Child Support Payment Question

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 + years. It hasn't been
so great, and she recently got pregnant. We had plans to get married
(for the child), but I have recently decided after disucssion that it
is a better idea not to get married. We have a good relationship right
now, but fear it will get worse after the child is born.

We have had some conversations about the child that scares me. She
seems to think that if the parents aren't married, then he has no
rights - and seems like she wouldn't be willing to give me any. From
what I can gather on the net, this is not true. I have all the rights
of a married parent in a divorce child custody case. I want to be a
part of my childs life, but I fear that my role will be limited to 4
days a month, and a huge child support payment.

1) What are the chances that the father, who has a good job right out
of college (Approx 40K per year with great bennifits), a house and a
good amount of savings can get some type of joint custody over the
child who's mother is jobless (mainly because she wants to be a stay at
home mom) and lives with her parents?

2) Will it take time and money on lawyers in order to get joint custody
as a single dad? Does it seem worth a try in my case, or am I pretty
much going to be limited to the "every other weekend" role?

3) I read that child support in Tennessee is 21% of net income, but
this did not specify any joint custody agreements or pre-marital
status. If we were never married, does the 21% still apply to me? If
joint custody is given will this lower this amount?

4) If we try to work out our issues, and stay together for a year
after the baby is born, or are under a personal financial agreement for
a year, can she file for child support after that year and get back
child support?

5) What if I'm making 40K per year now, and I lose my job after 2 years
and cannot find another job that pays that amount. Will the judge
adjust my childsupport payment to reflect this, or will he look at my
past income and education (college degree) and decide that I should be
making the 40K and continue paying the original payment?

I guess my main object is that of any single dads - get to see my kid
as much as possible. I know some dads that never get to see their kids
becuase the baby's mother makes it so hard for them. These same women
go ballistic if they receive their child supoprt a day late.

On 29 Oct 2005 22:31:55 -0700, wrote:

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 + years. It hasn't been
so great, and she recently got pregnant. We had plans to get married
(for the child), but I have recently decided after disucssion that it
is a better idea not to get married. We have a good relationship right
now, but fear it will get worse after the child is born.

We have had some conversations about the child that scares me. She
seems to think that if the parents aren't married, then he has no
rights - and seems like she wouldn't be willing to give me any. From
what I can gather on the net, this is not true. I have all the rights
of a married parent in a divorce child custody case. I want to be a
part of my childs life, but I fear that my role will be limited to 4
days a month, and a huge child support payment.

Well, you have no rights until paternity is established. Be sure to
have a paternity test rather than signing any paperwork stating you
are the father. See if you can't get the wheels in motion for this
now so it can be done at birth. Oftentimes, a hospital will not allow
the man's name on the birth certificate without signing an
acknowledgment of paternity... but you don't want to sign that without
results from a paternity test.


1) What are the chances that the father, who has a good job right out
of college (Approx 40K per year with great bennifits), a house and a
good amount of savings can get some type of joint custody over the
child who's mother is jobless (mainly because she wants to be a stay at
home mom) and lives with her parents?

Not good unless you can prove the mother is unfit.


2) Will it take time and money on lawyers in order to get joint custody
as a single dad? Does it seem worth a try in my case, or am I pretty
much going to be limited to the "every other weekend" role?

Unfortunately, visitation orders are not enforced as strickly as child
support orders are. You may be LUCKY to get an "every other weekend"
role in reality, especially if she is angry with you for not marrying
her.


3) I read that child support in Tennessee is 21% of net income, but
this did not specify any joint custody agreements or pre-marital
status. If we were never married, does the 21% still apply to me? If
joint custody is given will this lower this amount?

Whether you were ever married or not does not affect a child support
obligation. If it is around 21%, expect it to be. Read more about
child support guidelines in TN to see if joint custody has a
stipulated difference. It really does not in AL, although the
discretion of the judge can reduce the award. Hope you find a good
judge.


4) If we try to work out our issues, and stay together for a year
after the baby is born, or are under a personal financial agreement for
a year, can she file for child support after that year and get back
child support?

Again, research TN child support guidelines. Some states allow
"retroactive to birth" awards, but many are only retroactive to date
of filing. In ANY case, be sure to write "Child Support for (child's
name)" in the note area on any checks to TRY to reduce any arrearage
the court may find. I DO guarantee you that joint custody will likely
never happen if you refuse to recognize the child financially before
an order is in place.

Although this is rotten of me to "plan," one way to get custody of
your child would be if she went to jail for welfare fraud. Given that
she wants to be a stay at home mom, she may well apply for benefits
even if living in her parent's house. If she does not report any
child support you may give her, she would be guilty of welfare fraud.

5) What if I'm making 40K per year now, and I lose my job after 2 years
and cannot find another job that pays that amount. Will the judge
adjust my childsupport payment to reflect this, or will he look at my
past income and education (college degree) and decide that I should be
making the 40K and continue paying the original payment?

You are likely to be imputed an income equal to your best of the last
three years according to your income tax return.

I guess my main object is that of any single dads - get to see my kid
as much as possible. I know some dads that never get to see their kids
becuase the baby's mother makes it so hard for them. These same women
go ballistic if they receive their child supoprt a day late.

You are in an awful situation (do they not sell condoms in TN?), but
marrying her if you wouldn't marry her without her being pregnant may
only make matters worse. Fight for your rights however you can, but
realize that the cards are stacked against you. I wish you the best.

wrote in message
oups.com...
My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 + years. It hasn't been
so great, and she recently got pregnant. We had plans to get married
(for the child), but I have recently decided after disucssion that it
is a better idea not to get married. We have a good relationship right
now, but fear it will get worse after the child is born.

I would never suggest marrying someone if you are not ready to be married.
But the two of you have been together for 2 years now. You were considering
marriage. You say that after discussion, *you* have made the decision not
to marry--discussion with her? Or with someone else? All relationshipe
have ups and downs, especially in times of stress--and an unexpected
pregnancy is certainly a stress factor. Perhaps if the 2 of you got some
counseling, you would see things more clearly. Again, I am not saying that
you should get married, but talking to a counselor who is objective and can
clearly hear what each of you is saying may give you some clarity that you
do not have right now. And even if it doesn't change the fact that you do
not want to marry, it may help her understand the importance of a father in
a child's life.

Don't take it to a fight about visitation/child support until you have done
everything in your power to work things out amicably. You don't want your
child to be standing between warring parents. Counseling may be a way to
prevent that--and it may give you some insights into both yourself and your
girlfriend that you do not have right now.

First let me say one thing. WHY the hell did you let her get pregnant? Are
you crazy? Thats 18 to 23 years of servatude dude, I hope that 10 minutes
of sex was worth the cost.
Sounds like she found a great guy to saddle with the expense. You have no
where to go but up, and her support has no where to go but up too. Have
you considered getting her drunk and hopping in a real hot hot-tub? she
might miscarry which is the next best thing to abortion. Otherwise, you
should have thought about it first. You are screwed.
Hope I haven't hurt anyone's feelings, but hey, somebody needs to tell him
this so he doesn't do it again.
Fight for full custody, joint means squat mostly. Good luck

wrote in message
oups.com...
My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 + years. It hasn't been
so great, and she recently got pregnant. We had plans to get married
(for the child), but I have recently decided after disucssion that it
is a better idea not to get married. We have a good relationship right
now, but fear it will get worse after the child is born.

We have had some conversations about the child that scares me. She
seems to think that if the parents aren't married, then he has no
rights - and seems like she wouldn't be willing to give me any. From
what I can gather on the net, this is not true. I have all the rights
of a married parent in a divorce child custody case. I want to be a
part of my childs life, but I fear that my role will be limited to 4
days a month, and a huge child support payment.

1) What are the chances that the father, who has a good job right out
of college (Approx 40K per year with great bennifits), a house and a
good amount of savings can get some type of joint custody over the
child who's mother is jobless (mainly because she wants to be a stay at
home mom) and lives with her parents?

Slim to none.


2) Will it take time and money on lawyers in order to get joint custody
as a single dad? Does it seem worth a try in my case, or am I pretty
much going to be limited to the "every other weekend" role?

The latter; at best.


3) I read that child support in Tennessee is 21% of net income, but
this did not specify any joint custody agreements or pre-marital
status. If we were never married, does the 21% still apply to me? If
joint custody is given will this lower this amount?

4) If we try to work out our issues, and stay together for a year
after the baby is born, or are under a personal financial agreement for
a year, can she file for child support after that year and get back
child support?

5) What if I'm making 40K per year now, and I lose my job after 2 years
and cannot find another job that pays that amount. Will the judge
adjust my childsupport payment to reflect this, or will he look at my
past income and education (college degree) and decide that I should be
making the 40K and continue paying the original payment?

The latter. Plus, the judge will likely INCREASE the amount.


I guess my main object is that of any single dads - get to see my kid
as much as possible. I know some dads that never get to see their kids
becuase the baby's mother makes it so hard for them. These same women
go ballistic if they receive their child supoprt a day late.

You had a good relationship and wanted to marry this woman. Now, you've
decided to not to marry her and you're already planning a court battle
to declare her an unfit mother and take the baby away. You sound like a
real sweetheart.

I hate to tell you but a judge won't give a rat's ass about your 40K/yr
job. Especially, if she has the support, financial and emotional, of
her parents.

Normally, I advocate fairness with regard to CS payments. However, for
you, I really hope you get nailed for the full amount.


wrote:
My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 + years. It hasn't been
so great, and she recently got pregnant. We had plans to get married
(for the child), but I have recently decided after disucssion that it
is a better idea not to get married. We have a good relationship right
now, but fear it will get worse after the child is born.

We have had some conversations about the child that scares me. She
seems to think that if the parents aren't married, then he has no
rights - and seems like she wouldn't be willing to give me any. From
what I can gather on the net, this is not true. I have all the rights
of a married parent in a divorce child custody case. I want to be a
part of my childs life, but I fear that my role will be limited to 4
days a month, and a huge child support payment.

1) What are the chances that the father, who has a good job right out
of college (Approx 40K per year with great bennifits), a house and a
good amount of savings can get some type of joint custody over the
child who's mother is jobless (mainly because she wants to be a stay at
home mom) and lives with her parents?

2) Will it take time and money on lawyers in order to get joint custody
as a single dad? Does it seem worth a try in my case, or am I pretty
much going to be limited to the "every other weekend" role?

3) I read that child support in Tennessee is 21% of net income, but
this did not specify any joint custody agreements or pre-marital
status. If we were never married, does the 21% still apply to me? If
joint custody is given will this lower this amount?

4) If we try to work out our issues, and stay together for a year
after the baby is born, or are under a personal financial agreement for
a year, can she file for child support after that year and get back
child support?

5) What if I'm making 40K per year now, and I lose my job after 2 years
and cannot find another job that pays that amount. Will the judge
adjust my childsupport payment to reflect this, or will he look at my
past income and education (college degree) and decide that I should be
making the 40K and continue paying the original payment?

I guess my main object is that of any single dads - get to see my kid
as much as possible. I know some dads that never get to see their kids
becuase the baby's mother makes it so hard for them. These same women
go ballistic if they receive their child supoprt a day late.

wrote:
: My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 + years. It hasn't been
: so great, and she recently got pregnant. We had plans to get married
: (for the child), but I have recently decided after disucssion that it
: is a better idea not to get married. We have a good relationship right
: now, but fear it will get worse after the child is born.

Been there, done that. Have a 7 year old now.

: We have had some conversations about the child that scares me. She
: seems to think that if the parents aren't married, then he has no
: rights - and seems like she wouldn't be willing to give me any. From
: what I can gather on the net, this is not true. I have all the rights
: of a married parent in a divorce child custody case. I want to be a
: part of my childs life, but I fear that my role will be limited to 4
: days a month, and a huge child support payment.

I'd get with a family law attorney in your county and ask the question. They'd
understand what the judges in your area typically rule. She can't control
everything relating to your seeing the child. In many states, presumed joint
custody is the law. If you live near each other, a 50% timeshare is more likely
In California, I had a similar situation although she was employed. I
received joint physical and legal custody although my time with our son
is about 20% because she moved 115 miles away. I know of people here who
have the child 50% of the time (they live in the same school district, which
helps). Courts typically rule "standard visitaion" which is every other weekend
and 1 afternoon on the weeks where you wouldn't have the child. Again, if
you live near, in many cases you'll get 50% custody but you really need an
attorney to see you through the process.


: 1) What are the chances that the father, who has a good job right out
: of college (Approx 40K per year with great bennifits), a house and a
: good amount of savings can get some type of joint custody over the
: child who's mother is jobless (mainly because she wants to be a stay at
: home mom) and lives with her parents?

Income has nothing to do with who will get custody. They'll take your
income to allow her to raise the child. Welcome to the Child Support game.

: 2) Will it take time and money on lawyers in order to get joint custody
: as a single dad? Does it seem worth a try in my case, or am I pretty
: much going to be limited to the "every other weekend" role?

Yes. And, you need to consult an attorney to do the job correctly. Being
single or married is irrelevant except if you marry her, you'll also get
to pay her alimony.

: 3) I read that child support in Tennessee is 21% of net income, but
: this did not specify any joint custody agreements or pre-marital
: status. If we were never married, does the 21% still apply to me? If
: joint custody is given will this lower this amount?

Being married or not means nothing with respect to Child Support. Only
with respect to alimony. You pay the same C.S. married or not.

: 4) If we try to work out our issues, and stay together for a year
: after the baby is born, or are under a personal financial agreement for
: a year, can she file for child support after that year and get back
: child support?

She cannot get back child support in all probability. Child support is
typically payable beginning on the day that the support order was filed.
If a support order is not filed, no liability for back support.

: 5) What if I'm making 40K per year now, and I lose my job after 2 years
: and cannot find another job that pays that amount. Will the judge
: adjust my childsupport payment to reflect this, or will he look at my
: past income and education (college degree) and decide that I should be
: making the 40K and continue paying the original payment?

He may or may not adjust your support. He'll lilely hold you liable for
your imputed income if you're unemployed. He'll expect you to get another
job paying the same amount of money but you can try to have it lowered.
The judge may or may not lower it and they're biased to keeping it the same.

: I guess my main object is that of any single dads - get to see my kid
: as much as possible. I know some dads that never get to see their kids
: becuase the baby's mother makes it so hard for them. These same women
: go ballistic if they receive their child supoprt a day late.

I see my son ever week and have done so for 7 + years. I drive 115 miles
to either pick him up and take him to my place (mom gets to share the
transportation per cour order) or to visit him in his area on the other weeks.
I have been reduced to a "visiting father" though per the bias of the system.
The system doesn't encouage joint parenting as much as it enforces paying
of money to mom.

Hang in there.

barry

wrote in

She cannot get back child support in all probability. Child support is
typically payable beginning on the day that the support order was filed.
If a support order is not filed, no liability for back support.


In Michigan, they can and do collect CS from the day the child is born
regardless of the day a petition is filed.
I was hit with a $42,000 arrearage when I was finally notified some 8 years
later.

What on earth are you talking about? He is asking about *joint* custody so
he can be part of his child's life. He didn't say anything about her being
an unfit mother.


wrote in message
ups.com...
You had a good relationship and wanted to marry this woman. Now, you've
decided to not to marry her and you're already planning a court battle
to declare her an unfit mother and take the baby away. You sound like a
real sweetheart.

I hate to tell you but a judge won't give a rat's ass about your 40K/yr
job. Especially, if she has the support, financial and emotional, of
her parents.

Normally, I advocate fairness with regard to CS payments. However, for
you, I really hope you get nailed for the full amount.


wrote:
My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 + years. It hasn't been
so great, and she recently got pregnant. We had plans to get married
(for the child), but I have recently decided after disucssion that it
is a better idea not to get married. We have a good relationship right
now, but fear it will get worse after the child is born.

We have had some conversations about the child that scares me. She
seems to think that if the parents aren't married, then he has no
rights - and seems like she wouldn't be willing to give me any. From
what I can gather on the net, this is not true. I have all the rights
of a married parent in a divorce child custody case. I want to be a
part of my childs life, but I fear that my role will be limited to 4
days a month, and a huge child support payment.

1) What are the chances that the father, who has a good job right out
of college (Approx 40K per year with great bennifits), a house and a
good amount of savings can get some type of joint custody over the
child who's mother is jobless (mainly because she wants to be a stay at
home mom) and lives with her parents?

2) Will it take time and money on lawyers in order to get joint custody
as a single dad? Does it seem worth a try in my case, or am I pretty
much going to be limited to the "every other weekend" role?

3) I read that child support in Tennessee is 21% of net income, but
this did not specify any joint custody agreements or pre-marital
status. If we were never married, does the 21% still apply to me? If
joint custody is given will this lower this amount?

4) If we try to work out our issues, and stay together for a year
after the baby is born, or are under a personal financial agreement for
a year, can she file for child support after that year and get back
child support?

5) What if I'm making 40K per year now, and I lose my job after 2 years
and cannot find another job that pays that amount. Will the judge
adjust my childsupport payment to reflect this, or will he look at my
past income and education (college degree) and decide that I should be
making the 40K and continue paying the original payment?

I guess my main object is that of any single dads - get to see my kid
as much as possible. I know some dads that never get to see their kids
becuase the baby's mother makes it so hard for them. These same women
go ballistic if they receive their child supoprt a day late.

"Mobile" wrote in message
et...

wrote in

She cannot get back child support in all probability. Child support is
typically payable beginning on the day that the support order was filed.
If a support order is not filed, no liability for back support.


In Michigan, they can and do collect CS from the day the child is born
regardless of the day a petition is filed.
I was hit with a $42,000 arrearage when I was finally notified some 8
years
later.

I've always been interested in your type of case. Did they use your current
income to determine 8 years of retro CS, or did they use your year by year
income to set the CS based on what you actually earned?