no toys please

In article , enigma says...

Jeff wrote in
news:8W7gi.2355$YS.974@trnddc03:

Stephanie wrote:
"toypup" wrote in message
...
If a kid's birthday invitation states "No toys PLEASE,"
do you think that means no toys but other gifts are okay
or do you think that means no presents period? My first
impression was it meant no gifts, but then I go to
thinking. . . .sigh


I think it means no toys but we would love your other
filthy lucre. I think indicating no gifts is Ok. But to
tell a gift giver WHAT to give unasked is rude. But...
that said, what are you going to do? I would get a book if
it were me.

If you were giving a gift, would you rather give a gift
that the recipient would use or would you rather give a
gift that the recipient already has 100s of? I think
indicating no toys because the kid has enough toys is
perfectly fine.

Boo got a bunch of toys for his last birthday, maybe a dozen
or so. of those, all but maybe 2 (which were a Playmobile & a
giant bubblewand) have gone into the trash or to charity.
i think it's a bit rude to specify what kind of gifts are ok,
but i can understand the no toys thing.
oh, & one of his gifts was a gift card to Toys R Us, a place
i generally dislike (i'm a fan of small independant toy
shops). because he had the gift card i took him there & let
him look around. there was not *one toy* he wanted there...
and you can't cash in gift cards. i'm so sad that person
wasted their money
lee

If nothing else, you can pick up batteries and something like that with the gift
card.

Banty

On Tue, 26 Jun 2007 09:56:33 -0500, Donna Metler wrote:

I wish there WAS a polite way to specify, though. DD's birthday and
Christmas are close together, and really, by the time she gets through her
birthday, she doesn't need much of anything for Christmas-but at least while
she's a toddler, often things given now can't be saved for a few months
because if she's really into it now, that may change in 6 months.

I'm seriously considering celebrating a half-birthday in the summer, and not
doing anything but a cake with family for her real birthday.

Which is why I often give gifts the kids have to grow into, especially for
my niece and nephew, whose birthdays are in December.

"Jeff" wrote in message
news:8W7gi.2355$YS.974@trnddc03...
Stephanie wrote:
"toypup" wrote in message
...
If a kid's birthday invitation states "No toys PLEASE," do you think
that
means no toys but other gifts are okay or do you think that means no
presents period? My first impression was it meant no gifts, but then I
go
to thinking. . . .sigh


I think it means no toys but we would love your other filthy lucre. I
think indicating no gifts is Ok. But to tell a gift giver WHAT to give
unasked is rude. But... that said, what are you going to do? I would get
a book if it were me.

If you were giving a gift, would you rather give a gift that the recipient
would use or would you rather give a gift that the recipient already has
100s of? I think indicating no toys because the kid has enough toys is
perfectly fine.

jeff


I think that mention of what gift to give smacks of greed. The onus for
chosing a gift that the recipient would like belongs with the giver, and it
is that which makes the giving fun. If the recipient wants something in
particular, then they can go buy it, save for it, moan for it... whatever.

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article 8W7gi.2355$YS.974@trnddc03, Jeff says...

Stephanie wrote:
"toypup" wrote in message
...
If a kid's birthday invitation states "No toys PLEASE," do you think
that
means no toys but other gifts are okay or do you think that means no
presents period? My first impression was it meant no gifts, but then I
go
to thinking. . . .sigh


I think it means no toys but we would love your other filthy lucre. I
think
indicating no gifts is Ok. But to tell a gift giver WHAT to give unasked
is
rude. But... that said, what are you going to do? I would get a book if
it
were me.

If you were giving a gift, would you rather give a gift that the
recipient would use or would you rather give a gift that the recipient
already has 100s of? I think indicating no toys because the kid has
enough toys is perfectly fine.

jeff

I completely understand the reasoning and the temptation (before I read up
on
etiquette, I had specified "xxx likes books" to get away from the
toy-clutter
problem), but properly, gifts are up to the giver. Birthday parties are
not
supposed to be viewed like catalog orders by the party-giver. That's gets
more
into grubbing (yes, even though it's the lack of toys that's actually
wanted,
it's still I-want-this-I-don't-want-that). You can call and find out what
the
child likes, but the parent isn't supposed to put restrictions and
requests on
the birthday invite as to gifts. For example, a relative very familliar
with
the child may really know they have an idea for THE toy the child would
love and
the parent would gladly make an exception for. So - - they bring it.
Everyone
else heeded the birthday invite and brought a book, and they see this
gift. Now
what. OK, you can blame the relative for not bringing a book instead,
but,
since gifts are required at birthday parties, they're stuck with either
giving
two gifts (a public and a private one, so to speak), or not giving the
gift
they'd really like to give.

It sounds like a good idea to specify something like this, but it really
doesn't
work all around. That's why the etiquette rule is there.

Yeah yeah, people increasingly do different things, but then, this is
where the
RSVP problem came from, too - people decided they didn't reaaally haaavve
to.



You are going to shiver with this one. A couple of years ago, a friend of
ours responded in the affirmative to a bbq. He asked what can he bring. I
told him a side dish of his choice. This is an annual bbq and folks always
ask what to bring. It is a huge party so if folks ask, I take 'em up on it.
He calls hours after the bbq ended and TOLD ME that his friend called him at
the last minute and invited him to a different party.

Havent invited them back for years.

They'd rather wait and see what comes up (and, it could be argued,
shouldn't the
party-giver really want people who really want to be at the party to be
there,
even if they're non-planners?) Lots of things are like that. There's
reasons
why there are sets of rules.

Banty

"Donna Metler" wrote in message
. ..
I wish there WAS a polite way to specify, though. DD's birthday and
Christmas are close together, and really, by the time she gets through her
birthday, she doesn't need much of anything for Christmas-but at least
while
she's a toddler, often things given now can't be saved for a few months
because if she's really into it now, that may change in 6 months.

I'm seriously considering celebrating a half-birthday in the summer, and
not
doing anything but a cake with family for her real birthday.




I think the kids love the present aspect so much, it is tough to eliminate.
But it does seem like a kinda crazy lootfest for hte sake of present opening
sometimes, doesn't it? I like the 1/2 birthday idea.

On Jun 26, 12:14 pm, "Stephanie" wrote:
"Jeff" wrote in message

news:8W7gi.2355$YS.974@trnddc03...



Stephanie wrote:
"toypup" wrote in message
. ..
If a kid's birthday invitation states "No toys PLEASE," do you think
that
means no toys but other gifts are okay or do you think that means no
presents period? My first impression was it meant no gifts, but then I
go
to thinking. . . .sigh

I think it means no toys but we would love your other filthy lucre. I
think indicating no gifts is Ok. But to tell a gift giver WHAT to give
unasked is rude. But... that said, what are you going to do? I would get
a book if it were me.

If you were giving a gift, would you rather give a gift that the recipient
would use or would you rather give a gift that the recipient already has
100s of? I think indicating no toys because the kid has enough toys is
perfectly fine.

jeff

I think that mention of what gift to give smacks of greed. The onus for
chosing a gift that the recipient would like belongs with the giver, and it
is that which makes the giving fun. If the recipient wants something in
particular, then they can go buy it, save for it, moan for it... whatever.

On the contrary, I prefer this. Gives me an idea on what to get.

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , Donna Metler
says...

I wish there WAS a polite way to specify, though. DD's birthday and
Christmas are close together, and really, by the time she gets through
her
birthday, she doesn't need much of anything for Christmas-but at least
while
she's a toddler, often things given now can't be saved for a few months
because if she's really into it now, that may change in 6 months.

I'm seriously considering celebrating a half-birthday in the summer, and
not
doing anything but a cake with family for her real birthday.


I certainly know the feeling. I think yours is a great idea.

Or one can just not have such a big party invite list (fewer presents that
way,
and IMO the better way to go anyway). Or anyone (not specifically you)
can just
give a party, not billed specifically as a birthday party but close to the
birthday date, with family and a few of the actual friends. People who
are
close enough to know it pertains to a birthday can bring a gift just as
people
can always give gifts for whatever reason.

I think the main culprit for the birthday toy/clutter problem is this idea
that
many kids (even the whole class) has to be invited. If folks could just
get off
the Chuck-ee-cheese or hired-clown bandwagon (not meaning you
specifically).

Well, because her birthday falls right around a holiday, often parties are
quite small (which actually is one reason for doing a mid-year half
birthday-that way, as she gets older and more aware of peer group stuff
hopefully we won't have the "only two people showed up for my party-no one
likes me" thing going on) -but it doesn't seem to reduce getting gifts much!

"Donna Metler" wrote in message
. ..
I wish there WAS a polite way to specify, though. DD's birthday and
Christmas are close together, and really, by the time she gets through her
birthday, she doesn't need much of anything for Christmas-but at least
while
she's a toddler, often things given now can't be saved for a few months
because if she's really into it now, that may change in 6 months.

I'm seriously considering celebrating a half-birthday in the summer, and
not
doing anything but a cake with family for her real birthday.


Really, there is no winning. My birthday is just before Christmas ... our
family tried to do a 1/2 birthday ... when my real birthday rolled around it
seemed like it didn't matter to anyone and my feelings were VERY hurt.
Talking w/ other ppl who have Christmas birthdays and had a 1/2 birthday ..
they have said the same thing.

My suggestions is ... don't wrap her birthday gifts in Christmas paper,
don't complain to her (or w/i her hearing) that her birthday being on/near
Christmas is a hardship and don't buy gifts that are 1/2 Christmas and 1/2
birthday gifts.

Good luck, it's not easy.

"toypup" wrote in message
...
If a kid's birthday invitation states "No toys PLEASE," do you think that
means no toys but other gifts are okay or do you think that means no
presents period? My first impression was it meant no gifts, but then I go
to thinking. . . .sigh

I would LOVE for someone to give us an invite that said no toys! I would
gladly spend the money on a gift card, a book, a movie pass, anything but
toys.

I always want to say no wepons (our family is anti-wepons for children) on
invites. Because we have girls ... it's never been an issue. If I had
boys, I would put it in the invite. I don't know if it would be considered
rude or not. I would do it either way.

Knit Chic wrote:
"toypup" wrote in message
...
If a kid's birthday invitation states "No toys PLEASE," do you think that
means no toys but other gifts are okay or do you think that means no
presents period? My first impression was it meant no gifts, but then I go
to thinking. . . .sigh

I would LOVE for someone to give us an invite that said no toys! I would
gladly spend the money on a gift card, a book, a movie pass, anything but
toys.

I always want to say no wepons (our family is anti-wepons for children) on
invites. Because we have girls ... it's never been an issue. If I had
boys, I would put it in the invite. I don't know if it would be considered
rude or not. I would do it either way.

I am anti weapons, except I like the nerf arrows and stuff like that and
I love water fights (although little kids don't like the if you get me
wet, I get you wet rule - but they go off and cry with their parents and
learn a lesson - I am always clear about this too).