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No Wrap Shower



 
 
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  #21  
Old June 20th 07, 09:21 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Sarah Vaughan
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Posts: 443
Default No Wrap Shower

beyond the pale wrote:

Yes, the more I think about it, the more I want to make an excuse out of the
shower, and just have a come-meet-baby party. Knowing people like I do,
though, people will still feel obligated to bring a gift. I looked up
etiquette and apparently it is poor etiquette to include something on an
invitation such as "Your presence is our gift" or something to let people
know not to feel obligated. So, how do you let them know NOT to worry about
it?


You don't. Of course, the very fact that you're deliberately having
something other than a shower will help, and you can hope that your
friend spreads the word. But *you* can't go round raising the subject
of gifts with people, even to say that you don't want them.

And you know - if people really want to give you gifts, why not let
them? They'll decide for themselves whether they want to and how much
they can afford. The important thing is that you're not pressuring
them, dropping hints, etc.


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

  #22  
Old June 20th 07, 09:47 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Ericka Kammerer
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Posts: 2,293
Default No Wrap Shower

beyond the pale wrote:

Yes, the more I think about it, the more I want to make an excuse out of the
shower, and just have a come-meet-baby party. Knowing people like I do,
though, people will still feel obligated to bring a gift. I looked up
etiquette and apparently it is poor etiquette to include something on an
invitation such as "Your presence is our gift" or something to let people
know not to feel obligated. So, how do you let them know NOT to worry about
it? Those who want to give a gift will anyway but I want to let people know
it should not feel like an obligation or a breach of etiquette not to.
People still sort of think like they do with birthday parties- they feel
they are going to come and participate in activities or food, so they should
show up with a gift.


Honestly, there's not a lot you can do. At some point,
people have to take responsibility for their own misconceptions.
The reason you don't say "no gifts" is that it's not your business
to tell other people what they can or cannot do. If they want to
get you a gift, that's their business, and your job is to receive
it gratefully in the spirit in which it was intended. If they
don't really want to get a gift but think they're obligated to
do so, well, it's not your job to teach them manners. The harder
you try, the more it looks like you really expected something
in the first place (if you didn't, why are you so insistent
that they don't have to?).
One way that's fairly effective is a surprise party.
If they don't know they're coming to a baby party, they won't
think to bring a gift ;-) That's sometimes hard to pull off,
though. You can reinforce the idea that a gift is not required
by not opening gifts that are brought at the party. If you
open gifts there, it makes people feel awkward about not bringing
a gift (and the fact that others have done so in the past is
part of what makes people feel squeamish about not bringing a
gift even when they know it's not technically necessary).
You can't fix other people's problems. All you can
do is keep your own nose clean and be gracious whatever happens.

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #23  
Old June 20th 07, 10:09 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
beyond the pale
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Posts: 67
Default No Wrap Shower


"Boliath" wrote in message
...
Welches wrote:

I tried that with #2. We received so much for #1-she was the first of the
next generation on both sides, and we moved area just before she was born
and we got presents from the old area and the new area.
I tried dropping the hint with #2, but instead we received two presents
from everyone-something for #1 and something for #2.


That's sweet. I hope people remember my son when this baby arrives. I do
try to get a gift for the other children if I'm buying for a new baby


I always do this- when I take a baby gift over to a new baby, I always get
the older siblings something to. I'm the youngest so I wouldn't know, but
it's probably hard for a kid to adjust when suddenly there's a new little
one around getting all the attention and gifts.


  #24  
Old June 20th 07, 10:18 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
beyond the pale
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Posts: 67
Default No Wrap Shower


"Welches" wrote
Another interesting point that dh pointed out was that for #1 most of the
presents were clothes. And of those most were size 3-6 months (we got so
much in that size I ended up exchanging a lot for bigger sizes and still
had too much in that size. #2 we got more toys than clothes, and the
clothes were a fair mixture of sizes. With #3 we've got nearly all 0-3
months, with a few newborn, and two teddies for the toy department!
Debbie


With #1 I got quite a bit of religious oriented things- Christening dresses,
christening bibs, etc. I didn't really appreciate that because we are not of
a religion that christens babies and I think it's very presumptuous for
people to gift gifts with *their own* religion's themes. Not being
ungrateful, but it's just not appropriate. I've noticed that people do it
obliviously, like they don't understand why someone of a different religion
would not use the item. Feh. One of my mom's friends gave us religious items
and this was most offensive because she knows very well what religion we are
in this house- actually DH is a different religion from me, but *neither* of
us christen.

Another thing that happened with #1 was that I received about 5 of those
handkerchief keepsakes- they are a little baby bonnet and you can rip the
seam and turn it into a handkerchief, so your daughter wears it on her head
and then carries it on her wedding day. Feh again..I don't know why people
think this is such a grand gift idea, and none of them left a receipt and
they were all different so there was no way I could return them. I noticed
that now, they are making the box read as if they are for boy babies too-
give the bonnet to the boy and when he marries, let his bride carry it. I
suppose the same people will think it's grand to give more of those to us,
too. I know this does sound horrible of me. I can't sell them, I don't do
Ebay, I can't find anyone else who wants them, so I stashed them in a closet
and honestly am not even sure where they are.

The religious toned gifts are truly unnecessary though. I have seen people
give Baptist themed (or something similar) to Muslim parents-to-be, oy. I
guess it's because I live in the Bible belt but it's really....ugh..


  #25  
Old June 20th 07, 10:34 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Ericka Kammerer
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Posts: 2,293
Default No Wrap Shower

beyond the pale wrote:

With #1 I got quite a bit of religious oriented things- Christening dresses,
christening bibs, etc. I didn't really appreciate that because we are not of
a religion that christens babies and I think it's very presumptuous for
people to gift gifts with *their own* religion's themes. Not being
ungrateful, but it's just not appropriate. I've noticed that people do it
obliviously, like they don't understand why someone of a different religion
would not use the item.


What I'm a little mystified by is the notion that anyone
would give a Christening gown without coordinating first. Obviously,
you don't need multiple Christening gowns for a single child. Besides
that, it's not uncommon for someone to have a special gown in the
family already, or to have very specific ideas about what they want
in a Christening gown. It would sort of be like choosing a wedding
dress for someone and giving it as a wedding gift without discussing
it beforehand. And the more religious someone is, the more likely
they are to see all of the Christening/Baptism accoutrement as
something special (not that they'll necessarily value form over
function--a special gown isn't required--but you know what I mean).

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #26  
Old June 21st 07, 03:00 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Welches
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Posts: 849
Default No Wrap Shower


"beyond the pale" wrote in message
...

"Welches" wrote
Another interesting point that dh pointed out was that for #1 most of the
presents were clothes. And of those most were size 3-6 months (we got so
much in that size I ended up exchanging a lot for bigger sizes and still
had too much in that size. #2 we got more toys than clothes, and the
clothes were a fair mixture of sizes. With #3 we've got nearly all 0-3
months, with a few newborn, and two teddies for the toy department!
Debbie


With #1 I got quite a bit of religious oriented things- Christening
dresses, christening bibs, etc. I didn't really appreciate that because we
are not of a religion that christens babies and I think it's very
presumptuous for people to gift gifts with *their own* religion's themes.
Not being ungrateful, but it's just not appropriate. I've noticed that
people do it obliviously, like they don't understand why someone of a
different religion would not use the item. Feh. One of my mom's friends
gave us religious items and this was most offensive because she knows very
well what religion we are in this house- actually DH is a different
religion from me, but *neither* of us christen.

I would find that strange to give Christening gowns. I mean that, for me, if
you choose to have them baptised, then you'll probably want to choose the
gown yourself. A lot of people here have heirloom ones and wouldn't want
one. And some people want the long flowing ones, and others wouldn't touch
them. For me, I wanted to make one and really wouldn't have appreciated
being given one.
And also it's a one present ie getting 2 means one won't be used. I always
try to get something that either can be easily changed without a receipt, or
would be useful even if it's not the receiver's taste.
Another thing that happened with #1 was that I received about 5 of those
handkerchief keepsakes- they are a little baby bonnet and you can rip the
seam and turn it into a handkerchief, so your daughter wears it on her
head and then carries it on her wedding day. Feh again..I don't know why
people think this is such a grand gift idea, and none of them left a
receipt and they were all different so there was no way I could return
them. I noticed that now, they are making the box read as if they are for
boy babies too- give the bonnet to the boy and when he marries, let his
bride carry it. I suppose the same people will think it's grand to give
more of those to us, too. I know this does sound horrible of me. I can't
sell them, I don't do Ebay, I can't find anyone else who wants them, so I
stashed them in a closet and honestly am not even sure where they are.

What a strange idea. Never seen that. It would almost be worth getting one
for #3 to see dh's disgusted face. He wouldn't like that!

The religious toned gifts are truly unnecessary though. I have seen people
give Baptist themed (or something similar) to Muslim parents-to-be, oy. I
guess it's because I live in the Bible belt but it's really....ugh..

I'd only give "religious toned gifts" for a baptism gift. Even then my
prefered present is a lift the flap bible when #1 and #2 both enjoyed-it has
about 10 flaps a page and kept them happy for hours.
Debbie


  #27  
Old June 21st 07, 06:25 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Boliath
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Posts: 101
Default No Wrap Shower

beyond the pale wrote:

With #1 I got quite a bit of religious oriented things- Christening dresses,
christening bibs, etc. I didn't really appreciate that because we are not of
a religion that christens babies and I think it's very presumptuous for
people to gift gifts with *their own* religion's themes.


Big time, I would have been quite put out if I had received those kinds
of gifts. Luckily I didn't.
  #28  
Old June 21st 07, 06:29 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Boliath
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Posts: 101
Default No Wrap Shower

beyond the pale wrote:
"Boliath" wrote
Welches wrote:

I tried that with #2. We received so much for #1-she was the first of the
next generation on both sides, and we moved area just before she was born
and we got presents from the old area and the new area.
I tried dropping the hint with #2, but instead we received two presents
from everyone-something for #1 and something for #2.


That's sweet. I hope people remember my son when this baby arrives. I do
try to get a gift for the other children if I'm buying for a new baby


I always do this- when I take a baby gift over to a new baby, I always get
the older siblings something to. I'm the youngest so I wouldn't know, but
it's probably hard for a kid to adjust when suddenly there's a new little
one around getting all the attention and gifts.


I'm the 6th of 9 kids, I remember being angry about my little brother
who is 3 years young than me, but the 2 that came after him didn't
bother me until they were older and everyone kept going on about how
cute they were and I felt like a big lug in the corner, maybe it was
because they were girls close together and they were very cute. My Mum
brought home gifts from the baby to all the older kids but everyone's
Mum had babies frequently back there and back then so a new baby in the
house was the norm rather than a big deal.
  #29  
Old June 22nd 07, 11:17 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Nikki
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Posts: 486
Default No Wrap Shower


"HELP!!" wrote in message
ups.com...
We are expecting 100+ guests at our baby shower. Is their a
polite, acceptable way to ask that gifts not be wrapped?


Holy Moly!! I think you are stuck opening gifts. I like Ericka's idea of
doing the opening in groups.

What on earth are you going to do with so much stuff??!! I hope there is
someone that is sort of organizing the gifts behind the scenes.


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06


  #30  
Old June 23rd 07, 03:44 AM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
cjra
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Posts: 1,015
Default No Wrap Shower

On Jun 19, 7:48 am, HELP!! wrote:
Thanks for the reply Ericka. I know it sounds funny, but this
monstrosity is intimate. We are both from large families and have 20
aunts & uncles and 60+ first cousins. Include a very trimmed down
list of close friends and you get a 100+ guest shower, all of which
expect to be invited.


I hear you loud and clear. We live far away from our families so
didn't have to deal with this, but my family is large, and showers (or
parties of any sort) quickly get out of hand. People who are not from
big families often just don't *get* it (I have 60 first cousins on my
dad's side alone, and as many of them are already grandparents,
multiple layers of other cousins as well).

But no, there is no way to ask for anything in particular about the
gifts. Just open them thoughtfully, but quickly. You won't have 100
gifts, and likely family groups will offer one joint gift, which
should make it shorter. Also, half the party will be uninterested and
doing something else anyway, at least that has been my experience at
large showers (which in my family, are always co-ed).

Just relax and have fun, and be excited that your little one has so
many people excited to meet him/her.

 




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