Moving to another state

For those of you that have moved yourselves and small children to another
state, please share your experiences with me!

After talking about it for years, we've taken the plunge and put our house
on the market. We're in the process of trying to find a home in another
state and are going to look at several this coming weekend.

As soon as it was official, I nearly had an anxiety attack wondering if
we're doing the right thing. We're moving from a beautiful area, where I
grew up, 10 minutes from my parents and 50 minutes from his parents. My dad
built this house for us, and I adore it. However, it's become crazy where
we are now (Cape Cod), the traffic is unbearable in the summer and the cost
of living in MA is really high. Also, we've outgrown our house and need
more space. For a long time, we've both wanted to go somewhere where the
pace is a little slower, where we can own a lot of land, and live in the
mountains. So that's what we're doing. Financially we'll be helping
ourselves a lot; we'll be making a bit less, but cost of living is
significantly lower.

Anyway, we're really excited about it but after I told my dad tonight I felt
like I'd been punched in the stomach. He was really bummed out! I know we
need to live our own lives but I've always been a hometown kind of girl and
that made me feel sad! This is something we both really want to do, but
it's going to be so hard!

So basically I need to hear success stories from those of you that live far
from home. Will I survive? Bear in mind this is something I really *want*
to do, I'm just scared to death! What kinds of things did you do to make it
easier for yourselves and for your kids? How did you adjust without having
family around? (we will have one relative within 30-60 minutes). Anyone
have kids go to school in a small town; how is the education compared to a
larger town? (good school system is high on the list of our desired
location).

Any and all advice appreciated!

laurie
mommy to Jessica, 27 months
and Christopher, 12 weeks

*This email address is now valid*

Your kids will take a little time to get adjusted, but they will do fine,
just like you.

If you search this newsgroup over the last 3 months, you will find at least
two other threads about moving, which sort of apply to you (they were mostly
about older kids moving).

Jeff

x-no-archive:yes

"Laurie" wrote:

For those of you that have moved yourselves and small children to another
state, please share your experiences with me!


My parents never moved from the same city that I was born in, and
while we traveled, my first experience of moving was when I married dh
who was in the navy. My sister married an army guy so she was in the
same situation.

My sister has/had a much harder time moving than I do because she puts
down much deeper roots into a place than I do. She still corresponds
with and invites to her children's weddings a couple that she lived
next door to when her youngest child (now 33) was born. I have only
one friend from the past that I keep in touch with, and that's one of
my college roommates.

So my experience probably isn't really of interest. My only tip from
my own experience is - don't move in the summer time if you have
school age kids because they will be miserable and have no friends
until school starts especially if you are in New England.

My sister had a whole formula she followed which was designed to get
her acquainted with the community quickly. Unfortunately I can only
pull wisps of this out of my memory - I know it had something to do
with the yellow pages - like finding a good dry cleaner etc. It was
something she started on the first week after she moved.

After talking about it for years, we've taken the plunge and put our house
on the market. We're in the process of trying to find a home in another
state and are going to look at several this coming weekend.

As soon as it was official, I nearly had an anxiety attack wondering if
we're doing the right thing. We're moving from a beautiful area, where I
grew up, 10 minutes from my parents and 50 minutes from his parents. My dad
built this house for us, and I adore it. However, it's become crazy where
we are now (Cape Cod), the traffic is unbearable in the summer and the cost
of living in MA is really high. Also, we've outgrown our house and need
more space. For a long time, we've both wanted to go somewhere where the
pace is a little slower, where we can own a lot of land, and live in the
mountains. So that's what we're doing. Financially we'll be helping
ourselves a lot; we'll be making a bit less, but cost of living is
significantly lower.

Anyway, we're really excited about it but after I told my dad tonight I felt
like I'd been punched in the stomach. He was really bummed out! I know we
need to live our own lives but I've always been a hometown kind of girl and
that made me feel sad! This is something we both really want to do, but
it's going to be so hard!

So basically I need to hear success stories from those of you that live far
from home. Will I survive? Bear in mind this is something I really *want*
to do, I'm just scared to death! What kinds of things did you do to make it
easier for yourselves and for your kids? How did you adjust without having
family around? (we will have one relative within 30-60 minutes). Anyone
have kids go to school in a small town; how is the education compared to a
larger town? (good school system is high on the list of our desired
location).

When my dd#3 (who was/is also a hometown type girl and who wouldn't go
to college more than a 4 hour drive from home) moved to TX, my sister
advised her to rent for a year first before buying a home so she could
be sure that the area was what she wanted. She didn't take that
advice.

She gave that advice because her son bought a house when he moved to
Detroit (job related) and now they find (according to my sister) that
the house is in a bad school district and remote from where all their
friends with similar interests live, so my nephew's dw has to do a lot
of driving (or what she thinks of as a lot of driving) to get to where
their friends live. They bought the house because it was a large
house, which they wanted, and was the only one they could afford at
the time.

So I pass that along to you for whatever it is worth.

grandma Rosalie

Laurie,

We have moved all over it seems like in the last 8 years. In fact, 8 moves
in 8 years I think, lol. My first move was to Virginia and Im from NY and i
was pregnant with Kaylie at the time. It was hard at first and I made LOTS
of weekly calls to my parents, they came to visit every couple of months,
and vice versa but after awhile I loved it down there.

When we moved back up here, it was just as hard as the move down there even
though we were moving back to family. So I think any move is going to be a
little difficult regardless. You get used to a certain lifestyle
(city/country, traffic/no traffic, etc) and going from one to the other can
be quite an adjustment. Do you know where you plan on going? You mentioned
small town schools and I have to say that I am extremely pleased with the
school system Kaylie is in right now, far more than I would have been in the
big city (we lived in Newport News) I love the smaller class sizes and how
all the kids know each other and parents too for that matter. She takes
dance at the local studio and all the kids, even the older ones, say "hi
Kaylie!" whenever she walks in. There is definately a stronger sense of
community when you go to a smaller town I think. We love it now, I didnt
like it for the first year or so however so whereever you go, make sure you
give yourself a big window of adjustment time.

As far as traffic - we have none. In Va it was awful. I can only imagine
Cape Cod in the summers. I know the cost of living out there is INSANE! (we
have family from there) I think most small towns are going to have lower
costs of living as well in comparison to larger cities. When we moved up
here, we lived in the suburbs of Rochseter for 6 mos and it was crazy
expensive. Then we moved out here, about an hour from the city, and its SO
much cheaper. Lets just say we bought a fairly new home ('89) with 4
bedrooms, 2 car garage, full finished basement, and 3.5 acres of land for
80K. And taxes? Hardly anything. Its wonderful!!! But of course, we do have
a 30 min drive to a chain/larger grocery store, the mall, Walmart, things
like that. We do weekly trips as a family and make it an outing for dinner
and get everything we need for the week. We do have a Rite Aid, McDonalds,
Ma & Pa grocery, movie theater, and things like that right here so we aren't
THAT bad!

Anyway, just relax and enjoy the move. It sure is scary, believe me, when we
moved Justin didnt have a job or anything but we knew we wanted to come back
to NY. After having been in the Navy for 9 years it was scary because you
get used to those paychecks coming no matter what. So that was mostly the
biggest fear factor for us, going civilian and since I dont work it was
pretty scary! Im sure things will be great, you'll love the sense of doing
something exciting and getting a new home, new location.

I know awhile back, you mentioned moving to this area. If you need any more
info about it, just let me know and I'll see what I can do. Its great around
here!

Kari
mom to Kaylie (7) Noah (4) and #3 due Sept/Oct


"Laurie" wrote in message
...
For those of you that have moved yourselves and small children to another
state, please share your experiences with me!

After talking about it for years, we've taken the plunge and put our house
on the market. We're in the process of trying to find a home in another
state and are going to look at several this coming weekend.

As soon as it was official, I nearly had an anxiety attack wondering if
we're doing the right thing. We're moving from a beautiful area, where I
grew up, 10 minutes from my parents and 50 minutes from his parents. My
dad
built this house for us, and I adore it. However, it's become crazy where
we are now (Cape Cod), the traffic is unbearable in the summer and the
cost
of living in MA is really high. Also, we've outgrown our house and need
more space. For a long time, we've both wanted to go somewhere where the
pace is a little slower, where we can own a lot of land, and live in the
mountains. So that's what we're doing. Financially we'll be helping
ourselves a lot; we'll be making a bit less, but cost of living is
significantly lower.

Anyway, we're really excited about it but after I told my dad tonight I
felt
like I'd been punched in the stomach. He was really bummed out! I know we
need to live our own lives but I've always been a hometown kind of girl
and
that made me feel sad! This is something we both really want to do, but
it's going to be so hard!

So basically I need to hear success stories from those of you that live
far
from home. Will I survive? Bear in mind this is something I really *want*
to do, I'm just scared to death! What kinds of things did you do to make
it
easier for yourselves and for your kids? How did you adjust without
having
family around? (we will have one relative within 30-60 minutes). Anyone
have kids go to school in a small town; how is the education compared to a
larger town? (good school system is high on the list of our desired
location).

Any and all advice appreciated!

laurie
mommy to Jessica, 27 months
and Christopher, 12 weeks

*This email address is now valid*

Laurie wrote:
For those of you that have moved yourselves and small children to another
state, please share your experiences with me!

My mother moved me to Vermont from Michigan when I was thirteen. I have
spent the rest of my life going back and forth to Michigan - in a hurry
for funerals, weddings and major birthdays, or taking all my vacation time
for camping trips, reunion weeks, stuff like that. I frequently regret
that it's 800 miles away: if I had it to do over again I wouldn't have
gone more than four hours away.

We're moving from a beautiful area, where I
grew up, 10 minutes from my parents and 50 minutes from his parents. My dad
built this house for us, and I adore it. However, it's become crazy where
we are now (Cape Cod), the traffic is unbearable in the summer and the cost
of living in MA is really high. Also, we've outgrown our house and need
more space. For a long time, we've both wanted to go somewhere where the
pace is a little slower, where we can own a lot of land, and live in the
mountains. So that's what we're doing. Financially we'll be helping
ourselves a lot; we'll be making a bit less, but cost of living is
significantly lower.

Are you considering Northern New England or are you thinking
Colorado? There is a significant difference. I'd really recommend you
look at Vermont, New Hampshire or Maine. New Hampshire has lousy services
and I'd decline to live there, but both Vermont and Maine would fit the
bill without making your distance unbearable.

I've married and made my own family in Massachusetts and did it without
any relatives nearby and it's been hard. I envy all the people who can
drop their kids off at Mom's to go out together - my husband and I must
pay BIG MONEY to go on a date together. (The joke is that we can afford
to date anyone but each other.)

I haven't been as successful as Aula in creating a surregate family: we
just do without. When I was in labor with my second child I was nearly
stumped about what to do with the first one - I was in labor at an
inconvenient moment and couldn't get to the hospital until I was at 8 cm
dilated because I couldn't find anyone to take her. (She ended up being
cared for by three different people during the 12 hours I was in the
hospital having her brother.) I think part of the problem is a New
England one - people just don't reach out to help you in New England the
way they do in the Mid-west and South. In fact, they lose respect for you
or get suspicious if you ASK for help. Bear this in mind when planning on
forming a supportive community in New England - I doubt it would be easy.

So basically I need to hear success stories from those of you that live far
from home. Will I survive? Bear in mind this is something I really *want*
to do, I'm just scared to death! What kinds of things did you do to make it
easier for yourselves and for your kids? How did you adjust without having
family around? (we will have one relative within 30-60 minutes). Anyone
have kids go to school in a small town; how is the education compared to a
larger town? (good school system is high on the list of our desired
location).

Yes, we survive. We have decent mental health, too! And like Aula I can
say that the kids all have relationships with their extended family,
perhaps because it takes effort to nurture it.

My opinion on the educational system is that it needs parental supervision
the entire way through. You have to pay attention to how the teacher
works with your kid, pay attention to how your kid is handling school and
supplement quite a lot with "kitchen table time". I went to public
schools in Ann Arbor (a university town) and my husband went to public
schools in Weston, MA (an extremely wealthy suberb of Boston) and my kids
are going to public schools in a small New England town and I would have
to say that more depends on the actual kid and teachers chosen than on the
school system. We have no gifted and talented programs, but I supplement
from home and we're fine.

One thing I've done well is to get enmeshed in my community. I live near
the downtown and walk to the Y and the Library and the schools. I'm known
in town and so are my children. They feel like they belong in this
community. I'm glad that we don't live miles outside of town the way I
did when my mother moved us to Vermont - we knew about five people
there. I lived there four years and I don't have ANY relationships with
anyone who still lives there.

Hope this helps,

Wendy, Mummy to DD(12) DS(10) and DS(4)

Laurie wrote:

For those of you that have moved yourselves and small children to another
state, please share your experiences with me!

After talking about it for years, we've taken the plunge and put our house
on the market. We're in the process of trying to find a home in another
state and are going to look at several this coming weekend.

As soon as it was official, I nearly had an anxiety attack wondering if
we're doing the right thing. We're moving from a beautiful area, where I
grew up, 10 minutes from my parents and 50 minutes from his parents. My dad
built this house for us, and I adore it. However, it's become crazy where
we are now (Cape Cod), the traffic is unbearable in the summer and the cost
of living in MA is really high. Also, we've outgrown our house and need
more space. For a long time, we've both wanted to go somewhere where the
pace is a little slower, where we can own a lot of land, and live in the
mountains. So that's what we're doing. Financially we'll be helping
ourselves a lot; we'll be making a bit less, but cost of living is
significantly lower.

Anyway, we're really excited about it but after I told my dad tonight I felt
like I'd been punched in the stomach. He was really bummed out! I know we
need to live our own lives but I've always been a hometown kind of girl and
that made me feel sad! This is something we both really want to do, but
it's going to be so hard!

So basically I need to hear success stories from those of you that live far
from home. Will I survive? Bear in mind this is something I really *want*
to do, I'm just scared to death! What kinds of things did you do to make it
easier for yourselves and for your kids? How did you adjust without having
family around? (we will have one relative within 30-60 minutes). Anyone
have kids go to school in a small town; how is the education compared to a
larger town? (good school system is high on the list of our desired
location).

Any and all advice appreciated!


I grew up a military brat, so we moved a lot while I was growing
up. When I went off to college, I was actually more settled than I
had been all the previous years ;-) Then, we did the opposite of what
you're doing, moving to a very busy area and moving very close to my
parents.
Personally, my feeling is that moves are what you make of them.
Some people obsess and just aren't happy unless they're in a particular
location, and moves can be very rough on them. But if you're more open
and approach it with a "can do" attitude, more often than not it works
out. There will be good things and bad things, and you have to be
willing to deal with both, but it sounds like you know what you want
and are going for it, and that will help. And remember--nothing is
permanent. If you move and you give it a few years to work out and
it doesn't, well, you move again ;-)
I think the best thing you can do to make it easier on the
kids is to keep a positive attitude. Approach it as a big adventure.
Find fun things to do and build them up.
Not having family around is a big issue for me. We've done
it (our first several years with kids we were not near family) and
of course I grew up mostly far from extended family (until my
grandparents moved in with us ;-) Right now, I love living next
door to my parents and I'd have a hard time choosing to move away
from that. On the other hand, not being near family is not the
end of the earth. All you do is make a commitment to spend time
with family, which means that a lot of your vacations will involve
hooking up with family and you'll travel more for holidays. I
think it is important to maintain those ties, and there are costs
to doing so, but you can retain very close family ties if you (and
they) work at it. My family has always been very close, whether
we were near or far.
Adjusting and putting down roots in a new community takes
a while. Having school-aged children will help get you out in
the community, which speeds things up. Since you have younger
children, you'll probably have to work a little harder, but
look for things that bring you into contact with other parents
and that will be one source. At any rate, you should give
yourself a good year before you really start feeling plugged in.
The main thing is to get *out* and keep putting yourself out there
so that you meet like-minded people. Depending on your personality,
you may need more or less interaction and you'll find "your folk"
in different places, but the one thing you know for sure is that
you're not going to find them if you never leave the house ;-)
When you move a lot, you learn how to get plugged into a
community (to the extent you feel that's necessary) quickly. If
you've been in one place most of your life, those skills are
probably rusty for you, but if you keep putting yourself out there,
you'll meet people and build a new community for yourself and your
children. Actually, your children will likely lead the way ;-)
As far as schools go, it's a bit of a toss-up. Personally,
I believe a lot depends on the particular teacher, especially in
the early grades. I had some fabulous teachers in some small towns
(some with very mediocre school systems) while growing up. And
what you need may vary a lot depending on the kind of kids you have.
I found that it was helpful to be in a larger school system as I
got to high school just because larger schools are often able to
offer more opportunities--more extracurriculars, more advanced
classes, etc. But then again, there are smaller schools that
have terrific programs, and really, all that's important *to you*
is that they have the specific programs and opportunities that
interest or are of benefit to *your* children ;-)
Ultimately, I think the fact that you're feeling the urge
to move is the key. If you feel that strongly enough to actually
take steps in that direction, then it's probably the right thing
to do. Just avoid the mindset that it's permanent, because that
raises the stakes too high. Maybe you'll find somewhere you love
that you'll live the rest of your lives, and maybe it'll just be
somewhere that works for the next phase of your lives. Maybe it'll
even be a mistake. But it's not permanent. If it doesn't work
out, or if your needs change in the future, you'll just move again ;-)
It's not *that* big a deal! ;-)

Good luck,
Ericka

"Laurie" wrote


So basically I need to hear success stories from those of you that live
far
from home. Will I survive? Bear in mind this is something I really *want*
to do, I'm just scared to death! What kinds of things did you do to make
it
easier for yourselves and for your kids? How did you adjust without
having
family around? (we will have one relative within 30-60 minutes). Anyone
have kids go to school in a small town; how is the education compared to a
larger town? (good school system is high on the list of our desired
location).

Any and all advice appreciated!


You will survive We move every two to three years and we're ok so far.
My parents live in Florida and we currently live in Washington state. The
closest family to us is my husband's grandparents who live in Central
Oregon. His parents live in California, but are moving up to Portland next
month.
The hardest part for me, living away from my family, was my DH's last
deployment. I thought I was going to tear all my hair out. But I don't
think your Dh goes out of town, does he?
I'd recommend getting a good long distance carrier. I try to limit calls to
my mom to once a week, but sometimes I just need to call her and remind
myself that she's still around and she can still tell me how to make deviled
eggs or make a sick kid better, etc.
I've made some awesome friends. People I can ask to help me with the girls,
people who are like an adopted mom to me, people who are like sisters.
We live in a small town now, but with the exception of my middle dd, who
will be going to a special developmental preschool for disabled children,
I've chosen not to use the public school system here. We have somewhat of a
lack of funding and kindergarten here requires tuition, and I have a problem
paying tuition to a public school, so I'll be homeschooling. Other than
that, the class sizes are great after about 2nd grade, lots of one on one
time for students. Great extra curricular activities and such.
Good luck,
Denise

Wow moving to another state, what a change. We almost made the move out of
state. We sold our house, bought another one in another state, and it was
about a week away before the move and we decided that it wasn't the right
time and right job move to change everything that we knew and loved.

So I guess you're not taking the new position at the hospital then?

So we haven't moved out of state, but I have moved three times since my kids
have been small. Have someone keep the kids on the moving day so you can get
stuff done. Move Jessica's things on the truck last and unpack them first
into her room so she won't feel misplaced. Since your kids are still very
little, I don't think you will have it too bad. My kids were unphased at
moving, but you can include Jessica in moving and keeping it upbeat. Try to
do some packing everyday so it is not forced on you at the last minute. Good
luck.
--
Sue
mom to three girls

Laurie wrote in message
...
For those of you that have moved yourselves and small children to another
state, please share your experiences with me!

After talking about it for years, we've taken the plunge and put our house
on the market. We're in the process of trying to find a home in another
state and are going to look at several this coming weekend.

As soon as it was official, I nearly had an anxiety attack wondering if
we're doing the right thing. We're moving from a beautiful area, where I
grew up, 10 minutes from my parents and 50 minutes from his parents. My
dad
built this house for us, and I adore it. However, it's become crazy where
we are now (Cape Cod), the traffic is unbearable in the summer and the
cost
of living in MA is really high. Also, we've outgrown our house and need
more space. For a long time, we've both wanted to go somewhere where the
pace is a little slower, where we can own a lot of land, and live in the
mountains. So that's what we're doing. Financially we'll be helping
ourselves a lot; we'll be making a bit less, but cost of living is
significantly lower.

Anyway, we're really excited about it but after I told my dad tonight I
felt
like I'd been punched in the stomach. He was really bummed out! I know we
need to live our own lives but I've always been a hometown kind of girl
and
that made me feel sad! This is something we both really want to do, but
it's going to be so hard!

So basically I need to hear success stories from those of you that live
far
from home. Will I survive? Bear in mind this is something I really *want*
to do, I'm just scared to death! What kinds of things did you do to make
it
easier for yourselves and for your kids? How did you adjust without
having
family around? (we will have one relative within 30-60 minutes). Anyone
have kids go to school in a small town; how is the education compared to a
larger town? (good school system is high on the list of our desired
location).

Any and all advice appreciated!

laurie
mommy to Jessica, 27 months
and Christopher, 12 weeks

*This email address is now valid*

On Mon, 14 Jul 2003 04:28:24 GMT, "Laurie" wrote:


So basically I need to hear success stories from those of you that live far
from home.

I moved far from home several times. The big, scary move happened in '94, when
we moved from PA to IN, with 2 kids in tow, the 3rd on the way, no jobs, no
house, NOTHING. We did it because DH lost his job and there were no other jobs
to be had -- IOW, we had little choice. We just did what we had to do -- we
found jobs and a place to live and lived life. We stayed there until 2000, when
we moved here to VA. From IN to PA to see our families, it was a 12 hour drive,
so we only did it a couple of times a year. Now, it's a 4 hour drive and
although I'd talked about how we could go up there once a month, we still just
go a couple of times a year!

I adore my parents and I talk to my mom at least once a week. It's just that
it's SO much *work* taking the kids on any trip.

Will I survive?

Well, do you have a choice? IMO, it's all a matter of attitude. If you feel like
you're making the right choice, even though you'll miss your family, you'll be
fine.

What kinds of things did you do to make it
easier for yourselves and for your kids?

I love moving to a new place and spending hours exploring. I'd take long drives,
just checking out what's around.

How did you adjust without having family around?

Since I've never lived really close to my family since having kids, there was no
adjustment. Frankly, I don't know how I'd adjust to living *close* to my parents
since I'm so used to having just our family to deal with.

Anyone
have kids go to school in a small town; how is the education compared to a
larger town?

IME, it totally depends what part of the country you're in. I've found that city
schools really have a terrible reputation, while suburban/small town schools
have higher standards *but* the previous school my kids attended was far behind
the school they're in now. My eldest has gone to 6 schools, all suburban/small
town and the last one was the only one that I didn't think was very good.



Tracy
======================================
We child proofed our home 3 years ago
and they're still getting in!
======================================

dragonlady wrote:


I see from another post that you are only moving 4 hours away; that
isn't that far, so you'll still be able to see relatives several times a
year. Four hours is an easy weekend trip, and can even be driven (if
necessary) for just a single day visit -- it makes a heck of a long day,
but it is do-able.


Absolutely! My family has been know to make a 4 hour (one
way) day trip just to go shopping or to a particular restaurant ;-)
That's nothin'! Obviously, it does wipe out the day or the weekend,
and at least for us, that's no small thing as the weekends always
seem too short to get anything done, but at least it is an easily
doable drive so that whenever you need to go, you can.


Best wishes,

Ericka