Feeling Disconnected

Not only was it an unexpected pregnancy, but you have two small children to
run after. You don't have a lot of time to sit and contemplate your belly
button, the way you did with your last pregnancy. I think it's normal. By
the time this little one is kicking up a storm, you will have bonded much
more, and by the time it's born, you'll be fine! And if there is still some
lingering lack of feelings, wait until that first smile. Hugs. I really do
think it's normal, and doesn't mean you don't love this bub or aren't a good
mama.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- My Big Girl, who goes pee pee and poo poo on the
potty!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- The Crawler, who does a mean Commando Crawl!

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"Crystal Dreamer" wrote in message
...
I feel horrible for having these feelings, but I wonder if anyone else
feels
this way. I feel so disconnected with this pregnancy.

I don't know what it is, I didn't really feel this way with the boys. It
just doesn't feel real, and I don't feel like I'm bonding with this baby,
no
matter how much I want to. Maybe it's because I only saw a small glimpse
on
ultrasound at 6 weeks and haven't seen anything else since. I have my
"big"
ultrasound scheduled for May 19, and my OB even thinks they may have their
4D Ultrasound machine by then. I'm praying that seeing this baby will help
me bond, and help it feel real.

I haven't felt the baby move much, I suppose that could be part of it.
I've
felt flutters here and there, and I think maybe even a kick or two.
Nothing
consistant at all. I'm 18 weeks now.

I guess it may also be that this was a big surprise pregnancy, not
expected
at all. I just feel so bad for feeling this way... or not feeling the way
I
should. Am I the only one, or does anyone else feel kinda detached, like
it's happening to someone else?

I totally feel the same way. I almost resent it at times - I have a full
time job, and so many things going on right now, it just seems to be
interfering with life. I'm exhausted, and nauseated constantly. I feel fat
and gross, and I am afraid of starting over with a baby, after raising up my
daughter to an age where she is pretty independant. I am sure that hormones
play a big part in feeling detached and generally yucky. With my first
daughter I suffered from post partum depression very badly, without knowing
that something like that even existed, or that I could do something about
it. If things get worse for you, or after the baby is born you feel bad
still, don't be afraid to ask for help.

In article ,
"Crystal Dreamer" wrote:

I don't know what it is, I didn't really feel this way with the boys. It
just doesn't feel real, and I don't feel like I'm bonding with this baby, no
matter how much I want to.

With this one, it's been different. For a start, I'm busier. With No 1, I
always knew how far along I was, and with this one, I kept forgetting. I
don't get many pregnancy symptoms but with this pregnancy, I've felt a lot of
fatigue, which drains my emotions too -- apart from the annoyance when I get
kicked all night! It's only since I've started maternity leave that the
reality of having a baby soon has sunk in.

BUT... there is no "ought" with emotions. They just are. Some people bond
with their babies as soon as they know they're pg, others need until the baby
first smiles. Throw in PND and it can be even more difficult. But your
feelings aren't what make you a mother -- it's how you behave towards your
child that counts. There are probably lots of abusive/neglectful parents
around who believe that they've bonded with their children.

Personally, I'd be more worried about feeling constantly guilty than not
feeling bonded!

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is
nothing worth being eager or vigorous about."
Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893.

I can completely relate. I'm almost 22 weeks. This is my first
pregnancy. I have only felt minor movements, nothing to get too
excited about. Everyday my husband comes home and says, "So, what do
you think". I say, "About what?". He states "About you, me, and the
baby."

I feel bad because I don't think about the baby at all other than the
fact that my body is changing. I think a ton about my future including
classes I'll teach, methods I'll use; selling my home so I can get a
bigger yard; what I want to plant in the garden this year....all kinds
of things.

But I'm disconnected from this creature inside me. I'm doing
everything right that I can think of eating and reading etc., but I
just don't feel excited.

Unlike most, I won't be getting an ultrasound unless there is a cause
for concern. Something both myself and my midwife agree on. In a way
I regret the decision because I think seeing the baby on the screen
would help.

I've also had two miscarriages. I was excited about those pregnancies
and hope they haven't psychologically tainted this experience.

Nice to know I'm not alone in my detached thoughts.

Thanks Lisa.

You are not alone. But I also wonder what your husband expect you to say --
he's asking EVERY DAY what you're thinking about "you, me and the baby"?
Even if you were thinking something today, would it be that different
tomorrow? Have you asked him what he's thinking about?
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- My Big Girl, who goes pee pee and poo poo on the
potty!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- The Crawler, who is officially crawling and has
her first tooth!

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"Chookie" wrote in message
...


Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is
nothing worth being eager or vigorous about."
Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893.

ROFLMAO, Chookie, I might have to forward this sig to my brother and his
wife (melbourne residents)

wrote in message
oups.com...
I can completely relate. I'm almost 22 weeks. This is my first
pregnancy. I have only felt minor movements, nothing to get too
excited about. Everyday my husband comes home and says, "So, what do
you think". I say, "About what?". He states "About you, me, and the
baby."

I feel bad because I don't think about the baby at all other than the
fact that my body is changing. I think a ton about my future including
classes I'll teach, methods I'll use; selling my home so I can get a
bigger yard; what I want to plant in the garden this year....all kinds
of things.

But I'm disconnected from this creature inside me. I'm doing
everything right that I can think of eating and reading etc., but I
just don't feel excited.

Unlike most, I won't be getting an ultrasound unless there is a cause
for concern. Something both myself and my midwife agree on. In a way
I regret the decision because I think seeing the baby on the screen
would help.

I've also had two miscarriages. I was excited about those pregnancies
and hope they haven't psychologically tainted this experience.


No, its called SELF PRESERVATION. There is time to get really attached to
the baby once you are sure there is going to be one.

Jamie,

I think he does it to be cute, to make me smile. I tell him I don't
think about the baby, as in our future with one. I ask him what he
thinks and it is kinda like a game, he'll say something to my stomach
like "Baby, when are you going to move out so your mother and I can be
alone?"

It is hard to get a serious straight answer from my husband. He's
always cracking a joke and he's so laid back that he believes
everything will be fine and everything works out the way it is suppose
to. He believes heavily in Karma. He's a good guy - usually!

The detachment for me is more personal. I'm a major planner,
organizer, list maker...but not with respect to the baby. My friend
keeps pestering me to make some decisions about my shower and I just
can't get the motivation I need to do what needs to be done. The whole
feeling is alien to me. I like the comment that it is about self
preservation...that is helpful.

"Child" wrote in message
...

"Chookie" wrote in message
...


Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is
nothing worth being eager or vigorous about."
Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893.

ROFLMAO, Chookie, I might have to forward this sig to my brother and his
wife (melbourne residents)

Good thing we Melbournians have an excellent sense of humour, hey? ;-)
--
Jacqueline
#1 Due late Jul/early Aug

Don't stress about your feelings. They will come. At some point you will
feel the baby kicking and moving, your stomach will get larger and larger,
and it will dawn on your that you are actually going to be bringing a baby
home from the hospital, so you'd better get some place for it to sleep, and
something for it to wear, and something to call it...etc. My guess is it
will happen around 30 weeks, give or take. That still gives you plenty of
time to do whatever it is that you need to do. Babies don't need too much,
regardless of what the magazines, books, movies, and your MIL/MOM might tell
you.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- My Big Girl, who goes pee pee and poo poo on the
potty!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- The Crawler, who is officially crawling and has
her first tooth!

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
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