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Happy Birthmother's Day!



 
 
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  #1  
Old May 8th 04, 03:43 PM
SuperEeyore
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Happy Birthmother's Day!

Happy day to all the Birthmothers out there!

Laurel
birthmother to Bj
and mommy to Juliet

"What is Birth Mother's Day?"

Birth Mother's Day is a day to honor and remember the motherhood experience
of birth mothers, the women who lost/placed their children in adoption. It
is held on the second Saturday in May and observed with a public ceremony.

Birth Mother's Day was created in 1990 by a group of Seattle Washington
birth mothers who met each other at a birth parent support group. It grew
out of the shared recognition that Mother's Day is one of the most painful
days of the year- second only to the birthday of our missing children. Yet
birth mothers have been shut out of the traditional celebration and
remembrances of the holiday. Most birth mothers are neither named nor
recognized among the mothers in our midst. For most birth mothers there are
no cards or flowers. Society treats the motherhood of the birth mother as a
momentary event that fades quickly from the collective memory. It often
seems we are even forgotten by those who received the gift and the privilege
of parenthood through the birth mother's loss. This invisibility and silence
gives adopted children and adults the message they are forgotten by their
birth mothers and that, they too, have no place for expressing their
feelings, thoughts or questions about the woman who gave the gift of life.

Most people are simply unaware that for the rest of their lives, many birth
mothers feel sorrow, and love, for the children they have lost through
adoption. This is partly because there has never been place or a way for
birth mothers to tell their stories. Our pain has been made invisible by a
society that tells us we can forget. Without permission to grieve by those
around us, we have lived in isolation and silence with a great wound upon
our hearts and souls. We have lived with the unspeakable sorrow of a
mother's loss, a mother who lives separated from her child.

Despite this invisibility, and denial, birth mothers are mothers. We are not
egg donors, or baby making machines. We have names and faces, hearts and
stories. The process of pregnancy and the act of birth are profound
life-changing experiences. The birth experience impacts a woman for the rest
of her life. Connections of heart, spirit, and biology are forged. Eternal
connections are made that cannot be dissolved by ink and paper. When birth
is followed by the abrupt loss/separation from one's child, a mother is
plunged into the most difficult of human experiences- grief, loss, despair,
shame, and failure. This is the traumatic aftermath of an adoption decision
for a birth mother. It is with her the rest of her life. Some birth mothers
ultimately find peace with the adoption decision, but even more live with it
as an open wound. It is a wound for which little understanding or help has
come from those who advocate, facilitate and profit from adoption

Mother's Day brings a birth mother's feelings and memories rushing forward
like the tide. Most of us have endured this annual event in isolation,
invisibility, silence and secret grief, acknowledging our motherhood and our
absent child only to ourselves. Birth Mother's Day was created to help birth
mothers move through this torrent of memory and feeling. It is a way to take
back our rightful name of Mother and to celebrate ourselves as birth givers-
the ones who give life. It is a way to expand the celebration of Mother's
Day to make it inclusive of all the mothers in our communities. It is a day
to remember and to celebrate the birth of our children- an experience many
of us were denied. In doing this we affirm our connection and feeling for
our children. We create a space to tell our stories and become fully human
again- with names, faces, voices and compassion for ourselves and our
experiences.

Birth Mother's Day is held on the day before Mother's Day. There are several
reasons for this. The first of these recognizes our motherhood is one of
loss and abrupt separation, as well as love and connection. Many of us were
denied as mothers, treated like criminals, abandoned by our families, our
communities and our children's fathers. These are not the traditional
experiences or sentiments associated with the Mother's Day observances, yet
these remembrances are summoned forth each year at this time. A separate day
allows all of the feelings to be acknowledged, especially those that are
painful and rooted in grief. Birth mothers who have had other children
expressed feeling torn between the Mother's Day celebrations of the children
they are raising and the memory of the child who is absent. A separate day
allows for observance and expression of both circumstances.

Secondly our motherhood comes first and makes possible the motherhood of
another woman- the adoptive mother. If we had not given birth, there would
be no child for the adoptive mother (and father) to parent. Observing Birth
Mother's Day on the Saturday prior to Mother's day symbolically represents
this reality. Adopted children have two mothers. Our shared child links us
one to one another. The intention is not to detract from those who are
parenting our children, but to make this annual observance inclusive of all
the mothers in the lives of our children and our communities. Observing
Birth Mother's Day could also create a time for families of adopted children
to talk openly about birth families and the ways we are all connected to one
another through our children.

Mother's Day was originally founded by Julia Ward Howe, as a day for peace,
in which the mothers of the world would commit themselves to peace by not
allowing their children to kill another mother's child in war. This
commitment was based on the shared understanding of a mother's love and the
terrible grief of losing a child. In recognizing the love and the sorrow of
birthmothers, Birth Mother's Day can be seen as an act of peace- making and
healing. It stands in contrast to an adoption system that has been built
upon the destruction of the birth family relationship, a destruction with
consequences for the adoptive family as well. Truth cannot be whole without
all its parts. People cannot be whole without all the people who love them.
In our events in Seattle, birth mothers have attended with the adoptive
mothers of their shared children, and adoptive mothers and fathers have
attended on behalf of their adopted children as well. By honoring the
humanity of the birth mother and acknowledging the relationships between all
of us, Birth Mother's day is a radical affirmation of the meaning of family
and the way of peace making for our communities.

This excerpt is from A Birth Mother's Day Planner by Mary Jean Wolch Marsh.
It can be purchased for $15.00 plus $3 shipping through R - S q a r e d P r
e s s
721 Hawthorne Ave., Royal Oak, MI 48067-3621 USA Phone/Fax: 248-543-0997




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  #2  
Old May 8th 04, 05:41 PM
Dizzysmamma
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Happy Birthmother's Day!


"SuperEeyore" wrote in message
...
Happy day to all the Birthmothers out there!

Laurel
birthmother to Bj
and mommy to Juliet


Happy Birthmothers Day to you too, Laurel.

Angela
/another birthmother


  #3  
Old May 8th 04, 05:44 PM
SuperEeyore
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Happy Birthmother's Day!

Dizzysmamma wrote:
"SuperEeyore" wrote in message
...
Happy day to all the Birthmothers out there!

Laurel
birthmother to Bj
and mommy to Juliet


Happy Birthmothers Day to you too, Laurel.

Angela
/another birthmother


((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) I knew there were more out here!

Laurel


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Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
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  #4  
Old May 8th 04, 06:20 PM
kiticat
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Happy Birthmother's Day!

SuperEeyore wrote:

Happy day to all the Birthmothers out there!

Laurel
birthmother to Bj
and mommy to Juliet


Happy birthmothers day Laurel - lovely to see you back )
Sarah

  #5  
Old May 8th 04, 09:44 PM
Amy
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Happy Birthmother's Day!

Happy Birthmothers' day ((((Laurel)))) - I know how bittersweet Mothers' Day
can be..

"SuperEeyore" wrote in message
...
Happy day to all the Birthmothers out there!

Laurel
birthmother to Bj
and mommy to Juliet

"What is Birth Mother's Day?"

Birth Mother's Day is a day to honor and remember the motherhood

experience
of birth mothers, the women who lost/placed their children in adoption. It
is held on the second Saturday in May and observed with a public ceremony.

Birth Mother's Day was created in 1990 by a group of Seattle Washington
birth mothers who met each other at a birth parent support group. It grew
out of the shared recognition that Mother's Day is one of the most painful
days of the year- second only to the birthday of our missing children. Yet
birth mothers have been shut out of the traditional celebration and
remembrances of the holiday. Most birth mothers are neither named nor
recognized among the mothers in our midst. For most birth mothers there

are
no cards or flowers. Society treats the motherhood of the birth mother as

a
momentary event that fades quickly from the collective memory. It often
seems we are even forgotten by those who received the gift and the

privilege
of parenthood through the birth mother's loss. This invisibility and

silence
gives adopted children and adults the message they are forgotten by their
birth mothers and that, they too, have no place for expressing their
feelings, thoughts or questions about the woman who gave the gift of life.

Most people are simply unaware that for the rest of their lives, many

birth
mothers feel sorrow, and love, for the children they have lost through
adoption. This is partly because there has never been place or a way for
birth mothers to tell their stories. Our pain has been made invisible by a
society that tells us we can forget. Without permission to grieve by those
around us, we have lived in isolation and silence with a great wound upon
our hearts and souls. We have lived with the unspeakable sorrow of a
mother's loss, a mother who lives separated from her child.

Despite this invisibility, and denial, birth mothers are mothers. We are

not
egg donors, or baby making machines. We have names and faces, hearts and
stories. The process of pregnancy and the act of birth are profound
life-changing experiences. The birth experience impacts a woman for the

rest
of her life. Connections of heart, spirit, and biology are forged. Eternal
connections are made that cannot be dissolved by ink and paper. When birth
is followed by the abrupt loss/separation from one's child, a mother is
plunged into the most difficult of human experiences- grief, loss,

despair,
shame, and failure. This is the traumatic aftermath of an adoption

decision
for a birth mother. It is with her the rest of her life. Some birth

mothers
ultimately find peace with the adoption decision, but even more live with

it
as an open wound. It is a wound for which little understanding or help has
come from those who advocate, facilitate and profit from adoption

Mother's Day brings a birth mother's feelings and memories rushing forward
like the tide. Most of us have endured this annual event in isolation,
invisibility, silence and secret grief, acknowledging our motherhood and

our
absent child only to ourselves. Birth Mother's Day was created to help

birth
mothers move through this torrent of memory and feeling. It is a way to

take
back our rightful name of Mother and to celebrate ourselves as birth

givers-
the ones who give life. It is a way to expand the celebration of Mother's
Day to make it inclusive of all the mothers in our communities. It is a

day
to remember and to celebrate the birth of our children- an experience many
of us were denied. In doing this we affirm our connection and feeling for
our children. We create a space to tell our stories and become fully human
again- with names, faces, voices and compassion for ourselves and our
experiences.

Birth Mother's Day is held on the day before Mother's Day. There are

several
reasons for this. The first of these recognizes our motherhood is one of
loss and abrupt separation, as well as love and connection. Many of us

were
denied as mothers, treated like criminals, abandoned by our families, our
communities and our children's fathers. These are not the traditional
experiences or sentiments associated with the Mother's Day observances,

yet
these remembrances are summoned forth each year at this time. A separate

day
allows all of the feelings to be acknowledged, especially those that are
painful and rooted in grief. Birth mothers who have had other children
expressed feeling torn between the Mother's Day celebrations of the

children
they are raising and the memory of the child who is absent. A separate day
allows for observance and expression of both circumstances.

Secondly our motherhood comes first and makes possible the motherhood of
another woman- the adoptive mother. If we had not given birth, there would
be no child for the adoptive mother (and father) to parent. Observing

Birth
Mother's Day on the Saturday prior to Mother's day symbolically represents
this reality. Adopted children have two mothers. Our shared child links us
one to one another. The intention is not to detract from those who are
parenting our children, but to make this annual observance inclusive of

all
the mothers in the lives of our children and our communities. Observing
Birth Mother's Day could also create a time for families of adopted

children
to talk openly about birth families and the ways we are all connected to

one
another through our children.

Mother's Day was originally founded by Julia Ward Howe, as a day for

peace,
in which the mothers of the world would commit themselves to peace by not
allowing their children to kill another mother's child in war. This
commitment was based on the shared understanding of a mother's love and

the
terrible grief of losing a child. In recognizing the love and the sorrow

of
birthmothers, Birth Mother's Day can be seen as an act of peace- making

and
healing. It stands in contrast to an adoption system that has been built
upon the destruction of the birth family relationship, a destruction with
consequences for the adoptive family as well. Truth cannot be whole

without
all its parts. People cannot be whole without all the people who love

them.
In our events in Seattle, birth mothers have attended with the adoptive
mothers of their shared children, and adoptive mothers and fathers have
attended on behalf of their adopted children as well. By honoring the
humanity of the birth mother and acknowledging the relationships between

all
of us, Birth Mother's day is a radical affirmation of the meaning of

family
and the way of peace making for our communities.

This excerpt is from A Birth Mother's Day Planner by Mary Jean Wolch

Marsh.
It can be purchased for $15.00 plus $3 shipping through R - S q a r e d P

r
e s s
721 Hawthorne Ave., Royal Oak, MI 48067-3621 USA Phone/Fax: 248-543-0997




---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.677 / Virus Database: 439 - Release Date: 5/4/2004




  #6  
Old May 9th 04, 12:38 AM
Akuvikate
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Happy Birthmother's Day!

"SuperEeyore" wrote in message ...
Happy day to all the Birthmothers out there!

Laurel
birthmother to Bj
and mommy to Juliet

"What is Birth Mother's Day?"

Birth Mother's Day is a day to honor and remember the motherhood experience
of birth mothers, the women who lost/placed their children in adoption. It
is held on the second Saturday in May and observed with a public ceremony.


Another group for whom this is great is the adoptees. I've been in
contact with my birthmother for 11 years and have always felt a little
weird about Mothers Day. On the one hand I want to thank her and
honor her for what she's done, but on the other hand I'm not always
comfortable doing it on Mothers Day. This is the perfect solution --
I'm going to call her now!

Kate
and the Bug, 11 months
 




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