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Only Child Syndrome
Hi All:
I have a 7.5 year old daughter who is an only child. Do you think being an only child can have (-)ve effects on a child's emotional growth/life? I would be very interested in hearing how you dealt with childhood being an only child. I come from a large family, so cant imagine what it would have been like being an only child, or how I could get through life without my sibling support group. TIA, Iram -- --------------- Jawad Nasrullah |
#2
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Only Child Syndrome
Jawad Nasrulla wrote:
Do you think being an only child can have (-)ve effects on a child's emotional growth/life? I would be very interested in hearing how you dealt with childhood being an only child. I come from a large family, so cant imagine what it would have been like being an only child, or *Everything* you experience can have effects on you. That doesn't mean the effects are negative, they are just individualistic. Statistically speaking, only children are more successful than children with two or more siblings... Of course that leaves out the two-kid thing. My husband, an only child, pontificates, "Are they happier? I don't know. Children like that tend to relate better to adults." Good, bad, indifferent? Our kid, an only, is happy, healthy, and well liked. beeswing |
#3
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Only Child Syndrome
In article ,
Jawad Nasrullah wrote: Hi All: I have a 7.5 year old daughter who is an only child. Do you think being an only child can have (-)ve effects on a child's emotional growth/life? I would be very interested in hearing how you dealt with childhood being an only child. I come from a large family, so cant imagine what it would have been like being an only child, or how I could get through life without my sibling support group. TIA, Iram Our eight-year-old is an only. When she was 2 or 3 and we were pondering having another (which we didn't really have the energy for at that point), I asked various people, including my mom (an only), my best friend from college (another only), and his mom (the mom of an only, though she herself has two sisters). They were unanimous in saying, "Quit while you're ahead." I had two brothers, four and 12 years older, and neither was particularly supportive growing up. The oldest passed away many years ago, and I don't have much of a relationship with the remaining one. My husband had two sisters, two and three years younger, and they weren't close either growing up or now. Nor are the sisters terribly close to each other, despite their age proximity. Our only is fairly happy most of the time, but has made no secret of her desire for siblings. But that desire in itself didn't seem like enough reason to have more children, since we both know that having sibs doesn't necessarily mean having good relationships with them. In other words, if you want more children and are in a position to have them, then do, but if you don't, your daughter will not necessarily be losing what you had by being in a large family, since there's no guarantee that you could reproduce that atmosphere with your family. Kids deal with whatever situation they have. If they need support and can't find it in their family, they eventually find friends to give it, which is what my college friend has done. |
#4
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Only Child Syndrome
On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 21:12:36 EST, Jawad Nasrullah
wrote: Do you think being an only child can have (-)ve effects on a child's emotional growth/life? Yes, of course it does. But so does being the oldest or the youngest or even #4 of 12. Everything affects you. -- Daye Momma to Jayan and Leopold See Jayan and Leo: http://www.aloofhosting.com/jayleo/ Updated 28 Feb 2004 |
#5
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Only Child Syndrome
In article ,
Jawad Nasrullah wrote: Do you think being an only child can have (-)ve effects on a child's emotional growth/life? I would be very interested in hearing how you dealt with childhood being an only child. I come from a large family, so cant imagine what it would have been like being an only child, or how I could get through life without my sibling support group. And I have a hard time imagining growing up with siblings, although as a writer for young readers I have to imagine all sorts of family combinations. We had two 3.3 years apart. As adults they have become friends but now live on opposite coasts. My mother and her sister were 9 years apart. That's far enough apart that they were more like cousins. They had no first cousins. Have you considered the following explorations? 1. Try foster parenting. It is not forever, but it is the full committment of family at the time. It is a needed service here in Silicon Valley and elsewhere. 2. Pair up with a family with an only child within a year of yours and family style/values you feel comfortable with. Do things together, particularly trips where the kids have to be together for some time. 3. Plan for your daughter to spend an extended time [ALL summer, not just a week or two] with cousins near her age. This could be some at their house and some at yours. When she is older, you can look into school exchanges. A friend here [now going to Quaker boarding school in New York] spent her 8th grade with her cousins in Iceland. My partner noticed the heading I am responding to and says from her experience that 7 years apart is too late to have close sibling relationship anyway. Tom -- Tom & Sandy Farley - http://www.spont.com Spontaneous Combustion Storytellers: workshops and performances Alternatives to Violence Project [AVP] facilitators http://www.avpusa.org Palo Alto Friends Meeting [Quakers] - Bayshore Community Kiwanis Club [Tom] Bookseller, Linden Tree Children's Books & Music, Los Altos, CA [Sandy] English teacher, Sequoia Adult School, Redwood City, CA |
#6
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Only Child Syndrome
"Tom & Sandy Farley" wrote in message
news My partner noticed the heading I am responding to and says from her experience that 7 years apart is too late to have close sibling relationship anyway. I agree with your partner's sentiment. My brother is six years my junior. By the time I was graduating from high school he was in sixth grade, iirc. We now live far away, rarely communicate, have very divergent interests and opinions and life styles. I appreciate him, particularly his on-going involvement with our aging parents, but we just don't have a lot to talk about and never really did. Your suggestions, otoh, are very interesting and intrigue me, as a parent of an only child who really wants siblings [he is 8.5]. -Aula -- see my creative works on ebay under http://snurl.com/369o and on zazzle at http://snurl.com/38oh |
#7
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Only Child Syndrome
In article ,
just me wrote: "Tom & Sandy Farley" wrote in message news My partner noticed the heading I am responding to and says from her experience that 7 years apart is too late to have close sibling relationship anyway. I agree with your partner's sentiment. I disagree, at least somewhat. I have a brother 10 years younger and we were *very* close when he was young. We did diverge for many years when I went of to university and he was still a kid, but now that he is mostly "grown up" too, we are becoming closer again. I have another brother in between, much closer to my age, with whom I have never been especially close. Personality difference, I guess. I have 3 boys with 2.75 and 4.75-year gaps between them. The oldest is thus 7.5 years oler than the youngest, but they are so far (ages 3 and 10) very close. Only time will tell what growing up will do to their relationship. --Robyn |
#8
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Only Child Syndrome
"just me" wrote in message
om... "Tom & Sandy Farley" wrote in message news My partner noticed the heading I am responding to and says from her experience that 7 years apart is too late to have close sibling relationship anyway. I agree with your partner's sentiment. My brother is six years my junior. By the time I was graduating from high school he was in sixth grade, iirc. We now live far away, rarely communicate, have very divergent interests and opinions and life styles. I appreciate him, particularly his on-going involvement with our aging parents, but we just don't have a lot to talk about and never really did. snip I wonder if that closeness becomes possible with a *larger* age gap? My older son was 13 years old when his little brother was born; they adore each other. He volunteered to help out with child care after school when I started working again, and even changed diapers. They wrestle and play together, and older son will often just step in and do something for little brother when he asks - help with pajamas at the end of a long day, or just coloring and playing cars or trains. He leaves for college in the fall. He's an asset to the family; we're surely going to miss him. Best, Ann |
#9
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Only Child Syndrome
"Ann Porter" wrote in message
... I wonder if that closeness becomes possible with a *larger* age gap? My older son was 13 years old when his little brother was born; they adore each other. He volunteered to help out with child care after school when I started working again, and even changed diapers. They wrestle and play together, and older son will often just step in and do something for little brother when he asks - help with pajamas at the end of a long day, or just coloring and playing cars or trains. That *is* a good question. Considering Robyn's comments I am wondering if it has more to do with interests and temprament than anything else. My Dad is about 12 years older than his brother, so he really felt more like an only for much of his childhood. He was leaving for Korea when his brother was starting school. They kept in touch while raising families [both started families within a few years of each other and my cousins are the ages of my younger sibs]. Visits were made back and forth, but I never felt that there was much closeness. When my grandparents died there were some diffictulties over decisions that were made and they seemed to drift apart. Now that my Dad is in his 70's and looking up old high school and Army buddies and my uncle is working on the family tree and bouncing grandchildren on his knee it seems that they talk more and are more relaxed with each other. So, many variables including life events, stage in life and so on there. He leaves for college in the fall. He's an asset to the family; we're surely going to miss him. I wish your older DS well in college. that is such a huge change for both parents and young adult. Is this your first one to leave home? -Aula -- see my creative works on ebay under http://snurl.com/369o and on zazzle at http://snurl.com/38oh |
#10
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Only Child Syndrome
In ,
just me wrote: *"Tom & Sandy Farley" wrote in message *news * * My partner noticed the heading I am responding to and says from her * experience that 7 years apart is too late to have close sibling * relationship anyway. * * *I agree with your partner's sentiment. My brother is six years my junior. *By the time I was graduating from high school he was in sixth grade, iirc. My youngest SIL E is a 20 year old sophomore at Brown U; my oldest SIL L is 28. These two sisters are extremely close, despite the fact that one is an active college student and the other a stay-at-home-mom (for four whole days now - my first niece was just born on the 7th!) From where I sit, I can't agree that 7 years is by definition too late for a close sibling relationship. E and L share a passion for tennis (L was a highly ranked player prior to a career ending injury; E was competetive as well although she never reached L's level), a love of fitness and sports in general, and a sisterly bond that truly makes me jealous at times. -- hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net "uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est." not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large |
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