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#1
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Obtaining Custody
I kind of need a pointer here... (if that's ok)..
Background: I have an 11yr old daughter who lives with her mom, child custody was awarded in our divorce decree along with child support. I'm one of those good dads who lives 270miles away, but sees his little girl several times per month, holidays and summer time. Well, she want's to live with dad, but mom hasn't let her. Mom isn't a bad mother, daughter and mom just don't get along. Mom just decided to let dad have custody beginning this next half of the school year!! (Hurrayy!!!) One catch... Dad must continue to pay mom child support because she is a greedy bitch.... (did I just write that?) We were divorced in a state that doesn't believe in alimony, and she has since remarried anyway (going through ANOTHER divorce) and she claims she really needs the money.... Well -- I (dad) agreed because (I) dad loves his daughter and would do anything to have her. The bottom line is, how can I get her and not pay child support too??? It just doesn't seem fair.... If I have to pay it AND Have custody, then so be it.. But, what kind of rights to I have and what kind of precedence is there for a case like this? Thanks!!!! Good dad totally into his kiddo... |
#2
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Obtaining Custody
"~dudemaster" wrote in message news:uuKjf.898$SM5.493@dukeread02... I kind of need a pointer here... (if that's ok).. Background: I have an 11yr old daughter who lives with her mom, child custody was awarded in our divorce decree along with child support. I'm one of those good dads who lives 270miles away, but sees his little girl several times per month, holidays and summer time. Well, she want's to live with dad, but mom hasn't let her. Mom isn't a bad mother, daughter and mom just don't get along. Mom just decided to let dad have custody beginning this next half of the school year!! (Hurrayy!!!) One catch... Dad must continue to pay mom child support because she is a greedy bitch.... (did I just write that?) We were divorced in a state that doesn't believe in alimony, and she has since remarried anyway (going through ANOTHER divorce) and she claims she really needs the money.... Well -- I (dad) agreed because (I) dad loves his daughter and would do anything to have her. The bottom line is, how can I get her and not pay child support too??? It just doesn't seem fair.... If I have to pay it AND Have custody, then so be it.. But, what kind of rights to I have and what kind of precedence is there ==== File for custody and support *after* the child is with you (without telling anyone beforehand) ==== |
#3
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Obtaining Custody
Thanks! I've thought about this, but it "can't" be that easy... We divorced
in Texas, I live in Virginia, and her mom in NC. Damn.. I can't afford the 5 thousand an attorney wants either.. "Gini" wrote in message news:7OKjf.697$2O1.435@trndny09... "~dudemaster" wrote in message news:uuKjf.898$SM5.493@dukeread02... I kind of need a pointer here... (if that's ok).. Background: I have an 11yr old daughter who lives with her mom, child custody was awarded in our divorce decree along with child support. I'm one of those good dads who lives 270miles away, but sees his little girl several times per month, holidays and summer time. Well, she want's to live with dad, but mom hasn't let her. Mom isn't a bad mother, daughter and mom just don't get along. Mom just decided to let dad have custody beginning this next half of the school year!! (Hurrayy!!!) One catch... Dad must continue to pay mom child support because she is a greedy bitch.... (did I just write that?) We were divorced in a state that doesn't believe in alimony, and she has since remarried anyway (going through ANOTHER divorce) and she claims she really needs the money.... Well -- I (dad) agreed because (I) dad loves his daughter and would do anything to have her. The bottom line is, how can I get her and not pay child support too??? It just doesn't seem fair.... If I have to pay it AND Have custody, then so be it.. But, what kind of rights to I have and what kind of precedence is there ==== File for custody and support *after* the child is with you (without telling anyone beforehand) ==== |
#4
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Obtaining Custody
~dudemaster wrote:
: Well -- I (dad) agreed because (I) dad loves his daughter and would do : anything to have her. : The bottom line is, how can I get her and not pay child support too??? It : just doesn't seem fair.... If I have to pay it AND Have custody, then so be : it.. But, what kind of rights to I have and what kind of precedence is there : for a case like this? Custody and child support are two different issues. First, get the custody order legally modified and recorded with the court. After that, file a change in circumstances and have the child support modified based on the new custody plan. I asked my attorney this specific question and his advice is the same. Judges don't like frequant changes in custody orders so once it's changed and you have a permanent situation with custody, then go after the CS change. Yes, she is a greedy bitch. b. |
#5
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Obtaining Custody
"~dudemaster" wrote in message news:uMLjf.903$SM5.698@dukeread02... Thanks! I've thought about this, but it "can't" be that easy... We divorced in Texas, I live in Virginia, and her mom in NC. Damn.. I can't afford the 5 thousand an attorney wants either.. ==== If the child lives with you, VA should be the controlling state although I've seen some courts wiggle out of this by not wanting to muddy the waters of two different states having jurisdiction over one child. You might do best to wait 6 months or so after the child is with you and enrolled in school--Courts don't like to uproot kids in school. But...The first thing you need to do is research VA family law statutes--Study them thoroughly. Don't worry about child support until there is a custody hearing. If you are awarded custody, you can petition to have support ended in DC or wherever that case is. You can then file for support from your ex in VA. Most states have now streamlined their family courts to accomodate parents representing themselves but you must KNOW your state's statutes and the Rules of Procedure which are critical. If you wait 6 months to file for custody, you have time to learn the statutes and procedures and will have an idea of whether you are comfortable doing it without an attorney. Many of us here have done our own filings but that isn't the right route for everyone. There are many many variables. During that 6 months, you should also stockpile cash. That said, there may already be statutes that discontinue child support for extended "visits" with the NCP. In Florida, support is reduced 50% for visits over 30 days. What is the *current* controlling state/jurisdiction? ==== "Gini" wrote in message news:7OKjf.697$2O1.435@trndny09... "~dudemaster" wrote in message news:uuKjf.898$SM5.493@dukeread02... I kind of need a pointer here... (if that's ok).. Background: I have an 11yr old daughter who lives with her mom, child custody was awarded in our divorce decree along with child support. I'm one of those good dads who lives 270miles away, but sees his little girl several times per month, holidays and summer time. Well, she want's to live with dad, but mom hasn't let her. Mom isn't a bad mother, daughter and mom just don't get along. Mom just decided to let dad have custody beginning this next half of the school year!! (Hurrayy!!!) One catch... Dad must continue to pay mom child support because she is a greedy bitch.... (did I just write that?) We were divorced in a state that doesn't believe in alimony, and she has since remarried anyway (going through ANOTHER divorce) and she claims she really needs the money.... Well -- I (dad) agreed because (I) dad loves his daughter and would do anything to have her. The bottom line is, how can I get her and not pay child support too??? It just doesn't seem fair.... If I have to pay it AND Have custody, then so be it.. But, what kind of rights to I have and what kind of precedence is there ==== File for custody and support *after* the child is with you (without telling anyone beforehand) ==== |
#6
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Obtaining Custody
Custody and child support are two different issues. First, get the custody order legally modified and recorded with the court. After that, file a change in circumstances and have the child support modified based on the new custody plan. Thank you! This is good and wonderful advise. I'm going to do some research on how to do this here in Virginia. Since custody & CS was decided and documented in the divorce decree in Texas (5yrs ago), I'm guessing that I would simply (or not so simply) goto the court that deals with such issues in my city (VA Beach), speak to a clerk (one of the nice ladies behind the bullet proof glass), and with my divorce decree in hand I'll fill out whatever forms they give me... I did come up with a legal form for my ex-wife to sign that indicates she is giving me custody -- but she modified it to include that I agree to continue to pay child support iaw the divorce decree. But, I'm keeping in the back of my mind, she is violating the divorce decree by giving me custody to begin with, which makes the agreement regarding the CS null. Whew.. I'm trying to avoid an attorney -- I'm active duty military (18yrs) and I'm not paid enough to afford one (and contrary to public myths, they don't help us in cases like this either). I asked my attorney this specific question and his advice is the same. Judges don't like frequant changes in custody orders so once it's changed and you have a permanent situation with custody, then go after the CS change. This makes absolute sense... I'm kind of walking into this blind, but I'm doing so with my child's best interest at heart. I'll continue to pay the support if I "have" to just so that I can have her, but what her mom is asking is just -- well : "Yes, she is a greedy bitch.", thank you.. Well stated grin Thank you! LT |
#7
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Obtaining Custody
Again, this is all excellent advise...!! I will have custody beginning on
Christmas Day, with no end in sight. Our agreement (on paper) is until the end of Summer School (and school year 06) which would put her with me slightly longer than 6 months. Even after that, knowing her mother, I'll probably continue to keep her for the remainder of the year. My daughter doesn't want to go back because the situation for her at her mom's is very unpleasant for her. That being said, I'm going to start researching the VA state custody statutes beginning tomorrow, and before lunch tomorrow -- I'm taking a trip to the court house and see if there is something that I should file either before hand or after my daughter comes to live with me. I want to ensure that her stay with me is documented with the courts (somehow). Perhaps they'll just tell me the fact she is enrolled in school is enough documentation, I don't know... Like you said, because we reside here in VA, then I think their courts should decide. However, her mom (and her) reside in NC, and we divorced in the state of TX 5yrs ago --- "AND" I'm active duty military (18yrs -- almost done) so there are some strange variables involved. I know her mom can't afford a court battle, and I have an enormous amount of credit with NONE of it used, so I can afford a pretty good fight grin, but I'd prefer not to have one. I just keep reminding myself, that it's for my daughter. If she changed her mind and decided to go back to mom at the end of the school year, then I'd help her go. But I don't think that will happen (miserable situation there). Ironically I called the county in Texas where we got our decree yesterday, and I talked to three different women who, when they realized I was a "Man" paying child support, refused to help or have anything to do with me. I'm afraid that dead-beat-dads have set such a tone, that many child support offices have stereotyped all men as being dead-beat (sadly). I've never missed a payment or a chance to see my baby girl. Hell, I've but about 2000 miles a month on my car every year for the last 5 years in visitation (except when I was deployed)... I'm ranting aren't I? (sorry....) Thank you Gigi LT If the child lives with you, VA should be the controlling state although I've seen some courts wiggle out of this by not wanting to muddy the waters of two different states having jurisdiction over one child. You might do best to wait 6 months or so after the child is with you and enrolled in school--Courts don't like to uproot kids in school. But...The first thing you need to do is research VA family law statutes--Study them thoroughly. Don't worry about child support until there is a custody hearing. If you are awarded custody, you can petition to have support ended in DC or wherever that case is. You can then file for support from your ex in VA. Most states have now streamlined their family courts to accomodate parents representing themselves but you must KNOW your state's statutes and the Rules of Procedure which are critical. If you wait 6 months to file for custody, you have time to learn the statutes and procedures and will have an idea of whether you are comfortable doing it without an attorney. Many of us here have done our own filings but that isn't the right route for everyone. There are many many variables. During that 6 months, you should also stockpile cash. That said, there may already be statutes that discontinue child support for extended "visits" with the NCP. In Florida, support is reduced 50% for visits over 30 days. What is the *current* controlling state/jurisdiction? ==== "Gini" wrote in message news:7OKjf.697$2O1.435@trndny09... "~dudemaster" wrote in message news:uuKjf.898$SM5.493@dukeread02... I kind of need a pointer here... (if that's ok).. Background: I have an 11yr old daughter who lives with her mom, child custody was awarded in our divorce decree along with child support. I'm one of those good dads who lives 270miles away, but sees his little girl several times per month, holidays and summer time. Well, she want's to live with dad, but mom hasn't let her. Mom isn't a bad mother, daughter and mom just don't get along. Mom just decided to let dad have custody beginning this next half of the school year!! (Hurrayy!!!) One catch... Dad must continue to pay mom child support because she is a greedy bitch.... (did I just write that?) We were divorced in a state that doesn't believe in alimony, and she has since remarried anyway (going through ANOTHER divorce) and she claims she really needs the money.... Well -- I (dad) agreed because (I) dad loves his daughter and would do anything to have her. The bottom line is, how can I get her and not pay child support too??? It just doesn't seem fair.... If I have to pay it AND Have custody, then so be it.. But, what kind of rights to I have and what kind of precedence is there ==== File for custody and support *after* the child is with you (without telling anyone beforehand) ==== |
#8
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Obtaining Custody
"~dudemaster" wrote in message news:tuMjf.916$SM5.521@dukeread02... Again, this is all excellent advise...!! I will have custody beginning on Christmas Day, with no end in sight. Our agreement (on paper) is until the end of Summer School (and school year 06) which would put her with me slightly longer than 6 months. Even after that, knowing her mother, I'll probably continue to keep her for the remainder of the year. My daughter doesn't want to go back because the situation for her at her mom's is very unpleasant for her. ==== It's hard to say how a court will view waiver of support for a child not living with the payee. Most states take the position that a parent does not have the right to waive the "child's" support. In your case, perhaps you can sign the agreement and then file for child support against her. Did you agree not to do that? In my husband's case, the court refused to order my husband to pay support to his ex for one year my stepson lived with us. Under statute, the judge didn't have that authority because we never filed for a modification, but she didn't appeal. ==== |
#9
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Obtaining Custody
"~dudemaster" wrote in message news:uMLjf.903$SM5.698@dukeread02... Thanks! I've thought about this, but it "can't" be that easy... We divorced in Texas, I live in Virginia, and her mom in NC. Damn.. I can't afford the 5 thousand an attorney wants either.. Here are a couple of the basics for you to look into. 1.) Which state has jurisdiction for a custody modification? Has the original divorce proceeding file ever been transferred to another state shifting jurisdiction or creating dual jurisdictions? If the original custody order is from Texas and the file has not been transferred then Texas retains jurisdiction for any modification of their order until the file is transferred. 2.) Does Virginia law allow you to transfer a case to Virginia if the child resides in North Carolina? Usually the case file can be transferred to the state where the child resides. There is more to this from a legal standpoint than just going down to the local courthouse and filing a motion to change custody. |
#10
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Obtaining Custody
"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message ink.net... "~dudemaster" wrote in message news:uMLjf.903$SM5.698@dukeread02... Thanks! I've thought about this, but it "can't" be that easy... We divorced in Texas, I live in Virginia, and her mom in NC. Damn.. I can't afford the 5 thousand an attorney wants either.. Here are a couple of the basics for you to look into. 1.) Which state has jurisdiction for a custody modification? Has the original divorce proceeding file ever been transferred to another state shifting jurisdiction or creating dual jurisdictions? If the original custody order is from Texas and the file has not been transferred then Texas retains jurisdiction for any modification of their order until the file is transferred. 2.) Does Virginia law allow you to transfer a case to Virginia if the child resides in North Carolina? Usually the case file can be transferred to the state where the child resides. There is more to this from a legal standpoint than just going down to the local courthouse and filing a motion to change custody. ==== Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on the controlling Rules of Procedures (and the fortitude of the party). The one time we hired an atty., we lost big time. ==== |
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