DH's parental leave

On Fri, 20 Aug 2004, Ericka Kammerer wrote:

I don't think the two are incompatible at all, as I
think is the OP's sense. If I'm home alone with the baby,
I still go about my life *with* the baby. That's how *I*
bond. I would expect the same of my husband while he was
home--that bonding for him would occur while he/we were
going about our lives with the baby. I don't think of
bonding as something that happens while you sit there
staring at a baby. I think it happens in the course of
day-to-day life.

For me, the whole "oh my god I have a real baby" hit me like a truck of
bricks. It still just completely overwhelms me at times. Of course, it's
easier to be romantically overwhelmed with this beautiful, perfect little
angel entering your life when she's SLEEPING, but the other overwhelming
facet of our relationship was how she'd scream nonstop for HOURS from
weeks three through eight. Colic/parental stupidity/switched day and
night was just not a fun thing in our house, and it really gave everything
a fuzzy edge.

I've learned quickly how to do many things with one hand, but since it
takes about three times longer, sometimes it just didn't get done.


I think a father staying home to bond
with the baby would be doing that *because* of going about
everyday activities, not in spite of that (as long as
he wasn't just taking it as a vacation for himself and
spending the time golfing or playing video games, as
someone else mentioned ;-)

In DH's defense, while he was a slackmaster back in February when she just
came home, he has TOTALLY stepped up to the plate over the past month
staying home with her when I started my full time job. He dresses her (in
outfits that aren't always what I would have chosen, but hey, she's got
clothes on most of the time), she's fed, she plays with him and the dog,
they go to the park, he reads to her, and he takes her to his volunteer
responsibilities. We definitely have different parenting styles, but she
doesn't seem the worse for wear. She acts very happy to see either of us
when we've been out of sight for a bit.

On Fri, 20 Aug 2004 11:15:01 -0400, Zaz wrote:

The reaction was very positive, and we both feel very relieved.

Wow, that's so great!! This must give you both a lot of peace of mind. If
I were your DH I'd tell my boss that I really appreciate the understanding
and the way this was dealt with.

When I told DH of my concerns, though, he told me to stop worrying and just
learn to trust him better.
He's right.

Yes he is. But hey, you're preggers, you can always use that as an excuse


I'm really glad it got resolved so smoothly!

--
-- I
mommy to DS (July '02)
mommy to three tiny angels (28 Oct'03, 17 Feb'04 & 20 May'04)
guardian of DH (33)

Zaz wrote:

The reaction was very positive, and we both feel very relieved.

Great!

that is good that he has been approved

Kay
"Zaz" wrote in message
. ..
We got the response from DH's boss, even though he's still on vacation
(someone HAD to call him and tell).

First, there was no real surprise - I guess DH is the kind of man you'd
expect that from, if you have a little knowledge of him.
Second, boss said "fine, we'll hire a consultant to fill in your position
while you're away". That's just great. That means that there will be no
panicky phone calls during DH's leave, and that he will be relaxed,
knowing
his job will be waiting for him when he returns - since this is not a
permanent hire but just a short one.

The reaction was very positive, and we both feel very relieved.

When I told DH of my concerns, though, he told me to stop worrying and
just
learn to trust him better.
He's right.

"Zaz" wrote in message
...
That's it: quite in advance, because he always feels he "owes" something
to
his boss and colleagues, DH has announced to them that he will be taking
a
snip

T Flynn wrote:

For me, the whole "oh my god I have a real baby" hit me like a truck of
bricks. It still just completely overwhelms me at times. Of course, it's
easier to be romantically overwhelmed with this beautiful, perfect little
angel entering your life when she's SLEEPING, but the other overwhelming
facet of our relationship was how she'd scream nonstop for HOURS from
weeks three through eight. Colic/parental stupidity/switched day and
night was just not a fun thing in our house, and it really gave everything
a fuzzy edge.

Yes, if you're unfortunate enough to have a colicky
baby or one who just has a rough transition to the outside
world, having that other parent on leave to be home and
share the workload can be a godsend.

In DH's defense, while he was a slackmaster back in February when she just
came home, he has TOTALLY stepped up to the plate over the past month
staying home with her when I started my full time job. He dresses her (in
outfits that aren't always what I would have chosen, but hey, she's got
clothes on most of the time),

Yeah, what is it with that? If I don't lay out
clothes for the kids, it's as if my husband can't dress
them in anything anywhere near appropriate! The kids
dress *themselves* better than he does! One time I was
out and asked DH to bring the kids to meet me for lunch.
They arrived with the older one wearing the younger one's
pants! Apparently, he didn't notice that they were about
three inches too short.... And the color combinations
are sometimes unspeakable, and he's put them in turtlenecks
in the summer! Good grief.... He's a wonderful husband,
and very involved with the kids, but I just don't understand
this wardrobe incompetence!

Best wishes,
Ericka

On Wed, 18 Aug 2004 14:48:22 -0400, "Sophie"
wrote:


"Vicki S" wrote in message
. com...
To address an issue that you didn't mention at first, but has come up
later in the thread: I love having my spouse at home.

I do *now* just not for too long after a baby is born.

It's different though, you're used to having him not around for long
periods of time. I'm currently ****ed at my DH's work hours, he's
coming home at just the wrong time for the kids to get enough sleep.
This week he's not coming home at all and I can feel a huge weight
lifting off my shoulders.

--
Cheryl
Mum to Shrimp (11 Mar 99), Thud (4 Oct 00)
Mischief (30 Jul 02)
+ someone new due Feb 05

That is wonderful! You'll really be able to enjoy your time as a family.

Cathy