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My 3.5 year old will pee, but not poop in potty
We have a 3.5 year old daughter that has been potty trained as far a
pee is concerned for several months. She has full control of her body bladder and bowels; she wears panties all day and at night, too. However, she refuses to poop, or even sit on the potty. (She will ask for a diaper when she needs to poop.) We have tried "everything" to get her to poop in the potty, without any luck. We've tried bribes (candy, toys, dress-up clothes), but they don't seem to do the trick. We have her poop, while wearing her diaper, in the bathroom and then dump her poop from the diaper into the potty (so she understands where the poop is suppose to go.) We have had her sit on the potty while wearing her diaper. We've had her sit on the potty for 10 min, etc. Each time we put on the potty, she has a crying fit. (Getting her on the potty is a huge struggle.) She will say "next time I will poop in the potty", but each time she has to poop she will cry "I don't want to poop in the potty." I believe she has more issue with pooping sitting down, then with losing the diaper. (Even if she has a diaper on, she doesn't want to sit on the potty.) All the girls her age seem to already be "poop" potty trained; should we conitnue to try to get her to poop in the potty or back off? I'd like to know if anyone else has had a similar experinece and what they did to get past the issue. Although I know there is no "standard", for those that take a passive approach, by when do most girls decide to poop in the potty? |
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"JB" wrote in message om... We have a 3.5 year old daughter that has been potty trained as far a pee is concerned for several months. She has full control of her body bladder and bowels; she wears panties all day and at night, too. However, she refuses to poop, or even sit on the potty. (She will ask for a diaper when she needs to poop.) Then give her a diaper. For some reason, she doesn't want to poop in the potty. Make sure her feet are on a solid surface, like a stool when she poops. Imagine if you had to poop and a huge toilet and your feet just hung there. Make sure you don't flush while she is on the toilet (sometimes that scares kids). It is far more important that she poops and doesn't try to hold in her poop than she poops in the potty. If she starts to hold in her poop, you end up with problems with constipation, which you don't want. Remember, it is her poop. She will put it where she wants. And she will win any battles over her poop too (or, more accurately, you'll both lose). We have tried "everything" to get her to poop in the potty, without any luck. We've tried bribes (candy, toys, dress-up clothes), but they don't seem to do the trick. We have her poop, while wearing her diaper, in the bathroom and then dump her poop from the diaper into the potty (so she understands where the poop is suppose to go.) We have had her sit on the potty while wearing her diaper. We've had her sit on the potty for 10 min, etc. Each time we put on the potty, she has a crying fit. (Getting her on the potty is a huge struggle.) She will say "next time I will poop in the potty", but each time she has to poop she will cry "I don't want to poop in the potty." I believe she has more issue with pooping sitting down, then with losing the diaper. (Even if she has a diaper on, she doesn't want to sit on the potty.) All the girls her age seem to already be "poop" potty trained; She is poop trained. She knows when she has to poop, she can hold it and go when it is time. should we conitnue to try to get her to poop in the potty or back off? I'd like to know if anyone else has had a similar experinece and what they did to get past the issue. Although I know there is no "standard", for those that take a passive approach, by when do most girls decide to poop in the potty? Let her poop in the diaper. Ask her why she doesn't want to poop on potty. And model the proper pooping experience for her. Jeff |
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Potty teaching is a difficult road, I feel your pain. I wish I could offer
good advice, but our 3 year old won't poop OR pee on the potty. Because we know how sensitive this issue is, we don't push it, but believe me, like you, we've tried it all. Just don't stress over it, and while we've been no more successful than you, I truly think that the bigger issue you make of it, the worse it will be. Act like you don't care whether or not she goes poop in the potty, but reiterate to her every few days that pooping in the potty is something everybody does eventually, whether she does it now or later. If she chooses later, which she obviously has, so be it. Take it from me, I was potty trained with spankings and humiliation - it may work, but it has BAD repercussions. I got spanked every time I messed my pants, and I was not allowed off the potty until I made pee or poop. This often entailed hours on the potty, and I ate several meals in the bathroom. My mom brags how I was completely accident-free within a month. She fails to brag about the fact that I suffered with UTI's and constipation well into my teen years, not to mention the hemorrhoids that kept me riding bikes my entire childhood. I am convinced that 3 year olds have the strongest resolve of any age humans. If they don't want to do something, they just aren't going to do it, regardless of how constipated, hungry, sleep-deprived, or sick their will renders them. Good luck -Christine 8/26/04 4:45 AM, in article , "JB" wrote: We have a 3.5 year old daughter that has been potty trained as far a pee is concerned for several months. She has full control of her body bladder and bowels; she wears panties all day and at night, too. However, she refuses to poop, or even sit on the potty. (She will ask for a diaper when she needs to poop.) We have tried "everything" to get her to poop in the potty, without any luck. We've tried bribes (candy, toys, dress-up clothes), but they don't seem to do the trick. We have her poop, while wearing her diaper, in the bathroom and then dump her poop from the diaper into the potty (so she understands where the poop is suppose to go.) We have had her sit on the potty while wearing her diaper. We've had her sit on the potty for 10 min, etc. Each time we put on the potty, she has a crying fit. (Getting her on the potty is a huge struggle.) She will say "next time I will poop in the potty", but each time she has to poop she will cry "I don't want to poop in the potty." I believe she has more issue with pooping sitting down, then with losing the diaper. (Even if she has a diaper on, she doesn't want to sit on the potty.) All the girls her age seem to already be "poop" potty trained; should we conitnue to try to get her to poop in the potty or back off? I'd like to know if anyone else has had a similar experinece and what they did to get past the issue. Although I know there is no "standard", for those that take a passive approach, by when do most girls decide to poop in the potty? |
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JB wrote:
We have a 3.5 year old daughter that has been potty trained as far a pee is concerned for several months. She has full control of her body bladder and bowels; she wears panties all day and at night, too. However, she refuses to poop, or even sit on the potty. (She will ask for a diaper when she needs to poop.) Hunter was similar only he never asked for a diaper. Personally, I'd completely back off and gladly hand her the diaper (or get her pull-ups that she can get and put on by herself) and just wait for her to decide it is time to use the potty. Actually if you go the pull-ups route she might decide it is more work then is worth it. I'd not mention one word and if she is still using the diaper after 3 full months you could nonchalantly offer her some big-girl reward (toy or activity) if she manages to poop in the potty 5 days in a row or something like that. Then don't mention the reward. Don't mention if she uses the diaper. Be pleased when she uses the potty but not overly enthusiastic. Maybe use a sticker on a chart to mark the success. 5 stickers in a row = reward. If she is anything like my two, she is never going to use the potty just to please you. It has to be something she decides. To much enthusiasm freaked Luke out and he became really self conscious. For Hunter to much enthusiasm made digging in his heels to annoy us much more fun then using the potty :-) -- Nikki |
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On Fri, 27 Aug 2004 01:50:08 EDT, Christine Chase
wrote: Act like you don't care whether or not she goes poop in the potty, but reiterate to her every few days that pooping in the potty is something everybody does eventually, whether she does it now or later. If she chooses later, which she obviously has, so be it. Take it from me, I was potty trained with spankings and humiliation - it may work, but it has BAD repercussions. I got spanked every time I messed my pants, and I was not allowed off the potty until I made pee or poop. This often entailed hours on the potty, and I ate several meals in the bathroom. My mom brags how I was completely accident-free within a month. She fails to brag about the fact that I suffered with UTI's and constipation well into my teen years, not to mention the hemorrhoids that kept me riding bikes my entire childhood. I am convinced that 3 year olds have the strongest resolve of any age humans. If they don't want to do something, they just aren't going to do it, regardless of how constipated, hungry, sleep-deprived, or sick their will renders them. Hear, hear. Christine speaks from her unfortunate experience. I would agree with all the advice on this thread. A few more comments: Refusal to use the potty at this age is often due not to "stubbornness" but rather to irrational fear. This fear worsens when she is forced to confront it (e.g., forced to use the potty or threatened if she doesn't.) Make sure her stools are soft and painless. When a child has a painful stool, she may decide not to do it again, and will hold in bowel movements, making future ones even more painful. Constipation is the great enemy of potty training. Give her pear juice and a high fiber diet, and if she still has hard and/or painful stools, talk to her doctor. Expanding on this: Never, ever make her feel bad for having passed a stool, whether it's in a diaper, in her underwear, or on the floor. She should be praised for letting the stool out, but you can certainly discuss where to pass it next time. This can prevent retentive behaviors that are counterproductive. Finally, trying "baby steps" may be helpful. If she puts on her diaper and hides in a corner to pass her stool, you can tell her that in your family, one poops in the bathroom, and have her stand in the bathroom to do it. Later on, as she gets more comfortable, have her stand right next to the potty to do it, then perhaps standing on her step-stool in front of the potty, then maybe sitting on the potty, and finally sitting on the potty with the diaper off. Take each step only when she is comfortable with the prior step. PF |
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#9
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My daughter is 3 and went through a short spell of not wanting to sit on the
potty. As long as she is not constipated then i can see no reson why she would not like to poo sitting down. I know with my daughter the more effort we made and the more time that we spent explaing to her why she should sit on the potty the more of an issue it became. I would advise that as long as she is aware of the resons why she should poo on the potty then you would be better off ignoring the issue for a while and act like its fine. I would however leave the potty out in a room that she plays in often so that she can still see it, dont mention it but move it around to different possisions in the room so she is aware of its presence. If she mentions it you can say you thought it looked nice there or something, or even make up a un-toliet related game with it so she becomes comfortable with it and doesnt assosiate it with the constant issue of pooping! Over time when she seems more comfortable with the potty you could use it as a chair to watch her favorate telivision programmes on. Or encorporate into other pastimes she enjoys. Duering this time you could try taking her to the toliet with you, and maybe spend time at friends houses with children who are using the potty. I wouldnt mention anything to her, just let her see what others do. Most children want to be like their mummys and their friends and she will probably ask if she can poop on the potty/toilet one day like you, daddy or a friend. Untill then i would try to relax about it with the belife that it will sort its self out eventually, and there is no point making it a battle ground as it will only put her off further. If you decide to do this you should also tell well-meaning grand parents and other relsons of your plans to ignore the issue as if they are enything like mine they just can help themselves! You could also try getting her a childs toilet seat in case she just doesnt like sitting on the potty. I hope this helps and wish you luck. And just to end my daughter is now happily using the toilet and forgotton all about the past problems with it! And im sure your will soon. Gemma |
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