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#21
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Should I or should I not....(long)
"Shannon" wrote in message news:2004052613570050073%shannonNOSPAM@sdf1net... I have been TTC for a little while now and of course have been thinking A LOT about pregnancy and child rearing. I feel very confused right now and I'm thinking that many other women probably feel the way I do so I thought I would post and see what people's opinions are. snip Warning: M/c mentioned It's such a personal choice. Honestly, you're in absolute "prime time" for fertility. work: I was forced to be out of the house doing training and work starting when my daughter was 18 months old. It was gruelling when she was tiny, although I was a single mother and had less than ideal living circumstances. One of the things my husband and I decided before we married last year was that if I wanted to stay home, I would stay home. My boss knew, when I got married, that we'd be TTC soon and asked about maternity leave and what I'd be needing. Without thinking, I said, "I think I'll be leaving in June and I don't think I'll be coming back." I was not even trying at that point. We started TTC in mid-March. The company started shopping for my replacement in April. We interviewed my replacement a few days before I ovulated and she started work about a week before I got a positive pregnancy test at the end of April. I lost the baby a few days ago. So I'm leaving work a few weeks early. It will be financially tight. But my work involves nothing but stories and pictures about pregnancy and babies and I'd be a basket case in there right now. I'll be doing other stuff at home for money, eventually, mostly writing and designing clothes/baby gear. If your income is truly necessary to support living where you live right now, and you think there's a chance you might want to stay home, you are going to have to take a really close look whether there are ways to rearrange your life to allow that. Many people work outside the home with young babies--my best friend has a decent arrangement as a teacher--she can nurse her daughter at lunchtime, for example. But I can tell you, it is NOT easy. Parenting your first baby is a huge learning experience and there's just not a lot of energy left over for being civil at work, etc. IMO. One option? See if you can live on his income alone for 3 months. Put all of your income into savings. Then start TTC. Keep putting your income into savings until you have a child. By the time your kiddo comes, you'll have enough money in the bank to give you options.... If you can't live on his income alone for 3 months, then you need to make some hard choices. There is no "ideal" time to have a child. If people waited until everything was "perfect", they'd be in menopause, and that's not perfect, now, is it? And if you can't stay home, it won't "ruin" your child. I just personally find it exhausting for ME to work 6-8 hours per day and then come home to a new baby. I tried it with a foster baby (took him to work with me, then he was in daycare from about 6 weeks) when I was only working 4-6 hours per day. I found it brutally difficult, although a very worthwhile experience. I was exhausted all the time. Now, with a baby of my own, I'd be nursing, which I find less time-consuming than formula, but still. Age: I was 21 when I had my daughter. My mother was 21 when she had me. She says that I was the child who got her energy and my sister (born 12 years later) got her wisdom. I realized at one point that as parents, we are all measured relative to our oldest child's age, and our youngest. So there are moms in their 40's and 50's who are, as parents, the same age as I am in my 30's, because our kids are the same age. Being a parent transforms you so fast that in many ways your actual age becomes less than important. I grew up decades between the time I found out I was pregnant and the point my daughter turned a year old. You have to decide whether you are ready to grow up that far, that fast. At 26 years old? Why the hell not? I'd have loved to have a child at 26. I'm 32 now, which isn't a problem, but it does make me a tad bit nervous on the fertility front. We were lucky to get pg quickly and I'm hoping we can again. If you truly want a child and feel you're ready to jump into the parenting pool, go for it. We all jump in with blinders on the first time anyway, no matter how well we plan. Jenrose |
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Should I or should I not....(long)
Jenrose wrote:
Warning: M/c mentioned I lost the baby a few days ago I had read that and have been meaning to write to say I'm so sorry. You'll be in my thoughts. Best wishes, Ericka |
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