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#31
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Its started :(
"A&G&K&H" wrote in message ... In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises about me weaning H (14 mo). I guess I'll have to start putting together some good comebacks. Usually I ream off the WHO recommendations, but I need some other comments for a particular family member who will always say something like " what would they know ... my mother's aunty's friend's cousin got insert horrible condition because she was bf for more than a year". I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months younger than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her choice) and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying that she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being "stubborn" by continuing to bf H. You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good ones please Amanda -- DD 15th August 2002 1 tiny angel Nov 2003 DS 20th August 2004 (waving to Amanda) People ask me all the time, "How long are you going to nurse her for?" I say, "Until she's done." :-) Hope all is well, Jen |
#32
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Its started :(
"New York Jen" wrote in message ... (waving to Amanda) People ask me all the time, "How long are you going to nurse her for?" I say, "Until she's done." :-) Hope all is well, Jen hi Jen (waving back so glad to hear that lily is still bf ... she musn't be too far of 2yo now...wow! i bet she and laszlo are as cute as ever. ....i'm thinking of using the "i'm told that most kids wean themselves by 4yo" line for effect next time i'm asked hugs to you and your gorgeous kids Amanda nak, oht |
#33
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Its started :(
In message , A&G&K&H
writes In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises about me weaning H (14 mo). I guess I'll have to start putting together some good comebacks. Usually I ream off the WHO recommendations, but I need some other comments for a particular family member who will always say something like " what would they know ... my mother's aunty's friend's cousin got insert horrible condition because she was bf for more than a year". I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months younger than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her choice) and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying that she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being "stubborn" by continuing to bf H. You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good ones please I'll presumably be facing this problem soon, since Jamie's now 11 months. My plan is: If people ask a question, I'll answer it. Simply, factually, and enthusiastically, but not preachily or bad-temperedly. Thus: "Are you still breastfeeding him?" "Indeed yes! I'm so pleased we've made it this far" (or just the "Indeed yes!" in a tone enthusiastic enough to make the rest clear). "When are you going to wean?" "When he's two." (This happens to be the answer in our case. If the answer was "Whenever one or other of us gets fed up" or "We don't really have any plans - we're just going to see how it goes" then that's what I'd say.) "Why do you still want to breastfeed him at that age?" "It's giving him good protection against all those childhood bugs, and it's comforting for him when the world's a bit too much for him to deal with." If people start offering advice, however, then I'm going to take a bit of a different tack: I am going to try to _avoid_ falling into the temptation to leap to the defense of what I'm doing. The French have a great saying - "Qui s'excuse, s'accuse". Doesn't sound as good in translation, but basically means that in excusing yourself, you're accusing yourself. IOW, the more you try to defend your actions against someone who thinks you should be doing things differently, the more it can backfire by making you look as though you think your actions _need_ defending. Let's bear in mind that if someone is giving you unsolicited advice, it's not actually your job to explain why you're doing things. It's _their_ job to explain why they think you should change the way you're doing things, since they're the one offering the advice. I think there's a lot to be gained by keeping the focus on this. So, when someone tells me that they think I should wean, instead of reeling off the reasons why I disagree, I'm going to try asking them "Why do you think that?" I'm going to try keeping my tone friendly and interested rather than challenging, and to keep repeating the question, or variations on it, as often as I can possibly get away with it. For example: "I think you should wean that boy." "Really? Why do you think that?" "Because he's much too old to be getting your milk." "What makes you think that?" "I knew this distant acquaintance who nursed her baby at that age and [insert terrible consequence] happened because she was still nursing!" "Really? What makes you think it was because of the nursing?" Lather, rinse, repeat. Of course, if I really run into a conversational dead end at any point of this, then I'll try dropping in a bit of information: "I know a woman who nursed her baby until he was two and then tried to stop, and he just would not stop!" "Yes, that often happens when you try to wean them before they're ready. All the women I know of who nursed for as long as their children wanted to found it was much easier to stop at the end of that time - the children just grew out of it, you see, so there wasn't a struggle over it." But, by and large, I'm going to aim for the "Really? Why do you think that?" approach as much as possible. It will hopefully drive a few people nuts. ;-) All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.blogspot.com But how do we _know_ that nobody ever said on their deathbed that they wished they’d spent more time at the office? |
#34
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Its started :(
"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message ... If people start offering advice, however, then I'm going to take a bit of a different tack: I am going to try to _avoid_ falling into the temptation to leap to the defense of what I'm doing. The French have a great saying - "Qui s'excuse, s'accuse". Doesn't sound as good in translation, but basically means that in excusing yourself, you're accusing yourself. IOW, the more you try to defend your actions against someone who thinks you should be doing things differently, the more it can backfire by making you look as though you think your actions _need_ defending. Let's bear in mind that if someone is giving you unsolicited advice, it's not actually your job to explain why you're doing things. It's _their_ job to explain why they think you should change the way you're doing things, since they're the one offering the advice. I think there's a lot to be gained by keeping the focus on this. So, when someone tells me that they think I should wean, instead of reeling off the reasons why I disagree, I'm going to try asking them "Why do you think that?" I'm going to try keeping my tone friendly and interested rather than challenging, and to keep repeating the question, or variations on it, as often as I can possibly get away with it. For you know, i think this is so true! i'm going to try & take this stance when i need to. -- elizabeth (in australia) DS1 20th august 2002 DS2 26th September 2005 "In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul." --Lisa T. Shepherd |
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