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CTTD: Tonight I cooked dinner...



 
 
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  #1  
Old November 9th 05, 12:04 AM
dkhedmo
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Default CTTD: Tonight I cooked dinner...

wearing a Bob the Builder hardhat, brought into the kitchen very sweetly
and placed upon my head lovingly by my 18 mo ds2, newly enamored of Bob,
who was wearing the blue Monsters, Inc. hardhat.

-Karen, mom to Henry 5 and William 1.5-
  #2  
Old November 9th 05, 12:32 PM
Sue
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Default Tonight I cooked dinner...

Aww, that's very cute Karen. How are the dynamics at your house these days,
Karen? You had written a post that the dynamics was off at your house and
you were looking for some books to help.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

"dkhedmo" wrote in message
ink.net...
wearing a Bob the Builder hardhat, brought into the kitchen very sweetly
and placed upon my head lovingly by my 18 mo ds2, newly enamored of Bob,
who was wearing the blue Monsters, Inc. hardhat.

-Karen, mom to Henry 5 and William 1.5-



  #3  
Old November 9th 05, 04:46 PM
dkhedmo
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Default Tonight I cooked dinner...

Sue wrote:
Aww, that's very cute Karen. How are the dynamics at your house these days,
Karen? You had written a post that the dynamics was off at your house and
you were looking for some books to help.

Thanks for remembering and asking! In some ways things are better, in
some ways they're not. We're settled into our new location, ds1 and dh
are settled into their new school and work environments and both are
thriving there.

Dynamics were off primarily due to ds1 (age 5). In some ways he's
improved, we're not having multiple daily complete meltdowns, but it is
still difficult to get him to just go along with day to day things.
After the reading I did, I suspect a low level of ODD and high
sensitivity, but dh is very resistant to getting some outside
help/counseling with this kid and dealing with him day to day falls on
me with dh working full time and going to school nights. When dh is
home, they just set each other off comstantly, so in some ways, dh being
around the little that he is becomes even more difficult, rather than
providing me some relief. So from the reading I did I have some better
undertsanding of the issues with ds and how that tends to hijack the
family dynamics, but very little energy, patience, support, or tools to
deal with it.

I'm feeling somewhat overwhelmed because I'm sahm with no car and some
support/help from my mom but not a lot because she works and I'm finding
my frustration levels to be high which can cause me to really take it
out on ds1 when he's being particularly whiny or inflexible, rather than
being able to help him through the difficult moments. I find myself
yelling at him a lot and rather meanly at times, then regretting the
day's outcome when I finally get a couple hours at night after they're
in bed.

I think the improvements that have come with ds1 are from the structure
that going to school has given our day and from the outside positive
interactions and simple change of scenery he gets going to kindergarten,
which tells me his issues are not that bad and could improve more with
some guidance and help, but again, dh thinks he'll just miraculously
change overnight if he yells at him enough or something, I don't know.

Sorry for the dark tone, there are piles of laundry calling and my
little one is whining about the damn Lego trucks that keep coming apart...

-Karen, having one of those days-
  #4  
Old November 14th 05, 12:05 PM
Sue
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Default Tonight I cooked dinner...

"dkhedmo" wrote in message
Thanks for remembering and asking! In some ways things are better, in
some ways they're not. We're settled into our new location, ds1 and dh
are settled into their new school and work environments and both are
thriving there.


Well that in itself is an accomplishment!

Dynamics were off primarily due to ds1 (age 5). In some ways he's
improved, we're not having multiple daily complete meltdowns, but it is
still difficult to get him to just go along with day to day things.


I have that problem with DD3. If you want to vent or talk, email me. I know
how hard it is to deal with children like this.

After the reading I did, I suspect a low level of ODD and high
sensitivity, but dh is very resistant to getting some outside
help/counseling with this kid and dealing with him day to day falls on
me with dh working full time and going to school nights.


That is too bad Karen. My husband was very hesitant also, but at the same
time nothing we were doing was helping and I finally got him to see that
perhaps our daughter needed some help because nothing we did helped at all.
We started family therapy and had DD3 tested and we are still in the process
of having her tested at school because she is having problems there also. I
can see some changes in us and her. The therapy did help us in ways that it
showed my husband better ways of handling her and what her needs were. It's
not perfect, but in many ways it is a lot better. Did I mention the book
Raising Your Spirited Child to you? If I did, sorry my memory is like swiss
cheese. If I didn't, it is a good read about very spirited children and how
to deal with them. The other book that I am finding very helpful is The Five
Love Languages of Children. This talks about how there are five different
love languages children respond to and if you can find the one your child
listens to the most, then things can get better. The book is written by two
men that are Christians and they do have some bible versus in the book, but
it's not overly preachy about religon

When dh is home, they just set each other off comstantly, so in some ways,

dh being around the little that he is becomes even more difficult, rather
than
providing me some relief. So from the reading I did I have some better
undertsanding of the issues with ds and how that tends to hijack the
family dynamics, but very little energy, patience, support, or tools to
deal with it.


I can definitely relate to that. It takes a lot of energy to be able to
handle spirited children and it definitely took my mental and physical
energy away from me and from being able to do a proper job with my other two
children. I don't have a lot of answers for getting that energy, but I do
know that taking care of your needs is a help and can be rejuvenating. Hard
to do though when the family needs us.

I'm feeling somewhat overwhelmed because I'm sahm with no car and some
support/help from my mom but not a lot because she works and I'm finding
my frustration levels to be high which can cause me to really take it
out on ds1 when he's being particularly whiny or inflexible, rather than
being able to help him through the difficult moments. I find myself
yelling at him a lot and rather meanly at times, then regretting the
day's outcome when I finally get a couple hours at night after they're
in bed.


Your singing my song. There were many nights I fell alseep crying because I
just hated the way things were turning out in my family. I can honestly say
that seeing the family therapist and getting some help for our DD3 was the
best thing I did. I found quite a few coping skills and I also was able to
learn that not everything needs to be a fight (choosing my battles, which
was a good lesson to learn anyway).

I think the improvements that have come with ds1 are from the structure
that going to school has given our day and from the outside positive
interactions and simple change of scenery he gets going to kindergarten,
which tells me his issues are not that bad and could improve more with
some guidance and help, but again, dh thinks he'll just miraculously
change overnight if he yells at him enough or something, I don't know.


DD3 has some sensory issues going on, explosive temper (which is currently
under control) and a possible learning disorder and these are what we are
working on. However, when I really looked at my daughter and really looked
at some of the triggers she has, I found out that she is a child that needs
lots of stimulation and needs to be doing something all the time, which is
exhausting to me. I found that if I can keep dd3 busy, the better off she
is. She joined a soccer team and that was the best thing I have done so far,
lol. She runs off her exuberent energy and she got involved in a team and
she ended up being pretty good at it. It helped her in so many ways that I
didn't think was possible. Summer will be hard again, because there will be
less things to keep her busy, but if I can save up some money, I would like
to send her to a day camp that will challenge her and keep her busy.

Sorry for the dark tone, there are piles of laundry calling and my
little one is whining about the damn Lego trucks that keep coming apart...


Aww Karen, it's okay. The worse thing for me was not being able to vent my
frustrations and lack of support. So, if you need to talk, please don't
hesitate to email me.

--
Sue (mom to three girls)


 




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