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#11
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"Nevermind" wrote in message . com... My 9 YO has been invited to go about 12 hours away for an entire week with the family of a friend of his. Any thoughts? Are we just being babies about our "baby"? To me, it's not the going away for a week that sounds like it's the problem. It's that he *can't* get out of it without it being a total emergency, whereas with most camp situations, the parents are a few hours away. (Also, with camp, you're not always with the same few people.) I would feel a little odd about it too. --Helen |
#12
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"Nevermind" wrote in message om... My 9 YO has been invited to go about 12 hours away for an entire week with the family of a friend of his. This friend is a good friend, but not someone he spends a ton of time with. Two overnight get-togethers have gone well. My son is very sociable but also gets cranky and needs alone time on a regular basis. The family is not an issue; I trust them safety-wise, and they're also nice people. However, 9 seems too young to me to have a child be that far away from home for an entire week, and I worry about him getting sick of the family (his friend and two younger sisters, mom, and dad) half-way through the week. Problem is, the place they're going is a great place to go, both fun and educational. I feel guilty about not letting him go, both because I know it would be a great place for him to go (not that that means he has to go this year) and because the other mother really wants him to go for her son's sake. Any thoughts? Are we just being babies about our "baby"? I have noticed that you haven't said anything about whether the 9 year old's feelings on the matter. I guess they would be important too. Jeff |
#13
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"Jeff" wrote
Any thoughts? Are we just being babies about our "baby"? I have noticed that you haven't said anything about whether the 9 year old's feelings on the matter. I guess they would be important too. Jeff If we weren't going to allow him to go, then there was no point in getting his opinion. Only if we felt we would allow him would we then consult him and let him decide whether or not to go. However, I did tell him after it was decided once and for all that he wasn't going that he had been invited. He was angry with us. sigh |
#14
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In response to your DH's "gut instinct" feelings about the trip.... and I'll
share a story in which I had a gut instinct where my brother was concerned. One morning I got up at the insane hour of 4 am. My brother is a Hot Air Balloon Pilot. When I awoke, I was in a cold sweat, hit the shower and got ready for the day. My brother got up at 5 to be at the field by 5:30 am. He asked me why I was up so early and why in heaven's name I was dressed and ready to go. I informed him that I had a bad feeling about that day's flight and I wanted to go. He insisted that things would be ok. The reality was that I'd had a dream about him running out of fuel over power lines, a road down the center, a field on one side and shops on the other. I told him about the dream and he laughed it off. To make a long story short, he couldn't tell me no. I went anyway. I was also dating my exhusband then as well and he came along. I insisted on going up on the last flight (or in balloonist lingo, on the "last hop") and it was a nice flight, even if a little short. My cousin and I were talking when I heard my brother (he was about 16 then) say, "oh sh*t. We're out of fuel! we're on fumes!" My guts lurched. He said, "we need to land..." My brother, cousin and I looked over the edge of the basket and there we were, no updraft, no down draft, no wind at all. No fuel, no place to land, everything a private zone (PZ), a gas station on one side, farmland on the other and Corrales Road under us. My brother basically parachuted us down into a field behind the gast station. We screamed to my ex to get his butt moving as he was the one driving the chase vehicle. When we crash landed, the balloon mushroomed over us, the basket tipped, we all kinda toppled in a stack. My brother cooled the burners and we braced for the material to come down on us. we huddled down in the basket so the balloon would be held off of us by the uprights. I'd never prayed so hard in my entire life when we came within inches of hitting the powerlines! In my dream, I saw us hit the powerlines! I'll be honest, Even though my brother didn't want me going and insisted that everything was fine, He later thanked me for sticking strong to my resolve. He's learned to trust my gut feelings, as has my father, who is also a pilot. My best recommendation is that your DH has his gut feelings that something bigger than homesickness or misbehaving may happen. Please, even though you don't believe anything will happen, you and DH need to talk it out but trust his instincts. One thing my dad taught me... "when your gut starts talkin, you'd better listen." My grandma used to say that it was a guardian angel whispering a warning into the ear. BiG Snip |
#15
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Nevermind wrote:
"Jeff" wrote Any thoughts? Are we just being babies about our "baby"? I have noticed that you haven't said anything about whether the 9 year old's feelings on the matter. I guess they would be important too. Jeff If we weren't going to allow him to go, then there was no point in getting his opinion. Only if we felt we would allow him would we then consult him and let him decide whether or not to go. However, I did tell him after it was decided once and for all that he wasn't going that he had been invited. He was angry with us. sigh I think there's always a reason to get a 9-yo's opinion about something that may or may not impact their lives, even if it turns out that it doesn't. One big reason is that it means you trust and value his opinions. I think the message you just sent your son is that what he thinks and feels is irrelevant as far as planning his life. A good question would be: at what age do his feelings/thoughts become relevant and important? Scott DD 11 and DS 8 |
#16
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In article ,
Scott wrote: Nevermind wrote: "Jeff" wrote Any thoughts? Are we just being babies about our "baby"? I have noticed that you haven't said anything about whether the 9 year old's feelings on the matter. I guess they would be important too. Jeff If we weren't going to allow him to go, then there was no point in getting his opinion. Only if we felt we would allow him would we then consult him and let him decide whether or not to go. However, I did tell him after it was decided once and for all that he wasn't going that he had been invited. He was angry with us. sigh I think there's always a reason to get a 9-yo's opinion about something that may or may not impact their lives, even if it turns out that it doesn't. One big reason is that it means you trust and value his opinions. I think the message you just sent your son is that what he thinks and feels is irrelevant as far as planning his life. A good question would be: at what age do his feelings/thoughts become relevant and important? Scott DD 11 and DS 8 Actually, what struck me about this is that you didn't ask his opinion, or even offer to let him tell you his thoughts before you decided -- but told him AFTER you'd decided he couldn't go that he'd been invited and the answer was no! What was the point of telling him about it after you had decided he couldn't go? That just sounds mean -- unless I'm misunderstanding your post, and you know he DID know about the invitation. In which case I'm surprised he wasn't lobbying, even without you asking his opinion on the matter; I know my kids would not have been shy about letting me know what they thought. -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#17
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#18
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dragonlady wrote:
In article , Scott wrote: Nevermind wrote: "Jeff" wrote Any thoughts? Are we just being babies about our "baby"? I have noticed that you haven't said anything about whether the 9 year old's feelings on the matter. I guess they would be important too. If we weren't going to allow him to go, then there was no point in getting his opinion. Only if we felt we would allow him would we then consult him and let him decide whether or not to go. However, I did tell him after it was decided once and for all that he wasn't going that he had been invited. He was angry with us. sigh I don't blame him a bit. And actually his dad should have told him since it was his dad that didn't let him go. There's no point in your taking the heat. He should have to justify himself to his kid. The only reason I can think of NOT to do it that way is if you are afraid that this will be another in a long line of unreasonablenesses which will eventually drive the father and son apart. I think there's always a reason to get a 9-yo's opinion about something that may or may not impact their lives, even if it turns out that it doesn't. One big reason is that it means you trust and value his opinions. I think the message you just sent your son is that what he thinks and feels is irrelevant as far as planning his life. A good question would be: at what age do his feelings/thoughts become relevant and important? Scott DD 11 and DS 8 Actually, what struck me about this is that you didn't ask his opinion, or even offer to let him tell you his thoughts before you decided -- but told him AFTER you'd decided he couldn't go that he'd been invited and the answer was no! What was the point of telling him about it after you had decided he couldn't go? That just sounds mean -- unless I'm misunderstanding your post, and you know he DID know about the invitation. In which case I'm surprised he wasn't lobbying, even without you asking his opinion on the matter; I know my kids would not have been shy about letting me know what they thought. Yes I completely agree. Although if the other mom did as I think I would prefer, she would have gone to the parents first, and possibly since school is out, the other kid might not have actually told the kid of the OP. And the flaw I see in the post about the dream about running out of fuel is --- why didn't you take some precautions not to run out of fuel? Like not going as far, or taking extra. And why did you want to put yourself in harm's way when you were sure they were going to be in danger. What good would it do for you to die too? If I couldn't dissuade someone from doing something I thought would be dangerous, and I really believed it was life threatening, I certainly wouldn't go WITH them. There have been times when dh has talked me into doing something (on our boat) that was not a good idea. But even though I was correct that we should not have gone, I never had any fear that the boat could not carry us through safely. Otherwise, I would have gotten off the boat and refused to go. grandma Rosalie |
#19
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In article ,
"Rosalie B." wrote: And the flaw I see in the post about the dream about running out of fuel is --- why didn't you take some precautions not to run out of fuel? Like not going as far, or taking extra. I would add that there's a BIG difference between a premonition that Something Bad is going to happen and just a general feeling that your kids are "too young" for things. I'm not sure I believe in pemonitions/precog. dreams, but if you have one and DO believe in them, it makes sense to trust them. In that case, you would not allow something that otherwise you WOULD allow. That is not the case he the father does not think a 9 yo is old enough to go with another family for a week, and it has nothing to do with a premonition that something will go wrong -- it is just general discomfort with that amount of independence and freedom. And why did you want to put yourself in harm's way when you were sure they were going to be in danger. What good would it do for you to die too? If I couldn't dissuade someone from doing something I thought would be dangerous, and I really believed it was life threatening, I certainly wouldn't go WITH them. There have been times when dh has talked me into doing something (on our boat) that was not a good idea. But even though I was correct that we should not have gone, I never had any fear that the boat could not carry us through safely. Otherwise, I would have gotten off the boat and refused to go. grandma Rosalie -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#20
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"Rosalie B." wrote in message ... dragonlady wrote: In article , Scott wrote: Nevermind wrote: "Jeff" wrote Any thoughts? Are we just being babies about our "baby"? I have noticed that you haven't said anything about whether the 9 year old's feelings on the matter. I guess they would be important too. If we weren't going to allow him to go, then there was no point in getting his opinion. Only if we felt we would allow him would we then consult him and let him decide whether or not to go. However, I did tell him after it was decided once and for all that he wasn't going that he had been invited. He was angry with us. sigh I don't blame him a bit. And actually his dad should have told him since it was his dad that didn't let him go. There's no point in your taking the heat. He should have to justify himself to his kid. The only reason I can think of NOT to do it that way is if you are afraid that this will be another in a long line of unreasonablenesses which will eventually drive the father and son apart. I think there's always a reason to get a 9-yo's opinion about something that may or may not impact their lives, even if it turns out that it doesn't. One big reason is that it means you trust and value his opinions. I think the message you just sent your son is that what he thinks and feels is irrelevant as far as planning his life. A good question would be: at what age do his feelings/thoughts become relevant and important? Scott DD 11 and DS 8 Actually, what struck me about this is that you didn't ask his opinion, or even offer to let him tell you his thoughts before you decided -- but told him AFTER you'd decided he couldn't go that he'd been invited and the answer was no! What was the point of telling him about it after you had decided he couldn't go? That just sounds mean -- unless I'm misunderstanding your post, and you know he DID know about the invitation. In which case I'm surprised he wasn't lobbying, even without you asking his opinion on the matter; I know my kids would not have been shy about letting me know what they thought. Yes I completely agree. Although if the other mom did as I think I would prefer, she would have gone to the parents first, and possibly since school is out, the other kid might not have actually told the kid of the OP. And the flaw I see in the post about the dream about running out of fuel is --- why didn't you take some precautions not to run out of fuel? Like not going as far, or taking extra. And why did you want to put yourself in harm's way when you were sure they were going to be in danger. What good would it do for you to die too? If I couldn't dissuade someone from doing something I thought would be dangerous, and I really believed it was life threatening, I certainly wouldn't go WITH them. There have been times when dh has talked me into doing something (on our boat) that was not a good idea. But even though I was correct that we should not have gone, I never had any fear that the boat could not carry us through safely. Otherwise, I would have gotten off the boat and refused to go. grandma Rosalie That was actually the first time I'd ever had anything like that happen to me. I didn't know what to do. Needless to say though, I was also only about 18. I didn't really know what to do. In a situation where you're ballooning, the winds can be perfect.... You can't predict that the wind currents would stop. In the dream when we draped the powerlines, it was because of a wind... there are always reserves in the tanks but when the reserves are used to try and get out of harm's way and there isn't anymore left, there's not much to do but to land as safely as we can. That's what we did. At most, it was more like a "dogpile" rather than actually injuries. In fact, we didn't even get so much as a bruise. After the flight, my brother made calls to various pilots who had 30+ years of experience (such as World Balloon Corporation) and he asked questions. The advice he got was sound but basically reaffirmed that there really wasn't much to do in this situation other than the best. I think it would have been much different if we were 1000 feet above ground. We were only about 15 ft, maybe a little more, I'm a terrible judge of height. The most important thing is that everyone was safe, the only injury happened to the balloon when there was a 6 foot tear on one of the panels when we hastily pulled the material off of a fence. Ever since that time (because I'd doubted my gut instincts before) I've learned to especially trust my gut instinct, that while something may not actually happen, it's best to be safe than sorry. The gut instinct may happen this time but not the next. It's kinda hard to predict. Who knows why the dad had the gut feeling. I don't even want to speculate. I guess that for me, I'd rather have my kid mad at me for a little while than to find out that my gut instinct was right and something terrible did happen IMO......... |
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