Becoming parent of child that has only mother.

Hello:

I'm interested in finding more information on becoming the father of a
child that only has a mother? The mother and I plan to get married in
a month, but I also want to become the baby's father, which isn't
involved at all in the baby's life.

The father as all but given up his parental rights and doesn't pay
child support. I understand he needs to complete a form "officially"
giving up his right? Is this correct, and where do I find this form
for the state of Washington?

The baby is only 10 months old (today), and I'm the only father figure
he knows right now.

Much regards,

John

How does that saying go?

Oh yeah...............'A fool and his money are soon parted'

wrote in message
oups.com...
Hello:

I'm interested in finding more information on becoming the father of a
child that only has a mother? The mother and I plan to get married in
a month, but I also want to become the baby's father, which isn't
involved at all in the baby's life.

The father as all but given up his parental rights and doesn't pay
child support. I understand he needs to complete a form "officially"
giving up his right? Is this correct, and where do I find this form
for the state of Washington?

The baby is only 10 months old (today), and I'm the only father figure
he knows right now.

Much regards,

John

The father as all but given up his parental rights and doesn't pay
child support. I understand he needs to complete a form "officially"
giving up his right? Is this correct, and where do I find this form
for the state of Washington?


If you can not afford an attorney for this, you can not afford this
child.

Try Family Court Services as they handle the homestudies in some
counties.

The mother should consult an attorney.

I would get an attorney.
wrote:
Hello:

I'm interested in finding more information on becoming the father of a
child that only has a mother? The mother and I plan to get married in
a month, but I also want to become the baby's father, which isn't
involved at all in the baby's life.

The father as all but given up his parental rights and doesn't pay
child support. I understand he needs to complete a form "officially"
giving up his right? Is this correct, and where do I find this form
for the state of Washington?

The baby is only 10 months old (today), and I'm the only father figure
he knows right now.

Much regards,

John

You sir, are nuts. You are planning on marrying a woman with a 10 month
old? This all seems rather fast. Take your time before signing up for a 20
year payment plan on a kid that isn't yours. I met my son when he was 2,
married his mother when he was almost 4. His bio-father rarely visited, and
even more rarely paid support, but that 21 year old man calls me dad. We
have the relationship and I was never able to adopt him. After her and I
divorced, he lived with her 4 years, but chose to move in with me for his
senior year of high school because I was normal and dependable. I never
paid child support for him when she left me. BIG SAVINGS.

You can have a father - child relationship without signing on the dotted
line.
Just chill dude. Obviously, this woman is not real stable in relationships
if she gets pregnant, has a baby, leaves him, hooks up with you, and gets
engaged to you all inside a 19 month period.
Take your time, this child's life will not change whether you do this right
now, or do it 4 years from now. Relax, and save yourself thousands if this
woman dumps you in 3 years.
Jon




wrote:
Hello:

I'm interested in finding more information on becoming the father of a
child that only has a mother? The mother and I plan to get married in
a month, but I also want to become the baby's father, which isn't
involved at all in the baby's life.

The father as all but given up his parental rights and doesn't pay
child support. I understand he needs to complete a form "officially"
giving up his right? Is this correct, and where do I find this form
for the state of Washington?

The baby is only 10 months old (today), and I'm the only father figure
he knows right now.

Much regards,

John

"Jon" wrote in

Take your time, this child's life will not change whether you do this
right now, or do it 4 years from now. Relax, and save yourself thousands
if this woman dumps you in 3 years.


I agree, this is sound advice and what's the hurry to get into the CS
payment program?

"DB" wrote in message
om...

"Jon" wrote in

Take your time, this child's life will not change whether you do this
right now, or do it 4 years from now. Relax, and save yourself
thousands
if this woman dumps you in 3 years.


I agree, this is sound advice and what's the hurry to get into the CS
payment program?

I agree. Why, for the love of God, would anyone want to shoot themselves in
the foot with that gun? Reminds me of that Far Side cartoon from years
ago..

Two deer are talking and one turns to the other and says to his friend with
the concentric circles marks on his chest, "Bummer of a birthmark, Hal."

Jon, she knows she has you as a patsy and loves it. Just wait, in 12 to 24
months (I give it less then that) you too will be living on a friends couch
with half your stuff and nothing in your wallet.

DON'T DO IT!!!!!!

On 1 Dec 2005 11:05:47 -0800, wrote:

Hello:

I'm interested in finding more information on becoming the father of a
child that only has a mother? The mother and I plan to get married in
a month, but I also want to become the baby's father, which isn't
involved at all in the baby's life.

The father as all but given up his parental rights and doesn't pay
child support. I understand he needs to complete a form "officially"
giving up his right? Is this correct, and where do I find this form
for the state of Washington?

The baby is only 10 months old (today), and I'm the only father figure
he knows right now.

Much regards,

John

I understand your desire to close the circle on what is to be your
nuclear family; however, nothing you can ever do will change the blood
that runs through that baby's veins. Legal father or not, this child
will love you as "Daddy" when you are the only father figure he knows.
In my experience, society gives a step-father every right a father has
when the marriage is intact... my husband (my children's step-father)
has been equally able to take the children to the doctor and make
decisions about treatment as well as deal with the schools as a parent
as I have been. But, then, my husband has never made a big deal out
of being the step-father versus being the biological father.

I can see a few reasons why adoption would be necessary, none of which
change the essence of your relationship with the child.

1. If you want to secure your rights to a relationship with the child
should the marriage fail.
2. If you want to ensure that the child gets Survivors Social
Security benefits in the event of your death.
3. If you want to ensure the child remains with you in the event of
the mother's death.

Addressing number 1:
As many men on this newsgroup can tell you, the courts don't seem to
uphold any rights of a father to a relationship with a child in the
event of divorce. The courts DO, however, enforce the
responsibilities with a vengeance. Adoption or not, marital failure
would most likely cease the relationship you have with the child as
you know it. Fathers rarely get sutody and there are no laws that
prohibit a mother from allowing a former step-parent the same
visitation she would have "allowed" a legal parent. Court orders
don't do a heck of a lot to enforce visitation.

In any event, if you are concerned with your rights in the event of a
divorce, it makes you think divorce is a possibility. Aside from the
stats, someone on the verge of marriage normally believes that they
are so in love that divorce can never happen. You may wish to rethink
your marriage plans if the stats speak louder than your love.

Addressing number 2:
While survivor's benefits are, indeed, a great help to a family when
the father has passed, adequate life insurance can be just as good.
If this is a concern, speak with an insurance agent about getting life
insurance that will be distributable for the child's well-being in
increments over a period of time. This is normally done through a
trust. While an unrelated person may not BUY insurance on another
person, a person who buys the insurance on himself can name anyone as
the beneficiary. A good insurance agent can ensure that the child
receives the same amount as he would have if eligible for survivor's
benefits.

Addressing number 3:
While the status quo when legal parents die is to find the next of
kin, it is not totally unheard of for a child to remain with a
step-parent; although, it could be quite a fight. If the deceased
parent's will spells out that her desire is for the child to remain
with you in the event of her death, that would be a point in your
favor. If the biological father and his family remain uninvolved and,
better yet, cannot be located, then that is another point in your
favor. The maternal grandparents would presumably know if their
daughter had died and could seek custody; however, the mother's wishes
and the best interests of the child could weight heavily. The longer
you are "Daddy," the more that the best interests of the child would
call for the child to remain with you.

This particular issue is the hardest one to overcome without adoption
taking place, but it is not something you can't prepare for ahead of
time. Make sure the mother has a will specifying that you should be
guardian in the event of her death. Do not track the whereabouts of
the biological father or his family. The less anyone knows, the
better. Have your (soon to be) wife explain her wishes to her parents
and get them on board. It is entirely possible for the maternal
grandparents to get custody versus a biological father who has
abandoned his child... then the maternal grandparents allow the child
to stay with you.

ALL of that said, while adoption secures some rights, it also demands
responsibility. As others have stated, you may be tying yourself to a
legal financial obligation for over 18 years which WILL be enforced
while securing rights that either can be secured other ways or can be
stripped from you in the blink of an eye. If the mother intends to
remain married, SHE will not see adoption as a big issue given the
alternatives presented above. All that is truly important is that you
continue to love this child and TREAT him as your own... making sure
not to hurry into marriage before you are relatively sure that it is
for forever.