babysitting advice

I am babysitting the child of a friend of my husband, whom he works
with. I have been doing this about a year. Last summer, the father
of the children had an accident and was off work the summer, so they
did not need a baby sitter. The father did the sitting. This fall he
was back to work and they needed a babysitter again. They have a boy
4 and girl 7. The boy is having extreme problems. He cries when the
mother leaves. He screams for his mother at all hours of the night.
His mother and grandmother tried calling just before bedtime to try to
calm him but this has not worked. In the morning she picks up the girl
for school and leaves the boy. He screams when his mother leaves.
Lately to the point the mother ends up taking him with her. She wants
to leave him so she can get some sleep, then I drop him off at
preschool and the mother picks him up. I babysit for them maybe 4
times a month. Any ideas on how the boy can be calmed would be
appreciated.

Kevin wrote:

I am babysitting the child of a friend of my husband, whom he works
with. I have been doing this about a year. Last summer, the father
of the children had an accident and was off work the summer, so they
did not need a baby sitter. The father did the sitting. This fall he
was back to work and they needed a babysitter again. They have a boy
4 and girl 7. The boy is having extreme problems. He cries when the
mother leaves. He screams for his mother at all hours of the night.
His mother and grandmother tried calling just before bedtime to try to
calm him but this has not worked. In the morning she picks up the girl
for school and leaves the boy. He screams when his mother leaves.
Lately to the point the mother ends up taking him with her. She wants
to leave him so she can get some sleep, then I drop him off at
preschool and the mother picks him up. I babysit for them maybe 4
times a month. Any ideas on how the boy can be calmed would be
appreciated.

So the mom works nights? When does the dad work, nights also? Are you
sleeping over at their house or are they at your house for the nights
you watch them? Without fully understanding the situation, I think I
might offer a reward system (or encourage the mom to do something along
those lines) in addition to being very clear with the boy about where
mom is and when she'll be back. Have the mom talk to him about what he's
afraid of or concerned about. A lot of kids are highly motivated by a
simple treat. Create a 'treasure box' inside of which are several
wrapped fun, inexpensive toys, treats, etc. Make a sticker chart such
that if he does all the things on the chart for that evening, nighttime
and morning, he gets to choose a treat from the treasure box the next
morning. Examples for a sticker chart might be: kissing mom goodnight
before she goes to work (gets a sticker for that ), brushes teeth, talks
to mom on phone before bed, goes to bed and sleeps all night without
crying, etc. Also, it seems to me that the mom could make it a habit
to pick both kids up at the same time and take them both to school to
avoid more feelings of 'you're leaving again??'

cara

"cara" wrote in message
ink.net...

Kevin wrote:

I am babysitting the child of a friend of my husband, whom he works
with. I have been doing this about a year. Last summer, the father
of the children had an accident and was off work the summer, so they
did not need a baby sitter. The father did the sitting. This fall he
was back to work and they needed a babysitter again. They have a boy
4 and girl 7. The boy is having extreme problems. He cries when the
mother leaves. He screams for his mother at all hours of the night. His
mother and grandmother tried calling just before bedtime to try to
calm him but this has not worked. In the morning she picks up the girl
for school and leaves the boy. He screams when his mother leaves.
Lately to the point the mother ends up taking him with her. She wants
to leave him so she can get some sleep, then I drop him off at
preschool and the mother picks him up. I babysit for them maybe 4
times a month. Any ideas on how the boy can be calmed would be
appreciated.

So the mom works nights? When does the dad work, nights also? Are you
sleeping over at their house or are they at your house for the nights you
watch them? Without fully understanding the situation, I think I might
offer a reward system (or encourage the mom to do something along those
lines) in addition to being very clear with the boy about where mom is and
when she'll be back. Have the mom talk to him about what he's afraid of or
concerned about. A lot of kids are highly motivated by a simple treat.
Create a 'treasure box' inside of which are several wrapped fun,
inexpensive toys, treats, etc. Make a sticker chart such that if he does
all the things on the chart for that evening, nighttime and morning, he
gets to choose a treat from the treasure box the next morning. Examples
for a sticker chart might be: kissing mom goodnight before she goes to
work (gets a sticker for that ), brushes teeth, talks to mom on phone
before bed, goes to bed and sleeps all night without crying, etc. Also,
it seems to me that the mom could make it a habit to pick both kids up at
the same time and take them both to school to avoid more feelings of
'you're leaving again??'

cara

"cara" wrote in message
ink.net...
Sandy wrote:

I am babysitting the child of a friend of my husband, whom he works
with. I have been doing this about a year. Last summer, the father
of the children had an accident and was off work the summer, so they
did not need a baby sitter. The father did the sitting. This fall he
was back to work and they needed a babysitter again. They have a boy
4 and girl 7. The boy is having extreme problems. He cries when the
mother leaves. He screams for his mother at all hours of the night. His
mother and grandmother tried calling just before bedtime to try to
calm him but this has not worked. In the morning she picks up the girl
for school and leaves the boy. He screams when his mother leaves.
Lately to the point the mother ends up taking him with her. She wants
to leave him so she can get some sleep, then I drop him off at
preschool and the mother picks him up. I babysit for them maybe 4
times a month. Any ideas on how the boy can be calmed would be
appreciated.

So the mom works nights? When does the dad work, nights also?

They both work 7pm to 7am, he works full time, she contingent

Are you sleeping over at their house or are they at your house for the
nights you watch them?

The kids come to my house.

Without fully understanding the situation, I think I might offer a reward
system or
encourage the mom to do something along those lines) in addition to being
very clear with the boy about where mom is and when she'll be back. Have
the mom talk to him about what he's afraid of or concerned about. A lot
of kids are highly motivated by a simple treat. Create a 'treasure box'
inside of which are several wrapped fun, inexpensive toys, treats, etc.
Make a sticker chart such that if he does all the things on the chart for
that evening, nighttime and morning, he gets to choose a treat from the
treasure box the next morning. Examples for a sticker chart might be:
kissing mom goodnight before she goes to work (gets a sticker for that ),
brushes teeth, talks to mom on phone before bed, goes to bed and sleeps
all night without crying, etc.

Thanks for the advice.
Sandy

Also, it seems to me that the mom could make it a habit to pick both kids
up at the same time and take them both to school to avoid more feelings of
'you're leaving again??'

Maybe I should take the girl to school, but my son starts school the same
time as Her girl does and my son is in a different school district
so I can't take them both to school in the AM. Her boy ( the screamer)
has afternoon preschool.


cara

kevin wrote:
"cara" wrote in message
ink.net...
Sandy wrote:

I am babysitting the child of a friend of my husband, whom he works
with. I have been doing this about a year. Last summer, the
father
of the children had an accident and was off work the summer, so
they
did not need a baby sitter. The father did the sitting. This fall
he
was back to work and they needed a babysitter again. They have a
boy
4 and girl 7. The boy is having extreme problems. He cries when
the
mother leaves. He screams for his mother at all hours of the
night. His
mother and grandmother tried calling just before bedtime to try to
calm him but this has not worked. In the morning she picks up the
girl
for school and leaves the boy. He screams when his mother leaves.
Lately to the point the mother ends up taking him with her. She
wants
to leave him so she can get some sleep, then I drop him off at
preschool and the mother picks him up. I babysit for them maybe 4
times a month. Any ideas on how the boy can be calmed would be
appreciated.

So the mom works nights? When does the dad work, nights also?

They both work 7pm to 7am, he works full time, she contingent

Are you sleeping over at their house or are they at your house for
the
nights you watch them?

The kids come to my house.

Without fully understanding the situation, I think I might offer a
reward
system or
encourage the mom to do something along those lines) in addition to
being
very clear with the boy about where mom is and when she'll be back.
Have
the mom talk to him about what he's afraid of or concerned about.
A lot
of kids are highly motivated by a simple treat. Create a 'treasure
box'
inside of which are several wrapped fun, inexpensive toys, treats,
etc.
Make a sticker chart such that if he does all the things on the
chart for
that evening, nighttime and morning, he gets to choose a treat from
the
treasure box the next morning. Examples for a sticker chart might
be:
kissing mom goodnight before she goes to work (gets a sticker for
that ),
brushes teeth, talks to mom on phone before bed, goes to bed and
sleeps
all night without crying, etc.

Thanks for the advice.
Sandy

Also, it seems to me that the mom could make it a habit to pick
both kids
up at the same time and take them both to school to avoid more
feelings of
'you're leaving again??'

Maybe I should take the girl to school, but my son starts school the
same
time as Her girl does and my son is in a different school district
so I can't take them both to school in the AM. Her boy ( the
screamer)
has afternoon preschool.


cara


So the parents don't see the son until about 2:30 in the afternoon and
then drop him off at your house approximately 4 hours later? I guess
the same would be said of the daughter except for that morning pickup.
This doesn't sound like a good situation for either the children or the
parents. Those kids don't get to spend any time in their own home, not
to mention in their own beds. The mother should try to get him in a.m.
preschool, even if it means she or her husband lose a few hours of
sleep every other day picking him up at noon.

Other alternatives would include one parent getting a day job or the
family finding sleep-in help that could drop the daughter at school in
the morning. I think it wouldn't be nearly as tramatic for the son if
he were at least in his own home.

Part of the problem is the length of time that the boy
doesn't see his mother, but a big part of the problem,
I think, is that he sees his mother for a short time
in the morning, when she picks up his sister; he sees
her, and then she leaves almost immediately. I think that
would be very hard on a young child who wants his mother.
Part of it is sibling rivalry: why does his sister get to
go with his mother when he stays behind? But a big part,
I think, is just how short a time the mother is there.

Some other arrangement would be better.

Could the mother come earlier, and spend half an hour or
an hour playing intensely with the boy before leaving
with the girl? That might help a bit. Could the mother
sleep in the same house where the boy is during the
day -- so he can feel that she is close, even if he
can't play with her?

Maybe if somebody else picked the girl up it might help.

Could the boy go to a different school, so that he
could be picked up by the mother too when the girl
is picked up in the morning?

These are just suggestions.
--
Cathy