Tantrums.

I'm not sure if this topic has been addressed tho I'm sure it has. My son
who is now 13months has been throwing himself down and banging his head
against the floor and screaming. I have tried to leave him, let him know
it won't get him any attention, but that doesn't work.

He has started banging his head against walls and doors and things like that
on purpose then looking up at me and crying.

I'm not sure what really to do.

Sorry if this is a repeat but I'm new here so please humor me.

Hi Kelly and Welcome,
I had a son who would do this as well-so much so, that he would actually
kick me in the process. What I would do was hold him close, tell him how
much I loved him and that it's OK. Just what I did. I felt like he was not
in control and needed help getting that control back (like his emotions were
taking over). Good Luck.
--
Mary

"Kelly heglin" wrote in message
news_Egc.47422$dg7.20538@edtnps84...
I'm not sure if this topic has been addressed tho I'm sure it has. My son
who is now 13months has been throwing himself down and banging his head
against the floor and screaming. I have tried to leave him, let him know
it won't get him any attention, but that doesn't work.

He has started banging his head against walls and doors and things like
that
on purpose then looking up at me and crying.

I'm not sure what really to do.

Sorry if this is a repeat but I'm new here so please humor me.

Kelly heglin wrote:
I'm not sure if this topic has been addressed tho I'm sure it has. My son
who is now 13months has been throwing himself down and banging his head
against the floor and screaming. I have tried to leave him, let him know
it won't get him any attention, but that doesn't work.

He has started banging his head against walls and doors and things like that
on purpose then looking up at me and crying.

I'm not sure what really to do.

Sorry if this is a repeat but I'm new here so please humor me.

Two things I tried, sometimes they worked. I would
hold DS very firmly, that seemed to help sometimes.
He didn't tantrum much, however. I'm not sure if
it was his demeanor, or if he learned that they didn't
work.

Ignoring them -- well, we would usually move DD or DS
from where they were to their crib, and then leave
the room, I think that worked best in curtailing
tantrums. My kids never did the headbanging thing
(Well, not while tantrumming), if that would have
happened, I would probably tell them that would
hurt, and then move them to a place where they
couldn't do it. Like a crib (although maybe
ds was out of his crib by 13 months -- I don't
remember any more).

Of course, prevention is the best cure. I usually
knew that tantrums were inevitable if DD/DS were
tired, hungry, or worse, both If you're in
your own home, though, I don't think it's a bad
thing for the kid to tantrum -- lets them let
off a little built-up steam, very needed at the
end of a long day.

Scott DD 10.8 and DS 8.2

In article D_Egc.47422$dg7.20538@edtnps84,
"Kelly heglin" wrote:

I'm not sure if this topic has been addressed tho I'm sure it has. My son
who is now 13months has been throwing himself down and banging his head
against the floor and screaming. I have tried to leave him, let him know
it won't get him any attention, but that doesn't work.

He has started banging his head against walls and doors and things like that
on purpose then looking up at me and crying.

I'm not sure what really to do.

Sorry if this is a repeat but I'm new here so please humor me.


One of my kids threw extremely self abusive tantrums: threw herself
into walls, even bit herself, etc. Trying to hold her so she wouldn't
hurt herself just exacerbated the situation: it made her even MORE
angry, and she could carry on for an astonishingly long amount of time.
(She has always hated any form of confinement.)

The hardest thing I ever did was simply turn and leave her. I'd come
back when she was calmer, and she would want to hug, and we could talk a
bit about how she felt -- but the only thing that ever really worked to
reduce the severity and frequency of those tantrums was ignorning them
completely. It took a while, and it was hard to do, but nothing else
had any positive effect whatsoever.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

I think that is one of the major problems. We aren't in our own home. We
have been staying with my husbands parents for the last month while we get
on our feet with his new job. We moved 16 hours away from where we had
lived for the first year of Kades life.

When I disicpline him or chastise him Grandma is always there to console him
and I think that hurts what I'm trying to set up with him.

When I was a child oh so many years ago, well 24, I know that what my mom
said was law. I can see how my husbands mother has had an effect on my two
neices that live down the street and I don't want that to happen to my son.


"Scott" wrote in message
...
Kelly heglin wrote:
I'm not sure if this topic has been addressed tho I'm sure it has. My
son
who is now 13months has been throwing himself down and banging his head
against the floor and screaming. I have tried to leave him, let him
know
it won't get him any attention, but that doesn't work.

He has started banging his head against walls and doors and things like
that
on purpose then looking up at me and crying.

I'm not sure what really to do.

Sorry if this is a repeat but I'm new here so please humor me.

Two things I tried, sometimes they worked. I would
hold DS very firmly, that seemed to help sometimes.
He didn't tantrum much, however. I'm not sure if
it was his demeanor, or if he learned that they didn't
work.

Ignoring them -- well, we would usually move DD or DS
from where they were to their crib, and then leave
the room, I think that worked best in curtailing
tantrums. My kids never did the headbanging thing
(Well, not while tantrumming), if that would have
happened, I would probably tell them that would
hurt, and then move them to a place where they
couldn't do it. Like a crib (although maybe
ds was out of his crib by 13 months -- I don't
remember any more).

Of course, prevention is the best cure. I usually
knew that tantrums were inevitable if DD/DS were
tired, hungry, or worse, both If you're in
your own home, though, I don't think it's a bad
thing for the kid to tantrum -- lets them let
off a little built-up steam, very needed at the
end of a long day.

Scott DD 10.8 and DS 8.2

Kelly heglin wrote:
I think that is one of the major problems. We aren't in our own home. We
have been staying with my husbands parents for the last month while we get
on our feet with his new job. We moved 16 hours away from where we had
lived for the first year of Kades life.

When I disicpline him or chastise him Grandma is always there to console him
and I think that hurts what I'm trying to set up with him.

When I was a child oh so many years ago, well 24, I know that what my mom
said was law. I can see how my husbands mother has had an effect on my two
neices that live down the street and I don't want that to happen to my son.



Oh my, that *is* a HUGE complication.

So basically, if you want to ignore your child, you also
have to distract MIL. "Yes Mom, he's throwing a tantrum
the moment .... I'm going to see if he will wear himself
out, and it's perfectly safe. I know it's hard, but
please don't interfere."

Of course, before you tell her this, your husband will
have had a LONG talk with his Mom about the effects of
her well-meant (I hope) interference. If your husband
will not have this talk with his mother, your choices
are to do it yourself, and hope for the best, or to
wait it out 'til you get a place of your own. But *I*
don't think it's a big burden to ask his grandmother
to back you up on this, if it's framed for the good
of the long term. (I wonder if my kids will google
this and throw it back at me when I'm an interfering
grandparent in, oh, 20 years ) OTOH, the
experience with the nieces isn't promising.

I think you should talk to you son about this also --
he should be able to understand that there are Mom
rules and there are grandma rules, and that your
rules are the ones you want him to follow.

Scott DD 10.7 and DS 8.2

"dragonlady" wrote in message
...
In article D_Egc.47422$dg7.20538@edtnps84,
"Kelly heglin" wrote:

I'm not sure if this topic has been addressed tho I'm sure it has. My
son
who is now 13months has been throwing himself down and banging his head
against the floor and screaming. I have tried to leave him, let him
know
it won't get him any attention, but that doesn't work.

He has started banging his head against walls and doors and things like
that
on purpose then looking up at me and crying.

I'm not sure what really to do.

Sorry if this is a repeat but I'm new here so please humor me.

I had this problem with my middle son when he was about that age. It got to
the point where I asked the doctor about it as he was hitting his head
pretty hard. The advice I got from him was "Walk away and let him do it.
Eventually it will hurt and he will quit." It was really hard to do, and it
took some time, but the advice did work. Good luck.

Kelly heglin wrote:
I think that is one of the major problems. We aren't in our own home. We
have been staying with my husbands parents for the last month while we get
on our feet with his new job. We moved 16 hours away from where we had
lived for the first year of Kades life.

When I disicpline him or chastise him Grandma is always there to console him
and I think that hurts what I'm trying to set up with him.

When I was a child oh so many years ago, well 24, I know that what my mom
said was law. I can see how my husbands mother has had an effect on my two
neices that live down the street and I don't want that to happen to my son.



Hi Kelly,

My youngest daughter was a world-class trantrum thrower. I had years
of it. While you may be able to head some of them off at the pass, as
someone else advised, some tantrums are inevitable. While I agree that
even if he's banging his head, it is unlikely that he will hurt
himself, the whole grandma-thing does put a wrinkle in it. One
suggestion I have for you is to sit with him in the room while he
tantrums. Don't cuddle or comfort, just sit there until he is done.
Make it clear that he must be done and ready -- at least trying -- to
stop before you will comfort him. Don't interfere, just hang out near
him. Close the door if there's one to close. Sit close enough to him
so that grandma would have to elbow you out of the way to get to him.
Don't look at him. The message will be clear. "I am here and available
to you when you can control your temper." A wet washcloth in your hand
to wipe away the tears is often good, too. Signals the end of the
tantrum stage and onto the comforting stage.

Hope this helps,

Julie
Take the Mommy Guilt survey for my upcoming book!
www.mommy-guilt.com

Kelly Heglin wrote:
I'm not sure if this topic has been addressed tho I'm sure it has. My
son who is now 13months has been throwing himself down and banging his
head against the floor and screaming. I have tried to leave him, let
him know it won't get him any attention, but that doesn't work.

I have to disagree with that which you are trying to teach. I think a
13 month old child does need your attention when he's upset. The best
way to reduce the tantrums at this age is going to be to reduce the
child's need to throw tantrums, by giving plenty of attention and
affection.

There's lots of time to teach your child about appropriate boundaries,
patience, etc., when the child is old enough for that sort of thing.

David desJardins

In article ,
David desJardins wrote:

Kelly Heglin wrote:
I'm not sure if this topic has been addressed tho I'm sure it has. My
son who is now 13months has been throwing himself down and banging his
head against the floor and screaming. I have tried to leave him, let
him know it won't get him any attention, but that doesn't work.

I have to disagree with that which you are trying to teach. I think a
13 month old child does need your attention when he's upset. The best
way to reduce the tantrums at this age is going to be to reduce the
child's need to throw tantrums, by giving plenty of attention and
affection.

There's lots of time to teach your child about appropriate boundaries,
patience, etc., when the child is old enough for that sort of thing.

David desJardins


Spoken like someone who has never dealt with an extremely strong willed
child. This wasn't about teaching boundaries or patience, it was about
a single minded child who threw tempter tantrums when she couldn't get
her way, and sometimes she just couldn't.

No amount of distraction or attention was going to make my daughter
decide she DIDN'T want to poke a bobby pin in an electric socket, or
make me decide that it was time to go for a walk when it was 20 below,
nor would it distract her from a temper tantrum because she couldn't get
her shoes on by herself, or . . .

Of course she needed attention. But NOT when she was throwing herself
into walls -- attention at that point just ****ed her off more. All I
could do was stay close, and be ready to comfort her when she wound down.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care