If the teacher is Miss Herfirstname . . .

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
I do want to be Mrs. DHsFN DHsLN when we are addressed as a couple. I
don't really think that Mrs. MyFN MyMaidenName DHsLN is proper, so if
that is the form people want to use, I'd ask them to use Ms.

This is definitely generational. My first name is *not* the same as my
husband's first name and I simply don't like the implication that, in
addition to changing my last name when I married, I lost my first name, too!
Something about that just rubs me the wrong way: maybe it's the appearance
that I've lost all my identity and have been subsumed entirely by my
husband. Shudder

Now, I don't object to the Mr. and Mrs. MyHusband'sFirstName
MyHusband'sLastName form of address on an envelope or letter addressed to
both of us, though frankly, I'd prefer that it be simply Mr. and Mrs.
MyHusband'sLastName.

Where I really have a problem is with my grown children's friends -
especially my daughter's friends where my last name isn't the same as
my daughter's last name - so they can't just call me Mrs.
SILsLastName. DD#2 has taken to introducing us as "This is my mom,
Rosalie". That's OK with me, although some of them still call me DD's
Mom or granddaughter's grandmother (because they can't remember
Rosalie I guess).

Most people don't know how to pronounce our last name. This means that a lot
of my children's friends tend to address me as Mrs. Julian's Mom or Mrs.
Aurora's Mom. The ones who do use Mrs. LastName often butcher it g, but
fortunately, I think it's cute so I don't mind!
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Mr. Congeniality (7), the Diva (5) and the Race Car Fanatic (3
tomorrow)

I have PMS and ESP...I'm the bitch who knows everything! (T-shirt slogan)

"Sue" wrote in message
...
I call the teachers by however they introduce themselves unless I am in
private with them. They call me Mrs. mylastname in front of the children
and
by my first name when we are in private. It may be confusing, but as it
ends
up I am pretty close with some of the girl's teachers and I know the
distinction of when to use proper names and when not to.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

AS a teacher I found that most parents addressed me as Mrs. Pinckney. Some
would call me Jennifer, but I never thought that was strange. I'd say 75%
called Me Mrs. and the other 25% called me Jennifer.

JennP.

"Circe" wrote in message
news:Q8aVd.82655$Yu.70925@fed1read01...
"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
I do want to be Mrs. DHsFN DHsLN when we are addressed as a couple. I
don't really think that Mrs. MyFN MyMaidenName DHsLN is proper, so if
that is the form people want to use, I'd ask them to use Ms.

This is definitely generational. My first name is *not* the same as my
husband's first name and I simply don't like the implication that, in
addition to changing my last name when I married, I lost my first name,
too!
Something about that just rubs me the wrong way: maybe it's the appearance
that I've lost all my identity and have been subsumed entirely by my
husband. Shudder

Maybe it is more personal. I kinda like being Mrs Jeff M. but on the other
hand I would never be concidered a forward thinking gal. I also dont think
being called Mrs. Jeff M. in anyway shadows me.

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/02
Xavier 10/04

"Tori M." wrote in message
...

"Circe" wrote in message
news:Q8aVd.82655$Yu.70925@fed1read01...
"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
I do want to be Mrs. DHsFN DHsLN when we are addressed as a couple. I
don't really think that Mrs. MyFN MyMaidenName DHsLN is proper, so if
that is the form people want to use, I'd ask them to use Ms.

This is definitely generational. My first name is *not* the same as my
husband's first name and I simply don't like the implication that, in
addition to changing my last name when I married, I lost my first name,
too!
Something about that just rubs me the wrong way: maybe it's the
appearance
that I've lost all my identity and have been subsumed entirely by my
husband. Shudder

Maybe it is more personal. I kinda like being Mrs Jeff M. but on the
other hand I would never be concidered a forward thinking gal. I also
dont think being called Mrs. Jeff M. in anyway shadows me.

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/02
Xavier 10/04

Here's the thing: Up until 30 or 40 years ago, there were rules of
ettiquite
that dictated how you address whom. It was considered proper to address
invitations to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. Or even to Mrs. John Doe if the
invitation was to her only.

I remember when I was a kid, my mom told me that I should address
Grandma's envelopes to Mrs. Jane Doe though, because she was a widow.

Okay, fast forward. The rules have changed. There is no guarantee
that a husband and wife have the same last name. There is no guarantee
that a man and woman living together are married. There is no guarantee
that the children living in the house have the same name as the parents.

So, the old rules have changed. There isn't any agreement on what the
new rules should be, other than that you should address people how they
wish to be addressed. That's fine if they are people you converse with
regularly, but if you don't, you just have to make your best guess. I
personally have the worlds worst memory, so even though I really *do*
try to remember, if it's someone I don't see all that often, I just don't.

So, IMHO, if someone sends you a card or invitation or whatever
and doesn't get it just right, you should really just let it go.

Bizby

"Stephanie Stowe" wrote in message
...

"toypup" wrote in message
m...
IMO, she introduced herself as Miss Herfirstname, so that is what you call
her.

That's not my problem. I know to call her Miss Herfirstname.

You introduce yourself as YourFirstName, and that is what she calls
you.

That's what I feel funny about. I think it's weird if she calls me by my
firstname and I have to call her by a title.

I would think it a little dopey for me to call someone Miss or Mrs
while they call me Stephanie.

Yes.

But I don't know who Mrs. Stowe is,

I don't know who Mrs. Mylastname is, either.

One caviat. If calling her Miss Whatever while you go with your first name
is going to cause you to feel you are speaking with an Authority Figure
rather than a professional peer, then you might want to adopt Mrs
Lastname. You do not want to set a tone of poor beggar at the doorstep of
the Authority.

I think I may have to just get used to Mrs. Mylastname. I don't like it,
but my thinking is also along these lines.

In article ,
"bizby40" wrote:


So, IMHO, if someone sends you a card or invitation or whatever
and doesn't get it just right, you should really just let it go.

Bizby

I agree -- and think this is an important point. I almost never get my
panties in a twist about what someone else calls me; I have my
preferences, and will state them clearly -- often, if necessary -- but I
don't often bother to get offended if my preferences aren't followed.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

dragonlady wrote:

"bizby40" wrote:

So, IMHO, if someone sends you a card or invitation or
whatever and doesn't get it just right, you should
really just let it go.

I agree -- and think this is an important point. I
almost never get my panties in a twist about what someone
else calls me; I have my preferences, and will state
them clearly -- often, if necessary -- but I don't often
bother to get offended if my preferences aren't followed.

Same here. It may make me grimace inwardly, but it generally doesn't go
much further than that.

As far as properly addressing things, I know people that agonize endlessly
over addressing invitations, but the rules have changed and it can be very
confusing.
--
Ruth

bizby40 wrote:


So, IMHO, if someone sends you a card or invitation or whatever
and doesn't get it just right, you should really just let it go.

Or better yet, you establish some sort of communication
where you make it clear what your preferred terminology is. For
instance, ditch those response cards and send a proper response
on your own stationery saying, "Ms. Your Name and Mr. His Name/
accept with pleasure/the kind invitation of hosts/for Saturday,
the sixth of June" (using, of course, whatever your preferred
form is), if it's a formal invitation. In other situations,
you can use your return address to put in your names and titles
(not strictly proper, but hey, it works for the observant).
Or, get things off to a good start by using "at home" cards
with your wedding invitations/announcements (they give you
a good opportunity to share your "new" names and titles
and address). Use your preferred form when issuing formal
invitations of your own. Ask the other person what they
prefer (many will return the favor once you've taking the
stop of broaching the subject).
None of those things are foolproof ways to make sure
everyone gets the word, but you do leave a trail for those
who are interested in knowing what you prefer, which beats
expecting them to guess correctly ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

I have to agree with you, Stephanie. If Miss Herfirstname introduces
herself to you as such, then you should call her that until she tells
you otherwise, and refer to her by that name when talking to kids in
reference to her. When a teacher speaks to a parent in private, the
dynamics change from when children are present. That's the way it was
when I was a nanny for a family in S.C. some time ago. The teacher
introduced herself to the children in her class as Ms. Herlastname.
However, she also attended this particular family's church & at church
she was Ms. Herfirst name. When she & I spoke, regardless of the
circumstances, I called her by her first name & vice versa. Of course,
it is an accepted practice for children to refer to adult women as Ms.
Herfirstname in the south.

"bizby40" wrote:
"Tori M." wrote in message
...

"Circe" wrote in message
news:Q8aVd.82655$Yu.70925@fed1read01...
"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
I do want to be Mrs. DHsFN DHsLN when we are addressed as a couple. I
don't really think that Mrs. MyFN MyMaidenName DHsLN is proper, so if
that is the form people want to use, I'd ask them to use Ms.

This is definitely generational. My first name is *not* the same as my
husband's first name and I simply don't like the implication that, in
addition to changing my last name when I married, I lost my first name,
too!
Something about that just rubs me the wrong way: maybe it's the
appearance
that I've lost all my identity and have been subsumed entirely by my
husband. Shudder

Maybe it is more personal. I kinda like being Mrs Jeff M. but on the
other hand I would never be concidered a forward thinking gal. I also
dont think being called Mrs. Jeff M. in anyway shadows me.

Here's the thing: Up until 30 or 40 years ago, there were rules of
ettiquite
that dictated how you address whom. It was considered proper to address
invitations to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. Or even to Mrs. John Doe if the
invitation was to her only.

I remember when I was a kid, my mom told me that I should address
Grandma's envelopes to Mrs. Jane Doe though, because she was a widow.

My mom told me that a woman only used her first name with the man's
last name if she was divorced. Widows absolutely retain the right to
be Mrs. DeceasedhusbandsFN DeceasedhusbandsLN. My mom (who has been
widowed for 33 years) would consider it a slap in the face if she was
told she had to be Mrs Jane DeceasedhusbandsLN (even if her real FN
was Jane g)

My great aunt was divorced, and she did use that form - Mrs. HerFN
HerMaidenName HerformerhusbandsLN.

Okay, fast forward. The rules have changed. There is no guarantee
that a husband and wife have the same last name. There is no guarantee
that a man and woman living together are married. There is no guarantee
that the children living in the house have the same name as the parents.

So, the old rules have changed. There isn't any agreement on what the
new rules should be, other than that you should address people how they
wish to be addressed. That's fine if they are people you converse with
regularly, but if you don't, you just have to make your best guess. I
personally have the worlds worst memory, so even though I really *do*
try to remember, if it's someone I don't see all that often, I just don't.

So, IMHO, if someone sends you a card or invitation or whatever
and doesn't get it just right, you should really just let it go.

I don't have any real problem with what people call me or how they
write invitations out - I just wanted to make it clear that not
EVERYBODY objects to being called Mrs. John Doe and not EVERYBODY
wants to be called by their first name by complete strangers.

I'm not too thrilled about being called Rosie or Rosalyn or Roseann
(my full first name is RosalieAnn), but one of DHs friends can never
remember my right name and I've never corrected him because I know he
would be upset and I don't want to upset him. I also don't really
like the shortening of some of my children's names by their friend,
but it's out of my jurisdiction now, and if it is OK with them, it's
nothing that I would make an issue over.

It does kind of amuse me when people that I meet on the boat, and with
whom we've discussed my name (which is also the name on the boat in
big letters 4 to 8 inches tall) will - as I am standing on the deck at
the bow of the boat, right over the name, ask me to tell them my name
again. I figure if they didn't pay attention the first time, they
will remember it in the future.

grandma Rosalie