Should I or should I not....(long)

"Shannon" wrote in message
news:2004052613570050073%shannonNOSPAM@sdf1net...
I have been TTC for a little while now and of course have been thinking
A LOT about pregnancy and child rearing. I feel very confused right
now and I'm thinking that many other women probably feel the way I do
so I thought I would post and see what people's opinions are.

snip
Warning: M/c mentioned

It's such a personal choice.

Honestly, you're in absolute "prime time" for fertility.

work:
I was forced to be out of the house doing training and work starting when my
daughter was 18 months old. It was gruelling when she was tiny, although I
was a single mother and had less than ideal living circumstances. One of the
things my husband and I decided before we married last year was that if I
wanted to stay home, I would stay home. My boss knew, when I got married,
that we'd be TTC soon and asked about maternity leave and what I'd be
needing. Without thinking, I said, "I think I'll be leaving in June and I
don't think I'll be coming back." I was not even trying at that point.

We started TTC in mid-March. The company started shopping for my replacement
in April. We interviewed my replacement a few days before I ovulated and she
started work about a week before I got a positive pregnancy test at the end
of April.

I lost the baby a few days ago. So I'm leaving work a few weeks early. It
will be financially tight. But my work involves nothing but stories and
pictures about pregnancy and babies and I'd be a basket case in there right
now. I'll be doing other stuff at home for money, eventually, mostly writing
and designing clothes/baby gear.

If your income is truly necessary to support living where you live right
now, and you think there's a chance you might want to stay home, you are
going to have to take a really close look whether there are ways to
rearrange your life to allow that. Many people work outside the home with
young babies--my best friend has a decent arrangement as a teacher--she can
nurse her daughter at lunchtime, for example. But I can tell you, it is NOT
easy. Parenting your first baby is a huge learning experience and there's
just not a lot of energy left over for being civil at work, etc. IMO.

One option? See if you can live on his income alone for 3 months. Put all of
your income into savings. Then start TTC. Keep putting your income into
savings until you have a child. By the time your kiddo comes, you'll have
enough money in the bank to give you options.... If you can't live on his
income alone for 3 months, then you need to make some hard choices.

There is no "ideal" time to have a child. If people waited until everything
was "perfect", they'd be in menopause, and that's not perfect, now, is it?
And if you can't stay home, it won't "ruin" your child. I just personally
find it exhausting for ME to work 6-8 hours per day and then come home to a
new baby. I tried it with a foster baby (took him to work with me, then he
was in daycare from about 6 weeks) when I was only working 4-6 hours per
day. I found it brutally difficult, although a very worthwhile experience. I
was exhausted all the time. Now, with a baby of my own, I'd be nursing,
which I find less time-consuming than formula, but still.

Age: I was 21 when I had my daughter. My mother was 21 when she had me. She
says that I was the child who got her energy and my sister (born 12 years
later) got her wisdom. I realized at one point that as parents, we are all
measured relative to our oldest child's age, and our youngest. So there are
moms in their 40's and 50's who are, as parents, the same age as I am in my
30's, because our kids are the same age. Being a parent transforms you so
fast that in many ways your actual age becomes less than important. I grew
up decades between the time I found out I was pregnant and the point my
daughter turned a year old. You have to decide whether you are ready to grow
up that far, that fast. At 26 years old? Why the hell not? I'd have loved to
have a child at 26. I'm 32 now, which isn't a problem, but it does make me a
tad bit nervous on the fertility front. We were lucky to get pg quickly and
I'm hoping we can again.

If you truly want a child and feel you're ready to jump into the parenting
pool, go for it. We all jump in with blinders on the first time anyway, no
matter how well we plan.

Jenrose

Jenrose wrote:


Warning: M/c mentioned



I lost the baby a few days ago

I had read that and have been meaning to write to
say I'm so sorry. You'll be in my thoughts.

Best wishes,
Ericka