3yo avoiding potty training

My youngest is about to turn 3. To say he is not interested in potty
training would be an understatement. He will not sit on the potty
without a diaper on. He seems scared, though he is not afraid to sit
on it in a diaper and PJs (which he does every night after brushing
his teeth while I give him his fluoride supplement).

I've tried casually mentioning that at some point he's going to be
too big for diapers and will wear underwear, and make his pees and
poops in the potty. Whenever I mention anything of the sort, he gets
agitated and says he doesn't "like" (he means "want") to go potty,
and I drop it.

Whenever I pick him up from preschool, I casually ask if he went potty
that day and he repsonds (calmly) that he did not, and I say, "Oh,
well, maybe tomorrow" to which he agrees ;-) Several of his classmates
are trained or training, so there's plenty of potty use going on there.

We went out and bought 4 packages of cool underwear, which he likes
but not enough to try wearing it.

I'm not really in a big hurry to get him to potty train, and in many
ways it would be easier to wait until after our family vacation this
summer (newly trained children can be quite a challenge while travelling).

It just seems really odd to me that he is so resistant to this and it
can't be "marketed" to him in any way, shape or form. I would like him
to train before kindergarten ;-) So, should I just drop it for now, or
keep talking about his cool underwear and about how "someday" he'll
wear underwear and use the potty like his big brothers do. We have a
potty video that he likes, but no books, fwiw.

Thanks in advance,

--Robyn (mommy to Ryan 9/93 and Matthew 6/96 and Evan 3/01)

"Robyn Kozierok" wrote in message
...

I've tried casually mentioning that at some point he's going to be
too big for diapers and will wear underwear, and make his pees and
poops in the potty.

When Rose was three, she mentioned that she would do such things when she
was old enough to drive the car, and vote.

We finally got her "trained" on her fourth birthday, basically by being
total and complete potty nazis, just like they tell you not to do. We could
have done it at least six months earlier, and probably much earlier than
that, if we had had the support in being completely and thoroughly harsh and
unrelenting on the issue. Everyone tells you to wait until the kid is ready,
don't push it, etc. Well, that might be true with lots of kids, but it
wasn't true for us. If you want the war story, I can dig it up and email it
to you.

If I remember right, 40% of kids are not PT by age 3, but only 2% aren't by
age 4, so there's lots of hope for you all yet, though.

Warm Regards,

Claire Petersky
Please replace earthlink for mouse-potato and .net for .com
Home of the meditative cyclist:
http://home.earthlink.net/~cpetersky/Welcome.htm
Email me the new Tiferet CD (http://www.tiferet.net)

On Tue, 9 Mar 2004 19:49:13 EST, (Robyn
Kozierok) wrote:


My youngest is about to turn 3. To say he is not interested in potty
training would be an understatement. He will not sit on the potty
without a diaper on. He seems scared, though he is not afraid to sit
on it in a diaper and PJs (which he does every night after brushing
his teeth while I give him his fluoride supplement).

I've tried casually mentioning that at some point he's going to be
too big for diapers and will wear underwear, and make his pees and
poops in the potty. Whenever I mention anything of the sort, he gets
agitated and says he doesn't "like" (he means "want") to go potty,
and I drop it.

Whenever I pick him up from preschool, I casually ask if he went potty
that day and he repsonds (calmly) that he did not, and I say, "Oh,
well, maybe tomorrow" to which he agrees ;-) Several of his classmates
are trained or training, so there's plenty of potty use going on there.

We went out and bought 4 packages of cool underwear, which he likes
but not enough to try wearing it.

I'm not really in a big hurry to get him to potty train, and in many
ways it would be easier to wait until after our family vacation this
summer (newly trained children can be quite a challenge while travelling).

It just seems really odd to me that he is so resistant to this and it
can't be "marketed" to him in any way, shape or form. I would like him
to train before kindergarten ;-) So, should I just drop it for now, or
keep talking about his cool underwear and about how "someday" he'll
wear underwear and use the potty like his big brothers do. We have a
potty video that he likes, but no books, fwiw.

I went with the approach I gathered from a newsgroup post in
alt.mothers a few months ago. I needed #2 to train before he started
preschool in early Feb (our school year runs differently to the US)
and in early Dec I got sick of him wearing nappies (aka diapers). He
was never going to decide to toilet train given that he still talks
about his dummy (pacifier) 5 months after he agreed to give it up

Day 1 I told him no more nappies through the day. He didn't really
like that. I put him in undies and set the timer for 15 minutes.
When the timer went off, I sat him on the potty with his pants down
and set the timer for 2 minutes which is how long he had to stay on
the potty (watching TV or reading a book, no real stress). The timer
went off, he got off and pulled his pants up. Timer was reset for 15
minutes. When the timer went off, he had to sit on the potty again
for 2 minutes. This time he protested being sat on the potty but once
he was there he didn't mind so much and sat for the 2 minutes. We
repeated this (including the argument before sitting) a couple of
times and eventually he peed on the floor about 3 minutes before he
was supposed to sit on the potty. I cleaned it up with no real
comment made apart from "next time try and do it on the potty". We
reset the timer and the next time he had to sit on the potty he did
pee so we made a big fuss, then it was dinner/bath/bedtime, over for
the day.

Next day was a daycare day, I sent him in undies with 3 changes of
clothes. He peed in all bar the last one of the changes and didn't
produce for them. Day 3 we flew interstate (my timing _could_ have
been better!) so I had him in nappies most of the afternoon. used the
timer and potty in the morning. Day 4, at the ILs with a tiled floor,
he was in undies all day and we used the timer but at 20 minute
intervals. He had one accident. Day 5 he told me when he needed to
pee and sat on the potty without complaining. We used pullups through
the day when we were going to be in the car for more than 30 minutes
while on holidays and for about a week after we came back (while in
the car), about 2 weeks total. Since then we've pretty much had no
pee accidents although it did take a while long to poo train. Even
travelling home was no problem, once he realised I was serious about
no nappies through the day it was like a switch went off in his head
and the only accidents were when he was too busy playing to listen to
his body. It was not how #1 trained (child led) but it worked much
quicker than I had expected and I may well use this method again for
#3 if she doesn't train when I need her to.


--
Cheryl
Mum to Shrimp (11 Mar 99), Thud (4 Oct 00)
and Mischief (30 Jul 02)

"Robyn Kozierok" wrote in message
...

My youngest is about to turn 3. To say he is not interested in potty
training would be an understatement. He will not sit on the potty
without a diaper on. He seems scared, though he is not afraid to sit
on it in a diaper and PJs (which he does every night after brushing
his teeth while I give him his fluoride supplement).

I've tried casually mentioning that at some point he's going to be
too big for diapers and will wear underwear, and make his pees and
poops in the potty. Whenever I mention anything of the sort, he gets
agitated and says he doesn't "like" (he means "want") to go potty,
and I drop it.

I'd drop it for awhile, until it's been forgotten about as an issue -- maybe
a few months? Then try again as you've been doing, maybe adding in a cup of
M&Ms as an incentive for using the toilet.

My son wasn't afraid of the potty but totally resistant to it. it seemed to
me that he just saw no benefit to himself, and none of the usual arguments
(e.g., peer issues) mattered to him. Why stop what you're doing to hit the
toilet when you can keep going and get it taken care of at your convenience?

Finally, a few months before his 4th birthday, I warned him that he was
going to be using the toilet by 4. Period. I reminded him about that a few
times over the course of a few weeks. Then, perhaps a month before he turned
4, I gave him a week's notice. On deadline-day, after preschool, he was made
to put on underwear. He didn't want to, but nor did he refuse. He peed in
it. I expressed my displeasure the same way I might have if he'd done
anything else in direct defiance. Later that evening, he pooped in his
underwear. (And this is a boy who used to go behind a chair to poop in his
diaper, so he knew what he was doing.) I gave him loads of trouble. That was
that. Never another accident.

So, again, because he was so old and clearly physically and intellectually
ready, I treated it like any other thing I needed him to do, such as
cleaning his room, etc. However, your child is almost a year younger than
my son was when we did this. I don't think I would have handled it this way
with an almost 3 YO. As I'm sure you remember from your other kids, from
almost 3 to almost 4 is a huge difference. And you might see more natural
progress in the next 6-9 months. For whatever reason, I was not willing to
have a 4 YO in diapers.
Good luck! I hope it goes as well for you.

(Robyn Kozierok) wrote in message ...
My youngest is about to turn 3. To say he is not interested in potty
training would be an understatement. He will not sit on the potty
without a diaper on. He seems scared, though he is not afraid to sit
on it in a diaper and PJs (which he does every night after brushing
his teeth while I give him his fluoride supplement).


I don't know if you're a big fan of Dr. Phil or not, but he had a show
about this very topic. His procedure seemed to really work.

Basically, try to find a doll that pees. What you do is make the doll
pee and then make a big deal out of it - have a little party for the
doll (part hats, noise makers are all you really need). Then, give
your child a lot of water to drink. Ask him several times if he needs
to go. Tell him when he does go, he'll get a party. When he finally
says he has to go, take him to the potty and have him go. Then have
your "party" .. You can put on music and dance, etc. You can also
have someone call and pretend to be a character loved by your child
(the child on Dr. Phil like Thomas the train).

The whole idea is to make it exciting and rewarding for the child.
Dr. Phil says the training is instant, although I imagine you might
have to have a "party" a few times.

Hope this helps!

Jessica

(Robyn Kozierok) wrote in message ...
My youngest is about to turn 3. To say he is not interested in potty
training would be an understatement. He will not sit on the potty
without a diaper on. He seems scared, though he is not afraid to sit
on it in a diaper and PJs (which he does every night after brushing
his teeth while I give him his fluoride supplement).

Our Evan was not too interested in potty training either, although he
showed more signs than it sounds like your Evan does. That is, he
would use the potty occassionally and had an interest in wearing
underwear. What worked for us was a trip to Grandma's house. I just
announced that Grandma didn't have any diapers and he would need to
start using the potty there. He, his older brother and I took a 12
hour train ride to the grandparents. He wore pull-ups on the train,
but had no accidents (he was fascinated by train toilets, actually),
had 2-3 accidents the first day there and then was fine--dry at night,
all day, no looking back. He was about 2 and 9 months. I think for
some kids, they just need that "push."

Chris

(Robyn Kozierok) wrote in message ...
My youngest is about to turn 3. To say he is not interested in potty
training would be an understatement.

My youngest (of 3 kids as well) is 3.5 and has no desire to go in the
toilet, either. None. Nada. Could not care about it any less.

It just seems really odd to me that he is so resistant to this and it
can't be "marketed" to him in any way, shape or form.

My youngest has noticed that everyone else in the family goes in the
potty but him. Doesn't care, not his problem. Peer pressure doesn't
work on this one. (Let's hope that carries through to other, more
important things later on!)

Bribery is in the form of his favorite candies. Doesn't care. He'll
even talk about the candy he'll get when he goes in the potty, but
then say he's not going to do that now.

Being a "big boy?" Eh...he thinks he's already "big" and will tell me
that. In fact, he's so self assured that he says that he's not big,
he's not little, he's "Jarrod." So there. So it's not a matter of
maturity for him, it's a matter of convenience.

I would like him
to train before kindergarten ;-)

We live walking distance from a high caliber, private university. I'm
convinced that my youngest is smart enough to go to med school there.
I'm also convinced that between classes he's going to rush home so
that I can change his diaper.

So, should I just drop it for now, or
keep talking about his cool underwear and about how "someday" he'll
wear underwear and use the potty like his big brothers do. We have a
potty video that he likes, but no books, fwiw.

I'm obviously in the same boat as you. Here's my plan...and I have to
wait until the Girl Scout cookies are gone from my house (ugh.) I am
going to make a family announcement - no more cookies, candies, gum or
sweet treats of any sort until youngest goes in the big potty. None.
Not for anyone. We'll have a big party when he is potty trained, but
until then...no treats. I might lose a few pounds myself! This could
be a good thing.

Youngest also likes loose change. By that I mean he digs through dad's
part of the dresser for pennies, nickels and dimes to carry around in
his pockets. I'm thinking I'll have to gather up all the loose change
in the house, put it *up* somewhere (this includes the older kids'
allowances) and then tell youngest that he can have a nickel or dime
every time he goes in the potty.

If that doesn't work, I was thinking of taking a few days off and
hiding the diapers and letting youngest go about in either underwear
or nothing.

If that doesn't work, I'm gonna stock up on adult dipes and see if
peer pressure from his fellow college students works...

- Bev

"Bev Brandt" wrote in message
om...

If that doesn't work, I was thinking of taking a few days off and
hiding the diapers and letting youngest go about in either underwear
or nothing.

We did "naked and $75" with our little boy. When he was home, he wore no
pants. He had a little potty seat in the family room so he could use the
potty right when he needed to. He had a few accidents, and we had to
occasionally put the computer in "time out" when he'd have an accident while
playing on the computer, but within a couple of weeks he was trained.

If we had waited until he was ready...well, who knows how long it would have
been. He was over three years old (three months over, I think), and *I* was
ready.

The $75 is to have the carpet cleaned when the process is over.

Best,
Ann

P.S. Robyn, how the heck did Evan get to be three already? He was just
born!

In ,
Robyn Kozierok wrote:

*It just seems really odd to me that he is so resistant to this and it
*can't be "marketed" to him in any way, shape or form. I would like him
*to train before kindergarten ;-) So, should I just drop it for now, or
*keep talking about his cool underwear and about how "someday" he'll
*wear underwear and use the potty like his big brothers do. We have a
*potty video that he likes, but no books, fwiw.

I made two full-on attempts at potty training my son during his 2-year-old
year - first during winter break (he has a September birthday so he was a
young 2 year old then) and then during spring break. Both times he
STRONGLY resisted and the longer of the two attempts lasted less than 48
hours. He cried and said he did not LIKE the potty and that he wanted to
wear diapers. Gosh, i feel just plain mean thinking about it. Anyway, we
decided to blow it off entirely but to keep the potty there and to remind
him a few times a week that if he DID want to use the potty and wear big
boy underwear, it was there. Well, the first day of camp he woke up and
said "I want to use the potty and wear big boy underwear" and that was it,
he was pretty much trained. So that would have been in June.

I think if I were you I would give it more time. I know my best friend's
little girl, who is my son's age, is very very resistant to potty training
too, if it makes you feel any better. Some kids are just that way, I
think.

--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large

In article , Bev Brandt wrote:
(Robyn Kozierok) wrote in message ...
My youngest (of 3 kids as well) is 3.5 and has no desire to go in the
toilet, either. None. Nada. Could not care about it any less.

We had similar problems with my son. Even once we got him to use the
potty at home he would not use the (child size) toilets at the day care.
When we switched him to underpants, he'd retain his urine for 6 hours
rather than use the toilets at school. The preschool staff were very
good about dealing with both the stubbornness and the occassional
accidents. Interestingly, he was dry at night long before he was
fully toilet trained.

He got over the problem of using toilets outside the home before
kindergarten started, luckily, though he did still need to be reminded
to go to the bathroom before starting something engrossing like using
the computer or reading.