinks it's a little weird. His mom,
however, thinks it's great!

Irene
mom to Thomas 7/01
#2 EDD 4/04

"Welches" wrote in message ...

Totally agree on jealousy issues. Most books had 2 things I disliked.
1. The older sibling was almost always looked after by grandparents when
baby was being born. This wasn't happening, and I didn't want her to think
it would. I question how often this happens nowadays. She was staying with a
friend, which was fine, but if she'd expected granny to come, it might not
have been.

As it happens, our plan is for ds to be with grandma, but largely
because she lives about 5 minutes from our house. Most of my friends
are actually much farther away!

Irene
mom to Thomas 7/01
#2 EDD 4/04

I haven't read much of this thread but I did find a really good book for
preschoolers. It's by Lucy Cousins and it's called "Za-Za's Baby
Brother." My 2 year old loves it.
It doesn't address b/fing but it's simple and sweet. Beautiful
illustrations too.

Susan

AP friendly books. ANything that includes breastfeeding, co-sleeping,
sling carrying, etc. I would appreciate any specific recommendations or
links to sites with lists of recommendations or books for sale.


Karen, you will love the Sears book, "What Baby Needs." It's perfect
for you. I have it tucked away for Sproutkin, hopefully!

Mary S.

I got ds a baby doll and sling ages ago. He mostly carries Elmo in the
sling, but he does like to take care of his doll sometimes. He goes
through little phases of being really interested and then not so much.
The doll is 20", so it's newborn size and he has a little diaper bag
with a few diaper covers and clothes that were his as a newborn. It gave
him the idea all on his own that the new baby could wear the clothes
that don't fit him anymore!

-K-

Here is a great list of children's books that show breastfeeding:
http://www.in.gov/isdh/programs/brea...rens_books.htm
.. Also, you could try http://www.platypusmedia.com/main_children.html .
They have a new book called "I Was Born to be a Brother" that is
excellent. This book was written by Dia Michel's son. She was a speaker
at the last Indiana LLL conference, so it is sure to be breastfeeding
friendly.

Anna



Karen wrote:

With new baby due end of April, I'd like to find some books for my 3 1/2
yo to prepare him a bit for the arrival and life with baby. He is at the
moment particularly unwilling to accept the idea that baby will be
nursing (he still nurses 1-2x/day). MIL gave ds a book for x-mas, but I
returned it as it showed baby being given a bottle and put in a crib,
neither of which we have ever done or ever will do, so what we need are
AP friendly books. ANything that includes breastfeeding, co-sleeping,
sling carrying, etc. I would appreciate any specific recommendations or
links to sites with lists of recommendations or books for sale.

Thanks in advance!

-Karen, mom to Henry 3 1/2 and someone due 4/24/04-

Karen wrote in message hlink.net...
With new baby due end of April, I'd like to find some books for my 3 1/2
yo to prepare him a bit for the arrival and life with baby. He is at the
moment particularly unwilling to accept the idea that baby will be
nursing (he still nurses 1-2x/day). MIL gave ds a book for x-mas, but I
returned it as it showed baby being given a bottle and put in a crib,
neither of which we have ever done or ever will do, so what we need are
AP friendly books. ANything that includes breastfeeding, co-sleeping,
sling carrying, etc. I would appreciate any specific recommendations or
links to sites with lists of recommendations or books for sale.

Karen, my DD loves _Newborn_ by Karen Henderson (I think that's
right). No bottles in it at all, and no crib either. I think there
is a bassinet/cradle, but it's not a huge issue, as in I don't think
you see the baby sleeping in it. Feeding isn't mentioned at all in
the book, but on the back cover, it really looks to me like the mom is
BF'ing. The big brother and big sister (and the parents) take turns
carrying the baby through the house and introducing her to the new
sights, sounds, and textures of everyday life. No sibling rivalry
shown at all, and both parents are involved with the baby. At the end
of the book, the mom is holding the baby as the baby sleeps in the
mom's arms. Very realistic-looking facial expressions on the newborn.

-Sara (not currently expecting)
Mommy to a DD, 22 months, who wants a baby sister