strict/rough relative - LONG

"Irrational Number" wrote in message
...
LisaBell wrote:

Donna wrote:

My DH likes to roughhouse with the baby, and toss her in the air. It
makes
me exceedingly nervous, but I bite my tongue. I figure that once she
had
developed head control, it was ok for him to do. But I can't watch him
do
it.

Goodness, do all daddies do this while mommies cringe in the
background? I thought my DH was the only one

Actually, I do it! I throw Pillbug up and
catch him and he giggles like crazy.

I think that's great. One of these days perhaps I'll loosen up a little
bit. I can dream, anyway.

Donna

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 18 May 2004 23:20:01 +0200, LisaBell
wrote:

On Tue, 18 May 2004 14:04:52 -0400, "Donna"
wrote:


"Kari" wrote in message
m...

Why? Not trying to be a hard ass here, but if the baby enjoys
it --
and most of the babies I've been around seem to really like it --
why is
it a problem? I've done it a LOT, as have many others I've known,
and
I've never known a baby to get hurt. (Though I'll admit that when
my 3
teenage brothers started playing "catch" with their youngest
sibling,
Mom did insist that they had to be REALLY REALLY close together
first!)

Well, the baby doesn't really enjoy it as far as I can tell. He was
crying
when she did it and he wasn't laughing or anything when my husband did
it.
FWIW, he used to do it with Kaylie and she loved it and he knew I
didnt
like
it but I didnt stop him either. I'd look away because it made me
nervous.
And, she was older, around 2ish I'd say.

My DH likes to roughhouse with the baby, and toss her in the air. It
makes
me exceedingly nervous, but I bite my tongue. I figure that once she
had
developed head control, it was ok for him to do. But I can't watch him
do
it.

Donna

Goodness, do all daddies do this while mommies cringe in the
background? I thought my DH was the only one

--Lisa bell

Mine does too. I usually say, "careful daddy" while I'm envisioning
dd falling and cracking her head on the ground. More often than not,
I don't watch ;-)

Nan


This neurotic mother tells DH to stand on the grass or on the carpet - as if
these are much safer surfaces...

Jeanne

"Kari" wrote in message ...


So now there is this big riff and I dont know how to handle it. We're in
their wedding, in 2 weeks. I dont even want to be around her. What would you
guys do? Did I overreact because I dont feel like I did. Noah is not exactly
the kind of child you can tease, I know I mentioned it on here before how
sensitive he is, he's hurt so easily and now he's petrified to be around
her. sigh

There are two things to deal with here -- one is your FIL's fiancee
and your kids, the other is the family dynamic left over from the
weekend.

I agree that your FIL's fiancee was totally out of line and clearly
doesn't know how to deal with kids very well. And I agree with others
that you should not let her be around your kids without either
yourself or someone you completely trust to stick up for them (that
person having been explicitly told to watch her like a hawk). I don't
think your reaction was excessive, but at the same time it was very
strong and has left some fallout with the larger family dynamic.

Being a fairly diplomatic type myself, even if I felt what I did was
appropriate I'd probably try to smooth things over with the extended
family in a way that wouldn't compromise my kids' safety in the
future. Perhaps you could apologize to her for reacting so strongly,
but say that you and your husband are very different with your
children and your kids just aren't used to that sort of thing. You
could say that Noah is a little scared by her now and she might want
to try to be especially gentle with him for a while. If she gets it
then you've gone some distance towards making things easier with your
FIL and her (and DH?). If she's too clueless then at least you tried
the diplomatic approach and can then do whatever you need to do to
protect your kids without worrying as much about her sensibilities.

Good luck -- not a fun situation to deal with.

Kate
and the Bug, 11 months

"Kari" wrote in message ...

Xander is 7 months old? Right?

Right. She also has thrown him in the air and catch him. My husband has done
it too and I totally went through the roof. Believe me, I am NOT happy about
it at all.

Oh, my. Tossing babies in the air ("flying") (and catching them, of
course) is very popular in my house. The kids LOVE it.

Reminds me of one of the families in my birthing class. We get
together for birthdays, and when the girls (all four couples in the
class had girls) were turning 1, we all met at the oldest girl's home.
Two of the fathers and daughters had wandered into the kitchen and
were playing toss-the-baby and there were squeals of delight. The
host father walked in, watched us wistfully, and said "my wife won't
let me do that with Jasmine. She's afraid I'll drop her."

I guess, though I think the financee's behavior was pretty awful, that
this doesn't seem so bad to me, if the child was enjoying it
(especially when your husband was doing the tossing - I don't think
I'd feel comfortable if someone other than Chris or myself were doing
the tossing).

I'm not sure when we started tossing Kivi. Probably when she was
Xander's age, but then only very gently and only an inch above our
fingers.

Cathy Weeks
Mommy to Kivi Alexis 12/01

LisaBell wrote in message . ..

Goodness, do all daddies do this while mommies cringe in the
background? I thought my DH was the only one

Nope. This mommy did the tossing, too. Though not as high as my
husband does. I don't have the upper-body strengh that he does!

Cathy Weeks
Mommy to Kivi Alexis 12/01

"Kari" wrote

Yes I did get pretty upset. Not when he did it with Kaylie, but when I saw
him do it with Xander, he looked petrified. Poor thing did the flailing arms
and legs thing and screamed his little head off. I guess my husband thought
if he kept doing it Xander would start to enjoy it but it's pretty clear
that he doesn't like to be tossed. Noah never did either and still hates it
when his father holds him upside down or throws him around.

I guess maybe I worry too much about things like that because I would be
terrified of missing and dropping them.

I think different children just have different senses of balance at
different ages. When mine were little, one of them loved swings and
merry-go-rounds, the other didn't. I think there was some inner-ear
thing that was bothersome.

They both love roller coasters now -- and fortunately, I don't feel I
need to ride with them each time.

Rupa

On Tue, 18 May 2004 23:20:01 +0200, LisaBell
wrote:

Goodness, do all daddies do this while mommies cringe in the
background? I thought my DH was the only one

Unless the baby doesn't like it, this is actually good for them. It's
not only fun, but it promotes spatial awareness and body control.
Most babies seem to love it.

Roughhousing with infants and toddlers seems to be something
that dads do (some moms do this as well, though moms are usually
not quite as confident and rough).

My dgd absolutely loves it an begs for more when her daddy or
grandpa toss her around.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

On Tue, 18 May 2004 15:15:26 GMT, "Kari"
wrote:

So now there is this big riff and I dont know how to handle it. We're in
their wedding, in 2 weeks. I dont even want to be around her. What would you
guys do? Did I overreact because I dont feel like I did. Noah is not exactly
the kind of child you can tease, I know I mentioned it on here before how
sensitive he is, he's hurt so easily and now he's petrified to be around
her. sigh

Thanks for listening,

Kari
mom to Kaylie (8) Noah (5) and Xander (7 mos)

I don't think you overreacted. You have every right to be angry with
anyone who hurts your children regardless of their relationship to
your family.

In the case of the baby, it's one thing to play this way with a baby
who is laughing and eating it up, but quite another to play this way
with a baby who is crying. As an adult, she should have realized
that the baby was upset and stopped quickly even if she started
with good intentions.

As for her dragging Noah places, no one should ever drag a child
by his arm at all since this can cause a dislocated elbow or shoulder.
You are his mom and you have the right to define what behavior
you will accept towards him and she was totally in the wrong.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

Bruce Bridgman and Jeanne Yang wrote:

This neurotic mother tells DH to stand on the grass or on the carpet - as if
these are much safer surfaces...

My husband broke a ceiling lamp while tossing our baby into the air.
Whoops.

--
Sara, accompanied by the baby barnacle

(Cathy Weeks) wrote in
om:

"Kari" wrote in message
...

Xander is 7 months old? Right?

Right. She also has thrown him in the air and catch him.
My husband has done it too and I totally went through the
roof. Believe me, I am NOT happy about it at all.

Oh, my. Tossing babies in the air ("flying") (and catching
them, of course) is very popular in my house. The kids
LOVE it.

but, of course, not *all* kids love it
we're big into baby-tossing in my family too, but we started
out very slowly with Boo to see how he would react. since
we've known he's had sensory issues since about 4 weeks, we
don't get into anything involving movement abruptly
(fortunately for us ? he's sensory seeking). the best thing
is 'know your kids', then make sure all the relatives know
what is acceptable & what isn't and most importantly, that if
the child doesn't want to play or gets upset, they *must* stop
immediately.
i've had the worst time getting Tom's family to stop swooping
down & unexpectedly grabbing Boo. he *hates* that! only one
uncle refuses to learn not to & i just will not leave Boo
alone near him. even infants/toddlers need thier space
respected.
lee