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#1
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deadbeat and enabler list (another thread that went off topic)
"Chris" wrote in message ... No we're not. You're confused. He sends his half of the basic needs, she spends it on the child's basic needs. Her money that she earns that she was spending on his half of the basic needs before is now freed up for her to put a bit away. Soo, not that hard to understand. She can't have that "safety net" without receiving HIS money. Therefore, it is HIS money that is being "put away". Not hard at ALL to understand. chuckle Perhaps you will feel better when your child support obligation is finally paid off, Chris. Savings for emergencies is "his money". Because, without some contribution from the other parent, Sarah would be too strapped to put anything away. One reason (besides all the various people and situations I know) I pay some attention to CS issues is a coworker way back in my teens at a truck stop on Colorado. She had a long term boyfriend, had a child, they split up. We were waitresses. She had *nothing* for herself, and it showed. In her mid-twenties, she wore no makeup, pulled long untrimmed hair back, and borrowed panty hose from the rest of us for the waitress uniform (this was the '70s, required for the uniform, the bare-leg look definately wasn't in.) She finally got court-ordered CS after wage garnishment (back when it took a long time to do that), and, gosh forbid, actually paid us back some panty hose, bought makeup, and got her hair colored and trimmed for the first time in years. That man stormed in screaming at her "BEEEAAAAYYYIIIIICCCCH! THAT's what you're doing with MY MONEY!" He got his ass kicked out by the manager and a couple of the cooks, but it sure was a lesson. She quit and went elsewhere. But it was scary as hell. "His" money. Yeah, she took 'his' money to not be impovershed anymore. If there were a trustee like I've been suggesting, it'd be that she would be able to save a weeks' tips and wait for the next paycheck to do that, maybe a few days later than she did, and put 'his' money directly to the rent. Because she no longer had to scratch to make up for - 'his money'. I know most, by far, situations aren't like that. But time and time again, just like here, I've seen that attitude in one way or another. My officemate is a NCP with a new marriage and new little boy. He and another divorced man were grousing about a winter coat he saw his ex wearing. "You KNOW what money paid for that winter coat." Well, within a month the local paper featured and article about a great performing arts camp - his two older boys were pictured performing there. I know what camps cost. "His" money was going to his two boys. Winter coat my ass. Banty |
#2
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deadbeat and enabler list (another thread that went off topic)
"Banty" wrote in message ... "His" money. Yeah, she took 'his' money to not be impovershed anymore. If there were a trustee like I've been suggesting, it'd be that she would be able to save a weeks' tips and wait for the next paycheck to do that, maybe a few days later than she did, and put 'his' money directly to the rent. Because she no longer had to scratch to make up for - 'his money'. I know most, by far, situations aren't like that. But time and time again, just like here, I've seen that attitude in one way or another. Although this comment is just as anecdotal as your comment, there are lots of events that transpire which make fathers believe their CS money is being misappropriated to cover the mother's personal expenses. A couple of examples would be a mother who uses a lump sum CS payment after a CS modification to fund her IRA. Or a mother who signs a state required Uniform Expense Declaration under penalty of perjury showing expenditures at a high-end retailer are 2/3 for the children. Or a mother who claims she pays her live-in boyfriend as a gardener and home maintenance person. |
#3
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deadbeat and enabler list (another thread that went off topic)
In article , Bob Whiteside
says... "Banty" wrote in message ... "His" money. Yeah, she took 'his' money to not be impovershed anymore. If there were a trustee like I've been suggesting, it'd be that she would be able to save a weeks' tips and wait for the next paycheck to do that, maybe a few days later than she did, and put 'his' money directly to the rent. Because she no longer had to scratch to make up for - 'his money'. I know most, by far, situations aren't like that. But time and time again, just like here, I've seen that attitude in one way or another. Although this comment is just as anecdotal as your comment, there are lots of events that transpire which make fathers believe their CS money is being misappropriated to cover the mother's personal expenses. A couple of examples would be a mother who uses a lump sum CS payment after a CS modification to fund her IRA. Or a mother who signs a state required Uniform Expense Declaration under penalty of perjury showing expenditures at a high-end retailer are 2/3 for the children. Or a mother who claims she pays her live-in boyfriend as a gardener and home maintenance person. Oh I have no doubt that, being as some people just fraud wherever they can, this would be one of the ways. CP, or NCP, male or female. This crap from the CP; an NCP working off the books (and that's *common*). It's just this attitude that, if the custodial parent, anytime anywhere, shows up looking better than hum drum, or doing anything more expensive than a day at the park by him or herself or with adult friends, "that was 'MY MONEY' paying for that". Banty |
#4
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deadbeat and enabler list (another thread that went off topic)
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , Bob Whiteside says... "Banty" wrote in message ... "His" money. Yeah, she took 'his' money to not be impovershed anymore. If there were a trustee like I've been suggesting, it'd be that she would be able to save a weeks' tips and wait for the next paycheck to do that, maybe a few days later than she did, and put 'his' money directly to the rent. Because she no longer had to scratch to make up for - 'his money'. I know most, by far, situations aren't like that. But time and time again, just like here, I've seen that attitude in one way or another. Although this comment is just as anecdotal as your comment, there are lots of events that transpire which make fathers believe their CS money is being misappropriated to cover the mother's personal expenses. A couple of examples would be a mother who uses a lump sum CS payment after a CS modification to fund her IRA. Or a mother who signs a state required Uniform Expense Declaration under penalty of perjury showing expenditures at a high-end retailer are 2/3 for the children. Or a mother who claims she pays her live-in boyfriend as a gardener and home maintenance person. Oh I have no doubt that, being as some people just fraud wherever they can, this would be one of the ways. CP, or NCP, male or female. This crap from the CP; an NCP working off the books (and that's *common*). It's just this attitude that, if the custodial parent, anytime anywhere, shows up looking better than hum drum, or doing anything more expensive than a day at the park by him or herself or with adult friends, "that was 'MY MONEY' paying for that". And that is a sad attitude. As is the "how did you get a new car? You must not be paying enough child support" accusation. (I've hear that opne a number of times) |
#5
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deadbeat and enabler list (another thread that went off topic)
In article , teachrmama says...
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , Bob Whiteside says... "Banty" wrote in message ... "His" money. Yeah, she took 'his' money to not be impovershed anymore. If there were a trustee like I've been suggesting, it'd be that she would be able to save a weeks' tips and wait for the next paycheck to do that, maybe a few days later than she did, and put 'his' money directly to the rent. Because she no longer had to scratch to make up for - 'his money'. I know most, by far, situations aren't like that. But time and time again, just like here, I've seen that attitude in one way or another. Although this comment is just as anecdotal as your comment, there are lots of events that transpire which make fathers believe their CS money is being misappropriated to cover the mother's personal expenses. A couple of examples would be a mother who uses a lump sum CS payment after a CS modification to fund her IRA. Or a mother who signs a state required Uniform Expense Declaration under penalty of perjury showing expenditures at a high-end retailer are 2/3 for the children. Or a mother who claims she pays her live-in boyfriend as a gardener and home maintenance person. Oh I have no doubt that, being as some people just fraud wherever they can, this would be one of the ways. CP, or NCP, male or female. This crap from the CP; an NCP working off the books (and that's *common*). It's just this attitude that, if the custodial parent, anytime anywhere, shows up looking better than hum drum, or doing anything more expensive than a day at the park by him or herself or with adult friends, "that was 'MY MONEY' paying for that". And that is a sad attitude. As is the "how did you get a new car? You must not be paying enough child support" accusation. (I've hear that opne a number of times) I'm sure it can be turned around like that. Heck, it doesnt' even have to have anything to do with CS. My sister wanted me to lend her money (bad idea), saying I can "afford it if you went to England this year". Well, yeah...we saved for three years.. and it's gone, all spent on plane tickets and stuff, y'know. :-/ Jealousy. Envy. Not good things. Really common, especially in divorce situations. Banty |
#6
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deadbeat and enabler list (another thread that went off topic)
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , teachrmama says... "Banty" wrote in message ... In article , Bob Whiteside says... "Banty" wrote in message ... "His" money. Yeah, she took 'his' money to not be impovershed anymore. If there were a trustee like I've been suggesting, it'd be that she would be able to save a weeks' tips and wait for the next paycheck to do that, maybe a few days later than she did, and put 'his' money directly to the rent. Because she no longer had to scratch to make up for - 'his money'. I know most, by far, situations aren't like that. But time and time again, just like here, I've seen that attitude in one way or another. Although this comment is just as anecdotal as your comment, there are lots of events that transpire which make fathers believe their CS money is being misappropriated to cover the mother's personal expenses. A couple of examples would be a mother who uses a lump sum CS payment after a CS modification to fund her IRA. Or a mother who signs a state required Uniform Expense Declaration under penalty of perjury showing expenditures at a high-end retailer are 2/3 for the children. Or a mother who claims she pays her live-in boyfriend as a gardener and home maintenance person. Oh I have no doubt that, being as some people just fraud wherever they can, this would be one of the ways. CP, or NCP, male or female. This crap from the CP; an NCP working off the books (and that's *common*). It's just this attitude that, if the custodial parent, anytime anywhere, shows up looking better than hum drum, or doing anything more expensive than a day at the park by him or herself or with adult friends, "that was 'MY MONEY' paying for that". And that is a sad attitude. As is the "how did you get a new car? You must not be paying enough child support" accusation. (I've hear that opne a number of times) I'm sure it can be turned around like that. Heck, it doesnt' even have to have anything to do with CS. My sister wanted me to lend her money (bad idea), saying I can "afford it if you went to England this year". Well, yeah...we saved for three years.. and it's gone, all spent on plane tickets and stuff, y'know. :-/ Jealousy. Envy. Not good things. Really common, especially in divorce situations. Unfortunately, people tend to compare what they *don't* have with what the other one *does* have. And children are all too often usedas weapons and/or excuses. I had a little girl in my kindergarten class a few years ago whose parents were divorced. Mom had remarried and had a new baby. Child lived with mon and stepdad. Both worked full time. Bio dad had been laid off when a major industry in town shut down. He had to give up his apartment and move back in with his parents. He trook day jobs whenever he coud find them, but could find nothing permanent. He came to all the school events, but was treated like a fifth wheel by mom and step-dad. (He always looked so sad) The mom told me one day in spring that the child would be off for a week because they were going on vacation.--the child excitedly said they were going to Disneyland. When she came back a week later, I asked her how Disneyland was. She sadly told me that they didn't get to go to Disneyland "because my daddy doesn't pay enough child support." Even if dad were living high on the hog, why would you tell an innocent little child such a thing? But this man was impoverished, doing the best he could, and was obviously treated as second class by the new little family--that had 2 working adults supporting 2 children. Is THAT what child support is supposed to be for? If mom lost her job, wanna bet she would be in court demanding more from dad? |
#7
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deadbeat and enabler list (another thread that went off topic)
In article , teachrmama says...
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , teachrmama says... "Banty" wrote in message ... In article , Bob Whiteside says... "Banty" wrote in message ... "His" money. Yeah, she took 'his' money to not be impovershed anymore. If there were a trustee like I've been suggesting, it'd be that she would be able to save a weeks' tips and wait for the next paycheck to do that, maybe a few days later than she did, and put 'his' money directly to the rent. Because she no longer had to scratch to make up for - 'his money'. I know most, by far, situations aren't like that. But time and time again, just like here, I've seen that attitude in one way or another. Although this comment is just as anecdotal as your comment, there are lots of events that transpire which make fathers believe their CS money is being misappropriated to cover the mother's personal expenses. A couple of examples would be a mother who uses a lump sum CS payment after a CS modification to fund her IRA. Or a mother who signs a state required Uniform Expense Declaration under penalty of perjury showing expenditures at a high-end retailer are 2/3 for the children. Or a mother who claims she pays her live-in boyfriend as a gardener and home maintenance person. Oh I have no doubt that, being as some people just fraud wherever they can, this would be one of the ways. CP, or NCP, male or female. This crap from the CP; an NCP working off the books (and that's *common*). It's just this attitude that, if the custodial parent, anytime anywhere, shows up looking better than hum drum, or doing anything more expensive than a day at the park by him or herself or with adult friends, "that was 'MY MONEY' paying for that". And that is a sad attitude. As is the "how did you get a new car? You must not be paying enough child support" accusation. (I've hear that opne a number of times) I'm sure it can be turned around like that. Heck, it doesnt' even have to have anything to do with CS. My sister wanted me to lend her money (bad idea), saying I can "afford it if you went to England this year". Well, yeah...we saved for three years.. and it's gone, all spent on plane tickets and stuff, y'know. :-/ Jealousy. Envy. Not good things. Really common, especially in divorce situations. Unfortunately, people tend to compare what they *don't* have with what the other one *does* have. It's worse than that - they compare waht they don't have with what they *think* the other one has. Like that wellspring of funds I musta pulled the London travel money from. And children are all too often usedas weapons and/or excuses. I had a little girl in my kindergarten class a few years ago whose parents were divorced. Mom had remarried and had a new baby. Child lived with mon and stepdad. Both worked full time. Bio dad had been laid off when a major industry in town shut down. He had to give up his apartment and move back in with his parents. He trook day jobs whenever he coud find them, but could find nothing permanent. He came to all the school events, but was treated like a fifth wheel by mom and step-dad. (He always looked so sad) The mom told me one day in spring that the child would be off for a week because they were going on vacation.--the child excitedly said they were going to Disneyland. When she came back a week later, I asked her how Disneyland was. She sadly told me that they didn't get to go to Disneyland "because my daddy doesn't pay enough child support." Even if dad were living high on the hog, why would you tell an innocent little child such a thing? But this man was impoverished, doing the best he could, and was obviously treated as second class by the new little family--that had 2 working adults supporting 2 children. Is THAT what child support is supposed to be for? If mom lost her job, wanna bet she would be in court demanding more from dad? There's no way to know the real reason for the cancelled Disney trip (it all comes down to priorities) but they *never* should have brought CS up AT ALL to their kid about that. Consider though at that age if she isnt' getting things mixed up. About the fifth-wheel stuff - it happens, but not that often, that ex's can be very comfortable with each other at something like a school event. Usually they're off standing off from each other. You might be expecting too much there. Bnaty |
#8
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deadbeat and enabler list (another thread that went off topic)
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , teachrmama says... snip for length Well, yeah...we saved for three years.. and it's gone, all spent on plane tickets and stuff, y'know. :-/ Jealousy. Envy. Not good things. Really common, especially in divorce situations. Unfortunately, people tend to compare what they *don't* have with what the other one *does* have. It's worse than that - they compare waht they don't have with what they *think* the other one has. Like that wellspring of funds I musta pulled the London travel money from. And children are all too often usedas weapons and/or excuses. I had a little girl in my kindergarten class a few years ago whose parents were divorced. Mom had remarried and had a new baby. Child lived with mon and stepdad. Both worked full time. Bio dad had been laid off when a major industry in town shut down. He had to give up his apartment and move back in with his parents. He trook day jobs whenever he coud find them, but could find nothing permanent. He came to all the school events, but was treated like a fifth wheel by mom and step-dad. (He always looked so sad) The mom told me one day in spring that the child would be off for a week because they were going on vacation.--the child excitedly said they were going to Disneyland. When she came back a week later, I asked her how Disneyland was. She sadly told me that they didn't get to go to Disneyland "because my daddy doesn't pay enough child support." Even if dad were living high on the hog, why would you tell an innocent little child such a thing? But this man was impoverished, doing the best he could, and was obviously treated as second class by the new little family--that had 2 working adults supporting 2 children. Is THAT what child support is supposed to be for? If mom lost her job, wanna bet she would be in court demanding more from dad? There's no way to know the real reason for the cancelled Disney trip (it all comes down to priorities) No, that was the reason--mom told me later. but they *never* should have brought CS up AT ALL to their kid about that. Consider though at that age if she isnt' getting things mixed up. About the fifth-wheel stuff - it happens, but not that often, that ex's can be very comfortable with each other at something like a school event. Usually they're off standing off from each other. You might be expecting too much there. Well, you had to be there, I think. I have seen parents uncomfortable with each other, but this was different. |
#9
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deadbeat and enabler list (another thread that went off topic)
teachrmama wrote:
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , teachrmama says... snip for length Well, yeah...we saved for three years.. and it's gone, all spent on plane tickets and stuff, y'know. :-/ Jealousy. Envy. Not good things. Really common, especially in divorce situations. Unfortunately, people tend to compare what they *don't* have with what the other one *does* have. It's worse than that - they compare waht they don't have with what they *think* the other one has. Like that wellspring of funds I musta pulled the London travel money from. And children are all too often usedas weapons and/or excuses. I had a little girl in my kindergarten class a few years ago whose parents were divorced. Mom had remarried and had a new baby. Child lived with mon and stepdad. Both worked full time. Bio dad had been laid off when a major industry in town shut down. He had to give up his apartment and move back in with his parents. He trook day jobs whenever he coud find them, but could find nothing permanent. He came to all the school events, but was treated like a fifth wheel by mom and step-dad. (He always looked so sad) The mom told me one day in spring that the child would be off for a week because they were going on vacation.--the child excitedly said they were going to Disneyland. When she came back a week later, I asked her how Disneyland was. She sadly told me that they didn't get to go to Disneyland "because my daddy doesn't pay enough child support." Even if dad were living high on the hog, why would you tell an innocent little child such a thing? But this man was impoverished, doing the best he could, and was obviously treated as second class by the new little family--that had 2 working adults supporting 2 children. Is THAT what child support is supposed to be for? If mom lost her job, wanna bet she would be in court demanding more from dad? There's no way to know the real reason for the cancelled Disney trip (it all comes down to priorities) No, that was the reason--mom told me later. but they *never* should have brought CS up AT ALL to their kid about that. Consider though at that age if she isnt' getting things mixed up. About the fifth-wheel stuff - it happens, but not that often, that ex's can be very comfortable with each other at something like a school event. Usually they're off standing off from each other. You might be expecting too much there. Well, you had to be there, I think. I have seen parents uncomfortable with each other, but this was different. That is preposterous! Child support should not be enforced so that a child can go to Disneyland. When I was a child, I never went to Disneyland. I managed to not be too scarred by that. -- Sarah Gray |
#10
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deadbeat and enabler list (another thread that went off topic)
"Banty" wrote in message ... There's no way to know the real reason for the cancelled Disney trip (it all comes down to priorities) but they *never* should have brought CS up AT ALL to their kid about that. Consider though at that age if she isnt' getting things mixed up. This whole argument is driven by gender feminist BS. If dads can afford to take their children to Disneyland they are are called "Disneyland Dads" who have discretionary money available to spend and give their children a false sense of reality. But if children are told they can't go to Disneyland because their dads don't pay CS it is the dad's fault and their Disneyland experience is altered by their dads providing money. This is just total sexist crap! |
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