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Family ettiquette about baby clothes?



 
 
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  #1  
Old January 8th 07, 08:10 AM posted to alt.support.single-parents
xkatx
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 103
Default Family ettiquette about baby clothes?

The rundown...

Just found out a few days ago that my cousin and his new wife (as of Aug.
'06) just found out they're expecting their first baby - or they just
announced it the other day, and I heard through the grape vine, of course.

To keep it simple, I'll just use first names, since no one knows them and
there's probably a gazillion people with the same names
Dean is my cousin - my mom and his mom are sisters. His new wife is
Danielle.

Dean and I are not quite 4 years apart in age. Danielle, I've heard, is my
age.
Dean and I have never been close. I am close with another cousin on that
side of the family, and there's a 9 year age gap between us, it's just the
one part of the family (Dean, his older brother and parents) has kind of
made the choice to distance themselves from the rest of us. We see them,
basically, only on special occasions - Christmas, Thanksgiving (sometimes),
Mother's Day, my grandma's birthday. For birthdays, the whole family gets
together to celebrate, with that part of the family excluded by their
choice. Any one of them has yet to attend anyone else's birthday, with the
exception of Grandma, for as long as I can remember. They made the choice
this Christmas to 'spend Christmas with just themselves' on Christmas Day,
when the rest of the family went to the other aunt's house (my mom's other
sister) because Christmas Eve has always been at Grandma's - which they came
to. I believe the last time I had been to their house was 12 or 13 years
ago. That aunt doesn't like people over to her house, as she doesn't like
being a 'host'.

DS was about 2 years old before any one of them gave him the time of day,
yet every birthday, I have called and asked if they would like to come over
since we're having a birthday dinner or something. They always decline with
an excuse. With DS, my aunt had some real issues with that when he was
born. She was downright angry that *he* was the first great grandchild born
in the family - her boys, both older than me by 4 and 6 years had no
children. Basically, she was ripped because I had the first great
grandchild, first great grandson AND the first great granddaughter (for my
grandma, her mom)

Now my cousin is expecting his first child. I have no idea when, nor do I
really care all that much. I would guess she'd be 6-8 weeks along or so,
although I could be wrong. I know for a fact (and my other aunt and uncle
and cousin have said the same) that this other part of the family - Dean and
Danielle's - will be calling me asking me if I have any baby clothes that I
no longer need. My cousin figures that Dean's mom will ask my mom if I have
any baby clothes, and my mom will say she didn't know and to ask me herself.

To be honest, we're all done having kids. Any clothes that DD2 grows out of
will be ready to be passed on to the next person (when I'm ready to let them
go, of course!) and quite frankly, I feel like I'd much rather throw the
clothes away before giving them to my cousin and his wife. I'd feel more
satisfaction by burning them or eating them than I would by offering the
clothes to them.
My mom said I should offer them, if they need them, but I wonder if I really
should. Why should I? Because they've made the choice to distance
themselves from the rest of the family? Because they've decided they're so
much better than the rest of us? And since they all make so much good
money, surely they'd never want some lousy hand-me-downs from the likes of
me - the one who is clearly the one who has the least material possessions
out of everyone in the family - since they're more than able to buy brand
new clothes. On occasion, Dean's mom has commented what a lovely dress DD
is in or how DS has such nice shoes, or something... I've always been VERY
picky as to what I put my children in... She said the dresses the girls
were wearing at Christmas were just beautiful, and she asked where I had
found DS's suit.

Am I being totally rude by even feeling this way? I've found that Danielle
has been fairly rude towards me since the day I met her. She's been rude or
nasty more than she's been pleasant and nice. I don't feel or think I've
been rude or mean to her. I've never outwardly tried to be a jerk towards
her, or anyone from that part of the family. I've always tried to be very
pleasant and nice regardless.
Would I be wrong if I did get a call about all of my baby clothes and just
said something along the lines of one of my girl friends is expecting a baby
right away and, oh, just by chance, I happened to give all I had to her? I
don't think anything would change my mind or feelings about offering or
giving these clothes to them, but would it be wrong or nasty to just say
I've already given them away to avoid everything??


  #2  
Old January 8th 07, 04:19 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Kim
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 24
Default Family ettiquette about baby clothes?


"xkatx" wrote in message
news:e7moh.116593$rv4.27692@edtnps90...
The rundown...

Just found out a few days ago that my cousin and his new wife (as of Aug.
'06) just found out they're expecting their first baby - or they just
announced it the other day, and I heard through the grape vine, of course.

To keep it simple, I'll just use first names, since no one knows them and
there's probably a gazillion people with the same names
Dean is my cousin - my mom and his mom are sisters. His new wife is
Danielle.

Dean and I are not quite 4 years apart in age. Danielle, I've heard, is
my age.
Dean and I have never been close. I am close with another cousin on that
side of the family, and there's a 9 year age gap between us, it's just the
one part of the family (Dean, his older brother and parents) has kind of
made the choice to distance themselves from the rest of us. We see them,
basically, only on special occasions - Christmas, Thanksgiving
(sometimes), Mother's Day, my grandma's birthday. For birthdays, the
whole family gets together to celebrate, with that part of the family
excluded by their choice. Any one of them has yet to attend anyone else's
birthday, with the exception of Grandma, for as long as I can remember.
They made the choice this Christmas to 'spend Christmas with just
themselves' on Christmas Day, when the rest of the family went to the
other aunt's house (my mom's other sister) because Christmas Eve has
always been at Grandma's - which they came to. I believe the last time I
had been to their house was 12 or 13 years ago. That aunt doesn't like
people over to her house, as she doesn't like being a 'host'.

DS was about 2 years old before any one of them gave him the time of day,
yet every birthday, I have called and asked if they would like to come
over since we're having a birthday dinner or something. They always
decline with an excuse. With DS, my aunt had some real issues with that
when he was born. She was downright angry that *he* was the first great
grandchild born in the family - her boys, both older than me by 4 and 6
years had no children. Basically, she was ripped because I had the first
great grandchild, first great grandson AND the first great granddaughter
(for my grandma, her mom)

Now my cousin is expecting his first child. I have no idea when, nor do I
really care all that much. I would guess she'd be 6-8 weeks along or so,
although I could be wrong. I know for a fact (and my other aunt and uncle
and cousin have said the same) that this other part of the family - Dean
and Danielle's - will be calling me asking me if I have any baby clothes
that I no longer need. My cousin figures that Dean's mom will ask my mom
if I have any baby clothes, and my mom will say she didn't know and to ask
me herself.

To be honest, we're all done having kids. Any clothes that DD2 grows out
of will be ready to be passed on to the next person (when I'm ready to let
them go, of course!) and quite frankly, I feel like I'd much rather throw
the clothes away before giving them to my cousin and his wife. I'd feel
more satisfaction by burning them or eating them than I would by offering
the clothes to them.
My mom said I should offer them, if they need them, but I wonder if I
really should. Why should I? Because they've made the choice to distance
themselves from the rest of the family? Because they've decided they're
so much better than the rest of us? And since they all make so much good
money, surely they'd never want some lousy hand-me-downs from the likes of
me - the one who is clearly the one who has the least material possessions
out of everyone in the family - since they're more than able to buy brand
new clothes. On occasion, Dean's mom has commented what a lovely dress DD
is in or how DS has such nice shoes, or something... I've always been VERY
picky as to what I put my children in... She said the dresses the girls
were wearing at Christmas were just beautiful, and she asked where I had
found DS's suit.

Am I being totally rude by even feeling this way? I've found that
Danielle has been fairly rude towards me since the day I met her. She's
been rude or nasty more than she's been pleasant and nice. I don't feel
or think I've been rude or mean to her. I've never outwardly tried to be
a jerk towards her, or anyone from that part of the family. I've always
tried to be very pleasant and nice regardless.
Would I be wrong if I did get a call about all of my baby clothes and just
said something along the lines of one of my girl friends is expecting a
baby right away and, oh, just by chance, I happened to give all I had to
her? I don't think anything would change my mind or feelings about
offering or giving these clothes to them, but would it be wrong or nasty
to just say I've already given them away to avoid everything??


They are your cloths to do with as you please... I'd simply say "Congrats
but I'm sorry they are already spoken for"


  #3  
Old January 9th 07, 03:49 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
xkatx
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 103
Default Family ettiquette about baby clothes?


"Kim" wrote in message
news:yitoh.117800$YV4.53906@edtnps89...

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:e7moh.116593$rv4.27692@edtnps90...
The rundown...

Just found out a few days ago that my cousin and his new wife (as of Aug.
'06) just found out they're expecting their first baby - or they just
announced it the other day, and I heard through the grape vine, of
course.

To keep it simple, I'll just use first names, since no one knows them and
there's probably a gazillion people with the same names
Dean is my cousin - my mom and his mom are sisters. His new wife is
Danielle.

Dean and I are not quite 4 years apart in age. Danielle, I've heard, is
my age.
Dean and I have never been close. I am close with another cousin on that
side of the family, and there's a 9 year age gap between us, it's just
the one part of the family (Dean, his older brother and parents) has kind
of made the choice to distance themselves from the rest of us. We see
them, basically, only on special occasions - Christmas, Thanksgiving
(sometimes), Mother's Day, my grandma's birthday. For birthdays, the
whole family gets together to celebrate, with that part of the family
excluded by their choice. Any one of them has yet to attend anyone
else's birthday, with the exception of Grandma, for as long as I can
remember. They made the choice this Christmas to 'spend Christmas with
just themselves' on Christmas Day, when the rest of the family went to
the other aunt's house (my mom's other sister) because Christmas Eve has
always been at Grandma's - which they came to. I believe the last time I
had been to their house was 12 or 13 years ago. That aunt doesn't like
people over to her house, as she doesn't like being a 'host'.

DS was about 2 years old before any one of them gave him the time of day,
yet every birthday, I have called and asked if they would like to come
over since we're having a birthday dinner or something. They always
decline with an excuse. With DS, my aunt had some real issues with that
when he was born. She was downright angry that *he* was the first great
grandchild born in the family - her boys, both older than me by 4 and 6
years had no children. Basically, she was ripped because I had the first
great grandchild, first great grandson AND the first great granddaughter
(for my grandma, her mom)

Now my cousin is expecting his first child. I have no idea when, nor do
I really care all that much. I would guess she'd be 6-8 weeks along or
so, although I could be wrong. I know for a fact (and my other aunt and
uncle and cousin have said the same) that this other part of the family -
Dean and Danielle's - will be calling me asking me if I have any baby
clothes that I no longer need. My cousin figures that Dean's mom will
ask my mom if I have any baby clothes, and my mom will say she didn't
know and to ask me herself.

To be honest, we're all done having kids. Any clothes that DD2 grows out
of will be ready to be passed on to the next person (when I'm ready to
let them go, of course!) and quite frankly, I feel like I'd much rather
throw the clothes away before giving them to my cousin and his wife. I'd
feel more satisfaction by burning them or eating them than I would by
offering the clothes to them.
My mom said I should offer them, if they need them, but I wonder if I
really should. Why should I? Because they've made the choice to
distance themselves from the rest of the family? Because they've decided
they're so much better than the rest of us? And since they all make so
much good money, surely they'd never want some lousy hand-me-downs from
the likes of me - the one who is clearly the one who has the least
material possessions out of everyone in the family - since they're more
than able to buy brand new clothes. On occasion, Dean's mom has
commented what a lovely dress DD is in or how DS has such nice shoes, or
something... I've always been VERY picky as to what I put my children
in... She said the dresses the girls were wearing at Christmas were just
beautiful, and she asked where I had found DS's suit.

Am I being totally rude by even feeling this way? I've found that
Danielle has been fairly rude towards me since the day I met her. She's
been rude or nasty more than she's been pleasant and nice. I don't feel
or think I've been rude or mean to her. I've never outwardly tried to be
a jerk towards her, or anyone from that part of the family. I've always
tried to be very pleasant and nice regardless.
Would I be wrong if I did get a call about all of my baby clothes and
just said something along the lines of one of my girl friends is
expecting a baby right away and, oh, just by chance, I happened to give
all I had to her? I don't think anything would change my mind or
feelings about offering or giving these clothes to them, but would it be
wrong or nasty to just say I've already given them away to avoid
everything??


They are your cloths to do with as you please... I'd simply say "Congrats
but I'm sorry they are already spoken for"


Congrats but I'm sorry, I ate them as soon as I heard the news through the
grapevine?
Congrats, would you care to come over to my place for a baby clothes'
bonfire?
Congrats but your attitudes on a regular basis are far worse than mine is
right now?
Congrats - I do have some clothes, but they're a bit ripped and stained from
baby vomit and poop?

I think this would be the best idea - no, not my rude remarks, but simply
saying I don't have any left to offer?


  #4  
Old January 9th 07, 03:49 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
xkatx
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 103
Default Family ettiquette about baby clothes?


"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Mon, 08 Jan 2007 07:10:02 GMT, "xkatx"
the following was posted in blue dry
erase marker:

The rundown...

Just found out a few days ago that my cousin and his new wife (as of Aug.
'06) just found out they're expecting their first baby - or they just
announced it the other day, and I heard through the grape vine, of course.

To keep it simple, I'll just use first names, since no one knows them and
there's probably a gazillion people with the same names
Dean is my cousin - my mom and his mom are sisters. His new wife is
Danielle.

Dean and I are not quite 4 years apart in age. Danielle, I've heard, is
my
age.
Dean and I have never been close. I am close with another cousin on that
side of the family, and there's a 9 year age gap between us, it's just the
one part of the family (Dean, his older brother and parents) has kind of
made the choice to distance themselves from the rest of us. We see them,
basically, only on special occasions - Christmas, Thanksgiving
(sometimes),
Mother's Day, my grandma's birthday. For birthdays, the whole family gets
together to celebrate, with that part of the family excluded by their
choice. Any one of them has yet to attend anyone else's birthday, with
the
exception of Grandma, for as long as I can remember. They made the choice
this Christmas to 'spend Christmas with just themselves' on Christmas Day,
when the rest of the family went to the other aunt's house (my mom's other
sister) because Christmas Eve has always been at Grandma's - which they
came
to. I believe the last time I had been to their house was 12 or 13 years
ago. That aunt doesn't like people over to her house, as she doesn't like
being a 'host'.

DS was about 2 years old before any one of them gave him the time of day,
yet every birthday, I have called and asked if they would like to come
over
since we're having a birthday dinner or something. They always decline
with
an excuse. With DS, my aunt had some real issues with that when he was
born. She was downright angry that *he* was the first great grandchild
born
in the family - her boys, both older than me by 4 and 6 years had no
children. Basically, she was ripped because I had the first great
grandchild, first great grandson AND the first great granddaughter (for my
grandma, her mom)

Now my cousin is expecting his first child. I have no idea when, nor do I
really care all that much. I would guess she'd be 6-8 weeks along or so,
although I could be wrong. I know for a fact (and my other aunt and uncle
and cousin have said the same) that this other part of the family - Dean
and
Danielle's - will be calling me asking me if I have any baby clothes that
I
no longer need. My cousin figures that Dean's mom will ask my mom if I
have
any baby clothes, and my mom will say she didn't know and to ask me
herself.

To be honest, we're all done having kids. Any clothes that DD2 grows out
of
will be ready to be passed on to the next person (when I'm ready to let
them
go, of course!) and quite frankly, I feel like I'd much rather throw the
clothes away before giving them to my cousin and his wife. I'd feel more
satisfaction by burning them or eating them than I would by offering the
clothes to them.
My mom said I should offer them, if they need them, but I wonder if I
really
should. Why should I? Because they've made the choice to distance
themselves from the rest of the family? Because they've decided they're
so
much better than the rest of us? And since they all make so much good
money, surely they'd never want some lousy hand-me-downs from the likes of
me - the one who is clearly the one who has the least material possessions
out of everyone in the family - since they're more than able to buy brand
new clothes. On occasion, Dean's mom has commented what a lovely dress DD
is in or how DS has such nice shoes, or something... I've always been VERY
picky as to what I put my children in... She said the dresses the girls
were wearing at Christmas were just beautiful, and she asked where I had
found DS's suit.

Am I being totally rude by even feeling this way? I've found that
Danielle
has been fairly rude towards me since the day I met her. She's been rude
or
nasty more than she's been pleasant and nice. I don't feel or think I've
been rude or mean to her. I've never outwardly tried to be a jerk towards
her, or anyone from that part of the family. I've always tried to be very
pleasant and nice regardless.
Would I be wrong if I did get a call about all of my baby clothes and just
said something along the lines of one of my girl friends is expecting a
baby
right away and, oh, just by chance, I happened to give all I had to her?
I
don't think anything would change my mind or feelings about offering or
giving these clothes to them, but would it be wrong or nasty to just say
I've already given them away to avoid everything??


Tell them that they're welcome to bid on them like everyone else on
Ebay. :-)


LOL
Or maybe they're welcome (I said above) to come over for dinner - I'm
cutting up a baby clothes salad and a nice roasted baby clothes.


 




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