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Just a few Toddler + Baby questions



 
 
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  #1  
Old May 16th 04, 04:37 AM
Tori M.
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Just a few Toddler + Baby questions

Hi everyone. I have posted before and I recognize a few names from other
groups that I go to. Anyway I have a question about how to make my daughter
less jealous of the baby when I have it in October. Right now I can not
even hold the cat while she is awake because she will pull the cat off me
and climb onto my lap instead. I dont understand this behavior at all and I
would like to minimize it before Oct. I am considering breastfeeding so it
would be hard to feed the baby without holding it. I have big boobs and all
but they are not removable. Any thoughts you all have on this would be
great. Bonnie will be 31 months when the baby is born.

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Anna or Xavier due 10/17/04


  #2  
Old May 16th 04, 05:29 AM
toto
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Posts: n/a
Default Just a few Toddler + Baby questions

On Sat, 15 May 2004 22:37:51 -0500, "Tori M."
wrote:

Hi everyone. I have posted before and I recognize a few names from other
groups that I go to. Anyway I have a question about how to make my daughter
less jealous of the baby when I have it in October. Right now I can not
even hold the cat while she is awake because she will pull the cat off me
and climb onto my lap instead. I dont understand this behavior at all and I
would like to minimize it before Oct. I am considering breastfeeding so it
would be hard to feed the baby without holding it. I have big boobs and all
but they are not removable. Any thoughts you all have on this would be
great. Bonnie will be 31 months when the baby is born.

Books. Read books about babies and about being the Big Sister.

The New Baby at Your House by Joanna Cole
Ooonga Boonga by Frieda Wishinsky
How Do I Feel About Our New Baby? by Jen Green
Shirley's Wonderful Baby, by Valiska Gregory
I'm a Big Sister by Joanna Cole
Hello Baby! by Lizzy Rockwell
What to Expect When the New Baby Comes Home by Heidi Murkoff
Our New Baby (All Aboard Book) by Wendy Cheyette Lewison
There's A Brand-new Baby At Our House And...i'm The Big Sister! :
by Susan Ligon

Does she have a doll baby? If not get one for her to care for.

When the new baby does come home, involve her in caring for it.
Let her get the diaper when you are going to change the baby.
Let her cuddle with you when you nurse or if that doesn't work
have some special toys that only come out when you are nursing
(playdough works well for some children - set up a small table
and chair near where you will be nursing and give her the special
toys you have).

Make sure that when you do bring the baby home, she gets a lot
of attention too. People who bring gifts for that baby can bring
small gifts for her as well (or you can have a stash of inexpensive
toys you can give her when people are cooing over the baby).
Let dad and others hold the new baby. The new baby won't mind
and you can cuddle your older girl when they are holding the baby.

Get and read Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine
Mazlish for more tips with the kids as they get older together.


Good luck!


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits
  #3  
Old May 16th 04, 12:26 PM
Beth Kevles
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Posts: n/a
Default Just a few Toddler + Baby questions


Hi -

We told our son that he was going to be teaching the baby a lot of
things. Once the baby arrived our son "taught" his brother how to
smile, how to use his fingers, how to play, how to laugh ... it worked a
treat!

We also spent time actively watching the two play together (which can be
very amusing when the baby is just days old and your older one is still
figuring out what to do with it). We'd make lots of big brotherly
comments.

We still had rivalry issues, which peaked between six months (when the
baby became mobile) and 12 months (when the baby learned to walk, so
they could run around together).

I've heard that big sisters are very different from big brothers, but
these things worked for us. In addition, of course, to the other advice
already posted about reading books in advance, etc.

--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.
  #4  
Old May 16th 04, 02:24 PM
Sophie
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Just a few Toddler + Baby questions

Hi everyone. I have posted before and I recognize a few names from other
groups that I go to. Anyway I have a question about how to make my

daughter
less jealous of the baby when I have it in October. Right now I can not
even hold the cat while she is awake because she will pull the cat off me
and climb onto my lap instead.


Well I would never have let her do that. That's not nice.

I dont understand this behavior at all and I
would like to minimize it before Oct. I am considering breastfeeding so

it
would be hard to feed the baby without holding it. I have big boobs and

all
but they are not removable. Any thoughts you all have on this would be
great. Bonnie will be 31 months when the baby is born.

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Anna or Xavier due 10/17/04


Talk up the baby, how great it will be, how she can help it do all kinds of
things. It's all in the presentation. As for jealousy, sorry but she'll
have to get over it. #1 will learn sharing and patience for sure.

Sophie
#4 due July 7, 2004


  #5  
Old May 16th 04, 03:31 PM
Sue
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Just a few Toddler + Baby questions

Don't put it into Bonnie's mind that she will have trouble with the new
sibling. I wouldn't read any books about the older sibling having a harder
time with it either. Just assume that things will be fine (don't dillusion
yourself though) and proceed to be very upbeat about it. Talk about all the
things that Bonnie will be able to teach her. Don't say she will be able to
play with her, because really in the beginning, the new baby won't be able
to show any kind of emotion towards Bonnie. Include Bonnie as much as she is
willing to do. Let her hold the baby as much as she can and wants. One of
the best things that we did when baby #2 was born was that a few weeks
before the new baby was due was to have my husband start doing the bed time
routines so that when the baby did come, dd1 was used to having daddy put
her to bed. It was a huge help to me too. Have some new books or videos you
can read or put in when you are nursing. I did do a present exchange for
both girls, meaning the new baby got a gift from dd1 and the baby "got" a
gift for dd1. I'm not sure if that did anything really, but it did take
dd1's mind off of being jealous. We didn't really have too many problems.
But it was sure bumpy for a while until I got the hang of taking care of two
children. Good luck!
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

Tori M. wrote in message
...
Hi everyone. I have posted before and I recognize a few names from other
groups that I go to. Anyway I have a question about how to make my

daughter
less jealous of the baby when I have it in October. Right now I can not
even hold the cat while she is awake because she will pull the cat off me
and climb onto my lap instead. I dont understand this behavior at all and

I
would like to minimize it before Oct. I am considering breastfeeding so

it
would be hard to feed the baby without holding it. I have big boobs and

all
but they are not removable. Any thoughts you all have on this would be
great. Bonnie will be 31 months when the baby is born.

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Anna or Xavier due 10/17/04




  #6  
Old May 16th 04, 04:30 PM
Cathy Weeks
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Just a few Toddler + Baby questions

"Tori M." wrote in message .. .
Hi everyone. I have posted before and I recognize a few names from other
groups that I go to. Anyway I have a question about how to make my daughter
less jealous of the baby when I have it in October. Right now I can not
even hold the cat while she is awake because she will pull the cat off me
and climb onto my lap instead. I dont understand this behavior at all and I
would like to minimize it before Oct. I am considering breastfeeding so it
would be hard to feed the baby without holding it. I have big boobs and all
but they are not removable. Any thoughts you all have on this would be
great. Bonnie will be 31 months when the baby is born.


When my second brother was born, the baby brought nice gifts home from
the hospital for each of the older sibilings. I was 16 years old at
the time, and my first brother was 2.5 years old. So the baby gave us
typewriters. I got a real one, and the toddler got a toy typewriter.

When my daughter was born, she gave her 7.5 year old older brother (my
stepson) a new bike. 18 months later, when his mom gave birth to his
other sister, the baby brought him new roller blades (he had outgrown,
and nearly worn out his first pair).

So, if there's some nice toy that she's really been wanting, it might
help break the ice if the baby gave her that really nice toy.

Cathy Weeks
Mommy to Kivi Alexis 12/01
  #7  
Old May 16th 04, 06:27 PM
Fair For All
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Just a few Toddler + Baby questions

"Tori M." wrote in message .. .
Hi everyone. I have posted before and I recognize a few names from other
groups that I go to. Anyway I have a question about how to make my daughter
less jealous of the baby when I have it in October. Right now I can not
even hold the cat while she is awake because she will pull the cat off me
and climb onto my lap instead.


Suggest Ritalin, Haldol, or maybe some intense disciplinary course on
animal cruelty. Bad girl need to learn to respect *all* living
organisms whether they are human or not!

I dont understand this behavior at all and I
would like to minimize it before Oct. I am considering breastfeeding so it
would be hard to feed the baby without holding it. I have big boobs and all
but they are not removable. Any thoughts you all have on this would be
great. Bonnie will be 31 months when the baby is born.

Tori

  #8  
Old May 16th 04, 07:44 PM
Nikki
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Posts: n/a
Default Just a few Toddler + Baby questions

Tori M. wrote:
Anyway I have a question about how to
make my daughter less jealous of the baby when I have it in October.


Hunter was 24mos when Luke was born. I nursed as well. Hunter also freaked
out when I held another baby etc. and so I was really really worried. It
was a total non-issue. He completely excepted the baby as part of our
family. Some things I did, not sure which worked, or maybe it was all just
luck!

1) Hunter brought Luke a balloon at the hospital. It was really for Hunter
as he loved balloons at that time.

2) We got Hunter a baby himself. That was unusual for us as it was his
first doll. Your dd probably already has some :-0

3) I was nursing when he first came in to meet me and the baby. I didn't
occur to me until recently when someone else posted about it but I think
that was a major signal to Hunter that Luke was *ours* and not some intruder
baby :-)

4) We let Hunter open all the baby gifts.

5) My aunt (Hunter's Grandma) spoiled him rotten a few days before and a
week after the birth. She stayed with us and this helped him ease the
transition.

6) I let Hunter hold the baby nearly every single time he asked, which was a
lot. Thankfully the baby was fairly cooperative.

7) I referred to him as our baby (as in Steve, Hunter, and I) when I was
pregnant.

8) I never blamed things on the baby. When I was to pregnant or sick to do
something, I didn't say it was because of the pregnancy. Afterwards when he
had to wait for something I didn't say it was because of the baby, even if
it really was. I found other reasonable explanations. Might not work with
a slightly older and wiser toddler though :-)

9) Sometimes the baby had to wait for Hunter and I always mentioned that out
loud so that Hunter realized that sometimes his needs came first.

10) I carried them around together a lot etc.

Things I wish we could have done:

Switched dh to do Hunter's night time routine before the baby came. Hunter
wouldn't make that switch and he was very tired the first few months.

Reminded Hunter that babies cried. He hadn't heard the baby cry and on the
way home from the hospital they were in the back seat and Luke started to
cry. It scared Hunter and made him feel helpless and he started to cry
pathetically too :-(

I never read him any books because I didn't find one that didn't have the
premise of big brother hating the new baby. I didn't want to give him
ideas, lol. We didn't have any problems until about 9 months. At that time
the baby was very mobile and we also had some daycare issues.

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (5) and Luke (3)


  #9  
Old May 16th 04, 07:47 PM
Tori M.
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Just a few Toddler + Baby questions

Right now I can not
even hold the cat while she is awake because she will pull the cat off

me
and climb onto my lap instead.


Well I would never have let her do that. That's not nice.

We are working on this since I HATE it when people are rough with animals.

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Anna or Xavier due 10/17/04
"Sophie" wrote in message
...
Hi everyone. I have posted before and I recognize a few names from other
groups that I go to. Anyway I have a question about how to make my

daughter
less jealous of the baby when I have it in October. Right now I can not
even hold the cat while she is awake because she will pull the cat off

me
and climb onto my lap instead.


Well I would never have let her do that. That's not nice.

I dont understand this behavior at all and I
would like to minimize it before Oct. I am considering breastfeeding so

it
would be hard to feed the baby without holding it. I have big boobs and

all
but they are not removable. Any thoughts you all have on this would be
great. Bonnie will be 31 months when the baby is born.

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Anna or Xavier due 10/17/04


Talk up the baby, how great it will be, how she can help it do all kinds

of
things. It's all in the presentation. As for jealousy, sorry but she'll
have to get over it. #1 will learn sharing and patience for sure.

Sophie
#4 due July 7, 2004




  #10  
Old May 16th 04, 07:54 PM
Tori M.
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Just a few Toddler + Baby questions



--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Anna or Xavier due 10/17/04
"Fair For All" wrote in message
om...
"Tori M." wrote in message

.. .
Hi everyone. I have posted before and I recognize a few names from other
groups that I go to. Anyway I have a question about how to make my

daughter
less jealous of the baby when I have it in October. Right now I can not
even hold the cat while she is awake because she will pull the cat off

me
and climb onto my lap instead.


Suggest Ritalin, Haldol, or maybe some intense disciplinary course on
animal cruelty. Bad girl need to learn to respect *all* living
organisms whether they are human or not!


Well I think that is a big over reaction. We are working on the animal
cruelty thing right now. We have only had the cat 6 months and she has
never really been arround them before then so she thinks it is a living
teddy bear. I would never give my child drugs to stop her from doing a
normal toddler behavior. I think the next step is to not let her get in my
lap if she nocks the cat out of it. The hand spank isn't working.

Tori


 




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