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#1
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My concerns
I posted before about the fact I was finding this pregnancy emotionally
difficult to deal with, and last night I think I addressed some of my issues with DH, but he doesn't really deal with emotional stuff too well, and I didn't really get to have a chat with him, so I thought I'd air my poor brains here if that's ok. My first worry might sound silly, but I'm worried about having a boy. For more than 2 years, I've been a mother to a little girl, and I've got used to that. I know what I'm doing with her, and being a girl myself, I have a better understanding. It's not that I don't want a boy, but having a boy is a definite issue with me at the moment. I really wanted a boy last time, and I always wanted Jessie to have a brother as I love having brothers, but now I'm worried about it. I worry that they'll have nothing in common, or that I won't know how to respsond to his needs ect. My next worry is labour. I had a fabulous labour with Jessica. For the most part it ws silent, and so I was able to enjoy the experience without pain relief, and by the time it did get painful, it was nearly over, and I still enjoyed it. I liked that I was induced (although I *hated when I went overdue lol!) as I was in hospial when labour started and it was all nice and calm. This time I'm terrified of going into labour naturally. I don't know how I'd know the difference between severe BHs and real contractions. I worry about not getting Jessie to the babysitters, or myself to the hospital. I worry that I won't be able to get hold of DH in time, or that I'd be at work. I also worry that my wonderful experience of labour with Jessica will be spoilt by a painful/difficult labour this time. I've moved house since I had Jessica and I have different midwives & health visitors. I've not even seen a Health Visitor for more than a couple of minutes, and that was when I registered. She made it clear that they don't really bother with babies over 12 months here. Before, I could attend a Tuesday clinic whenever I wanted a bit of advice, or just to weigh her. The midwifery service is the same. I have my first appointment today for more than 12 weeks. And I don't have a named midwife, just whichever one happens to be around at the time.... Before, when I had a named midwife, I felt able to express my cocerns etc and confide in her, and was pleased when she did the first home visits after the birth... This time I feel a bit abandoned.. Also, with your second child here, rather than seeing the HV, apparently you just get put on the community nurses's list. I think Jessie will take to the new baby well. I've explained to her the best that I can that there's a baby in mummy's tummy and involved whenever I've bought anything for the baby, and she understands what's hers and what belongs to the baby, but I worry that she'll get overlooked by others when the baby arrives. I love spending time with her, even just at nap time when we lie on the bed together. I stress about the baby interrupting that, and about me having the opposite reaction to everyone else, and overlooking him to look after Jessica. I don't know, I know that they're probably all silly concerns and that I'll get over it, but I'm really scared of pregnancy etc this time - where as last time I was going into it feeling confident and calm. But that's when I had idealistic fantasies of looking after this little baby, Now I wonder how I'm going to cope with two of them, with my DH at work. I've got used to having a big child, and I'm going to be scared of having such a little baby again. Oh well. Thanks for the brain airing space Sorry for going on. Lucy x |
#2
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My concerns
lu-lu schrieb:
snip Oh well. Thanks for the brain airing space Sorry for going on. Been there, done that. It'll go away, really. The week before Sara's birth I was thinking "I can never ever love her as much as Sam. OMG! I will hate her, she will feel neglected, she'll need therapy for the rest of her life because I'm a horrible mother! What am I doing?!" then she was born and the hormones kicked in and I love her just as much as I love Sam. Sure, I don't spend as much time with Sam anymore, but I do have two children now. Of course I can't spend all my time with just one of them. But that's getting better and better as Sara grows and gets more and more independent and doesn't need to be held all the time and likes to go off exploring on her own and can sit quietly looking at a book. (Can you believe she just turned a year this week? Time sure flies.) Anyway, yes, the start will be stressful but it'll get better. I'm sure you'll love the baby just as much as your daughter and she'll probably love him lots, too, but sometimes will hate him, but that's natural. As my midwife once said "Well, how would you feel if your partner brought home a new and younger woman, told you you needed to love her just as much as he does, you can't make too much noise when she's sleeping and she needs a lot of sleep,..." I'd recommend finding info about dealing with your older child fears and reactions to the baby. cu nicole - who has to run and get Sam from school. |
#3
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My concerns
lu-lu wrote:
My first worry might sound silly, but I'm worried about having a boy. For more than 2 years, I've been a mother to a little girl, and I've got used to that. I know what I'm doing with her, and being a girl myself, I have a better understanding. It's not that I don't want a boy, but having a boy is a definite issue with me at the moment. I really wanted a boy last time, and I always wanted Jessie to have a brother as I love having brothers, but now I'm worried about it. I worry that they'll have nothing in common, or that I won't know how to respsond to his needs ect. I think this is a very common worry, and in my experience it doesn't help much at all to tell someone not to worry ;-) However, babies are babies and you'll figure out what your baby needs and wants just like you did the first time around. When it comes to boys vs. girls, even though I think it's true that there are differences when speaking in generalities, whether you have a boy or a girl, he or she will be an individual. You could have a boy who was similar to and got on well with your daughter, or you could have a girl who was nothing like your daughter and never got on well with her. I have an older friend with two girls and two boys who always says that everyone should have a boy and a girl so that they know boys and girls are different... and then another boy to know that boys are different from boys and another girl to know that girls are different from girls ;-) Certainly it's the case that all three of mine are quite different from one another, and the two that get along the best are the oldest boy and the youngest girl, despite the different sex and the eight years between them. My next worry is labour. I had a fabulous labour with Jessica. For the most part it ws silent, and so I was able to enjoy the experience without pain relief, and by the time it did get painful, it was nearly over, and I still enjoyed it. I liked that I was induced (although I *hated when I went overdue lol!) as I was in hospial when labour started and it was all nice and calm. This time I'm terrified of going into labour naturally. I don't know how I'd know the difference between severe BHs and real contractions. I worry about not getting Jessie to the babysitters, or myself to the hospital. I worry that I won't be able to get hold of DH in time, or that I'd be at work. I also worry that my wonderful experience of labour with Jessica will be spoilt by a painful/difficult labour this time. Labor is whatever it is, just like your kids are whoever they are. Going into labor can drive you nuts figuring out when it's really starting and going through the false starts and whatnot, but it's survivable and when the time comes, the vast majority of women know that it's time. The logistics of a second labor are more challenging, since you have to deal with the childcare issue. The main thing I'd say there is just that you shouldn't be afraid to cash in your social capital at this point. That's what friends are for. Get everyone who's willing on a phone list to help if you need someone to pick up your daughter or get you to the hospital or whatever it takes. I think Jessie will take to the new baby well. I've explained to her the best that I can that there's a baby in mummy's tummy and involved whenever I've bought anything for the baby, and she understands what's hers and what belongs to the baby, but I worry that she'll get overlooked by others when the baby arrives. I love spending time with her, even just at nap time when we lie on the bed together. I stress about the baby interrupting that, and about me having the opposite reaction to everyone else, and overlooking him to look after Jessica. I think this is another common worry, and this one I think is important to deal with. For many women, the worry falls away as soon as the baby arrives, which solves the issue handily. For a few, however, they stay wrapped up in the guilt of diverting their attention from their firstborn, and as a consequence they're a wreck. Yes, it's true that your daughter will have to learn to have patience to share her mother's attention. On the other hand, she will be learning some important social skills and she will be gaining another beloved family member. In my opinion, there is nothing bad about that. More people for her to love, more people to love her, and while I think every child should be special and unique in his or her parents' eyes, I think it does children a grand disservice to keep them the center of the universe or to feel guilty about failing to keep them the center of the universe. You will still spend time with your daughter. You can even work to carve out one-on-one time with her, just as you will need some with the baby. Her father should do the same...with both children. It will work out, though it will take some work and will occasionally be frustrating. There are the occasional days when everyone seems to need you at once ;-) I don't know, I know that they're probably all silly concerns and that I'll get over it, but I'm really scared of pregnancy etc this time - where as last time I was going into it feeling confident and calm. But that's when I had idealistic fantasies of looking after this little baby, Now I wonder how I'm going to cope with two of them, with my DH at work. I've got used to having a big child, and I'm going to be scared of having such a little baby again. Will your DH be able to take some time off work to be at home? Do you have other family or friends who will help out for a little bit? Call in the cavalry! Give yourself a few weeks with help, however you can get it, and you'll figure out a rhythm for your life with two kids. Babies are very portable and they sleep a lot, even if it's not always when you wish they would ;-) Best wishes, Ericka |
#4
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My concerns
Hi Lucy
most of your fears I had when I was pregnant and they just kind of sort themselves out. I was totally petrified of labour because i'd had such a hard labour with Joanna and was treated like a criminal after but on the day although at the time the pain was horrendous I would actually do it all again given the chance to be mum to another little one but thats not going to happen as DH doesnt want anymore. Bad labours are horrible at the time and took me a while to get over but it didnt affect the way I bounded with Joanna, through all the crap I went through with her including the labour I still bounded with her and you will to with your lo no matter what. Have back up plans if you can for the day of the labour just incase you can't contact the person doing the babysitting or whatever, you'll feel much calmer if you know there are things in place to protect a breakdown. I feared like hell how I was going to cope with the two of them, I was also worried sick about cot death so much so it made me feel physically sick thinking about it. I got myself in a state some nights thinking how I was going to cope with a 2 yr old and a newborn and how I was going to protect Harleigh from cot death ect. Well the first week I was on tender hooks at night and wasnt happy and couldnt fall asleep if I couldnt hear Harleigh breathing, now I'm not so worried anymore. I do as much as I can to protect her but stressing is just going to make me worse. I've also fallen into parenting for two really easily and I absolutly love it and you will too, make sure you involve your little girl as much as possible. Joanna is 2 and a half but helps with things like bottle feeding, bathing, winding and is allowed supervised cuddles with her. She loves the baby. You might find a little trouble with your lo as soon as baby is born but this should settle down as long as she doesnt feel pushed aside. Joanna threw extra tantrums and refused to eat for a while but we constantly told her how loved she was and made her important in the babies life as well and shes back to her normal self. You'll be fine. april "lu-lu" wrote in message ... I posted before about the fact I was finding this pregnancy emotionally difficult to deal with, and last night I think I addressed some of my issues with DH, but he doesn't really deal with emotional stuff too well, and I didn't really get to have a chat with him, so I thought I'd air my poor brains here if that's ok. My first worry might sound silly, but I'm worried about having a boy. For more than 2 years, I've been a mother to a little girl, and I've got used to that. I know what I'm doing with her, and being a girl myself, I have a better understanding. It's not that I don't want a boy, but having a boy is a definite issue with me at the moment. I really wanted a boy last time, and I always wanted Jessie to have a brother as I love having brothers, but now I'm worried about it. I worry that they'll have nothing in common, or that I won't know how to respsond to his needs ect. My next worry is labour. I had a fabulous labour with Jessica. For the most part it ws silent, and so I was able to enjoy the experience without pain relief, and by the time it did get painful, it was nearly over, and I still enjoyed it. I liked that I was induced (although I *hated when I went overdue lol!) as I was in hospial when labour started and it was all nice and calm. This time I'm terrified of going into labour naturally. I don't know how I'd know the difference between severe BHs and real contractions. I worry about not getting Jessie to the babysitters, or myself to the hospital. I worry that I won't be able to get hold of DH in time, or that I'd be at work. I also worry that my wonderful experience of labour with Jessica will be spoilt by a painful/difficult labour this time. I've moved house since I had Jessica and I have different midwives & health visitors. I've not even seen a Health Visitor for more than a couple of minutes, and that was when I registered. She made it clear that they don't really bother with babies over 12 months here. Before, I could attend a Tuesday clinic whenever I wanted a bit of advice, or just to weigh her. The midwifery service is the same. I have my first appointment today for more than 12 weeks. And I don't have a named midwife, just whichever one happens to be around at the time.... Before, when I had a named midwife, I felt able to express my cocerns etc and confide in her, and was pleased when she did the first home visits after the birth... This time I feel a bit abandoned.. Also, with your second child here, rather than seeing the HV, apparently you just get put on the community nurses's list. I think Jessie will take to the new baby well. I've explained to her the best that I can that there's a baby in mummy's tummy and involved whenever I've bought anything for the baby, and she understands what's hers and what belongs to the baby, but I worry that she'll get overlooked by others when the baby arrives. I love spending time with her, even just at nap time when we lie on the bed together. I stress about the baby interrupting that, and about me having the opposite reaction to everyone else, and overlooking him to look after Jessica. I don't know, I know that they're probably all silly concerns and that I'll get over it, but I'm really scared of pregnancy etc this time - where as last time I was going into it feeling confident and calm. But that's when I had idealistic fantasies of looking after this little baby, Now I wonder how I'm going to cope with two of them, with my DH at work. I've got used to having a big child, and I'm going to be scared of having such a little baby again. Oh well. Thanks for the brain airing space Sorry for going on. Lucy x |
#5
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My concerns
Hi Lucy, I wondered if you have ever had counselling? It really sounds
like you need someone who you can talk through some of these things with as you do have a lot of things coming up and they might help you get to the bottom of things - I'm not saying that you there is some deep underlying trauma or anything, but if there is something bigger bothering you that you haven't been able to put a finger on, or they might work out that most things you worry about fits into a particular pattern of thought and be able to help you with that. An increasing number of GPs surgeries have counsellors, so your GP is probably the first person to talk to. On the specific issue of having a boy, or not, I wonder if it might help you to remember that each child is individual, yes there are some personality traits that are more common in boys or girls, some developmental point that on average happen at different times, but each child is very much an individual and you can have one of each and find for some things they fit the opposite gender average or stereo type. I have a boy then a girl, apparently boys are usually slower to speak than girls, so given DS was pretty much average and then took off really fast aged about 2 and a quarter, I expected I'd be getting 2 words together from her well before she was 2, as it turned out she had quite a severe speech delay (we've no idea why as her understanding always appeared to be fine and now she is speaking, although the clarity isn't as good as we'd like, she uses some pretty complex concepts to express herself), she didn't even say Mummy until 21 months and there are several other aspects of her that are typically boyish and DS is much more girly, though they each fit many stereotypes of their own gender. Another supposed difference between girls and boys is potty training, well, the less said about that the better - I think the moral of the story is to not assume anything, you could get a girl who is the total opposite of Jessie, or a boy who is very similar! With antenatal care and the named midwife thing, I think that whilst a named midwife isn't mandatory, it's stronger than a guideline and people high up in various places want to hear from women who don't have one, it might be helpful for you to contact AIMS, a charity that supports improvement of maternity services and can work one on one with individuals to help them access the best care within their local situation. Sometimes random occurances mean you don't get a midwife named, then unless the next person you see then uses her initiative and puts you on the right track you can just get bounced around - or you could be unlucky and be in an area with a poor system who've been getting away with it for too long. Sadly a lot of work that health visitors do is changing and they seem to be reducing the numbers of them and spreading the work over staff that cost less, a lot of things that were previously done in the home are now being done in clinics etc. There are a lot of different types of nurses and it's quite possible that whoever deals with toddlers has more experience and training in that area than a health visitor does - where we were the health visitor was basically the boss of a team of her plus two nurses with different titles called the child and family team, the health visitor wasn't usually at baby clinic as she generally took on the more challenging work and spent most of her time visiting families with difficult situations and focused a lot more on the mother than the baby, but at clinic there was always a sheet to sign if you did want to see the health visitor, I think she would then call you and arrange a visit. I have a suspicion that 3 visits in the first 6 weeks from a health visitor is mandatory, not mandatory from the point of view of you having to let them in the house, but that they can't be denied to you, that if you ask for a health visitor not a nurse that somehow they'd have to work out how to do that. Don't put a health visitor on a pedestal, just as a specialist nurse can be more of an expert than a doctor about day to day management of a condition, so can they be better at at caring for newborns. If you want to find out more about your rights and how to access treatment, every primary care trust should have a group known as PALS, patient advice and liason service, they deal with complaints but they also deal with any kind of issue of communication, who is providing care, etc. I rang them once because I'd been told I should have a procedure done and not really told why, they talked to a nurse in the department, the nurse called me and talked me through it and decided that I needed to see the doctor again and booked me the next slot that got cancelled. Just be sure if you do call to be clear that you are not making a complaint, so they know what service they are providing to you. Cheers Anne |
#6
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My concerns
"lu-lu" wrote in message ... I posted before about the fact I was finding this pregnancy emotionally difficult to deal with, and last night I think I addressed some of my issues with DH, but he doesn't really deal with emotional stuff too well, and I didn't really get to have a chat with him, so I thought I'd air my poor brains here if that's ok. My first worry might sound silly, but I'm worried about having a boy. For more than 2 years, I've been a mother to a little girl, and I've got used to that. I know what I'm doing with her, and being a girl myself, I have a better understanding. It's not that I don't want a boy, but having a boy is a definite issue with me at the moment. I really wanted a boy last time, and I always wanted Jessie to have a brother as I love having brothers, but now I'm worried about it. I worry that they'll have nothing in common, or that I won't know how to respsond to his needs ect. I think others have already made good comments about this issue. I think it's entirely normal to wonder if you'll be able to parent a child of the opposite sex from what you already have. If your first child had been a boy, and this one a girl, you'd be having the same issues/worries. You will figure it out with this boy, the same way that you figured it out with your girl -- one day at a time. My next worry is labour. I had a fabulous labour with Jessica. For the most part it ws silent, and so I was able to enjoy the experience without pain relief, and by the time it did get painful, it was nearly over, and I still enjoyed it. I liked that I was induced (although I *hated when I went overdue lol!) as I was in hospial when labour started and it was all nice and calm. This time I'm terrified of going into labour naturally. I don't know how I'd know the difference between severe BHs and real contractions. I worry about not getting Jessie to the babysitters, or myself to the hospital. I worry that I won't be able to get hold of DH in time, or that I'd be at work. I also worry that my wonderful experience of labour with Jessica will be spoilt by a painful/difficult labour this time. Your wonderful experience of labor with Jessica is what it is. A wonderful experience. Any future labors you have will be their own experiences, good, bad or indifferent. None of that will change what you experienced with Jessica. Yes, you do have additional things to worry and fret about this time with the planning and logistics of having a small child when you go into labor, that you didn't have the first time, but make plans, make contingency plans, and then a back up plan. You can't plan for everything, but you can at least make sure that you've got options, so that you won't feel totally out of control, in terms of what to do with Jessica when you go into labor. I've moved house since I had Jessica and I have different midwives & health visitors. I've not even seen a Health Visitor for more than a couple of minutes, and that was when I registered. She made it clear that they don't really bother with babies over 12 months here. Before, I could attend a Tuesday clinic whenever I wanted a bit of advice, or just to weigh her. The midwifery service is the same. I have my first appointment today for more than 12 weeks. And I don't have a named midwife, just whichever one happens to be around at the time.... Before, when I had a named midwife, I felt able to express my cocerns etc and confide in her, and was pleased when she did the first home visits after the birth... This time I feel a bit abandoned.. Also, with your second child here, rather than seeing the HV, apparently you just get put on the community nurses's list. I don't really have any comments about these issues, as we aren't really set up the same way here in the US. Hopefully one of the other UK people will be able to offer you some advice or insight. I think Jessie will take to the new baby well. I've explained to her the best that I can that there's a baby in mummy's tummy and involved whenever I've bought anything for the baby, and she understands what's hers and what belongs to the baby, but I worry that she'll get overlooked by others when the baby arrives. I love spending time with her, even just at nap time when we lie on the bed together. I stress about the baby interrupting that, and about me having the opposite reaction to everyone else, and overlooking him to look after Jessica. It's really easy to talk to people before they come over, and ask them to "ignore" the baby when they first come over and make a beeline to Jessica. Many people will bring a toy or something for the older child, if they are already bringing something for the baby. You can let people know that even something as small as a sheet of stickers will thrill your daughter and make her feel super special, etc. You'll be surprised at how well Jessica does do, with the new addition, and how other people will be careful not to make her feel like the odd man out. Remember, the baby is not really aware of his surroundings for a while, so he won't know if you are "ignoring" him to spend time with Jessica to make up for other people showing him with gifts, etc. So don't fret about that. Also, a neat little trick I did with Taylor when Addie was a baby -- rather than drop everything the first moment that Addie cried, I'd make a point to finish what I was doing, ESPECIALLY if it was with Taylor, while saying (ostensibly to Addie, but really for Taylor's benefit), "Hold on Addie, I'll be with you in a minute. I have to finish tying Taylor's shoe (or reading Taylor this story, etc.)" Then, if I was feeding Addie or changing her diaper, and Taylor needed me, I'd use the same words to her -- "Hold on Taylor, I'll be with you in a minute. I have to finish feeding Addie." Addie had no idea what was going on, but Taylor was shown that each child had to wait their turn, that neither child was more important than the other, etc. I don't know, I know that they're probably all silly concerns and that I'll get over it, but I'm really scared of pregnancy etc this time - where as last time I was going into it feeling confident and calm. But that's when I had idealistic fantasies of looking after this little baby, Now I wonder how I'm going to cope with two of them, with my DH at work. I've got used to having a big child, and I'm going to be scared of having such a little baby again. Hugs. Little babies aren't that scary, at all. In fact, for me, I prefer little babies -- there are three main issues that need to be addressed. If the baby is not happy, it's either hungry, tired, or dirty. Fix the problem, and baby usually gets happy again, and often falls back asleep for another few hours. For newborns, at least. I hope venting has helped you process a bit. I know that some people will not try to tell you not to worry about some of these things, since you'll probably worry anyway, but here is what I say...most of these issues are normal, and will resolve themselves. Worrying about these things in advance won't change them, and in fact, worry just breeds more worry. Try to let them all go, and focus on the special one on one time you have now with Jessica, and the little baby growing in your belly. You've been pregnant before, experienced labor and delivery before...you'll do fine. Hugs. -- Jamie Clark www.ClarkDigitalArts.com |
#7
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My concerns
"Jamie Clark" wrote in message ... "lu-lu" wrote in message ... I posted before about the fact I was finding this pregnancy emotionally difficult to deal with, and last night I think I addressed some of my issues with DH, but he doesn't really deal with emotional stuff too well, and I didn't really get to have a chat with him, so I thought I'd air my poor brains here if that's ok. My first worry might sound silly, but I'm worried about having a boy. For more than 2 years, I've been a mother to a little girl, and I've got used to that. I know what I'm doing with her, and being a girl myself, I have a better understanding. It's not that I don't want a boy, but having a boy is a definite issue with me at the moment. I really wanted a boy last time, and I always wanted Jessie to have a brother as I love having brothers, but now I'm worried about it. I worry that they'll have nothing in common, or that I won't know how to respsond to his needs ect. I think others have already made good comments about this issue. I think it's entirely normal to wonder if you'll be able to parent a child of the opposite sex from what you already have. If your first child had been a boy, and this one a girl, you'd be having the same issues/worries. You will figure it out with this boy, the same way that you figured it out with your girl -- one day at a time. My next worry is labour. I had a fabulous labour with Jessica. For the most part it ws silent, and so I was able to enjoy the experience without pain relief, and by the time it did get painful, it was nearly over, and I still enjoyed it. I liked that I was induced (although I *hated when I went overdue lol!) as I was in hospial when labour started and it was all nice and calm. This time I'm terrified of going into labour naturally. I don't know how I'd know the difference between severe BHs and real contractions. I worry about not getting Jessie to the babysitters, or myself to the hospital. I worry that I won't be able to get hold of DH in time, or that I'd be at work. I also worry that my wonderful experience of labour with Jessica will be spoilt by a painful/difficult labour this time. Your wonderful experience of labor with Jessica is what it is. A wonderful experience. Any future labors you have will be their own experiences, good, bad or indifferent. None of that will change what you experienced with Jessica. Yes, you do have additional things to worry and fret about this time with the planning and logistics of having a small child when you go into labor, that you didn't have the first time, but make plans, make contingency plans, and then a back up plan. You can't plan for everything, but you can at least make sure that you've got options, so that you won't feel totally out of control, in terms of what to do with Jessica when you go into labor. I've moved house since I had Jessica and I have different midwives & health visitors. I've not even seen a Health Visitor for more than a couple of minutes, and that was when I registered. She made it clear that they don't really bother with babies over 12 months here. Before, I could attend a Tuesday clinic whenever I wanted a bit of advice, or just to weigh her. The midwifery service is the same. I have my first appointment today for more than 12 weeks. And I don't have a named midwife, just whichever one happens to be around at the time.... Before, when I had a named midwife, I felt able to express my cocerns etc and confide in her, and was pleased when she did the first home visits after the birth... This time I feel a bit abandoned.. Also, with your second child here, rather than seeing the HV, apparently you just get put on the community nurses's list. I don't really have any comments about these issues, as we aren't really set up the same way here in the US. Hopefully one of the other UK people will be able to offer you some advice or insight. I think you can demand to see a HV. A HV is only a trained nurse anyway. Certainly a lot of them are out of date and set in their ways (aaah this child is below the 50% centile-PANIC UNDERWEIGHT but this child is above 50% centile-PANIC OBESE...) (I love my present one, she's the most sensible I've ever come across) :-) Do you mean for the signing off appointment you don't get a HV? Cause round here you take them to be weighed at the clinic which is done by the HV any age up to school age (and beyond if you're wanting). I've never been questioned when I've asked for any of them to be checked at up to 7yo. (last birthday) I think at school age they go under the school nurse officially. If your HV refuses to see you at the clinic, I think you can complain. I'll check that one if you like. Debbie snip |
#8
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My concerns
Do you mean for the signing off appointment you don't get a HV? Cause round here you take them to be weighed at the clinic which is done by the HV any age up to school age (and beyond if you're wanting). I've never been questioned when I've asked for any of them to be checked at up to 7yo. (last birthday) I think at school age they go under the school nurse officially. If your HV refuses to see you at the clinic, I think you can complain. I'll check that one if you like. I think with pressure on finances they are trying to reduce the number of home visits, which increases the amount of drop in clinic time, so child and family teams that might previously have had one clinic per week (our surgery was big enough to have 3 people in the team, HV and two nurses of some other kind, neither were "just" nurses - but until about 3 years ago, one clinic on a Monday afternoon), they now expect to spend more time in that kind of setting and then rather than just having another general clinic, they label them as being for specific groups, so that only one would be a clinic where you could get vaccinations and thus mainly be aimed at babies and would have baby weighing equipment out and ready, not necessarily toddler weighing and measureing equipment. When they started doing that in our area, they were actually quite creative in where they used for toddler clinics and often tried to have them in another room of a building where there was a playgroup or something going on. We got a letter from our surgery giving us options on how to get what is usually referred to as "the 2 year check", but I know families at other surgeries got quite different letters, even though the toddler clinics were a collaboration, some people just got very stark letters saying they have to be at this place at this time, whereas we got a letter that quite subtly said they would really prefer you to go to one of the drop ins, but made it very easy to access other options, I just ticked to say I'd prefer a home visit and that was what happened, with no fuss at all. I can kind of see how someone running a clinic might be very busy and stressed out and not respond appropriately to someone new to the area showing up somewhere that they weren't really expected to be at, but that doesn't excuse poor handling. I also found often that the receptionists were the worst, it was only once I said to the HV that Monday afternoons were terrible to get vaccinations for me that I found out I could make an appointment with the practice nurse at another time. They also told me the only time I could possibly see the midwife was Tuesday afternoon, which I couldn't do and they made no attempt to make any alternative arrangements and seemed to have the attitude that if you can't make it then you don't get antenatal care, I managed to call the midwife and she fitted me in to her home visiting schedule. Cheers Anne |
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