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#1
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Child behavior- kicking
Just a kid I know, Just curious. How would you guys handle a 2 and a half
year old child (boy) who kicks? Like, he will just walk up and haul off and kick someone, and his parents do not say or do anything to him? He kicked one of his grandparents, who promptly spanked him, and it made the parents angry at the grandparent. I don't believe it is ok for someone to spank another person's child if the parent does not want them to. I am not a big believer in spanking but I do think I would spank R. for something major and intentional, and where safety is concern such as if she runs to the street when told not to etc. Of course, I will watch her and not let her run around unsupervised anyway. But when she is older I won't be able to watch her 24/7. But I am telling you, if this kid had kicked *me* (it's a relative), I think I would have spanked him too. He is out of control. Opinions? Discipline that would work when "time out" is a joke? "Time out" does not work for every kid although I know a 3 year old boy who finds time out to be the WORST punishment ever, and will do anything to avoid it. lol. |
#2
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"Jill" wrote in message om... Just a kid I know, Just curious. How would you guys handle a 2 and a half year old child (boy) who kicks? Like, he will just walk up and haul off and kick someone, and his parents do not say or do anything to him? He kicked one of his grandparents, who promptly spanked him, and it made the parents angry at the grandparent. I don't believe that spanking a child for violence really makes much sense. And I do spank my children for other things. "Hey, so and so, we don't kick because it hurts people.." but let me spank you. Its kind of hypocritical. I would also have a problem with any of my relatives spanking any of my children. That's my job. Discipline, fine. Redirection, fine. But not spanking... Denise |
#3
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Jill wrote in message om... Just a kid I know, Just curious. How would you guys handle a 2 and a half year old child (boy) who kicks? Like, he will just walk up and haul off and kick someone, and his parents do not say or do anything to him? He kicked one of his grandparents, who promptly spanked him, and it made the parents angry at the grandparent. I don't believe it is ok for someone to spank another person's child if the parent does not want them to. I am not a big believer in spanking but I do think I would spank R. for something major and intentional, and where safety is concern such as if she runs to the street when told not to etc. Of course, I will watch her and not let her run around unsupervised anyway. But when she is older I won't be able to watch her 24/7. But I am telling you, if this kid had kicked *me* (it's a relative), I think I would have spanked him too. He is out of control. Opinions? Discipline that would work when "time out" is a joke? "Time out" does not work for every kid although I know a 3 year old boy who finds time out to be the WORST punishment ever, and will do anything to avoid it. lol. Any nice kids (other than Rachel) in your family? ;-P If it was regularly happening, for a start off I'd make sure their shoes were off as much as possible. At least there would be less damage. But as far as discipline, I'd go for time out, probably holding them on my lap at that age. Particularly holding the foot that kicked (say it's a naughty foot). Another thing would be going straight home if it happened when out. I don't think anyone should hit someone elses child ever (whether or not spanking's approved of) certainly if the parents are there they should be doing the discipline in general. Debbie |
#4
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"Denise Anderson" wrote in message news:yCj4d.49$iD6.27@trnddc05... "Jill" wrote in message om... Just a kid I know, Just curious. How would you guys handle a 2 and a half year old child (boy) who kicks? Like, he will just walk up and haul off and kick someone, and his parents do not say or do anything to him? He kicked one of his grandparents, who promptly spanked him, and it made the parents angry at the grandparent. I don't believe that spanking a child for violence really makes much sense. And I do spank my children for other things. "Hey, so and so, we don't kick because it hurts people.." but let me spank you. Its kind of hypocritical. I would also have a problem with any of my relatives spanking any of my children. That's my job. Discipline, fine. Redirection, fine. But not spanking... Denise I agree with Denise. We never spank for that reason. However, I can probably count on one hand the # of times I've ever even swatted my kids on the butt. And FWIW, it didn't help to correct anything. I'd never, ever spank anyone elses kid. I'd be *very* upset if *anyone* layed a finger on mine. That includes grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. When I was about 4, we were at a family picnic and one of my relatives slapped me across the face. She said I was being annoying or bothersome as a 4 yr old can be. I actually remember it because I thought she was the greatest and I was probably invading her personal time or something. My parents went through the roof and to this day remember how heartbroken I was. I just don't think it's right of others to correct your child, and vice versa. Kari |
#5
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It's a different thing when it's not your kid, but IMHO with your own
child, you figure out very quickly what makes your toddler tick. Isolation drives my two-year-old crazy -- I don't even have to do a time out or remove her from the room, just pick her up and move her to the other side of the room, and she bursts into tears. Some kids hate it when you leave the room. Or when you physically restrain the offensive foot/hand/etc. IMHO the single most important thing about discipline is consistency. In a way, it doesn't even matter what limits and rules you decide to set for your household, as long as you enforce them swiftly and *every single time*. Your friend's 2.5-year-old has already learned that his parents don't enforce limits, so he's not going to listen to them. It should only take a few times of testing where your boundaries are before he'll start treating you differently, I bet. Toddler discipline seems so foreign when you've only got a tiny baby, but in reality, you will instinctively know when that line between wants and needs starts to be crossed (sometime after about 12-15 months), and it becomes easy to start saying no, setting limits, ignoring tantrums, etc. With someone else's toddler, I would (and have, dealing with kids who hit or push at the playground) lift his chin up so he's looking into my eyes, say *very* sternly, "NO KICKING," and immediately turn and walk away. Hopefully in your situation, the firmness of your voice and obvious disapproval will mortify the parents into jumping in. If it's just you dealing with the situation, you can move on to a non-time-out option if he does it again (like wrapping your arms around him and holding him in your lap for 30 seconds -- picking him up and hauling him off to another, more boring room -- taking away his shoes and walking out of the room -- I'm guessing, without knowing anything about the situation, that it's an attention thing, so removing him/you might be more effective than giving him negative attention). The faster (and more calmly) you react when he defies, the quicker it's going to sink in to him that you won't stand for it, and his behavior should stop (with you, at least). There are a bunch of great books out there that can validate your own parenting instincts about discipline, or give you some new approaches if you need some ideas other than spanking to pull out of your tool box. "The Secret of Parenting" by Anthony Wolf is a great one to start with. Mary S. |
#6
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"Welches" wrote I don't think anyone
should hit someone elses child ever (whether or not spanking's approved of) certainly if the parents are there they should be doing the discipline in general. Debbie I do agree with this. Although I said I'd probably spank him if he kicked me, lol, I really wouldn't. I know that I would be angry too if someone other than me or my husband spanked my child (but they wouldn't have to, if she did something that bad, I'd deal with her). Actually, I think this kid is just going through the terrible 2's, because I have never seen him cry and throw temper tantrums etc, he is always a smiley child. So I was surprised when he just ran up and kicked someone- but I don't think that is such an abnormal thing to do at that age. It seems to me he is just starting to test the limits... I have NO idea how I am going to handle a toddler until I have one though! But it did just occur to me that people either seem to spank, do time out, or do nothing. At least that I have seen. Oh, yes, and I have seen bribery used, with a toy or a food, to get a kid to stop doing something- that seems to work but it backfires later when they say "No, not unless you give me ___." etc. Kids are smart! |
#7
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"firedancer623" wrote When I was about 4, we were at a family picnic and one of my relatives slapped me across the face. She said I was being annoying or bothersome as a 4 yr old can be. I actually remember it because I thought she was the greatest and I was probably invading her personal time or something. My parents went through the roof and to this day remember how heartbroken I was. I just don't think it's right of others to correct your child, and vice versa. Kari Ohh, that is so wrong! How terrible! Slapping on the face is NEVER ok. I hope the person who slapped you ended up feeling like scum. |
#8
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Jill wrote:
Just a kid I know, Just curious. How would you guys handle a 2 and a half year old child (boy) who kicks? Try to intercept them before it happens. Try to avoid situations that might lead to kicking (over tired, hungry, overstimulated, over powered). Remove them for a short time if they do kick. Hold their foot/leg if I intercept and explain that kicking hurts, keep their feet quiet etc. Help them express themselves more appropriately. Sometimes I'd pretend not to see it if it wasn't a major incident ;-) He kicked one of his grandparents, who promptly spanked him, I'm a lot more appalled at the spanking them I am at the kicking. I am not a big believer in spanking but I do think I would spank R. for something major and intentional, and where safety is concern.....snip.......... But I am telling you, if this kid had kicked *me* (it's a relative), I think I would have spanked him too. He is out of control. A 2.5 kicking isn't major, isn't a safety issue, and it doesn't mean he is out of control. Toddlers push, kick, spit, hit, bite, slap, scratch etc. Some are more impulsive and physical and do it more but it doesn't mean that they, or their parents, are bad. They simply have to learn more appropriate behaviors. -- Nikki |
#9
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"Jill" wrote in message om... Just a kid I know, Just curious. How would you guys handle a 2 and a half year old child (boy) who kicks? Like, he will just walk up and haul off and kick someone, and his parents do not say or do anything to him? He kicked one of his grandparents, who promptly spanked him, and it made the parents angry at the grandparent. I don't believe it is ok for someone to spank another person's child if the parent does not want them to. I am not a big believer in spanking but I do think I would spank R. for something major and intentional, and where safety is concern such as if she runs to the street when told not to etc. Of course, I will watch her and not let her run around unsupervised anyway. But when she is older I won't be able to watch her 24/7. But I am telling you, if this kid had kicked *me* (it's a relative), I think I would have spanked him too. He is out of control. My daughter went through a major kicking phase... luckily eyeroll she only really kicked me... the grocery store was the worst--I usually just turned the cart around and pushed it backwards. What finally ended it was not spanking (which we tried) or time out for her (which we tried) or restraining her (which we tried), but the fact that every time she kicked me, I removed myself from her presence. To the point of locking myself in a bathroom or bedroom. When she finally "got" that kicking made mommy leave and that if she didn't kick mommy, she could be with mommy, it all came together. Jenrose |
#10
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Jill wrote:
But I am telling you, if this kid had kicked *me* (it's a relative), I think I would have spanked him too. He is out of control. Spank him and you'll just escalate the violence. Why would hitting him teach him not to hit you? It just models inappropriate behavior for him. If you can hit him, why can't he hit you? Opinions? Discipline that would work when "time out" is a joke? "Time out" does not work for every kid although I know a 3 year old boy who finds time out to be the WORST punishment ever, and will do anything to avoid it. lol. There are *tons* of other things to do besides time out, including removal from the situation or removal of privileges. There's a way to get to nearly every kid. Best wishes, Ericka |
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