playdates for 4yo

dragonlady wrote:
In article .com,
"Irene" wrote:

But then -- many of my friends, throughout my life, have been men.

Strangely enough, I have found it works to talk to them as if they were
just people....
--

I think the distinction here is between a man you already know and have
become friends with over a natural progression, and making an
invitation to a man you just barely know. The potential for
misunderstandings is probably bigger when you barely know someone. It
would seem pretty obvious to me, however, that most ways that someone
would initiate a playdate would *not* imply that you were putting the
moves on the dad!

Perhaps the fact that I had worked in a field dominated by men (and so
most of my "work friends" were men) before I was home full time may have
made a difference -- but I felt no more nor less uncomfortable with men
who were nearly strangers than with women, and was no more nor less
likely to invite them over for coffee.

I didn't mean to imply that I was agreeing that it was a major issue -
just that I can see where there is at least a possibility for a
misunderstanding. There have been a couple of stay-at-home dads on my
block, and I never had an issue with them. I wasn't real close friends
with either of them, but that has more to do wih personalities than
anything else. Over the years, I've tended to have plenty of male
friends, as well. But since I've also (in my single past) dated a
number of men who started out as friends, I also think the male/female
dynamic does sometimes come into play.

Irene

Clisby wrote:
Irene wrote:


I think the distinction here is between a man you already know and have
become friends with over a natural progression, and making an
invitation to a man you just barely know. The potential for
misunderstandings is probably bigger when you barely know someone. It
would seem pretty obvious to me, however, that most ways that someone
would initiate a playdate would *not* imply that you were putting the
moves on the dad!


I'm not seeing a lot of potential for "misunderstandings" in this
situation. I don't see "how about getting together with our
4-year-olds?" as setting the scene for seduction - and I can't think of
a single man of my acquaintance who would interpret it that way, either.

I'm certainly not saying it is *likely* - just possible. And only if
the guy was looking to read something into it. And it's not like I
even thought of this possibility until someone pointed it out! I'm
also not arguing that it's a reason not to do it. And I think any
interaction with people you don't know very well is more likely to have
misunderstandings, of any sort, simply because you don't know them.

Irene

"dragonlady" wrote in message
...
In article ,
"Tracey" wrote:

It wouldn't be a stranger TO YOUR DAUGHTER.
The child wouldn't be, but the parents would be.


And I go do stranger's homes -- or at least, people who have been
strangers in the not so distant past! -- all the time. How else do you
get to know people?
In a neutral location, at church, at activities, etc. I don't make it a
practice to go to peoples homes if I don't know them well. Thats just me.

Maybe it's a question of defining "stranger" -- to some of the people I
know, anyone they haven't known well for several years would be a
stranger; to others, if they see them at church once a month, they are
no longer a stranger.

Well, with my kids, I'm more cautious than with myself. Someone I've known
for a period of time in a community organization, I wouldn't consider a
stranger, but still I'd be cautious about going to their home. Much like
the playdates for the kids...sure, we can meet so and so at the park, but
going to their home is something that I would save for someone I knew
better.

Living in San Jose, 50,000 sounds smallish to me -- I'm guessing a
single school district, maybe two high schools.

You've got that right. One school district (of course here in CT, pretty
much every town or city is one school district except in the smallest towns,
which are part of 2-3 or 4 town 'regional school districts', most of which
simply share a high school). We have two high schools, and each has a
graduating class around 250 kids.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

In article ,
"Tracey" wrote:

"dragonlady" wrote in message
...
In article ,
"Tracey" wrote:

It wouldn't be a stranger TO YOUR DAUGHTER.
The child wouldn't be, but the parents would be.


And I go do stranger's homes -- or at least, people who have been
strangers in the not so distant past! -- all the time. How else do you
get to know people?
In a neutral location, at church, at activities, etc. I don't make it a
practice to go to peoples homes if I don't know them well. Thats just me.

Maybe it's a question of defining "stranger" -- to some of the people I
know, anyone they haven't known well for several years would be a
stranger; to others, if they see them at church once a month, they are
no longer a stranger.

Well, with my kids, I'm more cautious than with myself. Someone I've known
for a period of time in a community organization, I wouldn't consider a
stranger, but still I'd be cautious about going to their home. Much like
the playdates for the kids...sure, we can meet so and so at the park, but
going to their home is something that I would save for someone I knew
better.

Living in San Jose, 50,000 sounds smallish to me -- I'm guessing a
single school district, maybe two high schools.

You've got that right. One school district (of course here in CT, pretty
much every town or city is one school district except in the smallest towns,
which are part of 2-3 or 4 town 'regional school districts', most of which
simply share a high school). We have two high schools, and each has a
graduating class around 250 kids.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care




I don't know how many school districts there are in San Jose (quite a
number, and complicated since they do NOT follow the town/city borders),
but our high school district has 6 high schools, with abut 1500 kids in
each high school.

It begins to make a difference, as it's harder to get to know people,
and more likely that your kids, at some fairly young age, will be making
school friends with kids whose families you have never even seen.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

"Barbara" wrote in
oups.com:

i'd have to say i'd seriously reconsider inviting any kid
whose parents asked me if i had firearms (yes, i do. the
gun is in one place, the magazine is in another & the ammo
is in a third, all out of kid reach)

If anyone was offended by my asking if their house was a
safe environment for my child, I wouldn't let him go there
anyway. (For the record, I would allow him to go to a home
where guns were safely and appropriately stored.)

it's not so much the gun question. i can understand that
(given the hysterical press), but i'd be really insulted if
anyone expected me to crate my dog just because thier child
was coming over.
in general, if there's a situation like kids running around
the house shreaking, i'd have the dog outside on his run, just
for *his* sanity, but i really would be offended if anyone
told me i *had to* as a condition of thier child coming over.
i know the dog. he's good with kids, even totally obnoxious
ones that do things in his face. i don't crate my SO when kids
come over either same thing in my book.
lee not even a dog person


--
war is peace
freedom is slavery
ignorance is strength
1984-George Orwell

"Clisby" wrote in message
link.net...


P. Tierney wrote:

"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
...

"bizby40" ) writes:

I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age.
Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said, you
can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no.

That is not the worst that can happen. The worst that can
happen is that the dad comes over and gives toypup unwanted
attention.


the sound of my head exploding


It's OK - you can bring your daughter over to play with Joseph next time
you're in Charleston.

Good to know, thanks. ;-)

Very OT question: When I worked in Charleston restaurants in
the 80's, they weren't allowed to "free pour" mixed drinks. Each
time a cocktail was made, they had to use those little airplane
bottles. (So, if one was making a drink with multiple liquors,
like a long island iced tea, one couldn't make a glass, but had
to make a full pitcher.) I'm not sure what they were hoping
to prevent with the law, but there it was.

Anyway, I have no idea why, but I was wondering recently
if that law was still in the books in South Carolina. Maybe
with recycling/lack of waste being more prevalent, they moved
away from all of those throw-away mini bottles? Just curious,
thanks.


P. Tierney

"enigma" wrote in message
. ..
"Barbara" wrote in
oups.com:
it's not so much the gun question. i can understand that
(given the hysterical press), but i'd be really insulted if
anyone expected me to crate my dog just because thier child
was coming over.
in general, if there's a situation like kids running around
the house shreaking, i'd have the dog outside on his run, just
for *his* sanity, but i really would be offended if anyone
told me i *had to* as a condition of thier child coming over.
i know the dog. he's good with kids, even totally obnoxious
ones that do things in his face. i don't crate my SO when kids
come over either same thing in my book.


What if the person asking about the dog being crated was the parent of a
child that had been bitten by a dog and was petrified of dogs, would you
still be offended?

P. Tierney wrote:
"Clisby" wrote in message
link.net...


P. Tierney wrote:


"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
...


"bizby40" ) writes:


I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age.
Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said, you
can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no.

That is not the worst that can happen. The worst that can
happen is that the dad comes over and gives toypup unwanted
attention.


the sound of my head exploding


It's OK - you can bring your daughter over to play with Joseph next time
you're in Charleston.


Good to know, thanks. ;-)

Very OT question: When I worked in Charleston restaurants in
the 80's, they weren't allowed to "free pour" mixed drinks. Each
time a cocktail was made, they had to use those little airplane
bottles. (So, if one was making a drink with multiple liquors,
like a long island iced tea, one couldn't make a glass, but had
to make a full pitcher.) I'm not sure what they were hoping
to prevent with the law, but there it was.

Anyway, I have no idea why, but I was wondering recently
if that law was still in the books in South Carolina. Maybe
with recycling/lack of waste being more prevalent, they moved
away from all of those throw-away mini bottles? Just curious,
thanks.


P. Tierney



In Nov. 2004 the voters approved a constitutional amendment that would
allow ditching minibottles (yes, the state constitution, of all things,
required them in bars and restaurants.)

However, passing the amendment was just the first step and, to be
honest, I don't know what the status is. Now, the Legislature can
decide how to regulate liquor sales in bars and restaurants. I'm not
sure what, if anything, was decided during the 2005 session. (I don't
drink liquor, so I didn't pay much attention. I know there was a lot
of talk about how to set the taxes, and who could distribute it, etc.

Why, you might ask, does S.C. need to reinvent the drinking wheel
instead of just copying what other states do? Well, like old James
Petigru said back before the Civil War, "South Carolina is too small for
a republic, and too large for an insane asylum."

Clisby

On Tue, 11 Oct 2005 19:45:32 GMT, "Tracey"
wrote:

What if the person asking about the dog being crated was the parent of a
child that had been bitten by a dog and was petrified of dogs, would you
still be offended?

I can't speak for lee, but I wouldn't crate my dog in this scenario,
either. I would be willing to help the child overcome his/her fear
of dogs, though.

Nan

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 11 Oct 2005 19:45:32 GMT, "Tracey"
wrote:

What if the person asking about the dog being crated was the parent of a
child that had been bitten by a dog and was petrified of dogs, would you
still be offended?

I can't speak for lee, but I wouldn't crate my dog in this scenario,
either. I would be willing to help the child overcome his/her fear
of dogs, though.

Nan


I was just curious because I have a friend whose daughter is terrified of
dogs of all sorts (though she has never been bitten or anything). But one
never knows WHY a question is being asked, so it would be odd to be
offended.