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Wedding etiquette?



 
 
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  #11  
Old June 19th 07, 01:46 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Sue
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Posts: 613
Default Wedding etiquette?

Oh for heaven sakes. You are making this into a big deal. Just call your
friend and explain the situation that you may have to bring the child along
and see what she says. End of story. Personally, I would leave the baby at
home so you and the others at the wedding can have a good time. The child
will be fine with your mom.
--
Sue

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:h8Kdi.30875$nx3.28833@edtnps89...

"Leslie" wrote in message
ups.com...
I had a very similar situation a couple of years ago. Like you, I had
a baby I could not leave for very long. And, like your friend, my
friend came from a large family and I knew there would likely be other
children there.

It's not strictly etiquette to say anything about this at all. What I
did was email my friend and said that I would of course come to the
wedding but I would have to leave the reception early as I could not
stay away from Lorelei that long. And she emailed me back and said
that of course Lorelei was welcome. If she had NOT said that, it
would have been okay as well.

And we were seated at the head table, with Lorelei in her high
chair. :-)

Leslie


Well, there is my friend's email given as a way to RSVP, along with her
home phone number. I'm kind of feeling like I'd rather call her and
actually talk to her to RSVP, rather than email. It feels more personal,
but OTOH, maybe email might be better. They wouldn't have provided an
email to RSVP to if they weren't expecting or wanting people to RSVP that
way. I do think that a phone call is far more personal, but an email is
something that you can sit and think good about before sending it away.
I also don't know if I should RSVP right away - they ask to RSVP by July
15, I believe, and the wedding, I believe, is Aug 25? From now until the
wedding day, that's still 2 months that DD2 could start using a sippy cup
or something, and I could manage to possibly try and pump enough over the
next 2 months that she might be able to be left away from me for a little
longer. I'd absolutely hate to say I won't be able to make it then find
out, in the end, I could have gone for one reason or another. She was
such a good, dear friend growing up. We were the best of friends, and
although we've kind of drifted the past few years, I do still enjoy when
we do talk.
Another thing I'm not sure about with sending an RSVP by email is that I
might not even know if she got it or not. It would give her some time to
think about how she would like to reply, if she wants to (either with,
"sorry, we're asking all children to not attend or please do bring your
little one!) and she can decide without feeling at all put on the spot,
even if I did try and just be to the point and not go into huge dramatics
or anything.
I've never RSVP'd by email - is it normal for them to just take the email
and mark it down on their papers as yes or no and not reply back with a
confirmation either way or do they normally reply with an email of thanks,
can't wait to see you there or I'm sorry you can't make it - type thing?



  #12  
Old June 19th 07, 02:46 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Sarah Vaughan
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Posts: 443
Default Wedding etiquette?

Sue wrote:
Oh for heaven sakes. You are making this into a big deal. Just call your
friend and explain the situation that you may have to bring the child along
and see what she says. End of story.


Politeness is a big deal, and it isn't very polite to ring up and try
and invite someone along to someone else's party that hasn't been
invited. If they didn't invite children, that's probably the way they
want it. And, yes, I know they can say 'No' to a request like that, but
it puts them in a position of feeling awkward, which is not very fair to
them.


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

  #13  
Old June 19th 07, 05:42 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Sue
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Posts: 613
Default Wedding etiquette?

"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
Politeness is a big deal, and it isn't very polite to ring up and try and
invite someone along to someone else's party that hasn't been invited. If
they didn't invite children, that's probably the way they want it. And,
yes, I know they can say 'No' to a request like that, but it puts them in
a position of feeling awkward, which is not very fair to them.


I agree politeness is a big deal, that's why the OP should just follow
etiquette and not bring the child or respectively decline the invitation.
However, if it is a close friend, then I don't see what the problem would be
to just ask.

I personally have never put myself in a position where I had solely
breastfed babies, so leaving them with sitters/relatives was never a
problem, not in that respect anyway. And at 10 months, all three of my kids
were used to sippy cups at that point anyway and eating lots of solids, so
again my experience is different and I would not have a problem going to the
wedding sans children.

--
Sue


  #14  
Old June 19th 07, 06:10 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Sarah Vaughan
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Posts: 443
Default Wedding etiquette?

Sue wrote:
"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
Politeness is a big deal, and it isn't very polite to ring up and try and
invite someone along to someone else's party that hasn't been invited. If
they didn't invite children, that's probably the way they want it. And,
yes, I know they can say 'No' to a request like that, but it puts them in
a position of feeling awkward, which is not very fair to them.


I agree politeness is a big deal, that's why the OP should just follow
etiquette and not bring the child or respectively decline the invitation.
However, if it is a close friend, then I don't see what the problem would be
to just ask.


But it doesn't sound as though it is that close a friend. The OP said
that the two of them had hardly been in touch for the past few years.
Besides... I think it might be a mistake to assume that just because
someone is a good friend, they're not going to feel pressured by you
asking for something they don't want to do. In some situations I think
a close friendship might even make that harder, as it might make the
friend more reluctant to refuse even when they really want to.


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

  #15  
Old June 19th 07, 07:09 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
xkatx
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Posts: 690
Default Wedding etiquette?


"Sue" wrote in message
news:18ednX0_EbAVmuXbnZ2dnUVZ_qiqnZ2d@wideopenwest .com...
"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
Politeness is a big deal, and it isn't very polite to ring up and try and
invite someone along to someone else's party that hasn't been invited.
If they didn't invite children, that's probably the way they want it.
And, yes, I know they can say 'No' to a request like that, but it puts
them in a position of feeling awkward, which is not very fair to them.


I agree politeness is a big deal, that's why the OP should just follow
etiquette and not bring the child or respectively decline the invitation.
However, if it is a close friend, then I don't see what the problem would
be to just ask.


She *was* a very close friend when we were younger, were growing up and
lived in the same neighbourhood. That was a few years back, though, and
yes, we have lost touch quite a bit over the years. It wasn't very long ago
that we lived in the neighbourhood as children - maybe about 10 or so years
ago. We started to slowly lose constant touch the past few years, though.
One of the reasons I don't want to just outwardly ask is because I know she
has lots of younger siblings, her brother and his wife are expecting their
first child now or had it very recently, and I would assume they will be
there with a new baby, but just because her *family* would probably be there
(again, I am only assuming) that doesn't mean that everyone's children will
be there. I might want my own children at my own wedding, or might want my
immediate family's children there, but that doesn't mean that I'd want all
my cousins and friends and extended family to bring their little ones along
as well.

I personally have never put myself in a position where I had solely
breastfed babies, so leaving them with sitters/relatives was never a
problem, not in that respect anyway. And at 10 months, all three of my
kids were used to sippy cups at that point anyway and eating lots of
solids, so again my experience is different and I would not have a problem
going to the wedding sans children.


I don't believe that I put myself in the position of having an exclusively
breastfed baby either. By 6-7 months, the others were all drinking from a
sippy cup when they needed to. They would take a bottle as well if need be.
With the others, it seems, if it was food, they didn't care where it came
from in the end. DD2, OTOH, is a totally new experience for me. She
refused food until only recently and seemed fine and content with only being
nursed. She would gag on food until close to 7 months and would only want
to nurse. She will gag and still refuses a bottle of EMB and I don't care
to try formula, seeing as it does seem to be the bottle she doesn't like. I
honestly always did belive that babies will suck on whatever is offered if
they're hungry enough. We've tried that. I've left and been out of the
house completely and she still will not take a bottle from anyone. She will
cry and scream and then eventually will wear herself out and will fall
asleep. She'll wake up very shortly and repeat. She just will NOT take a
bottle, it seems. Maybe if pushed further she would, but really, how much
is it worth it to me to completely *force* it - it's not THAT important, if
that's what it will take. I didn't believe that there were some babies that
would completely refuse a bottle. Then I had DD2. Completely different
experience with her - refused a bottle, doesn't care to eat much for food
(when compared to the older ones at this age), couldn't care less about a
sippy cup, which we do offer often enough just to try and get her used to
it.
But, she is only 8 months old now. Something could click in her and she
could make a total change and who knows? Maybe she'll start accepting real
food (at this age, the others were all eating exactly what we were eating,
pureed or blended up in the blender, using sippy cups, they all would take a
bottle or a cup of milk, etc) and be completely different. It's so hard to
say.

--
Sue



  #16  
Old June 19th 07, 10:13 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Sarah Vaughan
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Posts: 443
Default Wedding etiquette?

xkatx wrote:
[...]
One of the reasons I don't want to just outwardly ask is because I know she
has lots of younger siblings, her brother and his wife are expecting their
first child now or had it very recently, and I would assume they will be
there with a new baby, but just because her *family* would probably be there
(again, I am only assuming) that doesn't mean that everyone's children will
be there. I might want my own children at my own wedding, or might want my
immediate family's children there, but that doesn't mean that I'd want all
my cousins and friends and extended family to bring their little ones along
as well.


Ah - good point! In that case, forget my line about asking her if it's
an adult-only wedding. ;-)

Best bet is probably just to e-mail her (less likely than telephoning to
make her feel put on the spot) with the brief message about not being
able to come because you can't leave the baby for that long, you're so
sorry, hope she has a wonderful day, and leave it at that. I do agree
that it's sensible to leave it a bit closer to the 'reply by...' date,
in case things change, but it's probably best to let her know at least a
week before the date given (gives her more time to think about it).


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

  #17  
Old June 20th 07, 04:22 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Marie
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Posts: 181
Default Wedding etiquette?

On Tue, 19 Jun 2007 18:09:30 GMT, "xkatx" wrote:

I don't believe that I put myself in the position of having an exclusively
breastfed baby either. By 6-7 months, the others were all drinking from a
sippy cup when they needed to. They would take a bottle as well if need be.
With the others, it seems, if it was food, they didn't care where it came
from in the end. DD2, OTOH, is a totally new experience for me.


My experience is like yours. My third baby absolutely refused a
bottle, my mom and husband both tried several times at several
different ages. She was also a screamer and it was hell for anyone
else to ever babysit b/c she screamed the whole time. As a result, we
only got sitters for things like funerals(there were no weddings
during that period). Now she's 4 and god I am glad it's all over lol
She is very independent and I'm glad I was able to let her become that
way on her own terms. She goes to her art classes and dance classes
and says "Bye, you can leave now!" This, my child who was physically
attached to me 24/7 for 2 years.
My other two babies- they were pretty easy, compared to my third. My
exclusively breastfed baby would take bottles of breastmilk, and when
she was babysat the only one who suffered was me(engorgement!)
So when you say this baby is a new experience, I can totally
empathize.
Marie
  #18  
Old June 20th 07, 09:18 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
xkatx
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Posts: 690
Default Wedding etiquette?


"Marie" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 19 Jun 2007 18:09:30 GMT, "xkatx" wrote:

I don't believe that I put myself in the position of having an exclusively
breastfed baby either. By 6-7 months, the others were all drinking from a
sippy cup when they needed to. They would take a bottle as well if need
be.
With the others, it seems, if it was food, they didn't care where it came
from in the end. DD2, OTOH, is a totally new experience for me.


My experience is like yours. My third baby absolutely refused a
bottle, my mom and husband both tried several times at several
different ages. She was also a screamer and it was hell for anyone
else to ever babysit b/c she screamed the whole time. As a result, we
only got sitters for things like funerals(there were no weddings
during that period). Now she's 4 and god I am glad it's all over lol
She is very independent and I'm glad I was able to let her become that
way on her own terms. She goes to her art classes and dance classes
and says "Bye, you can leave now!" This, my child who was physically
attached to me 24/7 for 2 years.
My other two babies- they were pretty easy, compared to my third. My
exclusively breastfed baby would take bottles of breastmilk, and when
she was babysat the only one who suffered was me(engorgement!)
So when you say this baby is a new experience, I can totally
empathize.
Marie


At least I don't feel so alone. With each of the kids, I've noticed how
they can be like night and day. One would be fine to leave with someone
else, one would cause hell on earth if I left the room. With DD2, though,
she seems to be on the far end of extreme compared to the others. I really
can't walk out of the room without her causing a fuss, and it's been like
that from the start. She isn't the first or the only - I have older ones,
and DD1 is only 14 months older, so when DD2 was born, DD1 was still very
needy and relied on me quite a bit. I didn't have the time to cart the baby
around, attached to me 24/7, but I've had to change and do that just for my
own sanity.
The older ones are about the same as your others - they were always happy
and content with others, and it didn't matter who those others were. DD2,
it seems, requires me to be around her every moment.
I am so glad, though, that this stage passes. That's one thing to look
forward to, and if it's only a year or two, I can manage. I don't have to
go on thinking she'll be attached to me until she's 20! My older ones +
friends' little ones around the age as mine seem to have very little issues
with the sitter situation. Me, OTOH, I can drop the others off or leave
them with someone and they don't really care if I'm there or not. DD2 just
seems to be so darn clingy. You have made me realize I am not the only one
(thanks for that!) and that it will pass (eventually!)


  #19  
Old June 21st 07, 01:03 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Marie
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Posts: 181
Default Wedding etiquette?

On Wed, 20 Jun 2007 20:18:50 GMT, "xkatx" wrote:


At least I don't feel so alone. With each of the kids, I've noticed how
they can be like night and day. One would be fine to leave with someone
else, one would cause hell on earth if I left the room. With DD2, though,
she seems to be on the far end of extreme compared to the others. I really
can't walk out of the room without her causing a fuss, and it's been like
that from the start. She isn't the first or the only - I have older ones,
and DD1 is only 14 months older, so when DD2 was born, DD1 was still very
needy and relied on me quite a bit. I didn't have the time to cart the baby
around, attached to me 24/7, but I've had to change and do that just for my
own sanity.
The older ones are about the same as your others - they were always happy
and content with others, and it didn't matter who those others were. DD2,
it seems, requires me to be around her every moment.
I am so glad, though, that this stage passes. That's one thing to look
forward to, and if it's only a year or two, I can manage. I don't have to
go on thinking she'll be attached to me until she's 20! My older ones +
friends' little ones around the age as mine seem to have very little issues
with the sitter situation. Me, OTOH, I can drop the others off or leave
them with someone and they don't really care if I'm there or not. DD2 just
seems to be so darn clingy. You have made me realize I am not the only one
(thanks for that!) and that it will pass (eventually!)


I was told so many times that it will pass, and it started making me
feel like screaming! BUT it *is* true! I hope I have made you feel
better ) I had several family members and a friend have babies
within a few months of having mine(that made 4 or 5 babies the same
age in my circle), and the rest of them stayed with grandma all the
time, took bottles/pacifiers, didn't cry much, happily watched tv or
stared out the window. Only one of the others were breastfed but he
slept good at night and wasn't so attached to his mom. It was
depressing! One night around 3am when my daughter was about 4 months
old, I made the decision to NEVER have another baby, and I have not
changed my mind.
Have you ever looked up "high needs"? Dr. Sears's website and books
talk about it. I had read of other moms before who said their baby was
high needs, and I had thought there was no way a baby can be that
clingy and needy, but then I went and had one of them LOL Reading it
actually made me feel a little better...it wasn't something *I* was
doing wrong.
Marie
  #20  
Old June 21st 07, 02:58 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Nikki
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Posts: 486
Default Wedding etiquette?


"Marie" wrote in message
...

Have you ever looked up "high needs"? Dr. Sears's website and books
talk about it. I had read of other moms before who said their baby was
high needs, and I had thought there was no way a baby can be that
clingy and needy, but then I went and had one of them LOL Reading it
actually made me feel a little better...it wasn't something *I* was
doing wrong.
Marie


Marie,

I forget how old your daughter is. Do you still feel she is high needs?

Hunter was a very needy baby like you guys describe. Things started to
turn around at around 2.5yo and he was a really easy toddler and I have to
say that he is an easy kid too. He's 8yo now. Luke was not a needy baby.
He was happy go-lucky. Always smiling. Starting at about 2yo he became
more and more high maintenance. He is 6yo now and still high maintenance
although it is getting a little better. It peaked at around 5.5yo.

It is amazing how their personalities can change like that and just wondered
if you noticed a change or if your dd remained fairly high needs.


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06


 




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