teenager breaking curfew

In article ,
Beliavsky says...

On Mar 10, 9:53=A0am, enigma wrote:
Beliavsky wrote innews:b40935f6-6381-4623-a306-8d8708c=

ps.com:

snip

What is this "punishment", exactly? =A0I'm curious how you'd
punish an 18-year-old.
What a terrible idea and word, "punishment" - it chafed me
to even type it.

An obvious punishment for not coming home on time on one
Friday night would be prohibition on any social outings for
say a week, just as one would punish unsafe driving by
taking away the car keys for some period of time. If the
rules chafe, the 18yo can think of it as incentive to
become financially independent and move out.

=A0assuming the 18 year old was interested in "social outings",
i suppose.
what if she has a job? how do you ground her?

I did not say I would. If the curfew is 12 midnight and she comes at
3am, that does not mean she can't work at a 9am to 5pm job, but she
would be expected to come home directly after work during the
"grounding" period.

And if she doesn't? *Then* what.

I think the main point being - what's the *point* to have a curfew for someone
as old as 18? One person postulated a houseful of very light sleepers (I guess
they can't have anyone doing shift work either); others have postulated the
worry - but cell phones exist.

Why would one need such a measure of *control* over a young adult like that?

Banty

On Mar 10, 10:39*am, Banty wrote:

snip

what if she has a job? how do you ground her?

I did not say I would. If the curfew is 12 midnight and she comes at
3am, that does not mean she can't work at a 9am to 5pm job, but she
would be expected to come home directly after work during the
"grounding" period.

And if she doesn't? **Then* what.

She can live somewhere else. As I wrote in reply to deja.blues, "if
the rules chafe, the 18yo can think of it as incentive to become
financially independent and move out."

I think the main point being - what's the *point* to have a curfew for someone
as old as 18? *One person postulated a houseful of very light sleepers (I guess
they can't have anyone doing shift work either); others have postulated the
worry - but cell phones exist.

Why would one need such a measure of *control* over a young adult like that?

To put it bluntly, there are still some parents in the U.S., and big
majorities in many countries around the world, who discourage their
children from having sex before they are married, and curfews are one
of the tools they use. No, if my 18yo son goes out at 7pm and returns
at midnight on a Friday, I don't know what he has been doing for those
hours. But especially with two younger children in the house, his
staying overnight or the whole weekend at his girlfriend's house would
not be acceptable to me if wanted to still live at home. He'd have to
move out.

My wife and I had a civil marriage about two weeks before the Hindu
ceremony, and her mother insisted that we not live together until the
religious ceremony. My wife, who was 28, did not complain -- those are
the rules of her religion, and she would not want to defy her mother
or lie to her.

In countries where parents are more meddlesome, as you might term it,
including the U.S. within the lifetime of at least some of the posters
here, there tend to be a smaller fraction of illegitimate offspring
and attendant problems, such as daughters with no-good boyfriends
moving back in with their parents after having a child.

On Mar 9, 2:42*pm, Nan wrote:
On Sun, 9 Mar 2008 08:50:36 -0700 (PDT), Tony
wrote:

Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you.

Well, count me in the camp that think an 18 year old may still need
curfew during certain times. *School nights, for instance.

And here I thought that I was the only one. With the grade *cut-off*
having been moved to early September in much of the US (DNK re
Canada), and an increasing number of kids being red-shirted, its not
unusual to turn 18 early in the senior year of high school. Besides,
while some kids at that age may be sufficiently mature to avoid the
necessity of a curfew, others are not.

What about honoring rules in both homes? *I have my own set of rules
as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did
at her mom's/ Let her deal with it.

This I agree with. *When my son was younger he'd receive whatever
consequences I set up if he broke my rules while he was with me. *When
he'd go to his dad's house for the weekend, I didn't expect his dad to
carry the consequences over to his home... it didn't make any sense.

I'm not divorced, but I would think that it would be a good idea for
the parents to have the same or similar punishments for the same
infringements. I also think that in most cases, it would be best if
punishments follow through at both homes. Let's say that Teenager was
caught with drugs, or driving with an intoxicated friend. Parent 1
imposes restrictions as a result -- Teenager may not go in a car with
Drunk Friend; Teenager is restricted from certain activities. It
doesn't make sense for Parent 2 to say *well, that happened with
Parent 1; I'm not going to impose those restrictions.* That may not
be easy to do in a divorce situation, though.

Barbara

KarenElizabeth wrote:
On Mar 9, 2:42 pm, Nan wrote:
On Sun, 9 Mar 2008 08:50:36 -0700 (PDT), Tony
wrote:

Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you.
Well, count me in the camp that think an 18 year old may still need
curfew during certain times. School nights, for instance.

And here I thought that I was the only one. With the grade *cut-off*
having been moved to early September in much of the US (DNK re
Canada), and an increasing number of kids being red-shirted, its not
unusual to turn 18 early in the senior year of high school. Besides,
while some kids at that age may be sufficiently mature to avoid the
necessity of a curfew, others are not.

What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set of rules
as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did
at her mom's/ Let her deal with it.
This I agree with. When my son was younger he'd receive whatever
consequences I set up if he broke my rules while he was with me. When
he'd go to his dad's house for the weekend, I didn't expect his dad to
carry the consequences over to his home... it didn't make any sense.

I'm not divorced, but I would think that it would be a good idea for
the parents to have the same or similar punishments for the same
infringements. I also think that in most cases, it would be best if
punishments follow through at both homes. Let's say that Teenager was
caught with drugs, or driving with an intoxicated friend. Parent 1
imposes restrictions as a result -- Teenager may not go in a car with
Drunk Friend; Teenager is restricted from certain activities. It
doesn't make sense for Parent 2 to say *well, that happened with
Parent 1; I'm not going to impose those restrictions.* That may not
be easy to do in a divorce situation, though.

Barbara

And some kids who are older (even into the 20s) still require a curfew.
It also depends on the circumstance, like what the person does for a
living (goes to school, works late to pay for school, works the late
shift) and where people live. If you have to drive to get around, an
earlier curfew or rules about who is allowed in the car may be
appropriate where as if gets around under the ground (i.e., subways) or
by walking, a later curfew may be in order. In addition, if they're up
late watching TV with friends in the same apartment building or up the
street, a later or no curfew might be in order vs. having to drive a 1/2
hour in the middle of the night to get home.

In addition, before one gets a full license, one often has restrictions,
like no driving between 11 pm and 5 am, for teens less than 18 in PA.

Finally, if the kid is a member of the volunteer ambulance or fire
squad, then a modified curfew is in order as well.

Jeff

On Mon, 10 Mar 2008 10:51:51 -0700 (PDT), KarenElizabeth
wrote:

On Mar 9, 2:42*pm, Nan wrote:
On Sun, 9 Mar 2008 08:50:36 -0700 (PDT), Tony
wrote:

Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you.

Well, count me in the camp that think an 18 year old may still need
curfew during certain times. *School nights, for instance.

And here I thought that I was the only one. With the grade *cut-off*
having been moved to early September in much of the US (DNK re
Canada), and an increasing number of kids being red-shirted, its not
unusual to turn 18 early in the senior year of high school. Besides,
while some kids at that age may be sufficiently mature to avoid the
necessity of a curfew, others are not.

Yes. I wasn't red-shirted but I did turn 18 towards the latter part
of my senior year and I would have been surprised to have curfew
suddenly dropped.

I don't get the whole "at 18 they shouldn't have a curfew" thought
process as a generalization.

Now, I have to admit that my mom did attempt to enforce a curfew for
me on weekends when I was 19. I was attending college during the week
(renting a room as a boarder near the college) and staying at home on
weekends as I held an extra weekend job. After my staying out all
night several times she figured the curfew was a wasted effort.

Nan

Beliavsky wrote in

oups.com:

In countries where parents are more meddlesome, as you
might term it, including the U.S. within the lifetime of at
least some of the posters here, there tend to be a smaller
fraction of illegitimate offspring and attendant problems,
such as daughters with no-good boyfriends moving back in
with their parents after having a child.

which countries would those be?
and where are you getting your "facts" about premarital sex
among teens in the US?
lee



--
Last night while sitting in my chair
I pinged a host that wasn't there
It wasn't there again today
The host resolved to NSA.

On Mar 10, 7:39�am, Banty wrote:


Why would one need such a measure of *control* over a young adult like that?

Banty

It would never have occurred to me that you would *not* have a curfew
for a high school student. What's the big deal here?

--Helen

In article ,
says...

On Mar 10, 7:39=EF=BF=BDam, Banty wrote:


Why would one need such a measure of *control* over a young adult like tha=
t?

Banty

It would never have occurred to me that you would *not* have a curfew
for a high school student. What's the big deal here?

--Helen

We dont' know if it's a high school student.

Banty

Beliavsky wrote:
On Mar 10, 10:39 am, Banty wrote:

snip

what if she has a job? how do you ground her?

I did not say I would. If the curfew is 12 midnight and she comes at
3am, that does not mean she can't work at a 9am to 5pm job, but she
would be expected to come home directly after work during the
"grounding" period.

And if she doesn't? *Then* what.

She can live somewhere else. As I wrote in reply to deja.blues, "if
the rules chafe, the 18yo can think of it as incentive to become
financially independent and move out."

I think the main point being - what's the *point* to have a curfew
for someone as old as 18? One person postulated a houseful of very
light sleepers (I guess they can't have anyone doing shift work
either); others have postulated the worry - but cell phones exist.

Why would one need such a measure of *control* over a young adult
like that?

To put it bluntly, there are still some parents in the U.S., and big
majorities in many countries around the world, who discourage their
children from having sex before they are married, and curfews are one
of the tools they use.



180 yos who are inclined to have sex despite their parents' convictions
cannot figure out to do that before 11:00pm?

"Beliavsky" wrote in message
...
On Mar 10, 10:39 am, Banty wrote:

snip

what if she has a job? how do you ground her?

I did not say I would. If the curfew is 12 midnight and she comes at
3am, that does not mean she can't work at a 9am to 5pm job, but she
would be expected to come home directly after work during the
"grounding" period.

And if she doesn't? *Then* what.

She can live somewhere else. As I wrote in reply to deja.blues, "if
the rules chafe, the 18yo can think of it as incentive to become
financially independent and move out."

I think the main point being - what's the *point* to have a curfew for
someone
as old as 18? One person postulated a houseful of very light sleepers (I
guess
they can't have anyone doing shift work either); others have postulated
the
worry - but cell phones exist.

Why would one need such a measure of *control* over a young adult like
that?

To put it bluntly, there are still some parents in the U.S., and big
majorities in many countries around the world, who discourage their
children from having sex before they are married, and curfews are one
of the tools they use.

Um...you can get pregnant any time of the day. If a kid is going to have
sex, they'll find a way.