Advice about a 2nd baby!!

Hi there.
I have been a lurker here for a few years, ive mostely posted in
uk.people.pregnancy.
I am 22 years old, live with my long term partner and we have a DD who
turned 2 in october.
A bit of background!! (boring sorry) I moved from Wales to England 3 years
back for a job, without family or friends, just me and my partner! We bought
our own house, it was newly built and it has 2 bedrooms.
We didnt plan it but we got pregnant after a few months of moving in, never
regretted it and love DD.

After a very easy labour and delivery i suffered for a long long time with
PND, and still have bad days now, not suprising when im so far away from
family. I have now been in a new job for a year and it is a job i want for
life, a future for my career, I am a nursery nurse for the NHS caring for
severly ill children who come for respite care.
I only work 18 hours a week and my MIL usualy has DD during that time.

Well anyway, down to the real reason for writing this post!! We are feeling
quite broody now, I always swore I wouldnt have any more after the suffering
I went through, but I find it so strange that these feelings of wanting
another baby are so strong, I also find it quite frightening! The main
reason is seeing DD with her new nephew and a friends new son , for about 6
months DD has been obsessed with babies, even tels people mummy has one in
her tummy! Its so lovely seeing her with babies and telling me stories about
where they come from, even though she is only 2.

my main worry is our house, its only a 2 bedroom, have any of you had/have 2
children while in a 2 bedroom house? obviously one room is ours, the others
is DD, we never had DD sleep in with us, she was in her own room from birth
but what did you do with 2 children but not enough rooms? Me and partner
are marrying in July and we have seriously been thinking about maybe TTC
after the wedding. But I am scared of so many things, being young with 2
children, although I love being a mum, being so far from family, having not
a very good social circle, re occuring PND, small house.
the only things I know would be great is DD would love another baby and
would be a great big sister, and I also feel secure with my career now,
knowing I could go back part time as I work part time anyway!

Do we just 'go for it' so to speak??? I think I worry too much for someone
of my age!
another big problem, but embarassing is my lack of 'wanting' sex! i dont
know why, but ive been like it since after DD was born, if i can avoid it I
will! and obviously if we want to TTC I need to be 'wanting' sex but not
just for the sake of having a baby!

Im sorry this has been so long but I dont have anyone around to talk to and
so many issues float around my head!

Thank you
Kellie mum to Ella-Jai aged 26 months

Dave Leason wrote:

After a very easy labour and delivery i suffered for a long long time with
PND, and still have bad days now, not suprising when im so far away from
snip
another big problem, but embarassing is my lack of 'wanting' sex! i dont
know why, but ive been like it since after DD was born, if i can avoid it I
will! and obviously if we want to TTC I need to be 'wanting' sex but not
just for the sake of having a baby!

It sounds, my dear, as if you have developed some hormonal issues after
having your DD. This is quite common actually. I'd suggest you getting
your hormones checked out: estrogen, progesterone, testosterone,
thyroid, pituitary, cortisol - full workup - to see if something has
gone awry since pregnancy! The depression hanging around, the lack of
sex drive - it sounds very likely.

Please have that looked into before trying for a new baby - if you have
such health problems it could stop you from being able to get pregnant
or cause problems like miscarriages and/or other complications.

"Shena Delian O'Brien" wrote in message
news:BHjLb.457$sv6.1038@attbi_s52...
Dave Leason wrote:

After a very easy labour and delivery i suffered for a long long time
with
PND, and still have bad days now, not suprising when im so far away from
snip
another big problem, but embarassing is my lack of 'wanting' sex! i dont
know why, but ive been like it since after DD was born, if i can avoid
it I
will! and obviously if we want to TTC I need to be 'wanting' sex but not
just for the sake of having a baby!

It sounds, my dear, as if you have developed some hormonal issues after
having your DD. This is quite common actually. I'd suggest you getting
your hormones checked out: estrogen, progesterone, testosterone,
thyroid, pituitary, cortisol - full workup - to see if something has
gone awry since pregnancy! The depression hanging around, the lack of
sex drive - it sounds very likely.

Please have that looked into before trying for a new baby - if you have
such health problems it could stop you from being able to get pregnant
or cause problems like miscarriages and/or other complications.


Thanks for that, would a Dr check these out?? I think your right about
hormon issues, especially with having the PND, it certainly needs looking at
as sometimes causes problems with patrner!
Kellie

Dave Leason wrote:

Thanks for that, would a Dr check these out?? I think your right about
hormon issues, especially with having the PND, it certainly needs looking at
as sometimes causes problems with patrner!

Yes you'd need to ask your doctor for those tests. Tell him/her you want
to start trying to conceive again. I would suggest instead of telling
him you are feeling depressed, you instead list out your other symptoms
of PND (fatigue, weight, whatever) and say you feel down from time to
time for no good reason. I don't know about the UK, but here in the US
"depression" signals most doctors to just write you a prescription for
Zoloft or Paxil (antidepressents) and tell you all the other symptoms
are in your head. We don't want that!!!

If you have any menstural irregularities, acne, oily skin/hair,
whatever, list those as well (they can all be hormone related).
Basically any symptom that has crept up or worsened after the pregnancy
- joint pain, muscle cramps, swelling (are your rings loose some days
and tight others)?

Just take a good look at yourself and how you are feeling and be
comprehensive about listing it to your doctor. Request the hormone blood
work to see if you have anything that can be treated!

"Shena Delian O'Brien" wrote in message
news:uSjLb.914$nt4.1322@attbi_s51...
Dave Leason wrote:

Thanks for that, would a Dr check these out?? I think your right about
hormon issues, especially with having the PND, it certainly needs
looking at
as sometimes causes problems with patrner!

Yes you'd need to ask your doctor for those tests. Tell him/her you want
to start trying to conceive again. I would suggest instead of telling
him you are feeling depressed, you instead list out your other symptoms
of PND (fatigue, weight, whatever) and say you feel down from time to
time for no good reason. I don't know about the UK, but here in the US
"depression" signals most doctors to just write you a prescription for
Zoloft or Paxil (antidepressents) and tell you all the other symptoms
are in your head. We don't want that!!!

If you have any menstural irregularities, acne, oily skin/hair,
whatever, list those as well (they can all be hormone related).
Basically any symptom that has crept up or worsened after the pregnancy
- joint pain, muscle cramps, swelling (are your rings loose some days
and tight others)?

Just take a good look at yourself and how you are feeling and be
comprehensive about listing it to your doctor. Request the hormone blood
work to see if you have anything that can be treated!



Thank you once again for your help. I have a really good female doctor, aa
wonderful health visitor who are aware of my situation, luckily i have never
needed medication for my PND and it was kept under control by going to mum
and baby groups! but i think the sex drive stems from my past PND, i am now
very very settled and happy, finally. Just want to sort out any problems
before we introduce another wonderful miracle to our lovely family!
P.S, in the UK i think it depends on doctor, health visitor etc who you are
with about how they treat your PND, also it depends on what its stemmed
from, with mine being from moving away, lack of friends etc all i needed was
to get out and about, no medications!

Kellie

my main worry is our house, its only a 2 bedroom, have any of you had/have
2
children while in a 2 bedroom house? obviously one room is ours, the
others
is DD, we never had DD sleep in with us, she was in her own room from
birth
but what did you do with 2 children but not enough rooms?

We'll be having 4 childre (ages 6 and under) in a 3 bedroom house. Kids can
share. My #1 and #2 share right now. #1 got very upset when we told her #2
would have to share with #3 and she'd share with the new baby. I really
don't beleive kids *need* their own rooms. If someone can afford to build
an addition or move so each child has a room, that's great, but not
necessary IMO.

Me and partner
are marrying in July and we have seriously been thinking about maybe TTC
after the wedding. But I am scared of so many things, being young with 2
children, although I love being a mum, being so far from family, having
not
a very good social circle, re occuring PND, small house.
the only things I know would be great is DD would love another baby and
would be a great big sister, and I also feel secure with my career now,
knowing I could go back part time as I work part time anyway!

Everything sounds good to me except the PND - which I guess is exacerbated
by your worries and probably mostly by feeling isolated (being away from
family, small social circle). We're away from ours cos we're military but I
like it that way - no interferring - lol.

Do we just 'go for it' so to speak??? I think I worry too much for
someone
of my age!

Lol. That's better to me then not thinking things through.

another big problem, but embarassing is my lack of 'wanting' sex! i dont
know why, but ive been like it since after DD was born, if i can avoid it
I
will! and obviously if we want to TTC I need to be 'wanting' sex but not
just for the sake of having a baby!

Hhmm, all 4 of ours were planned. Yeah it does seem a bit like a biology
experiment. My husband didn't really care *why* I was attacking him, just
so long as I did

Im sorry this has been so long but I dont have anyone around to talk to
and
so many issues float around my head!

Thank you
Kellie mum to Ella-Jai aged 26 months

Good luck and welcome to the 'group

Sophie
#4 due 7/18/04

I can totally emphasize with your lack of interest in sex. My problem was
rooted in past sexual abuse when I was a child. But I have also heard that
the same reaction can come from watching parents not being affectionate,
etc. These are things that you can work on and you deserve to work on
because everyone deserves the ability to enjoy and want sex. What has
helped with me so far is that I am really the only one who initiates, this
really helped me not feel obligated to do something I didn't want, and also
not make DH feel like I was constantly turning him or whatever. But you are
right, having sex just to have a baby won't solve the problem and isn't fair
to your partner.
About the small house thing, I am sure you guys could figure something out
that would make it work. Just do some major brain storming. IF you have a
girl the kids could just share a room, but a boy would make it a little
difficult once they both reach certain ages (but by then you might be able
to move into a bigger house).
Sorry this got so long. Hope it helped a little.
Kat
Mama to Maggie 11/03/01
and #2 EDD 02/01/04

"Dave Leason" wrote in message
. ..
Hi there.
I have been a lurker here for a few years, ive mostely posted in
uk.people.pregnancy.
I am 22 years old, live with my long term partner and we have a DD who
turned 2 in october.
A bit of background!! (boring sorry) I moved from Wales to England 3
years
back for a job, without family or friends, just me and my partner! We
bought
our own house, it was newly built and it has 2 bedrooms.
We didnt plan it but we got pregnant after a few months of moving in,
never
regretted it and love DD.

After a very easy labour and delivery i suffered for a long long time with
PND, and still have bad days now, not suprising when im so far away from
family. I have now been in a new job for a year and it is a job i want
for
life, a future for my career, I am a nursery nurse for the NHS caring for
severly ill children who come for respite care.
I only work 18 hours a week and my MIL usualy has DD during that time.

Well anyway, down to the real reason for writing this post!! We are
feeling
quite broody now, I always swore I wouldnt have any more after the
suffering
I went through, but I find it so strange that these feelings of wanting
another baby are so strong, I also find it quite frightening! The main
reason is seeing DD with her new nephew and a friends new son , for about
6
months DD has been obsessed with babies, even tels people mummy has one in
her tummy! Its so lovely seeing her with babies and telling me stories
about
where they come from, even though she is only 2.

my main worry is our house, its only a 2 bedroom, have any of you had/have
2
children while in a 2 bedroom house? obviously one room is ours, the
others
is DD, we never had DD sleep in with us, she was in her own room from
birth
but what did you do with 2 children but not enough rooms? Me and partner
are marrying in July and we have seriously been thinking about maybe TTC
after the wedding. But I am scared of so many things, being young with 2
children, although I love being a mum, being so far from family, having
not
a very good social circle, re occuring PND, small house.
the only things I know would be great is DD would love another baby and
would be a great big sister, and I also feel secure with my career now,
knowing I could go back part time as I work part time anyway!

Do we just 'go for it' so to speak??? I think I worry too much for
someone
of my age!
another big problem, but embarassing is my lack of 'wanting' sex! i dont
know why, but ive been like it since after DD was born, if i can avoid it
I
will! and obviously if we want to TTC I need to be 'wanting' sex but not
just for the sake of having a baby!

Im sorry this has been so long but I dont have anyone around to talk to
and
so many issues float around my head!

Thank you
Kellie mum to Ella-Jai aged 26 months

Thank you all for helpful and understanding advice!
I know I worry far too much and I get stressed far to easily!
Our DD has often said she would want a new baby in her room! dont know how
she would take to it waking her up in the night but our other option was to
put crib in our room for a few months then when a sleep pattern is
established move baby to Ella's room!

Thank you kat about saying the initializing sex helped you, I admit I dont
do much fo that even though i try im usually too tired, there is a few
things my partner could help with, like not making me feel pressured to give
him sex which he is starting to understand now.
And we certainly dont want to just have sex for a baby, as you said, its to
be enjoyed!

And thank you Sophie about house advice! guess i just wanted to someone to
say 'its ok your not depriving your child by it not having its own room' and
you did that for me!

Cheers everyone, and good luck for all your pregnancies!

Kellie
mum to Ella-Jai 26mths
"Kat" wrote in message
...
I can totally emphasize with your lack of interest in sex. My problem was
rooted in past sexual abuse when I was a child. But I have also heard
that
the same reaction can come from watching parents not being affectionate,
etc. These are things that you can work on and you deserve to work on
because everyone deserves the ability to enjoy and want sex. What has
helped with me so far is that I am really the only one who initiates, this
really helped me not feel obligated to do something I didn't want, and
also
not make DH feel like I was constantly turning him or whatever. But you
are
right, having sex just to have a baby won't solve the problem and isn't
fair
to your partner.
About the small house thing, I am sure you guys could figure something out
that would make it work. Just do some major brain storming. IF you have
a
girl the kids could just share a room, but a boy would make it a little
difficult once they both reach certain ages (but by then you might be able
to move into a bigger house).
Sorry this got so long. Hope it helped a little.
Kat
Mama to Maggie 11/03/01
and #2 EDD 02/01/04

"Dave Leason" wrote in message
. ..
Hi there.
I have been a lurker here for a few years, ive mostely posted in
uk.people.pregnancy.
I am 22 years old, live with my long term partner and we have a DD who
turned 2 in october.
A bit of background!! (boring sorry) I moved from Wales to England 3
years
back for a job, without family or friends, just me and my partner! We
bought
our own house, it was newly built and it has 2 bedrooms.
We didnt plan it but we got pregnant after a few months of moving in,
never
regretted it and love DD.

After a very easy labour and delivery i suffered for a long long time
with
PND, and still have bad days now, not suprising when im so far away from
family. I have now been in a new job for a year and it is a job i want
for
life, a future for my career, I am a nursery nurse for the NHS caring
for
severly ill children who come for respite care.
I only work 18 hours a week and my MIL usualy has DD during that time.

Well anyway, down to the real reason for writing this post!! We are
feeling
quite broody now, I always swore I wouldnt have any more after the
suffering
I went through, but I find it so strange that these feelings of wanting
another baby are so strong, I also find it quite frightening! The main
reason is seeing DD with her new nephew and a friends new son , for
about
6
months DD has been obsessed with babies, even tels people mummy has one
in
her tummy! Its so lovely seeing her with babies and telling me stories
about
where they come from, even though she is only 2.

my main worry is our house, its only a 2 bedroom, have any of you
had/have
2
children while in a 2 bedroom house? obviously one room is ours, the
others
is DD, we never had DD sleep in with us, she was in her own room from
birth
but what did you do with 2 children but not enough rooms? Me and
partner
are marrying in July and we have seriously been thinking about maybe TTC
after the wedding. But I am scared of so many things, being young with
2
children, although I love being a mum, being so far from family, having
not
a very good social circle, re occuring PND, small house.
the only things I know would be great is DD would love another baby and
would be a great big sister, and I also feel secure with my career now,
knowing I could go back part time as I work part time anyway!

Do we just 'go for it' so to speak??? I think I worry too much for
someone
of my age!
another big problem, but embarassing is my lack of 'wanting' sex! i dont
know why, but ive been like it since after DD was born, if i can avoid
it
I
will! and obviously if we want to TTC I need to be 'wanting' sex but not
just for the sake of having a baby!

Im sorry this has been so long but I dont have anyone around to talk to
and
so many issues float around my head!

Thank you
Kellie mum to Ella-Jai aged 26 months

The thing about babies and children (at least up to a certain age) is that
they don't care how many bedrooms you have in the house as long as they are
cared for and loved and they have a few toys to play with ;o)

I have three children and two of them share a room. At one point when we
first moved into this house and redecorating, they all slept in the same
room. They seem to not mind to sharing rooms. They do keep each other awake
at times, but for the most part it hasn't been a problem.

Are you on any kind of medication? If you're not, perhaps talking with a
doctor and getting yourself on some medication would help. The lack of
desire for sex is also a sign of depression. I would work on the aspect of
your depression, with medication or therapy and once you start feeling
better, you will be surprised at how everything else will fall into place.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

Dave Leason wrote in message
. ..
Hi there.
I have been a lurker here for a few years, ive mostely posted in
uk.people.pregnancy.
I am 22 years old, live with my long term partner and we have a DD who
turned 2 in october.
A bit of background!! (boring sorry) I moved from Wales to England 3
years
back for a job, without family or friends, just me and my partner! We
bought
our own house, it was newly built and it has 2 bedrooms.
We didnt plan it but we got pregnant after a few months of moving in,
never
regretted it and love DD.

After a very easy labour and delivery i suffered for a long long time with
PND, and still have bad days now, not suprising when im so far away from
family. I have now been in a new job for a year and it is a job i want
for
life, a future for my career, I am a nursery nurse for the NHS caring for
severly ill children who come for respite care.
I only work 18 hours a week and my MIL usualy has DD during that time.

Well anyway, down to the real reason for writing this post!! We are
feeling
quite broody now, I always swore I wouldnt have any more after the
suffering
I went through, but I find it so strange that these feelings of wanting
another baby are so strong, I also find it quite frightening! The main
reason is seeing DD with her new nephew and a friends new son , for about
6
months DD has been obsessed with babies, even tels people mummy has one in
her tummy! Its so lovely seeing her with babies and telling me stories
about
where they come from, even though she is only 2.

my main worry is our house, its only a 2 bedroom, have any of you had/have
2
children while in a 2 bedroom house? obviously one room is ours, the
others
is DD, we never had DD sleep in with us, she was in her own room from
birth
but what did you do with 2 children but not enough rooms? Me and partner
are marrying in July and we have seriously been thinking about maybe TTC
after the wedding. But I am scared of so many things, being young with 2
children, although I love being a mum, being so far from family, having
not
a very good social circle, re occuring PND, small house.
the only things I know would be great is DD would love another baby and
would be a great big sister, and I also feel secure with my career now,
knowing I could go back part time as I work part time anyway!

Do we just 'go for it' so to speak??? I think I worry too much for
someone
of my age!
another big problem, but embarassing is my lack of 'wanting' sex! i dont
know why, but ive been like it since after DD was born, if i can avoid it
I
will! and obviously if we want to TTC I need to be 'wanting' sex but not
just for the sake of having a baby!

Im sorry this has been so long but I dont have anyone around to talk to
and
so many issues float around my head!

Thank you
Kellie mum to Ella-Jai aged 26 months

Have your thyroid checked out.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

Dave Leason wrote in message
. ..

"Shena Delian O'Brien" wrote in message
news:BHjLb.457$sv6.1038@attbi_s52...
Dave Leason wrote:

After a very easy labour and delivery i suffered for a long long time
with
PND, and still have bad days now, not suprising when im so far away
from
snip
another big problem, but embarassing is my lack of 'wanting' sex! i
dont
know why, but ive been like it since after DD was born, if i can avoid
it I
will! and obviously if we want to TTC I need to be 'wanting' sex but
not
just for the sake of having a baby!

It sounds, my dear, as if you have developed some hormonal issues after
having your DD. This is quite common actually. I'd suggest you getting
your hormones checked out: estrogen, progesterone, testosterone,
thyroid, pituitary, cortisol - full workup - to see if something has
gone awry since pregnancy! The depression hanging around, the lack of
sex drive - it sounds very likely.

Please have that looked into before trying for a new baby - if you have
such health problems it could stop you from being able to get pregnant
or cause problems like miscarriages and/or other complications.


Thanks for that, would a Dr check these out?? I think your right about
hormon issues, especially with having the PND, it certainly needs looking
at
as sometimes causes problems with patrner!
Kellie