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Friendship problem for my 9 year old
Hello all,
Hope you all can come up with some good advice on this one. My 9 year old has had a friendship with a troubled girl since Kindergarten. This little girl's family is a mess and has now reached a pivotal point for me. In kindergarten, my child and this friend became close, and it was a deceit friendship. As time rolled on I noticed a change in my daughter. She was very confident in herself, then not so much. When I talked with her about it she told me of this little girl and how she would play with my daughter then on-a-dime change tactics and tell her she was not her friend anymore. It was a typical *kids are mean* scenario. When I met her mom on occasion during drop offs, etc., she started to tell me of her problems, not the girl's, but her own. She was a recovering drug addicted/alcohol abuser. She had done some crazy things in her life, before and after having her kids. The husband was in and out of the picture, with the same problems, and had done a lot of jail time. I didn't want to dissolve the friendship between the girls and was hoping the mom would stay recovered and things would be fine. During this time I would have the little girl over every now and then and it always ended up in fights. I started getting calls from her mom if I could pick-up her daughter and bring her home, or she was having a bad day and could her 2 daughters stay over, because she needed a break. And a few times asked for money. The mom did not stay recovered and you could see the results in her daughter. She would become very mean toward my daughter on occasion. My response was for my daughter to walk away during these times and to make some new friends to play with when this happened. By the end second grade my daughter was a mess with the taunts and name calling this girl was giving her. I said it was time to cut ties for awhile. Third grade, which I think is a hard year, my daughter has turned some corners, made some good friends, and gained some confidence back. Of course, she gets mean looks and confrontations every once in awhile from this little girl, but she took the high road, and I am proud of her. The last few weeks, this little girl has tried to become friends again with my daughter. My daughter is very wary of doing this. And sure enough the, *You are a brat, you are bossy, don't be a know-it-all, why do you like HER, etc.* has started again. So once again I told my daughter, it is just not a good relationship, to be polite, but back off and hang around her other friends. I received a call yesterday, from little girls mom, telling me my daughter had said she was not allowed to play with her daughter anymore. I told her that I felt they were just not seeing eye to eye on things and needed another break. She said she understood and had told her daughter it didn't mean they would not see each other over the summer or talk on the phone. Then, the big news. She told me her daughter really needed my daughter's friendship right now because a couple months ago, her husband, on drugs, came over, while the little girl was there, and attacked her (the mom). She said he had a knife, stabbed her, slashed her neck, threw her around, while she screamed for the little girl to call 911. I was horrified and felt so bad for her. But, as a mom, a kept focusing on her 2 girls and asking if they were getting the therapy they needed. She kept blowing that off and talking about herself and how horrible it was for her. I agree but I was really focused on the little girl who saw all of this happening. I couldn't even figure out if the mom had even tried to get counseling for the girls. So, here I am. I really, really don't want to get involved anymore in this. My heart goes out to her and her children, but I really don't want to deal with this. When the calls come this summer for play dates, etc. should I keep up with the excuses or get a back-bone and just tell her when she gets her life back on track and help for her girls to then give me a call? Hope some of you stayed with me. I know I wrote a lot. Just trying to give you the big picture. Thanks, Vickie |
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