tubal ligation questions xposted

In message , Sue
writes
"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
Not necessarily. There are women who feel quite sure at that age that
they never want children, or that they don't want any more children, and
who don't change their mind later on. (From what I've heard, if someone
doesn't want children at all in their life, they're usually pretty clear
about that from an early stage.)

Yes, you will have to read my other posts because I know that. Hence I was
teasing her, hence the ;o)

Oh, I got that you were teasing her. But I've heard of people getting
pretty fed up because this sort of thing is said to them in all
seriousness when they know perfectly well what they want, and is used as
an excuse to stop them from getting a sterilisation that they want to
get.


All the best,

Sarah

--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.blogspot.com

But how do we _know_ that nobody ever said on their deathbed that they wished
they’d spent more time at the office?

In message , Sue
writes
"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
I think only the OP (who didn't actually specify a permanent solution)

You don't think a tubal ligation is a permanent solution?

What I meant was that she wasn't saying anything along the lines of "We
want this specifically because we want to be over and done with
contraception and never have to worry about it in the future." She did
say that they felt their family was complete, but didn't specify how
important permanence was to her when it came to choosing the
contraceptive method at this point. (There are people who choose
long-term temporary methods even once they know their family is
complete, because they prefer them to surgery and because some methods
may even be more effective.)


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.blogspot.com

But how do we _know_ that nobody ever said on their deathbed that they wished
they’d spent more time at the office?

al wrote:
Melania wrote:
Anne Rogers wrote:
The OP stated, "DH and I have decided that our family is now
complete..." Suggesting the possibility of a vasectomy is a perfectly
reasonable response.

I don't deny that, what I'm confused about is why my response is not
reasonable.

But you don't seem to have picked up what I was saying either, deciding that
_our_ family is now complete is quite different to saying that in a
hypothetical situation that each indivdual may not have more children.

Say you and your children were to die in a car smash tomorrow, I've no idea
how old your DH is, but the chances are is he is plenty young enough to want
to have a new family if he meets the right woman.

That's why my mom had the tubal, instead of dad getting snipped. She
knew she was definitely done having babies, and they didn't want to
limit his ability to have another family in the event that something
happened to mom.

For other couples, it makes more sense for the husband to have the
permanent sterilization, because he knows he won't want more kids in
any situation.


I know Larry has two families, I don't know the history, but without being
able to see into the future you don't know what is going to happen, I don't
consider sterilisation the answer to "My DH and I have decided our family is
complete", instead it is the answer to the question "My DH and I have
decided our family is complete and having thought about it, both of us are
completely convinced that whatever the situation and whatever might happen
in future that neither of us wishes to have a child with a different
partner."

Anne

Makes sense to me.

Melania

Personally, I find it sexist to think that the woman should be
sterilized when the couple is done having kids because she might die
one day and he might want kids with someoene else. Why wouldn't it be
the same for a woman if her husband died and she remarried? Mightn't
she want kids with someone else?

Well, that's precisely what I was saying when I said,

That's why my mom had the tubal, instead of dad getting snipped. She
knew she was definitely done having babies, and they didn't want to
limit his ability to have another family in the event that something
happened to mom.

For other couples, it makes more sense for the husband to have the
permanent sterilization, because he knows he won't want more kids in
any situation.

It's highly individual, and there's nothing sexist about a tubal being
the right choice for some couples.

Melania


What it comes down to is that it should be a mutual decision. It seems
that the number one reason for divorce is lack of communication and
realization that once married, the couple should make decisions
together based on what is good for both involved. One person's needs do
not come before the other person's needs. Having kids is a mutual
decision. Not having kids should be a mutual decision. Both people have
a role in it, both need to be responsible for the outcome...not just
the woman.

Annette (stepping down from the soapbox)