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Shared Custody?



 
 
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  #21  
Old May 15th 07, 04:32 AM posted to alt.child-support
teachrmama
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,905
Default Shared Custody?


"dmr" wrote in message
ups.com...
On May 14, 10:02 am, "teachrmama" wrote:
"dmr" wrote in message

oups.com...





I don't know how it works in the US, but here in Canada (Quebec to be
more specific) some parents had found a way to save money on child
support that I believe is unfair for the children.


This is a true story:


A man separated from his wife. They have 2 young children of 8 and 4
yrs old. The guy is General Manager at a Sherwin-Williams chemical
coatings store and makes a pretty good salary.
He has little time to spend with the children but giving full custody
to the mother means he will have to pay full child support (Something
like $1200.00 USD per month). So, his new girlfriend who's also
separated and has shared custody, give him the idea:


- Apply for shared custody and convince your ex-wife that it's the
best things for the kids. Don't worries, if you don't have time to
take care of them just leave them with me.


The man managed to get the shared custody, and so reduce considerably
the amount of child support he was going to pay to the mother.


Find the error!


I'm not certain I understand your objection. The children spend equal
amounts of time in each of their parents' homes. Both parents work to
support their children, right? Both parents provide fortheir needs while
the children are with them, right? And I bet the father still has to pay
*some* amount of child support, right? BTW--how do you know the father
did
this *just* to save money? Did he tell you so?



I have nothing to do with that guy, his ex or his actual girlfriend.

Now let me understand. Let's say you were that guy: You would be ready
to keep your kids away from their mother simply not to pay full child
support? Do you care about how the child feels about that?


But HOW do you know that that is the reason he wants shared custody? WHO
gave you that piece of information? Is it part of the court record? How do
you know that dad didn't go for shared custody so he could be a part of the
life of his child? And why does being with mom have more importance that
being with dad? As I said, I fail to understand your objection. Aren't
both parents equally important?


  #22  
Old May 15th 07, 04:39 AM posted to alt.child-support
John Meyer[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 92
Default Shared Custody?

dmr wrote:
On May 14, 3:19 pm, Werebat wrote:
dmr wrote:
Now, as fathers we have been victims of the stereotype that assume
that mothers can take care better of the children. How many times
Judges have given full custody to the mother based on prejudices!
We won't be helping our cause though, if the primary goal for
requesting shared custody is to reduce child support payments.

But if CS is all about supporting the children, and the man is
increasing time the children are in his care, he isn't saving any money
at all, is he? The extra time with his kids means more money out of his
pocket, which should in theory be equal to the money he is saving on CS,
right?

Unless you admit that CS goes beyond just the expenses of caring for the
children, in which case you'd also have to admit that the mother may
have ulterior financial motives in wanting to keep the kids full-time.
I'm not sure anyone promoting the court-ordered exchange of wealth from
men to women wants to admit to that.

- Ron ^*^


He would be expending as much money if instead of having his
girlfriend taking care of the children, he had to bring them to a
daycare.
As it is now, he's only paying for some extra groceries.
I really don't know what are or would be the mother's motivations to
have full custody. I don't know her and maybe she's fine with the
shared custody arrangement. All I say is that I don't like the idea of
someone (man or woman) requesting shared custody to save money.


Saving money is not some sort of evil motive here. All sorts of people
attempt to save money for all sorts of reasons, even when it involves
the kids. Let me give you an example: baby chairs. There are all sorts
of baby chairs out there ranging from the cheap to the expensive. Now
are you going to say that simply because somebody doesn't buy the most
expensive brand out there that's a bad motivation? Of course not. As
long as you are reasonably watching out for safety, I don't think you
should be faulted for choosing out a medium-of-the-road baby chair.
Now I will give this to you slightly: if somebody THINKS that just by
doing shared custody they will save money, they are in for a world of
hurt. Those expenses don't all just disappear. You do have shared
expenses, but some of those increase and you do have sole expenses that
you have to pay regardless. But as long as somebody is not endangering
the child, they have the right to meet their obligations in their own way.


I have my children in shared custody and I do so because I cannot see
myself without the children for too long. I refused two promotions
because the schedules wouldn't allow me to spend enough time with the
kids. It has nothing to do with the money.


It doesn't, and it may not be the entire reason for the father being
discussed. You are assuming a lot here, and you know about assume here.
Just because he has a financial motive doesn't mean that there aren't
any others. But you better be careful with who you tell about those two
promotions. If your ex gets wind and has a mind to do so, you may find
yourself being imputed those promotions.
Even if saving money is his only reason, and it isn't very nice, I don't
know that Canada has made being a cheapskate illegal.
  #23  
Old May 15th 07, 04:40 AM posted to alt.child-support
teachrmama
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,905
Default Shared Custody?


"dmr" wrote in message
ups.com...
On May 14, 3:19 pm, Werebat wrote:
dmr wrote:
Now, as fathers we have been victims of the stereotype that assume
that mothers can take care better of the children. How many times
Judges have given full custody to the mother based on prejudices!
We won't be helping our cause though, if the primary goal for
requesting shared custody is to reduce child support payments.


But if CS is all about supporting the children, and the man is
increasing time the children are in his care, he isn't saving any money
at all, is he? The extra time with his kids means more money out of his
pocket, which should in theory be equal to the money he is saving on CS,
right?

Unless you admit that CS goes beyond just the expenses of caring for the
children, in which case you'd also have to admit that the mother may
have ulterior financial motives in wanting to keep the kids full-time.
I'm not sure anyone promoting the court-ordered exchange of wealth from
men to women wants to admit to that.

- Ron ^*^


He would be expending as much money if instead of having his
girlfriend taking care of the children, he had to bring them to a
daycare.
As it is now, he's only paying for some extra groceries.
I really don't know what are or would be the mother's motivations to
have full custody. I don't know her and maybe she's fine with the
shared custody arrangement. All I say is that I don't like the idea of
someone (man or woman) requesting shared custody to save money.
I have my children in shared custody and I do so because I cannot see
myself without the children for too long. I refused two promotions
because the schedules wouldn't allow me to spend enough time with the
kids. It has nothing to do with the money.


How do you know that the saving of money was the only thing that dad and
girlfriend talked about? Maybe dad had never heard of shared custody
before, and now here was a chance to spend time with his kids. Did you get
this story from a newpaper? Or from another person? How do you know that
the motivations attributed to the man are the major reason he asked for
shared custody? If you don;t even know these people, how on earth do you
know that this is true?


  #24  
Old May 15th 07, 05:12 AM posted to alt.child-support
dmr
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 13
Default Shared Custody?

On May 14, 11:40 pm, "teachrmama" wrote:
"dmr" wrote in message

ups.com...





On May 14, 3:19 pm, Werebat wrote:
dmr wrote:
Now, as fathers we have been victims of the stereotype that assume
that mothers can take care better of the children. How many times
Judges have given full custody to the mother based on prejudices!
We won't be helping our cause though, if the primary goal for
requesting shared custody is to reduce child support payments.


But if CS is all about supporting the children, and the man is
increasing time the children are in his care, he isn't saving any money
at all, is he? The extra time with his kids means more money out of his
pocket, which should in theory be equal to the money he is saving on CS,
right?


Unless you admit that CS goes beyond just the expenses of caring for the
children, in which case you'd also have to admit that the mother may
have ulterior financial motives in wanting to keep the kids full-time.
I'm not sure anyone promoting the court-ordered exchange of wealth from
men to women wants to admit to that.


- Ron ^*^


He would be expending as much money if instead of having his
girlfriend taking care of the children, he had to bring them to a
daycare.
As it is now, he's only paying for some extra groceries.
I really don't know what are or would be the mother's motivations to
have full custody. I don't know her and maybe she's fine with the
shared custody arrangement. All I say is that I don't like the idea of
someone (man or woman) requesting shared custody to save money.
I have my children in shared custody and I do so because I cannot see
myself without the children for too long. I refused two promotions
because the schedules wouldn't allow me to spend enough time with the
kids. It has nothing to do with the money.


How do you know that the saving of money was the only thing that dad and
girlfriend talked about? Maybe dad had never heard of shared custody
before, and now here was a chance to spend time with his kids. Did you get
this story from a newpaper? Or from another person? How do you know that
the motivations attributed to the man are the major reason he asked for
shared custody? If you don;t even know these people, how on earth do you
know that this is true?- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


Listen, I know these people and I can ensure you money was the primary
motive for the shared custody.
However, after reading some replies to my initial post I realize it's
maybe not as bad as I thought after all.
Like John Meyer wrote: "...if somebody THINKS that just by
doing shared custody they will save money, they are in for a world of
hurt. "

  #25  
Old May 15th 07, 05:38 AM posted to alt.child-support
teachrmama
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,905
Default Shared Custody?


"dmr" wrote in message
ups.com...
On May 14, 11:40 pm, "teachrmama" wrote:
"dmr" wrote in message

ups.com...





On May 14, 3:19 pm, Werebat wrote:
dmr wrote:
Now, as fathers we have been victims of the stereotype that assume
that mothers can take care better of the children. How many times
Judges have given full custody to the mother based on prejudices!
We won't be helping our cause though, if the primary goal for
requesting shared custody is to reduce child support payments.


But if CS is all about supporting the children, and the man is
increasing time the children are in his care, he isn't saving any
money
at all, is he? The extra time with his kids means more money out of
his
pocket, which should in theory be equal to the money he is saving on
CS,
right?


Unless you admit that CS goes beyond just the expenses of caring for
the
children, in which case you'd also have to admit that the mother may
have ulterior financial motives in wanting to keep the kids full-time.
I'm not sure anyone promoting the court-ordered exchange of wealth
from
men to women wants to admit to that.


- Ron ^*^


He would be expending as much money if instead of having his
girlfriend taking care of the children, he had to bring them to a
daycare.
As it is now, he's only paying for some extra groceries.
I really don't know what are or would be the mother's motivations to
have full custody. I don't know her and maybe she's fine with the
shared custody arrangement. All I say is that I don't like the idea of
someone (man or woman) requesting shared custody to save money.
I have my children in shared custody and I do so because I cannot see
myself without the children for too long. I refused two promotions
because the schedules wouldn't allow me to spend enough time with the
kids. It has nothing to do with the money.


How do you know that the saving of money was the only thing that dad and
girlfriend talked about? Maybe dad had never heard of shared custody
before, and now here was a chance to spend time with his kids. Did you
get
this story from a newpaper? Or from another person? How do you know
that
the motivations attributed to the man are the major reason he asked for
shared custody? If you don;t even know these people, how on earth do you
know that this is true?- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


Listen, I know these people and I can ensure you money was the primary
motive for the shared custody.
However, after reading some replies to my initial post I realize it's
maybe not as bad as I thought after all.
Like John Meyer wrote: "...if somebody THINKS that just by
doing shared custody they will save money, they are in for a world of
hurt. "


You're not saying that you want him to be "in a world of hurt," are you?
That would certainly cast some doubt on your motivations for posting this
story. You say you know these people. Do you have a particular reason for
disliking this man?


  #26  
Old May 15th 07, 06:15 AM posted to alt.child-support
dmr
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 13
Default Shared Custody?

On May 15, 12:38 am, "teachrmama" wrote:
"dmr" wrote in message

ups.com...





On May 14, 11:40 pm, "teachrmama" wrote:
"dmr" wrote in message


roups.com...


On May 14, 3:19 pm, Werebat wrote:
dmr wrote:
Now, as fathers we have been victims of the stereotype that assume
that mothers can take care better of the children. How many times
Judges have given full custody to the mother based on prejudices!
We won't be helping our cause though, if the primary goal for
requesting shared custody is to reduce child support payments.


But if CS is all about supporting the children, and the man is
increasing time the children are in his care, he isn't saving any
money
at all, is he? The extra time with his kids means more money out of
his
pocket, which should in theory be equal to the money he is saving on
CS,
right?


Unless you admit that CS goes beyond just the expenses of caring for
the
children, in which case you'd also have to admit that the mother may
have ulterior financial motives in wanting to keep the kids full-time.
I'm not sure anyone promoting the court-ordered exchange of wealth
from
men to women wants to admit to that.


- Ron ^*^


He would be expending as much money if instead of having his
girlfriend taking care of the children, he had to bring them to a
daycare.
As it is now, he's only paying for some extra groceries.
I really don't know what are or would be the mother's motivations to
have full custody. I don't know her and maybe she's fine with the
shared custody arrangement. All I say is that I don't like the idea of
someone (man or woman) requesting shared custody to save money.
I have my children in shared custody and I do so because I cannot see
myself without the children for too long. I refused two promotions
because the schedules wouldn't allow me to spend enough time with the
kids. It has nothing to do with the money.


How do you know that the saving of money was the only thing that dad and
girlfriend talked about? Maybe dad had never heard of shared custody
before, and now here was a chance to spend time with his kids. Did you
get
this story from a newpaper? Or from another person? How do you know
that
the motivations attributed to the man are the major reason he asked for
shared custody? If you don;t even know these people, how on earth do you
know that this is true?- Hide quoted text -


- Show quoted text -


Listen, I know these people and I can ensure you money was the primary
motive for the shared custody.
However, after reading some replies to my initial post I realize it's
maybe not as bad as I thought after all.
Like John Meyer wrote: "...if somebody THINKS that just by
doing shared custody they will save money, they are in for a world of
hurt. "


You're not saying that you want him to be "in a world of hurt," are you?
That would certainly cast some doubt on your motivations for posting this
story. You say you know these people. Do you have a particular reason for
disliking this man?- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


Please, don't try to guess hidden motivations on people's postings. If
I need a psychologist I will find one myself, capito?

  #27  
Old May 15th 07, 07:28 AM posted to alt.child-support
teachrmama
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,905
Default Shared Custody?


"dmr" wrote in message
ups.com...
On May 15, 12:38 am, "teachrmama" wrote:
"dmr" wrote in message

ups.com...





On May 14, 11:40 pm, "teachrmama" wrote:
"dmr" wrote in message


roups.com...


On May 14, 3:19 pm, Werebat wrote:
dmr wrote:
Now, as fathers we have been victims of the stereotype that
assume
that mothers can take care better of the children. How many times
Judges have given full custody to the mother based on prejudices!
We won't be helping our cause though, if the primary goal for
requesting shared custody is to reduce child support payments.


But if CS is all about supporting the children, and the man is
increasing time the children are in his care, he isn't saving any
money
at all, is he? The extra time with his kids means more money out
of
his
pocket, which should in theory be equal to the money he is saving
on
CS,
right?


Unless you admit that CS goes beyond just the expenses of caring
for
the
children, in which case you'd also have to admit that the mother
may
have ulterior financial motives in wanting to keep the kids
full-time.
I'm not sure anyone promoting the court-ordered exchange of wealth
from
men to women wants to admit to that.


- Ron ^*^


He would be expending as much money if instead of having his
girlfriend taking care of the children, he had to bring them to a
daycare.
As it is now, he's only paying for some extra groceries.
I really don't know what are or would be the mother's motivations to
have full custody. I don't know her and maybe she's fine with the
shared custody arrangement. All I say is that I don't like the idea
of
someone (man or woman) requesting shared custody to save money.
I have my children in shared custody and I do so because I cannot
see
myself without the children for too long. I refused two promotions
because the schedules wouldn't allow me to spend enough time with
the
kids. It has nothing to do with the money.


How do you know that the saving of money was the only thing that dad
and
girlfriend talked about? Maybe dad had never heard of shared custody
before, and now here was a chance to spend time with his kids. Did
you
get
this story from a newpaper? Or from another person? How do you know
that
the motivations attributed to the man are the major reason he asked
for
shared custody? If you don;t even know these people, how on earth do
you
know that this is true?- Hide quoted text -


- Show quoted text -


Listen, I know these people and I can ensure you money was the primary
motive for the shared custody.
However, after reading some replies to my initial post I realize it's
maybe not as bad as I thought after all.
Like John Meyer wrote: "...if somebody THINKS that just by
doing shared custody they will save money, they are in for a world of
hurt. "


You're not saying that you want him to be "in a world of hurt," are you?
That would certainly cast some doubt on your motivations for posting this
story. You say you know these people. Do you have a particular reason
for
disliking this man?- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


Please, don't try to guess hidden motivations on people's postings. If
I need a psychologist I will find one myself, capito?


You seem to be guessing at HIS motivations, and stating them as fact.
What's with that?



  #28  
Old May 15th 07, 07:37 AM posted to alt.child-support
dmr
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 13
Default Shared Custody?

On May 15, 2:28 am, "teachrmama" wrote:
"dmr" wrote in message

ups.com...





On May 15, 12:38 am, "teachrmama" wrote:
"dmr" wrote in message


roups.com...


On May 14, 11:40 pm, "teachrmama" wrote:
"dmr" wrote in message


roups.com...


On May 14, 3:19 pm, Werebat wrote:
dmr wrote:
Now, as fathers we have been victims of the stereotype that
assume
that mothers can take care better of the children. How many times
Judges have given full custody to the mother based on prejudices!
We won't be helping our cause though, if the primary goal for
requesting shared custody is to reduce child support payments.


But if CS is all about supporting the children, and the man is
increasing time the children are in his care, he isn't saving any
money
at all, is he? The extra time with his kids means more money out
of
his
pocket, which should in theory be equal to the money he is saving
on
CS,
right?


Unless you admit that CS goes beyond just the expenses of caring
for
the
children, in which case you'd also have to admit that the mother
may
have ulterior financial motives in wanting to keep the kids
full-time.
I'm not sure anyone promoting the court-ordered exchange of wealth
from
men to women wants to admit to that.


- Ron ^*^


He would be expending as much money if instead of having his
girlfriend taking care of the children, he had to bring them to a
daycare.
As it is now, he's only paying for some extra groceries.
I really don't know what are or would be the mother's motivations to
have full custody. I don't know her and maybe she's fine with the
shared custody arrangement. All I say is that I don't like the idea
of
someone (man or woman) requesting shared custody to save money.
I have my children in shared custody and I do so because I cannot
see
myself without the children for too long. I refused two promotions
because the schedules wouldn't allow me to spend enough time with
the
kids. It has nothing to do with the money.


How do you know that the saving of money was the only thing that dad
and
girlfriend talked about? Maybe dad had never heard of shared custody
before, and now here was a chance to spend time with his kids. Did
you
get
this story from a newpaper? Or from another person? How do you know
that
the motivations attributed to the man are the major reason he asked
for
shared custody? If you don;t even know these people, how on earth do
you
know that this is true?- Hide quoted text -


- Show quoted text -


Listen, I know these people and I can ensure you money was the primary
motive for the shared custody.
However, after reading some replies to my initial post I realize it's
maybe not as bad as I thought after all.
Like John Meyer wrote: "...if somebody THINKS that just by
doing shared custody they will save money, they are in for a world of
hurt. "


You're not saying that you want him to be "in a world of hurt," are you?
That would certainly cast some doubt on your motivations for posting this
story. You say you know these people. Do you have a particular reason
for
disliking this man?- Hide quoted text -


- Show quoted text -


Please, don't try to guess hidden motivations on people's postings. If
I need a psychologist I will find one myself, capito?


You seem to be guessing at HIS motivations, and stating them as fact.
What's with that?



- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


Ok If "A" says to "B" do this to avoid that. "B" accepts the idea and
do this to avoid that
Then I write a post saying that "B" did this to avoid that following
the advice of "A"
IS THAT GUESSING???????????????????????

  #29  
Old May 15th 07, 11:09 AM posted to alt.child-support
Gini
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 936
Default Shared Custody?


"dmr" wrote
...................

Ok If "A" says to "B" do this to avoid that. "B" accepts the idea and
do this to avoid that
Then I write a post saying that "B" did this to avoid that following
the advice of "A"
IS THAT GUESSING???????????????????????

==
OK, how's this-- Bottom line is that the entire matter is none of your
business?



  #30  
Old May 15th 07, 11:32 AM posted to alt.child-support
dmr
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 13
Default Shared Custody?

On 15 mayo, 06:09, "Gini" wrote:
"dmr" wrote
..................

Ok If "A" says to "B" do this to avoid that. "B" accepts the idea and
do this to avoid that
Then I write a post saying that "B" did this to avoid that following
the advice of "A"
IS THAT GUESSING???????????????????????


==
OK, how's this-- Bottom line is that the entire matter is none of your
business?


So when I answer a post sent by someone else is also none of my
business. This is a forum where people should be free to express
themselves about different issues related child-support. You're trying
to stop me from giving my thoughts because according to you is none of
my business? So, we can only expose personal issues here?
Did someone hire you to discourage people from participating in this
forum?
Because I don't accept to be censored, ok? I rather reade someone
saying he doesn't agree with my point of view than someone suggesting
I should not even have one.

 




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