Update of all updates

Holy ****... I knew something was wrong when I got a phone message from
Grandpa M (Sage's fathers father) but I didn't think it would be this bad.

Sage's father died last night. No one knows much as to why.... just that he
was spitting blood, pain, they don't know anything. His mother, who I am
pretty close to, was there with him over the weekend for a visit and she
made him see a MD but other then that, that is all I know.

I am glad she had recent contact with him now. Maybe it will help her in the
long run.

I haven't told her yet. I think it best to have her get to school tomorrow
and tell her after school. (I know, I know..... I just think she should get
a good nights sleep.)

If she wants to go to the funeral, they are taking him back to upstate NY so
we will have to go there for atleast 2 days. Why am I thinking of missing
work and the impact on my wallet? (I am insensitive ass, so no one needs to
bother calling me names)

What if she doesn't want to go? Do I make her? Do I talk her into it? Should
we go? ****!!!!! I don't know how to handle death when dealing with her. My
grandmother passed away last year but she was old, you expect it from the
older loved ones in your life.

Thanks in advance guys.

T

Wow. What a shock.


I am glad she had recent contact with him now. Maybe it will help her in the
long run.

Well now she can believe that her father *would* have come around and spent
more time with her and been a dad to her. She can believe that he didn't want
to leave her.

What if she doesn't want to go? Do I make her? Do I talk her into it? Should
we go? ****!!!!! I don't know how to handle death when dealing with her.

If she doesn't want to go, you don't need to make her, but you might want to
find out what she is afraid of going...I think it might be better for her to
go, but it's a tough call.

Good luck

joelle

The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...
nip

What if she doesn't want to go? Do I make her? Do I talk her into it? Should
we go? ****!!!!! I don't know how to handle death when dealing with her. My
grandmother passed away last year but she was old, you expect it from the
older loved ones in your life.

Thanks in advance guys.

T


How old again is your child? I would not force her. I despise funerals and
resent that my parents made me go to ones I truly did not want to go to. I
don't think there is anything theraputic to see a dead body laying in a
casket.
Just my point zero two cents.
V

Subject: Update of all updates
From: "Tiffany"
Date: 4/28/2004 9:45 PM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

Holy ****... I knew something was wrong when I got a phone message from
Grandpa M (Sage's fathers father) but I didn't think it would be this bad.

Sage's father died last night. No one knows much as to why.... just that he
was spitting blood, pain, they don't know anything. His mother, who I am
pretty close to, was there with him over the weekend for a visit and she
made him see a MD but other then that, that is all I know.

I am glad she had recent contact with him now. Maybe it will help her in the
long run.

Sorry to hear Tiff, It takes a lot of strength and understanding to help your
daughter through, as well as yourself, yeah he is your ex, but he is also the
father of your child, don't be surprised if you feel a bit *off* yourself.
(((Tiff)))


I haven't told her yet. I think it best to have her get to school tomorrow
and tell her after school. (I know, I know..... I just think she should get
a good nights sleep.)


Moms and Dads usually know thier kids best so yeah do what you are feeling with
this.


If she wants to go to the funeral, they are taking him back to upstate NY so
we will have to go there for atleast 2 days. Why am I thinking of missing
work and the impact on my wallet? (I am insensitive ass, so no one needs to
bother calling me names)


I don't see this as insensitive.


What if she doesn't want to go?

She is old enough to make this decision, Let her make it.


do I make her? Do I talk her into it?


No, I would not, I had a hard time with my daughter who was your daughters age
when G died, she was scared and she wanted to but didn't want to go . She did
decide to go the first day with a promise from me she could leave if she felt
she had to. She stayed the first night, but did not go to any more of the
veiwing or the funeral.



should we go? ****!!!!! I don't know how to handle death when dealing with
her. My
grandmother passed away last year but she was old, you expect it from the
older loved ones in your life.

Hopefully your daughter will decide to go , closure is important, yes if she
decides to go you should try and get her there. Dealing with your daughter will
come naturally, You can do this, the effects of his death will not cripple you
,but losing her dad ,good or bad influence in her life is gonna be hard on her
and with your support she will get through it. Good luck Tiff.
Bev


Thanks in advance guys.

T

On Wed, 28 Apr 2004 21:45:40 -0400, "Tiffany"
wrote:

Holy ****... I knew something was wrong when I got a phone message from
Grandpa M (Sage's fathers father) but I didn't think it would be this bad.

Sage's father died last night. No one knows much as to why.... just that he
was spitting blood, pain, they don't know anything. His mother, who I am
pretty close to, was there with him over the weekend for a visit and she
made him see a MD but other then that, that is all I know.

I am glad she had recent contact with him now. Maybe it will help her in the
long run.

I haven't told her yet. I think it best to have her get to school tomorrow
and tell her after school. (I know, I know..... I just think she should get
a good nights sleep.)

If she wants to go to the funeral, they are taking him back to upstate NY so
we will have to go there for atleast 2 days. Why am I thinking of missing
work and the impact on my wallet? (I am insensitive ass, so no one needs to
bother calling me names)

What if she doesn't want to go? Do I make her? Do I talk her into it? Should
we go? ****!!!!! I don't know how to handle death when dealing with her. My
grandmother passed away last year but she was old, you expect it from the
older loved ones in your life.

Thanks in advance guys.

Wow, Tiffany. My condolences to you and to your daughter.

lm

'Kate wrote in message ...
On Wed, 28 Apr 2004 21:52:28 -0500, 'Kate
On Wed, 28 Apr 2004 21:45:40 -0400, "Tiffany"
Holy ****... I knew something was wrong when I got a phone message from
Grandpa M (Sage's fathers father) but I didn't think it would be this
bad.

Sage's father died last night. No one knows much as to why.... just that
he
was spitting blood, pain, they don't know anything. His mother, who I am
pretty close to, was there with him over the weekend for a visit and she
made him see a MD but other then that, that is all I know.

I am glad she had recent contact with him now. Maybe it will help her in
the
long run.

I haven't told her yet. I think it best to have her get to school
tomorrow
and tell her after school. (I know, I know..... I just think she should
get
a good nights sleep.)

oops... after writing the long email I looked over this again. I think
you're right about waiting until tomorrow after school. One day doesn't
matter. After the funeral does. She needs that option. You need the
time until then to get things ready just in case and call the school,
talk to your job, etc...


If she wants to go to the funeral, they are taking him back to upstate
NY so
we will have to go there for atleast 2 days. Why am I thinking of
missing
work and the impact on my wallet? (I am insensitive ass, so no one needs
to
bother calling me names)

Not insensitive... practical. Food and shelter come first. If you can
do this for her, then fine. If not, it's not the only way to say
goodbye.


What if she doesn't want to go? Do I make her? Do I talk her into it?
Should
we go? ****!!!!! I don't know how to handle death when dealing with her.
My
grandmother passed away last year but she was old, you expect it from
the
older loved ones in your life.

Yeah.. I know. There's no parenting manual that covers this. Not true.
I have one somewhere in this computer. It's pamphlet on children and
grief. I have several other things... mostly studies done. Some are
depressing. All helped in some way but you've already gotten the
condensed version. Let me know if you want me to send it.

'Kate


I have read and saved your posts. I believe it will be very important in the
upcoming weeks. I will touch base more later. I don't want to be online to
long incase someone is calling.

Thank you so much. Yes, you can send anything that will be helpful.

To send, add annmt before the at.

Tiff

Subject: Update of all updates
From: "Tiffany"
Date: 4/29/2004 9:13 AM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:


"Tiffany" wrote in message
...



Thanks to all the replies.... it has all been helpful. I decided to tell her
last night.... I stayed up with her for a while, as she couldn't sleep. She
didn't say much yet but that is ok. She cried alittle. She said she feels so
bad for the upcoming baby who will never know him at all. Damn, she is so
awesome.

Wow that is some girl ya got there, to be thinking of the baby, when she just
lost her dad, awsome indeed !


She wants to go to the funeral. We will go one way or the other. I am
waiting to find out when it is. It is important for her to be with 'his'
family. She has always been close to them all and this is the only way she
is really going to grieve. She wants to call his girlfriend and see how she
is. I told her I would get her a phone card today so she can call anyone she
needs too.

That is good that you will be able to have her go, looks like you have this in
control and you are doing a great job.


His mom called me this morning. All I know is I now have a total
understanding of grief.


"They"say we never really understand someones grief until we experience a
substantial loss ourselves, I surely agree with what "they" say. Grief is never
an excuse for the human condition that follows, but it is a reason for many
different reactions and behaviors. It is a rough road to travel, one that tears
your heart out especially when a child is involved. My thoughts and prayers are
with you , your daughter and all of the family. Take care.
Bev
Tiffany

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Holy ****... I knew something was wrong when I got a phone message from
Grandpa M (Sage's fathers father) but I didn't think it would be this bad.

Sage's father died last night. No one knows much as to why.... just that
he
was spitting blood, pain, they don't know anything. His mother, who I am
pretty close to, was there with him over the weekend for a visit and she
made him see a MD but other then that, that is all I know.

This is always bad news regardless of anything else. My sympathies to
everyone affected.

I am glad she had recent contact with him now. Maybe it will help her in
the
long run.

Let's hope so.

I haven't told her yet. I think it best to have her get to school tomorrow
and tell her after school. (I know, I know..... I just think she should
get
a good nights sleep.)

I agree, there's no rush and it's better to be in a decent state of mind to
find out something like this. Assuming there's a choice of course.

If she wants to go to the funeral, they are taking him back to upstate NY
so
we will have to go there for atleast 2 days. Why am I thinking of missing
work and the impact on my wallet? (I am insensitive ass, so no one needs
to
bother calling me names)

You're nothing of the sort. All sorts of weird thoughts run through the
mind at times like this so don't be too hard on yourself.

What if she doesn't want to go?

Then I'd say it's her choice.

Do I make her? Do I talk her into it?

If it were me I don't think I would, no. If she wants to go that's
different but forcing her to go if she *really* doesn't want to will
probably do more harm than good. You know her, so you're in the best
position to decide.

Should we go?

If you want to.

****!!!!! I don't know how to handle death when dealing with her.

It's never easy but I'd suggest trying to be honest. If your feelings are
confused then don't be afraid to say so. There's no right or wrong way to
feel at a time like this.

My grandmother passed away last year but she was old, you expect it
from the older loved ones in your life.

True but in some ways it's still a shock.

Thanks in advance guys.

Just hope it helps.


--
Paul Griffiths

Kate, having read a few of your posts I have thought in the past that you were a
sensitive and caring person - but your thoughts below I find almost unbelievable
- SEND HER? SEND HER? Wheew hard to believe you really said that Kate.

Geez, if it was ever a time when Sage needed her mum with her it is now. I hope
her mum ignores that advice of yours, and if Sage wants to attend then mum
should TAKE her - to be with her, care for her, listen to her.

David

PS The rest of what you you wrote sounded OK though

'Kate wrote:

......

If you can send her, and she wants to go and if she's never been to a
funeral, prepare her for the setting, what her father may look like (if
open casket), and what people usually do and say. If it is not possible
to send her or if she does not want to go,

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...



Thanks to all the replies.... it has all been helpful. I decided to tell
her
last night.... I stayed up with her for a while, as she couldn't sleep.
She
didn't say much yet but that is ok. She cried alittle. She said she feels
so
bad for the upcoming baby who will never know him at all. Damn, she is so
awesome.

She wants to go to the funeral. We will go one way or the other. I am
waiting to find out when it is. It is important for her to be with 'his'
family. She has always been close to them all and this is the only way she
is really going to grieve. She wants to call his girlfriend and see how
she
is. I told her I would get her a phone card today so she can call anyone
she
needs too.

His mom called me this morning. All I know is I now have a total
understanding of grief.

Tiffany


OMG Tiff I'm so sorry to hear this. You have an amazing daughter. So how
are YOU dealing with this news? It must be quite a shock hon I'm sorry.

Christine