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Toddlers and food waste



 
 
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  #1  
Old December 21st 03, 10:47 PM
Cheryl S.
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Default Toddlers and food waste

Julie, age 2.75, eats pretty normally for her age - that is, not a whole
lot, and doesn't like more foods than she likes. I understand this and
don't have any trouble with it - she's growing and has plenty of energy.
What bugs me lately is that she will ask for food after food, and by the
time I prepare one thing for her she doesn't want it and asks for
something else. The amount of food she wastes in one day could probably
feed an entire Ethiopian family, and it also is a big waste of my time,
which I don't have a lot of to spare these days. I have always avoided
making food a power struggle of any kind but I don't see how to deal
with this situation without it becoming one. The only solutions I see
are to refuse to give her anything else until she's eaten the first
thing she *asked* for (I only give her what she asks for) or to just not
give her a choice at all, both of which are more controlling than my
usual parenting style. Anyone got an option (C)?
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.


  #2  
Old December 21st 03, 11:08 PM
toypup
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Posts: n/a
Default Toddlers and food waste


"Cheryl S." wrote in message
...
Julie, age 2.75, eats pretty normally for her age - that is, not a whole
lot, and doesn't like more foods than she likes. I understand this and
don't have any trouble with it - she's growing and has plenty of energy.
What bugs me lately is that she will ask for food after food, and by the
time I prepare one thing for her she doesn't want it and asks for
something else. The amount of food she wastes in one day could probably
feed an entire Ethiopian family, and it also is a big waste of my time,
which I don't have a lot of to spare these days. I have always avoided
making food a power struggle of any kind but I don't see how to deal
with this situation without it becoming one. The only solutions I see
are to refuse to give her anything else until she's eaten the first
thing she *asked* for (I only give her what she asks for) or to just not
give her a choice at all, both of which are more controlling than my
usual parenting style. Anyone got an option (C)?


I usually don't like to make food a power struggle, either, especially given
that DS is extremely picky, and I'm not exaggerating. I've had him do
exactly the same thing and he's 2yo, so maybe it's a phase. The other day,
he asked for applesauce. We opened one and he asked for something else. DH
was feeding him. I leaned down to his level and told him firmly that he had
to eat the applesauce because he asked for it and lo and behold, it worked!
He said, "Okay," and ate. I was a bit surprised. Don't know if it would
work for you. I've only done it that once myself. Don't know if it will
work again. Looking forward to the replies to this thread.


  #3  
Old December 21st 03, 11:21 PM
Cheryl S.
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Toddlers and food waste

"toypup" wrote in message
news:iRoFb.621852$Fm2.560060@attbi_s04...
I usually don't like to make food a power struggle,
either, especially given that DS is extremely picky,
and I'm not exaggerating. I've had him do exactly
the same thing and he's 2yo, so maybe it's a phase.


What isn't (a phase)? sigh. lol.

The other day, he asked for applesauce. We opened
one and he asked for something else. DH was feeding
him. I leaned down to his level and told him firmly that
he had to eat the applesauce because he asked for it
and lo and behold, it worked! He said, "Okay," and
ate. I was a bit surprised. Don't know if it would work
for you. I've only done it that once myself. Don't know
if it will work again. Looking forward to the replies to
this thread.


I did try the "you're not getting anything else until you eat what
you've already asked for" approach at lunch today. She just didn't eat.
Maybe she wasn't really hungry?
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.


  #4  
Old December 22nd 03, 12:01 AM
H Schinske
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Posts: n/a
Default Toddlers and food waste

Cheryl S. wrote:

The only solutions I see
are to refuse to give her anything else until she's eaten the first
thing she *asked* for (I only give her what she asks for) or to just not
give her a choice at all, both of which are more controlling than my
usual parenting style.


Give her *small* portions of what she asks for, and say that she can have more,
or different, food when she's eaten that. If she stops eating what she's asked
for, assume her meal is done. Pretty much the same thing as if she were
throwing food. Just fact of life stuff, food is for eating, if you don't eat
it, you don't get any more until next meal/snack time.

--Helen
  #5  
Old December 22nd 03, 12:01 AM
Jeff
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Posts: n/a
Default Toddlers and food waste


"Cheryl S." wrote in message
...
Julie, age 2.75, eats pretty normally for her age - that is, not a whole
lot, and doesn't like more foods than she likes. I understand this and
don't have any trouble with it - she's growing and has plenty of energy.
What bugs me lately is that she will ask for food after food, and by the
time I prepare one thing for her she doesn't want it and asks for
something else.


She learns to control you well.

The amount of food she wastes in one day could probably
feed an entire Ethiopian family


Wrong. The amount of food you waste in a day.

and it also is a big waste of my time,


not your daughter's time. She likes the game. And wins a lot.

which I don't have a lot of to spare these days. I have always avoided
making food a power struggle of any kind but I don't see how to deal
with this situation without it becoming one.


Tell her she gets to eat as much as wants of the food she picked out or you
prepared. If she wants something else, she can have it at the next meal. She
will be unhappy for a day or two, but she will get the hang of it. So will
you.

The only solutions I see
are to refuse to give her anything else until she's eaten the first
thing she *asked* for (I only give her what she asks for) or to just not
give her a choice at all, both of which are more controlling than my
usual parenting style. Anyone got an option (C)?


What is controlling is her childing style.

Jeff
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.




  #6  
Old December 22nd 03, 12:22 AM
Cheryl S.
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Posts: n/a
Default Toddlers and food waste

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
It seems to me there are a couple possible issues here.
1) she's just amused seeing how she can run you around; or,
2) she isn't predicting what she really wants very well.


I've been thinking it's #2.

If it makes you feel better, you could offer a
no-cooking standby if she turns her nose up at what she
first asked for (e.g., cereal, a piece of fruit, carrot
sticks, etc.).


That'd work - there are some foods she can get for herself in the
pantry.

When Jaden gets old enough
to express a preference, you'll never again get both
kids to agree on anything for dinner ;-)


Oh, yikes, hadn't even thought about that yet. Bleargh.

Your job is to put a
reasonably varied and healthy dinner on the table.
It's their job to eat or not. No muss, no fuss ;-)
Particularly when you've got more than one child in the
mix, the notion that everyone will have their favorite
food every night for dinner is quite unrealistic and not
to be considered a priority ;-)


;-) I like this.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.


  #7  
Old December 22nd 03, 12:27 AM
Cheryl S.
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Toddlers and food waste

"H Schinske" wrote in message
...
Give her *small* portions of what she asks for, and
say that she can have more, or different, food when
she's eaten that. If she stops eating what she's asked
for, assume her meal is done. Pretty much the same
thing as if she were throwing food. Just fact of life stuff,
food is for eating, if you don't eat it, you don't get any
more until next meal/snack time.


I did end the meal for throwing food when she was a baby, and it worked
then, but now she's much more persistent about asking for food #2 (or 3
or 4) and I feel pretty bad refusing to give my child food. OTOH I
guess I need to look at it as, I didn't refuse to give her food, she
just didn't eat the food that she had. Tantrums notwithstanding.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.


  #8  
Old December 22nd 03, 12:33 AM
Ericka Kammerer
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Posts: n/a
Default Toddlers and food waste

Cheryl S. wrote:

Julie, age 2.75, eats pretty normally for her age - that is, not a whole
lot, and doesn't like more foods than she likes. I understand this and
don't have any trouble with it - she's growing and has plenty of energy.
What bugs me lately is that she will ask for food after food, and by the
time I prepare one thing for her she doesn't want it and asks for
something else. The amount of food she wastes in one day could probably
feed an entire Ethiopian family, and it also is a big waste of my time,
which I don't have a lot of to spare these days. I have always avoided
making food a power struggle of any kind but I don't see how to deal
with this situation without it becoming one. The only solutions I see
are to refuse to give her anything else until she's eaten the first
thing she *asked* for (I only give her what she asks for) or to just not
give her a choice at all, both of which are more controlling than my
usual parenting style. Anyone got an option (C)?


It seems to me there are a couple possible issues here.
1) she's just amused seeing how she can run you around; or,
2) she isn't predicting what she really wants very well.
Either way, it seems almost irrelevant, as the issue isn't
really what she will or won't eat, but how many times you'll
go back and prepare something new. I would simply explain
that I can't keep cooking up new things and that she can
either eat what she asked for or wait until the next meal
or snack. Likely enough, if she's actually hungry she'll
eat the thing she asked for (after all, she's probably not
asking for things she knows she *doesn't* like. The only
exception I'd make is if she's trying something new.
My second is very adventurous with food, and sometimes
he'll ask for something he's never had before because
he thinks it might be good. If he tries it and discovers
he doesn't like it, I generally reward his trying something
new by being willing to make something different if he
genuinely doesn't like it.
If it makes you feel better, you could offer a
no-cooking standby if she turns her nose up at what she
first asked for (e.g., cereal, a piece of fruit, carrot
sticks, etc.).
I do think this is a very common phase. Kids
naturally wonder just where the limits are at some point.
I don't think you'll create food issues just by having a
limit on how much time you'll spend in the kitchen. You
just have to be clear that it's fine if she doesn't want
to eat it, but you don't have any more time/energy/inclination
to cook another meal.
Also, I wouldn't get wrapped up in offering all
these choices with dinner. When Jaden gets old enough
to express a preference, you'll never again get both
kids to agree on anything for dinner ;-) I allow
the kids to have input into dinner choices at a higher
level (e.g., they can put in requests for what they want
to have in the near future) and I take their preferences
into consideration when deciding what's for dinner, but
it's an utter disaster if I ask them what they want
every night for dinner! Sure as shooting, *something*
will go awry with that plan. Either one or both will
want something impossible, or the second will insist that
whatever the first wants is *completely* unaccaptable.
I think it's easy enough to avoid food issues by simply
putting food on the table and refusing to be drawn into
struggles over who eats what. Your job is to put a
reasonably varied and healthy dinner on the table.
It's their job to eat or not. No muss, no fuss ;-)
Particularly when you've got more than one child in the
mix, the notion that everyone will have their favorite
food every night for dinner is quite unrealistic and not
to be considered a priority ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #9  
Old December 22nd 03, 01:20 AM
Ali's Daddie
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Posts: n/a
Default Toddlers and food waste


"Cheryl S." wrote in message
...
| Julie, age 2.75, eats pretty normally for her age - that is, not a whole
| lot, and doesn't like more foods than she likes. I understand this and
| don't have any trouble with it - she's growing and has plenty of energy.
| What bugs me lately is that she will ask for food after food, and by the
| time I prepare one thing for her she doesn't want it and asks for
| something else. The amount of food she wastes in one day could probably
| feed an entire Ethiopian family, and it also is a big waste of my time,
| which I don't have a lot of to spare these days. I have always avoided
| making food a power struggle of any kind but I don't see how to deal
| with this situation without it becoming one. The only solutions I see
| are to refuse to give her anything else until she's eaten the first
| thing she *asked* for (I only give her what she asks for) or to just not
| give her a choice at all, both of which are more controlling than my
| usual parenting style. Anyone got an option (C)?
| --


With Kris (4) we have started giving her choices. But only prepare 1 thing
for her. (Unless its something new).

If she eats it all, great. If not, then it is put in the fridge and she will
finish it the next meal. But she knows now that she doesn't get anything
else until the first is finished. Even if that means having the lunch meal
for dinner and even lunch the next day until its finished. (This rarely
happens anymore though. Usually a meal is finished in 1 sitting with a
reward of a small desert or something else of her request after)

That said, this new way seems to be working very well for her as she loves
hot cocoa and cookies (as well as tons of other snack type foods) She knows
she cannot have any of the other foods until she finishes what she asked
for. And she knows she cannot have the snack foods for a meal.

We rarely have anything in the fridge overnight lol. And nothing gets
wasted.

Keep in mind, this only works for foods we know she likes and we know she
will eat. We are still having issues with her thinking everything new is
going to be spicy hot, but thats passing slowly.

--
LES!

To send me an email, please remove Your Hat
YourHatDaddie @ bonbon.net



  #10  
Old December 22nd 03, 03:15 AM
P. Tierney
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Posts: n/a
Default Toddlers and food waste


"Cheryl S." wrote:

The other day, he asked for applesauce. We opened
one and he asked for something else. DH was feeding
him. I leaned down to his level and told him firmly that
he had to eat the applesauce because he asked for it
and lo and behold, it worked! He said, "Okay," and
ate. I was a bit surprised. Don't know if it would work
for you. I've only done it that once myself. Don't know
if it will work again. Looking forward to the replies to
this thread.


I did try the "you're not getting anything else until you eat what
you've already asked for" approach at lunch today. She just didn't eat.
Maybe she wasn't really hungry?


I know a child like that -- frequently asks for food that often
goes uneaten. The parents eventually learned that asking for
food, for this child, doesn't necessarily mean that one is hungry.

In such a case, I'd keep the applesauce handy until she
asked for food again, then I'd pull it out when she asked
for something else, Food B. If she insisted on Food B,
I'd say that she could have it only if she ate applesauce
with it, since it's already opened and she asked for it earlier.
Same with Food C, to see how it works.

IOW, I'd want to hold her accountable to a degree, but not
to the point where she couldn't eat anything else until she
ate it. It seems to be an effective compromise, and if she
doesn't want applesauce to begin with, then perhaps she'll
learn not to ask for it if it's something that she does not
care for.

LMK how whatever you do works, as I'll probably
encounter the same thing a few months from now. ;-)


P. Tierney


 




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