worried about the future

DGoree wrote:

Anne said,
A week away from me when he is
14ish months old would almost certainly mean the end of bfing.

and Jeanne said,

Why is this? From what I see, moms go away for awhile and during that
time, baby doesn't nurse and is fine. But when mom comes back, many
times baby goes right back to old nursing habits.

I think the difference is 14 months vs. two or three years. I also had the
experience of leaving a nursing two-and-a-half year old for a week, and he was
fine, and started right back up with nursing when I came home. But I agree
with Anne, being away from such a young toddler (14 months) for a week could
very well mean the end of breastfeeding.

Good point. I guess I thought a younger child would be *less* likely to
wean with the absence. I guess I was wrong .

But in re-reading the message - I'm not even sure the mom is having the
baby/toddler stay overnight for a night. If the grandmom is just
watching the child during the day while the mom works, why does the
child need to spend her nights there as well? Maybe they live in two
different places.

Even without nursing, I can't imagine being separated from such a young toddler
for so long. An evening or even a night is one thing but a week away from mom,
even with a loving grandmother, is something entirely different. I wouldn't do
it.

DD was 18 months old when DH and I took a long weekend (3 nights) away
and DD stayed with my sister and her family. And I thought leaving DD
2-3 nights was quite daring of us. A whole week would be out of the
question for us (and my breasts).

Jeanne

"Anne Rogers" skrev i en meddelelse
...

Eek, a week!!!
I start to see the problem in a different light...I thought you were
just talking about a day or a night.
What about finding some university or late highschool student with hols
that would be willing to take up the childcare??


I honestly don't think I would be happy with that, I need to know someone
before I would leave them with him.


Then get to know her/him on beforehand - or even better: train her/him
yourself :-)

Tine, Denmark

"Linz" skrev i en meddelelse
...
On Mon, 5 Jan 2004 21:54:26 +0000, Anne Rogers
wrote:

Before ds was born I intended to nurse him through the first year, it
hadn't occured to me that longer might be good. Now I'm better educated,
it's best for him to carry on longer and I intend to let him self wean.
The problem is my mum and my friends, they all think I am nuts, they
already think I am a bit mad pumping for his feeds whilst I work, but the
very thought of me breastfeeding a toddler shocks them. My mum in
particular drops it into every possible conversation that I should give
up
by the time he is a year old, she wants ds to be able to stay with them
without me there, when I said this probably wouldn't be possible because
of feeding she said that it would be a good time to stop and he wouldn't
mind. It's really starting to worry me as we get closer to that point,
recently the doctor even asked me when I was going to stop. I love
breastfeeding, my son loves breastfeeding, so why stop is my opinion. It
upsets me that people think it is wrong for me to try and do what is best
for my son. When I say the WHO say you should breastfeed for 2 years,
people say that doesn't matter as we have good water here.

"Water doesn't contain the antibodies he gets from my milk, does it?",
you ask, innocently!

Water doesn't contain remotely enough nutrition, as I'm sure you know (:-Q)

Tine, Denmark

baby/toddler stay overnight for a night. If the grandmom is just
watching the child during the day while the mom works, why does the
child need to spend her nights there as well? Maybe they live in two
different places.

yup that's right my parents live 150 miles away, they are teachers with
long summer holidays, my childcare providers have kids themselves and
don't want to work through the holidays, leaving me without any childcare.

Then get to know her/him on beforehand - or even better: train her/him
yourself :-)

sounds a good idea, but I doubt I'd have time! I'm also a student as well
as working part time and I have a big deadline in July.

Anne Rogers wrote:

Eek, a week!!!
I start to see the problem in a different light...I thought you were
just talking about a day or a night.
What about finding some university or late highschool student with hols
that would be willing to take up the childcare??



I honestly don't think I would be happy with that, I need to know someone
before I would leave them with him.


I know how you feel, but if you start now, with initially supervised
visits and then move on to full childcare responsibility by summer,
maybe it would work? Do you have any friends or trusted co-workers who
might have suitable aged children or spouses?

i'm struggling with some of the same stuff wrt childcare, which was a
huge factor in my decision not to return to work after my UIC/mat leave
ran out.

Dawn

Bruce and Jeanne wrote in message ...
Anne Rogers wrote:

Consider if you are using bfding as an excuse due to some other worry of
yours, not DS's. Are you concerned about your mother's ability to care
for your ds, or potential power struggles between you? Are you afraid
for your ds in another home? Is it residual stuff from the PPD you're
dealing with? (I'm not saying DON'T use it for an excuse, if you need
to, I don't personally think it will do DS any harm if you hold off on
overnights with gma til he's three or so, nursing or not)

I don't think I am, my mum is like every grandmother, she spoils him, but
we keep it in check. We are talking here about leaving him with her for a
week (I'd be happy to do a day or even 1 night) whilst I work as she is a
teacher and has more holidays than I do. A week away from me when he is
14ish months old would almost certainly mean the end of bfing.

Why is this? From what I see, moms go away for awhile and during that
time, baby doesn't nurse and is fine. But when mom comes back, many
times baby goes right back to old nursing habits.

One friend went back to Vietnam for two weeks when her son was two or
three and still nursing to sleep. He did fine when she was gone and the
parents thought he was weaned, but no, when she came back he wanted to
nurse to sleep again. He weaned around 4.5 to 5 years old.

Jeanne

When my son was 13 mos. old, I had to go on a business trip to Asia.
Total time away was almost a week. He drank expressed milk while I was
gone, and I pumped and dumped on the trip and we were fine. He is
still nursing at 2.5 yrs.

HTH
Kristi

I know how you feel, but if you start now, with initially supervised
visits and then move on to full childcare responsibility by summer,
maybe it would work? Do you have any friends or trusted co-workers who
might have suitable aged children or spouses?

i'm struggling with some of the same stuff wrt childcare, which was a
huge factor in my decision not to return to work after my UIC/mat leave
ran out.

I'm trying to think of people, but so far have drawn a blank. I have a
friend who doesn't work and doesn't have children and she has looked after
ds in the past, however I found her unreliable and I'm concerned about
similar problems.

Anne Rogers wrote:
I'm not sure I understand why you'd have to leave him for a whole
week, including nights, with her if the primary purpose is
childcare. Does she live so far away that dropping him off with her
in the morning and then picking him up is not an option?

150 miles! 3.5 hours drive, so a week or not at all is the best
option.
She might be able to come here for some of the time, but I have 6
weeks of childcare to sort out, I might take unpaid leave from work,
if that is the only option.

Ah, I see.

If she is willing to come to you for 3 weeks and you can take unpaid leave
for 3 weeks, you'd have the whole time covered. I REALLY don't think taking
a just-past-1yo to stay with grandma for a week at a time for 6 weeks just
so you can work is a reasonable plan. You'd just be miserable, and so would
he. And I don't think the breastfeeding really plays into the equation all
THAT much.
--
Be well, Barbara
(Julian [6], Aurora [4], and Vernon's [22 mos.] mom)

This week's special at the English Language Butcher Shop:
"Taxi's R Us" -- name of a cab company

Daddy: You're up with the chickens this morning.
Aurora: No, I'm up with my dolls!

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

Linz wrote in message . ..
On Mon, 5 Jan 2004 21:54:26 +0000, Anne Rogers
wrote:

When I say the WHO say you should breastfeed for 2 years,
people say that doesn't matter as we have good water here.

"Water doesn't contain the antibodies he gets from my milk, does it?",
you ask, innocently!

Love it! I've said similar before, but never as well, I'm afraid. ;-)

Irene
who's ds is still occasionally bf'ing at 2.5, and dh didn't realize he
hadn't weaned since he hadn't seen him ask in a couple weeks!