Uneasy in large groups

DD Ilona now 9 and a half months, still BF is a bit uneasy when we are
in gatherings with a large group. We baptized her last week and we had
a large reception afterwards. I had to leave and go home becuase she
was not comfortable around so many people.

There have been two other occations since where there have been losts
of people around I broguht her on purpose so she can get used to being
arround lots of people (friends and aquientances) and she just wants to
be held by me and no one else.

I wonder if this is an age thing or is it maybe that I have not exposed
her to being in such settings. Her routine is pretty much at home with
mom and dad (dad works at home) and I try to take her out the mall and
the supermarket so she will at least get out of the house. Twice a
week we go to a "baby gym" which she seems to enjoy (it is a
mother-daughter exercise and stimulation session) but outside of that
there is not much interaction with other people. I try to exposer her
to it, but when I do she does not seem to enjoy it. I am not sure what
is the best thing her. To keep exposing her until she gets used to it,
or give her some time to mature and expose her again. I feel bad
leaving her at home, like I said, I want her to be exposed to people
and not be afraid of them.

I think this is normal, but is it temporary?? when will she loosen up??
what else can I do so she does not become so uncomfortable around our
friends.

Jenny from Ecuador

"Jenny" wrote in message
ups.com...

I think this is normal, but is it temporary?? when will she loosen up??
what else can I do so she does not become so uncomfortable around our
friends.

We went through the same thing with our DD when she was around your
daughter's age. She would get overstimulated whenever she was around a lot
of people. (I was a SAHM, and her exposure to people other than DH and
myself was on about the same level as your daughter.) IIRC, it didn't last
much longer past that age (certainly not past the age of 12 months or so).
And once she turned 2, she went through a major developmental phase, both
verbally and socially. She's been a social butterfly ever since and LOVES
being around lots of people.

My advice? Don't push the social interactions. Expose her to maybe one or
two other people at a time and keep providing her with the security she
needs right now.

Mary
--
Mommy to Rayna 1/20/03 (nursling for 3 years)
21w1d pg with twin girls!

GO TOPLESS and don't worry about anything my gfriend breastfeeds all
the time and we have 2 4yrold boys who love their mothers milk all the time.


"Jenny" wrote in message
ups.com...
DD Ilona now 9 and a half months, still BF is a bit uneasy when we are
in gatherings with a large group. We baptized her last week and we had
a large reception afterwards. I had to leave and go home becuase she
was not comfortable around so many people.

There have been two other occations since where there have been losts
of people around I broguht her on purpose so she can get used to being
arround lots of people (friends and aquientances) and she just wants to
be held by me and no one else.

I wonder if this is an age thing or is it maybe that I have not exposed
her to being in such settings. Her routine is pretty much at home with
mom and dad (dad works at home) and I try to take her out the mall and
the supermarket so she will at least get out of the house. Twice a
week we go to a "baby gym" which she seems to enjoy (it is a
mother-daughter exercise and stimulation session) but outside of that
there is not much interaction with other people. I try to exposer her
to it, but when I do she does not seem to enjoy it. I am not sure what
is the best thing her. To keep exposing her until she gets used to it,
or give her some time to mature and expose her again. I feel bad
leaving her at home, like I said, I want her to be exposed to people
and not be afraid of them.

I think this is normal, but is it temporary?? when will she loosen up??
what else can I do so she does not become so uncomfortable around our
friends.

Jenny from Ecuador

ANTHONY CHARLES TABONE wrote:
GO TOPLESS and don't worry about anything my gfriend breastfeeds all
the time and we have 2 4yrold boys who love their mothers milk all the time.



Mind as well go BOTTOMLESS and scare the neighbors.

Jenny wrote:

I think this is normal, but is it temporary?? when will she loosen up??
what else can I do so she does not become so uncomfortable around our
friends.


That's very normal for her age. It may or may not be terporary,
depending on her personality. I would continue to expose her to
people, but look for her cues. Never force her to go to someone if she
doesn't want to. Some people never like crowds--she may grow up to be
someone who likes people more one on one.

Leslie

Jenny

I think it could be an age thing but it also may just be your dd's
temperament. My DS has been uneasy around lots of people since pretty much
the day he was born, though it became very obvious by about 5-6 months. At
9 months it got much much worse, and now he is a year old, he still does not
like crowds, and will cry if a stranger so much as looks at him. My dd at
the age your DD is now, was the same as yours. However, this phase, with
her, only lasted a couple of months. By the time she was a year she became
SO social, and now at 4 yrs old is by far the most social and extroverted
child I know. I would just take your cues from your DD. Don't push her
just to expose her. Continue with your class, and things she DOES enjoy and
as she gets older she may be less uneasy. I wouldn't deliberately put her
into situations like parties etc. until you feel she would handle it better.
Maybe have her around small groups. My DS can handle about 4-5 people
before freaking out, so maybe you could have her around smaller groups for
now, or, if you must have her in large groups, sling her or have her
otherwise very close to you (this works for DS).

Good luck - if she has only just developed this is probably won't last long,
imo.

CY

"Jenny" wrote in message
ups.com...

I wonder if this is an age thing or is it maybe that I have not exposed
her to being in such settings. Her routine is pretty much at home with
mom and dad (dad works at home) and I try to take her out the mall and
the supermarket so she will at least get out of the house. Twice a
week we go to a "baby gym" which she seems to enjoy (it is a
mother-daughter exercise and stimulation session) but outside of that
there is not much interaction with other people. I try to exposer her
to it, but when I do she does not seem to enjoy it. I am not sure what
is the best thing her. To keep exposing her until she gets used to it,
or give her some time to mature and expose her again. I feel bad
leaving her at home, like I said, I want her to be exposed to people
and not be afraid of them.

I think this is normal, but is it temporary?? when will she loosen up??
what else can I do so she does not become so uncomfortable around our
friends.

Jenny from Ecuador

She does

all the time.
"Miss Glamour" wrote in message
oups.com...

ANTHONY CHARLES TABONE wrote:
GO TOPLESS and don't worry about anything my gfriend breastfeeds all
the time and we have 2 4yrold boys who love their mothers milk all the
time.



Mind as well go BOTTOMLESS and scare the neighbors.

In article . com,
"Jenny" wrote:

DD Ilona now 9 and a half months, still BF is a bit uneasy when we are
in gatherings with a large group. We baptized her last week and we had
a large reception afterwards. I had to leave and go home becuase she
was not comfortable around so many people.

I might be wrong, but isn't 9 months about the time they start getting
separation anxiety? At any rate, it would not be unusual for a baby to find a
large group overwhelming. She might also have been too excited to have her
usual naps and feeds. IOW, I don't think it's anything to worry about. If
it's still a problem in 10 years' time, I'll apologise :-)

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may
start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled."
Kerry Cue

I was just reading about this today

At 9 months old your daughter is bang-on for when a lot of kids experience
separation anxiety. The book I was reading says something to the effect that
at about that age the child is quite attached to their primary caregiver(s)
and what they fear is being taken away by strangers and the loss of the
primary caregiver(s). Some kids show this quite a bit, like your daughter,
while others may just cry a bit at night and experience trouble going to bed
when mummy and daddy leave them alone in the room. In most cases the
separation anxiety resolves within a few weeks or months. If you start to
work outside the home, you may find that your daughter will cling to you a
bit more even when a little older, as she might be afraid of you going away
again, particualrly at night when she is left alone in a dark room.

Another thing to consider is that your daughter may be shy. Shyness is
actually an inherited trait, not a learned one. Even when the parents are
outgoing. Pushing your daughter into social situations when she might prefer
more one-on-one isn't going to solve shyness. Forcing social situations
where she does not cope well will only undermine her feeling of self-worth
and not make her into a social bunny, but may have the opposite effect of
making her withdraw even more. With time, the shyness may resolve and she
might be fine around strangers and in large groups. But for some, this may
never be an option and they will always prefer small intimate gatherings to
large parties.

Best thing to do would be to start her off with some one-on-one meetings
with family or friends. Get the person to talk to her, try to engage her
with a toy or a game of patty-cake while she is sitting (safe) in your lap.
Don't force her to go over. Let her decide whether she wants the stranger,
and this includes grandparents and aunts and uncles, to have the honour of
holding her. Your daughter should be the one who dictates when she wants to
go to someone. Forcing the issue isn't going to solve anything and might
only make her more fearful of strangers. At the same time, you are right not
to want to leave her at home all the time. Just choose your battles - going
to the mall might be fine as long as people don't want to touch her, while
going to a big party may be daunting and extremely unpleasant for her.

"Jenny" wrote in message
ups.com...
I wonder if this is an age thing or is it maybe that I have not exposed
her to being in such settings. Her routine is pretty much at home with
mom and dad (dad works at home) and I try to take her out the mall and
the supermarket so she will at least get out of the house. Twice a
week we go to a "baby gym" which she seems to enjoy (it is a
mother-daughter exercise and stimulation session) but outside of that
there is not much interaction with other people. I try to exposer her
to it, but when I do she does not seem to enjoy it. I am not sure what
is the best thing her. To keep exposing her until she gets used to it,
or give her some time to mature and expose her again. I feel bad
leaving her at home, like I said, I want her to be exposed to people
and not be afraid of them.