playdates for 4yo

On Tue, 11 Oct 2005 21:00:47 GMT, "Tracey"
wrote:


"Nan" wrote in message
.. .
On Tue, 11 Oct 2005 19:45:32 GMT, "Tracey"
wrote:

What if the person asking about the dog being crated was the parent of a
child that had been bitten by a dog and was petrified of dogs, would you
still be offended?

I can't speak for lee, but I wouldn't crate my dog in this scenario,
either. I would be willing to help the child overcome his/her fear
of dogs, though.

Nan


I was just curious because I have a friend whose daughter is terrified of
dogs of all sorts (though she has never been bitten or anything). But one
never knows WHY a question is being asked, so it would be odd to be
offended.

I think I'd only be offended if the other parent *expected* me to
crate my dog. If they said, "my kid is terrified of dogs, so if you
don't mind keeping the dog and kids separate, I'd appreciate it",
that's acceptable to me.

Nan

Nan wrote:
On Tue, 11 Oct 2005 19:45:32 GMT, "Tracey"
wrote:

What if the person asking about the dog being crated was the parent
of a child that had been bitten by a dog and was petrified of dogs,
would you still be offended?

I can't speak for lee, but I wouldn't crate my dog in this scenario,
either. I would be willing to help the child overcome his/her fear
of dogs, though.

If you are a family that doesn't crate then I don't think you should crate
just because someone asks the question. It seems OTT to be insulted by the
question though. If my kid was terribly afraid of dogs (or had a negative
experience with that particular dog) I would ask the question because I
wouldn't send my kid to a house where he'd be terrified or at risk. That
doesn't mean I'm passing judgment on the dog owners, just covering my basis.
My other options would be to ask if they had a dog and then just say no
after that, which may eliminate a lot of potential playdates because many
people do crate their dogs or put them somewhere away from the kids.

--
Nikki
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
EDD 4/06

In article ,
"Tracey" wrote:

"enigma" wrote in message
. ..
"Barbara" wrote in
oups.com:
it's not so much the gun question. i can understand that
(given the hysterical press), but i'd be really insulted if
anyone expected me to crate my dog just because thier child
was coming over.
in general, if there's a situation like kids running around
the house shreaking, i'd have the dog outside on his run, just
for *his* sanity, but i really would be offended if anyone
told me i *had to* as a condition of thier child coming over.
i know the dog. he's good with kids, even totally obnoxious
ones that do things in his face. i don't crate my SO when kids
come over either same thing in my book.


What if the person asking about the dog being crated was the parent of a
child that had been bitten by a dog and was petrified of dogs, would you
still be offended?



That's actually a good point -- my daughter was never hurt by a dog, but
went through a period of being absolutely phobic about dogs. During
that phase, I WOULD ask that dogs be kept locked away from her -- not
because I didn't trust the dogs, but because they terrified her so much.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

In article ,
"Tracey" wrote:

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 11 Oct 2005 19:45:32 GMT, "Tracey"
wrote:

What if the person asking about the dog being crated was the parent of a
child that had been bitten by a dog and was petrified of dogs, would you
still be offended?

I can't speak for lee, but I wouldn't crate my dog in this scenario,
either. I would be willing to help the child overcome his/her fear
of dogs, though.

Nan


I was just curious because I have a friend whose daughter is terrified of
dogs of all sorts (though she has never been bitten or anything). But one
never knows WHY a question is being asked, so it would be odd to be
offended.



When I went through that with my daughter, I DID explain why I was
asking, because it seemed (to me) to be an odd question!
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

bizby40 wrote:
"P. Tierney" wrote in message
news:x%D2f.474014$xm3.313769@attbi_s21...

"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
...

"bizby40" ) writes:

I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age.
Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said, you
can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no.

That is not the worst that can happen. The worst that can
happen is that the dad comes over and gives toypup unwanted
attention.

the sound of my head exploding


P. Tierney


lol -- yeah, every once in a while I get amazed at how some of
the women on this group are so afraid of men. This is a married
dad of a pre-schooler -- the chances of him trying to make time
with some mom on their kids' first playdate has got be
incredibly slim.

FWIW, I've never felt that way. I've had plenty of dad's drop
off and pick up. I've left my girl child at a SAH dad's place,
and though I've never spent the entire playdate at his house,
we do usually chat at the beginning or end of the playdate, and
the chat can go a half-hour sometimes.

Bizby



In the case of one of DD's friends, I preferred the father to the
mother. :0

In several cases, the mom worked long hours and it was usually the dad
who drove to playdates and parties and get-togethers. So, I was much
more used to talking with the dad than the mom.

Jeanne

"Tracey" wrote in
:


"enigma" wrote in message
. ..
"Barbara" wrote in
oups.com:
it's not so much the gun question. i can understand that
(given the hysterical press), but i'd be really insulted
if anyone expected me to crate my dog just because thier
child was coming over.
in general, if there's a situation like kids running
around the house shreaking, i'd have the dog outside on
his run, just for *his* sanity, but i really would be
offended if anyone told me i *had to* as a condition of
thier child coming over. i know the dog. he's good with
kids, even totally obnoxious ones that do things in his
face. i don't crate my SO when kids come over either
same thing in my book.


What if the person asking about the dog being crated was
the parent of a child that had been bitten by a dog and was
petrified of dogs, would you still be offended?

like i said, it is most likely the dog would be outside,
unless it was extremely cold. if the dog is not outside, he
tends to sleep in the kitchen.
i think it would be less traumatic to both child & dog, if
the dog were not crated, since his crate is in the playroom.
better he's sleeping in the kitchen then bouncing around all
excited in his crate in the same room, no?
yes, i could, & probably would, create a barrier to make sure
the dog doesn't go into the playroom... but i'd also be
talking to the kid about his fears.
OTOH, the only people i know who were bitten by dogs as
toddlers all *love* dogs, even the one who had severe damage
to her elbow.
lee



--
war is peace
freedom is slavery
ignorance is strength
1984-George Orwell

Nan wrote in
:

On Tue, 11 Oct 2005 21:00:47 GMT, "Tracey"
wrote:


"Nan" wrote in message
. ..
On Tue, 11 Oct 2005 19:45:32 GMT, "Tracey"
wrote:

What if the person asking about the dog being crated was
the parent of a child that had been bitten by a dog and
was petrified of dogs, would you still be offended?

I can't speak for lee, but I wouldn't crate my dog in
this scenario, either. I would be willing to help the
child overcome his/her fear of dogs, though.

I was just curious because I have a friend whose daughter
is terrified of dogs of all sorts (though she has never
been bitten or anything). But one never knows WHY a
question is being asked, so it would be odd to be offended.

I think I'd only be offended if the other parent *expected*
me to crate my dog. If they said, "my kid is terrified of
dogs, so if you don't mind keeping the dog and kids
separate, I'd appreciate it", that's acceptable to me.

exactly. no problem keeping them apart, but asking me to lock
the dog up *is* likely to offend me. it says you not only
don't trust my dog's training, but you don't trust *me* to be
responsible.

lee
--
war is peace
freedom is slavery
ignorance is strength
1984-George Orwell

Hi --

I'm one of those parents who DID insist that dogs be kept out of the way
when my kids were playing at a friend's house. My kids, for reasons I
still don't understand, were TERRIFIED of dogs. Terrified enough to
jump into my arms, shiver, even wet themselves, if a dog came too close
or barked too nearby. And I know other young children who are similarly
affected by dogs. So I never hesitated to ask families with dogs to
keep the pets out of the way when my kids visited, and to ask dogwalkers
near a playground to keep their dogs leashed and away from my kids (very
apologetically, of course).

Eventually the cousins got a dog, one my kids could visit with
frequently, and the frequent visits with a consistently same canine
helped them get over their terror.

The kids still don't adore dogs, but they're comfortable now. But back
in the old days ... it was decidedly different.

Some friends refused to keep their dogs out of the way, so with those
kids the playdates were at our house or at a playground. No problem!

--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

Nan wrote:
On Tue, 11 Oct 2005 19:45:32 GMT, "Tracey"
wrote:

What if the person asking about the dog being crated was the parent of a
child that had been bitten by a dog and was petrified of dogs, would you
still be offended?

I can't speak for lee, but I wouldn't crate my dog in this scenario,
either. I would be willing to help the child overcome his/her fear
of dogs, though.

IME, a really good way to do that (help a child overcome his/her fear
of dogs) is to crate the animal the first time the child is over.

We had a lab who LOVED kids. But she was 80 pounds, which is pretty
large for a small kid. We got her, full grown and not really well
trained, when DD was 3, and pretty fearful. That first week, I
remember, I "crated" them alternately -- the dog in her crate in the
kitchen for a half hour while DD watched TV or played, then, when I
explained that the dog needed to run about and play, too, DD was happy
to play in her room for a half-hour with the door firmly closed.

As the dog grew calmer (and better trained), and the kid less prone to
shrieking and jumping in fear, they became accustomed to one another
and loved playing together. I saw the same thing happen when I did day
care and playdates. It was always a matter of gradual acclimation --
not even the best-behaved dog and most reasonable of dog owners should
expect to help a child overcome a terror of dogs in a 1- to 2-hour
playdate, and so the first time I had a youngish kid over, I'd always
crate the dog out of courtesy, until I saw how the two got on. No
parent ever asked me to do this; I just figured it made the transition
to a new place easier, and made the kid feel more welcome in his
friend's home.

Keeping the dog outside wasn't really an option, particularly in
winter.

Lori G.
Milwaukee, WI

In article ,
(Beth Kevles) wrote:

Eventually the cousins got a dog, one my kids could visit with
frequently, and the frequent visits with a consistently same canine
helped them get over their terror.

The kids still don't adore dogs, but they're comfortable now. But back
in the old days ... it was decidedly different.

Some friends refused to keep their dogs out of the way, so with those
kids the playdates were at our house or at a playground. No problem!

I got lucky in helping my daughter get over her phobic reaction. A
neighbor got a really, really small puppy (the grown dog was about the
size of most cats) and, while my daughter was still afraid of him, she
was also intrigued. He was good dog owner, and whenever I saw him
outside in the common area with the puppy I'd go out with DD. She'd get
closer and closer to him, and, within a week or two, would pet him. As
he grew up, she managed to conquer her fears, mostly. She'd still jump
and get behind me if a dog ran towards her, or if she saw one
unexpectedly -- but she stopped trying to scale my body as soon as she
saw one!

Mom tells me that when I was small, she was at an elderly relatives'
home when another relative dropped by with her two small dogs. She (the
new visitor) told my mom she'd have to keep me off the floor, because
her dogs were biters . . .

(Mom and Dad left, and avoided said relative from then on.)
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care