Personal space

wrote:

Why isn't she motivated by money? Do you notice a difference in her as
compared to your older daughters? At age six, maybe she has been a year in
kindergarten?
I don't necessarily think that kids should be money -motivated, but my
children always knew that money was worth something and were very willing to
work for it and spend it long before they ever went to school .

Gosh, my daughters are nine and they don't think that much about money. I have
never bothered with allowance because I can't think of anything that I
particularly want them to spend it on that I wouldn't just give them. These
days when kids are supervised so much more are very different from when I was a
kid. My kids aren't out going to the store by themselves.

--Helen

On 01 Aug 2003 18:22:09 GMT, (H Schinske) wrote:

These days when kids are supervised so much more are very
different from when I was a kid. My kids aren't out going to the
store by themselves.

This is one of those situations I find very sad really.

I do understand why parents do this, otoh, I wonder about
where you live and if it wouldn't work better to get to know
some of the storeowners and other people in town if the
town is small enough so that the kids can have the experience
of being independent. At 9 or 10, I would think that there
ought to be *somewhere* they can go on their own without
parents and supervision.

Of course, if not, why not allow them at least to have some
experience of buying there own things by *not* giving it to
them and letting them have an allowance and save it and
then taking them to the store with you to buy it. I do think
it is really important for kids to have things that are their
own and which you may not *approve* of for various reasons
or which cost enough that they would need to save up for them.

Life is about risk. I think that you need to allow some level
of risk so that kids learn to deal with it. You may need to
teach them what to do if the things you are afraid of happen,
but for the most part, kids are not really in such danger. We
simply see more reported.



--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits

"Sue" wrote in message ...
Nikki wrote in message
I'm not a huge fan of reward systems but it might wotk this time. There
really is no huge negative here. She gets the object, she gets her
sibling
upset (which IIRC from when I was a kid is not a bad thing at all ;-) and
she causes a ruckus, which isn't so bad either! If she can stay out of
her
sisters room for xxx amount of time she earns a special reward (activity
or
item depending on kid). If Kara does better at staying out is Allison old
enough to bite the bullet and invite Kara in for a special play session in
her room every once in a while. Really dote on her little sister. They
could trade and then you could help Kara set up a special play session in
her room that she would invite Allison to. That might help her get a
grasp
on ownership. I hope you get some more experienced answers!


Hi Nikki,

You know I have been putting some thought into a reward system for this and
I did try it yesterday and as someone mentioned, Allison said that isn't
fair. Why should she get something for staying out of my room. So then I
replied, well then you get a reward if you don't hit her when she does come
in your room. So I am not sure if that strategy is going to work. I may need
to refine this somehow, lol. I did try yesterday and told Kara that if she
stayed out of Allison's room until dinner time that she would get a bubble
gum. She didn't make it. It was only about an hour later and we discovered
that Kara went into Allison's room and took out her stuff. So one day
doesn't make it I know. And I did have a talk with Allison yesterday about
trying to let Kara come in every once in a while and playing with her.
Allison's things are interesting to Kara so I can understand that they are
new to her, but shouldn't Kara have some restraint as well?

I think you are being a little backward on this one. This is being far
more than an issue than it ought to be. If it is Allison's stuff that
is being pawed and damaged, you owe it to Allison to either help her
defend it or get the heck out of the way. By setting the time limit of
how long to stay out of the stuff, you are basically allowing the
behavior to continue. Kara - you do not go into Allison's room ever.
You do not take an item. Not once. If you cannot manage this, I will
get a lock for her door. Period. Wishy washy game playing ended.
Allison's stuff protected.

Stephanie