training bras

I have a third-grade daughter. A classmate's mother is pushing me to
buy training bras for my daughter, which apparently her daughter
already wears. While it's true my daughter is starting to "bloom,"
she's still young and hasn't shown an interest herself. (I offered a
while back.) My daughter seems like such a kid to me, and I don't want
her teased...either for having one or *not* having one. How does a
parent know when a young girl needs her first bra?

Thanks.

beeswing

In article ,
(beeswing) wrote:

I have a third-grade daughter. A classmate's mother is pushing me to
buy training bras for my daughter, which apparently her daughter
already wears. While it's true my daughter is starting to "bloom,"
she's still young and hasn't shown an interest herself. (I offered a
while back.) My daughter seems like such a kid to me, and I don't want
her teased...either for having one or *not* having one. How does a
parent know when a young girl needs her first bra?

Thanks.

beeswing


I've never quite understood the "training bra" concept. Exactly who or
what is in training?

Oh well.

I didn't get bras for my daughters until they asked, or until they were
into at least an A cup and clearly would benefit from one. On the other
hand, both tended to prefer baggy clothes when they were at an age where
they were first likely to need them (not uncommon, by the way). In
third grade I don't think teasing about bras is becoming common yet; by
5th grade, it may be different, and certainly in middle school comments
about underwear and bust sizes are common.

If your daughter isn't interested, and her body doesn't need them, I see
no particular point to getting one. And why on EARTH would her
classmate's mother think it's any of her damned business whether or not
your daughter wears a training bra? I think that is the part of your
post that most got my attention!

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

beeswing wrote:
I have a third-grade daughter. A classmate's mother is pushing me to
buy training bras for my daughter, which apparently her daughter
already wears.

Sheesh.

To the classmate's mother, say this: "Thank you, but I will buy
it when either daughter or I think it's necessary"

Repeat as necessary.

Scott DD 10.5 and DS 8, rolling my eyes.

(beeswing) wrote:

I have a third-grade daughter. A classmate's mother is pushing me to
buy training bras for my daughter, which apparently her daughter
already wears. While it's true my daughter is starting to "bloom,"

Has your daughter said anything to HER? Has her daughter said
anything to you? Have you asked your daughter about her daughter (if
they know each other).

she's still young and hasn't shown an interest herself. (I offered a
while back.) My daughter seems like such a kid to me, and I don't want
her teased...either for having one or *not* having one. How does a
parent know when a young girl needs her first bra?

A young girl doesn't NEED a bra for quite some time.

I hated having a bra and hated the whole growing up bit including
hating stockings and garter belts etc. I wasn't teased about it but
when I was 10, I was molested. My mom hadn't thought I needed a bra
because I certainly didn't need it for support.

So if your daughter isn't interested, just be sure that the fact that
she's blooming doesn't show through. And ask your daughter to talk
about other girls in her class rather than whether she's interested
for herself.


grandma Rosalie

dragonlady wrote in :

If your daughter isn't interested, and her body doesn't need them, I see
no particular point to getting one. And why on EARTH would her
classmate's mother think it's any of her damned business whether or not
your daughter wears a training bra? I think that is the part of your
post that most got my attention!

It may be nothing to do with Beeswing's daughter, more that the other mum
does not want her own daughter to be the only one wearing a training bra.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

"beeswing" wrote in message
om...
How does a
parent know when a young girl needs her first bra?



When she asks?

Seriously, most girls are self conscious enough that they'll somehow get you
to know that they want one. Or, failing that, there may be a time when you
decide that the subject needs to be brought up. But, if she's comfortable
and you don't see any need for it, time to tell the other mom, thanks for
your concern but we'll do it on our own timeline, thank you.

Marijke
mom to 2 boys (16 and 12) and one girl (15)

x-no-archive: yes

Regarding the so-called "training bras": Our computer network shut down
shortly after I posted the question, and I hadn't seen any of the
responses at that point. I took the opportunity to swing by a store just
to see what's out there. I found some cotton-spandex "crop bras" (closer
to a bra-shaped undershirt or undershirt-feel bra) in a size small for
cheap and made a choice to buy some for my daughter so she'd have them
if she does want them, whenever that might be.

What actually happened, by the way, was that I got a phone call the
other night from the other mom, whom I don't personally know. She told
me that her daughter had a present for my daughter and would like to
bring it by. (Mind you, these girls are classmates, not best buddies.)
It was Valentine's Day; still, I was surprised but tried to act graceful
about it. I told her that she and her daughter were welcome to come
over. (They'd never even been to our house before.) THEN the women said,
"Don't you want to know what it is?"

You guessed it. A training bra. She had "noticed" my daughter the other
day at school, and *her* daughter wears them, and she thought.... I was
taken aback but didn't know how to react, so I politely said that I was
sure my daughter would like it. (Though I was sure of no such thing.)
Well. the other mom said she'd call right before she came over. In the
interim, I talked to my husband about how I felt (that I didn't know
that my daughter needed them or wanted them and when she did, I wanted
to be the one to buy them not some stranger). He intercepted the lady
when she called back (he's much more direct than I am) and politely told
her, "Thanks but no thanks."

My daughter knows that this girl wanted to give her something that we
didn't accept, but she doesn't know what it is. This week is school
break, but I'll bet dollars to donuts this other kid blabs to my
daughter (and god knows who else) when she gets back to school. I knew
I'd have to deal with this stuff soon somehow, but wasn't quite ready to
, and now I feel forced to...I'll need to talk to my daughter before
this kid does. (By the way, my head wasn't in the sand on this...we had
discussed the issue with my daughter's pediatrician at her last
appointment.)

One other datapoint is apparently my daughter's best friend, who lives
with her dad, asked her dad for some. Her dad, being rather clueless,
brought her to a store, where the girl was told she didn't need them.
There is some sort of social pressure going on at school, then, though I
can't tell the extent of it.

Since I have to talk to The Kid anyway, I thought I'd buy the "crop
bras" just for her to have. It is a bit of a problem either way because
these kids wear school uniforms -- with white shirts on top. Whatever a
kid has or doesn't have...or wears or doesn't wear...is likely to be
apparent to the other kids. I don't know if anyone really cares, though
(besides this other mom, perhaps).

I thought I'd not pressure my daughter at all, just be very low key and
make them available so she has an option. I have no one to ask if this
is a reasonable response on my part. (Is it?) I really would have
preferred to blow the whole thing off for now, but it's clearly going to
come up with the classmate when my daughter gets back to school.

Oh yeah...and I'm not at all happy about this well-meaning parent.

beeswing

On Mon, 16 Feb 2004 14:25:22 EST, (beeswing) wrote:

I have a third-grade daughter. A classmate's mother is pushing me to
buy training bras for my daughter, which apparently her daughter
already wears. While it's true my daughter is starting to "bloom,"
she's still young and hasn't shown an interest herself. (I offered a
while back.) My daughter seems like such a kid to me, and I don't want
her teased...either for having one or *not* having one. How does a
parent know when a young girl needs her first bra?

Well, my mum knew when I asked for one. She very carefully explained
to me that it wasn't necessary for me to have one when I first asked
for one since I had no breasts at all and asked me if I would be happy
with a camisole top with bra style adjustable straps. Since I
actually wanted it for the way it looked under clothes rather than
needing one this was a good solution for me at the time. Eventually I
started bouncing a little when I would do sport so I bought a bra then
for comfort. I think when a girl needs it for comfort during activity
is the best time to start.


--
Cheryl
Mum to DS#1 (11 Mar 99), DS#2 (4 Oct 00)
and DD (30 Jul 02)

"Penny Gaines" wrote in message
...

It may be nothing to do with Beeswing's daughter, more that the other
mum
does not want her own daughter to be the only one wearing a training
bra.

I half-wondered that myself.

beeswing

x-no-archive: yes
On Mon, 16 Feb 2004 18:08:30 EST, "Beeswing" wrote:


Since I have to talk to The Kid anyway, I thought I'd buy the "crop
bras" just for her to have. It is a bit of a problem either way because
these kids wear school uniforms -- with white shirts on top. Whatever a
kid has or doesn't have...or wears or doesn't wear...is likely to be
apparent to the other kids. I don't know if anyone really cares, though
(besides this other mom, perhaps).

Honestly, given my experience with white shirts and school uniforms
I'd say yes people care. Not all the girls in the year will care but
it was extremely obvious who was developing just by the appearance of
bra strap adjusters under the shirt. It was almost a competition
among one group of girls to be the first to wear a "proper" bra rather
than a training bra or a size smaller than an A cup. In my other post
I mentioned camisole tops that my mum bought be, the crop bras would
serve the same purpose - to look kind of like a bra but not be a bra
when it's not necessary. Singlets wouldn't do the trick for me, they
had to have that adjuster to look like a bra.

Man I'm not looking forward to my kids hitting puberty!


--
Cheryl
Mum to DS#1 (11 Mar 99), DS#2 (4 Oct 00)
and DD (30 Jul 02)