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#1301
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Deadbeats
I thought you said he was paying and that if a dad is paying "something,"
he doesn't meet your definition of "deadbeat." ==== In case you didn't know, it's hard being a single parent. ==== Oh puleeze! I was a single parent and full time student--graduated with honors --double major of history and pre-law--Easy? Hardly! And, I worked painting houses in my "free" time. I collected no child support and I can assure you that I didn't spend my time obsessing on what my ex "owed" our kids. Spare me the whining about how "hard" it is being a single parent! I've had a hell of a lot bigger challenges than that to face. Life is hard--You pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do what you have to do in the best interest of the kids. You brought this entire matter on yourself and your daughter. Yeah, I've read what you've posted and it's all been how much of a victim you are of this man and I'm ------------------ Gini I consider my child's dad a dead beat because someone who is $12,000 in child support is not making payments. I have to file cases against him to make him pay. I shouldn't have to do that. He should be the responsible parent and take care his kid on his own. He just started making those payments because of the civil I filed against him. Pammie1 |
#1302
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Deadbeats
You know if I was a mean person I
could modify and raise his amount, but I am being nice. I didn't set the current amount the court did. He should have had his butt in court to defend himself. That was his choice not to show. He never even responded to paternity papers. The court decided that the kid was his because he didn't respond. Well now that he is over $12,000 behind on my case and $11,000 behind on his other case he needs to get a second job. Now that horrifies me. Was he notified personally by the court? Did he know about the court date? Here where I live there was a terrible problem for a long time with men being "notified" by having their names published in the personals section of the local paper. If they didn't show up, they were named as father and could not dispute it. There are men paying child support who never even met the mother of the child--but they were "notified" in the paper because their name was the same--and they never even knew about it until their wages started being garnished! Can you imagine the awfulness of that!! ----------------- That is terrible to have cs garnished from you and you don't even know the person. I don't like how they have that set up where you live. Well where I live they sent him a letter in the mail to appear in court for cs hearing. He got the letter. As a matter of fact he mentioned to me that my support payments wouldn't be as high if he would have showed up to court. So he knew about everything, he just didn't show. Pammie1 |
#1303
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Deadbeats
I do have a saving for my child, but the $100 a month is just going
towards the household. When he starts paying the full amount then I will start back putting into her savings. You know if I was a mean person I could modify and raise his amount, but I am being nice. I didn't set the current amount the court did. He should have had his butt in court to defend himself. That was his choice not to show. He never even responded to paternity papers. The court decided that the kid was his because he didn't respond. Well now that he is over $12,000 behind on my case and $11,000 behind on his other case he needs to get a second job. ===== So you aren't even sure this is his kid? ===== ------------ Gini I am very sure this kid is his. He was the only man I slept with in this state. Pammie1 |
#1304
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Deadbeats
Okay AZ since you are not getting it. Let's just put it in terms you
may understand. ==== Gosh--Why are you so insistent that if anyone disagrees with you, it's because they don't understand? Ya know, I haven't seen a whole lot of deep thinking come out of you. OK, let's try this--(to make things a little easier for *you*): WE GET IT! WE DON"T AGREE WITH YOU! How's that? ------------------- Oh gad!! Gini I now have cherry kool aid all over my monitor!!! You crack me up!!! ~AZ~ -------------- I don't give a rats behind if you don't agree with me. I have my own opinions and it's nothing you can do to change that. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that cs is in effect and these dead beats are going down if they don't take care of their kid. Pammie1 |
#1305
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Deadbeats
"Phil #3" wrote in message link.net...
"witchwirsen" wrote in message om... "Phil #3" wrote in message link.net... "witchwirsen" wrote in message om... "AZ Astrea" wrote in message ... "witchwirsen" wrote in message om... Vasectomy also makes sex painful for many men for 5 or 10 years. See "PVP" on your cited web site. Just the probability of turning sex into pain would be enough to discourage most men -- if the medical industry were honest enough to tell men about it. Tubal's don't make sex painful for women. No, the above is true, however, after tubal ligation most women exprience exccessive bleeding with clotting until monopause, severe cramping during menstruation, hormonal changes that effect them physically and mentally, and longer menses. ------------- Saying "most" women experience these problems is not true. Most women, once they heal, are fine. The only reason some may experience cramping, heavier periods and hormonal changes is if they were previously on birth control pills and stopped taking them. Once their body gets used to not having the extra hormones things usually even out. And this stuff doesn't "last until menopause" just because of getting a tubal. Menstruation and all that goes with it generally lasts until menopause. ----------------- I say 'most' trying to be objective because EVERY women I know who have had tubals suffer from at least some of the symptoms above. (I could have said all as that is my eperience) You do NOT know most women, you don't even know 1% of them. If you base all your opinions on nothing more than personal knowledge or experience of those you know, you will formulate many completely false ideas, as evidenced by some of your postings here. For instance, someone living in a retirement community could say that most p eople wear false teeth based on their personal experience and those they know. I have many myself, and have not taken a birth control pill since '92. When, pray tell, will my hormones 'even out'? Women who receive a tubal ligation are at higher risk of tubal pregnancy, a life threatening condition. -------------- Where did you get that information from? Tubal pregnancies are quite common, however, the danger doesn't come in until the fetus has grown to a size that would cause srious problems, and tubal pregnancies often end in miscarriage before it gets to that stage. A "higher risk" is very, very small since the chances of a tubal pregnancy are next to nothing anyway. ------------- One surgery is no better than the other. For either party. --------------- A tubal requires general anesthesia and all the possible problems that go with it. --------------- Not only that, but a tubal requires incisions through fat, skin, muscle, and close possible contact with the bladder, intestines, bowl, etc...potential problems. Discomfort for one partner will cause discomfort for the other in some way anyhow. ------------- A man get a vasectomy, is uncomfortable having sex for 5 to 10 years (as stated) and this will have an effect on his partner. A woman has a tubal and exhibits the symptoms I stated, and it will have an effect on her partner. On what do you base this? Neither I nor anyone I know experienced pain before, during or after sex from a vasectomy. I've never read of this being common, in fact, I've never heard of it before. I think you are wrong in this statement. [snip the rest] Phil #3 Ask Bob where that came from, he is the one who posted it (Boby)I was just replying as if he had some idea whether or not that is true, does not good to tell him it isn't...He'll just call you a whore or some such...whoooops, my bad, maybe he will call you a prick instead. Sorry, then. I missed it if Bob posted it. Regardless who posted it, I think it wrong information but like any intrusion into any part of the body, occasionally there will be some problems. Personally, between the two, I could better endure a chronic physical pain resulting from a medical procedure far better than the never-ending emotional pain of having my child legally ripped from my care. If I knew then what I know now, I would never had fathered a child intentionally. Not to be misconstrued as not loving my children, I think they are priceless but I wouldn't do it again. Phil #3 Phil, I undertand totally. I also feel for you. |
#1306
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Deadbeats
In article outparenting.com,
Pammie1 says... ................................... Gini I consider my child's dad a dead beat because someone who is $12,000 in child support is not making payments. ===== On the contrary, Pammie. My husband was hit with 18 grand in arrears in one court hearing. He was paying but was paying it directly to his ex in compliance with the divorce decree. The ex claimed she "never got that" even though the judge had the MO receipts in his hand. He decided to call it a "gift" unless my husband could specify what exactly the money was for--Child support wasn't specific enough--it had to be clothing, school supplies, etc. In addition, the judge doubled the CS to 1200. a month which was retro active to the date of filing--about a year in this interstate case. Now, if anyone saw that my husband was 18,000. behind in child support without knowing the circumstances, they'd think he was a real slimeball. In reality, he was taken to the cleaners for doing what he was ordered to do in his divorce decree. My husband's case is not isolated. This happens to dads all the time. ===== I have to file cases against him to make him pay. I shouldn't have to do that. He should be the responsible parent and take care his kid on his own. ====== I have always told my kids that there is a big difference between 'should' and 'is.' Sometimes chasing what "should" be costs a great deal more than learning to live with what is. ====== ====== |
#1307
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Deadbeats
"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message ink.net... "Phil #3" wrote in message ink.net... "Bob Whiteside" wrote in message link.net... "Phil #3" wrote in message link.net... "Pammie1" southerngirl@The Real Thing wrote in message lkaboutparenting.com... Okay Phil #3 I can see why you would be upset. That is totally wrong how she is using her Child Support money. She is a leech. I think she can live off $400 a month or less. It's not like she is has responsibilities. She is living large at your expensive. That's not good. Have you tried to modify? I am just curious if you can have your support lowered. Pammie1 When it mattered most, I could not afford to even take off of work long enough for a hearing, much less hire an attorney or even research it myself. Now I'm down to less than a year so it would likely cost me as much or more than I could save, not to mention I am temporarily stationed 1000 miles from the state of origin. Besides, I've learned to live without it, soon we'll see if SHE can Phil #3 ------------ I don't think she would be able to survive without that extra income coming in. That would be interesting to see. Less than a year to go...wow your time will be up before you know it. Are you planning a big get away when that time comes? Pammie1 I don't know what I'll do. It will be like getting a big raise, though. Phil #3 I sent my ex an Excel spreadsheet detailing all of the payments for CS, alimony, attorney fees, and other expenses I was required to pay broken down by year. I thought she would thank me for being so generous and taking care of my responsibilities. And tell me she couldn't have been the CP without my financial contributions and relate how much she appreciated my willingness to be so liberal in helping out with extra visitations. /s/ As usual her response was she never got that much money. But she got the point - it was a major amount she no longer would get. Funny you should mention that. I have an Excel spreadsheet showing the C$ payments, when due, when paid, of course the amount and total paid. Mine counts down the number of payments left, how many months (or fractions thereof) remaining. I never thought of sending it to her but I think I will Thanks for the idea. I also have a countdown clock showing the exact years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds left before Independence Day When I installed it, I had several years left. Slowly, I have watched the years tick by; it seemed like it would be forever when I started counting in 1995. Just an FYI - Don't count portions of months. The last CS payment accrues on the first day of the month and is due by the end of the last day of the month. Even if your child is no longer eligible for CS on the 2nd day of the final month in the order you will still owe for the full month. Pay for the last month in full and smile knowing it is the last payment. And be sure to check what is required in the local court's rules to fully satisfy the CS judgment and close the money judgment file forever. Like I stated, it does not go through the gummit (thank goodness) and the specifics are that my child must be both over 18 and graduated from high school in order to end the siege. His 19th birthday will precede his graduation by about one week, both of which are after the date the C$ is due for that month. That means I will have paid for the month (May) and in June, he will be both over 18 and graduated, ergo, no C$ due. I have been trying to find case law covering having a judge sign off on having C$ ended but have been unable to find anything. Other than just the details of the court order that demands support also contains the elements to end it, so I suppose I will contact an attorney about getting a signed court order stop C$ since I haven't found anything. Phil #3 |
#1308
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Deadbeats
"Pammie1" southerngirl@The Real Thing wrote in message lkaboutparenting.com... I thought you said he was paying and that if a dad is paying "something," he doesn't meet your definition of "deadbeat." ==== In case you didn't know, it's hard being a single parent. ==== Oh puleeze! I was a single parent and full time student--graduated with honors --double major of history and pre-law--Easy? Hardly! And, I worked painting houses in my "free" time. I collected no child support and I can assure you that I didn't spend my time obsessing on what my ex "owed" our kids. Spare me the whining about how "hard" it is being a single parent! I've had a hell of a lot bigger challenges than that to face. Life is hard--You pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do what you have to do in the best interest of the kids. You brought this entire matter on yourself and your daughter. Yeah, I've read what you've posted and it's all been how much of a victim you are of this man and I'm ------------------ Gini I consider my child's dad a dead beat because someone who is $12,000 in child support is not making payments. That just isn't true, Pammie! My husband found out that he was the father of an almost 13 year old girl by a one night stand a couple of years ago. He never knew she existed. We were married and had the 2 children we knew we could afford, and he was hit with 2 years of instant arrearages. Fortunately, they couldn't go all the way back to the birth of the child--they could only go back 2 years. But his instant arrears have destroyed our credit. We could not refinance our home because of the lien they have on it. When the mortgage agent called to find out if they would subordinate their claim so we could refinance, the CS idiot said "not this scumbag" as if he were an outrageous deadbeat who never paid--and he has never missed a payment since the order was in place! You can't just look at a high number and say "This guy must be a deadbeat." People are screwed by the system all the time, and end up with outrageous numbers attached to their names! I have to file cases against him to make him pay. I shouldn't have to do that. He should be the responsible parent and take care his kid on his own. He just started making those payments because of the civil I filed against him. Pammie1 |
#1309
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Deadbeats
"Pammie1" southerngirl@The Real Thing wrote in message lkaboutparenting.com... As if you want to be paid to parent your own children. I've heard that said here many times. Didn't you expect you'd be putting in the work whether you stayed together or not? I know, I know, you didn't expect to do both jobs but what if you'd stayed together and he worked hard, became a wonderful dad and got injured on the job to the point he became paralyzed or comatose? What then? Phil #3 ------------ I am saying that taking care of a kid on your own will have you tired like you are working 2 jobs. It takes a lot of energy to clean, play, and teach little kids. I kind of thought so.... of course, only having had 4, I couldn't know ;-) Being that this is my first and only kid, I had no idea parenting took so much work. It's easy to look at someone else with a kid. It doesn't seem that hard. The reality is that it's very hard work. I believe I would describe it as "joy" more than "work" but parenting if filled with happy and unhappy times, difficulty, worry and extreme pride in one's own child as that child masters the mileposts of life. The downside is that it is a 24 hour job until the teen years, then it doubles. I didn't expect to be doing this all alone. I didn't expect to be forced out and not allowed to do it at all. .It's a big difference knowing that you were dumped with a kid and the father doesn't want to have anything to do with the kid as oppose to him getting hurt on the job. Yes, if you had a paralyzed husband AND a child, then you'd *really* have a lot to complain about. You cannot make him care, you can't even make him *act* like he cares. I don't know it's like I have to put a lot of time and energy into staying on top of the child support case. The cs office will not stay on top of my case so I have to make calls, write letters, attend court. It sounds a bit like it is not worth the effort. If you don't need the money, I would suggest just letting the whole thing go and making a life for you and your child without so much as a thought about him, where he is and what he's doing. I suspect you and your child would both be much happier, especially since you could devote the time you're spending on trying to insure he is crippled by CSE, to you and your child. I am sure if the dad was injured there would be some type of disability check coming in to help support the household. One that is subject to accountability. It's an option in the situation you are in now, as well. Now I have been told that taking care of a healthy man is hard work. I have heard women say they have to clean behind men, cook for them (you can't just make hot dogs like you can for kids). Men want a full course meal. ha ha I'd rather avoid getting into male/female bashing. Phil #3 Pammie1 |
#1310
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Deadbeats
"Phil #3" wrote in message link.net... "Bob Whiteside" wrote in message ink.net... "Phil #3" wrote in message ink.net... "Bob Whiteside" wrote in message link.net... "Phil #3" wrote in message link.net... "Pammie1" southerngirl@The Real Thing wrote in message lkaboutparenting.com... Okay Phil #3 I can see why you would be upset. That is totally wrong how she is using her Child Support money. She is a leech. I think she can live off $400 a month or less. It's not like she is has responsibilities. She is living large at your expensive. That's not good. Have you tried to modify? I am just curious if you can have your support lowered. Pammie1 When it mattered most, I could not afford to even take off of work long enough for a hearing, much less hire an attorney or even research it myself. Now I'm down to less than a year so it would likely cost me as much or more than I could save, not to mention I am temporarily stationed 1000 miles from the state of origin. Besides, I've learned to live without it, soon we'll see if SHE can Phil #3 ------------ I don't think she would be able to survive without that extra income coming in. That would be interesting to see. Less than a year to go...wow your time will be up before you know it. Are you planning a big get away when that time comes? Pammie1 I don't know what I'll do. It will be like getting a big raise, though. Phil #3 I sent my ex an Excel spreadsheet detailing all of the payments for CS, alimony, attorney fees, and other expenses I was required to pay broken down by year. I thought she would thank me for being so generous and taking care of my responsibilities. And tell me she couldn't have been the CP without my financial contributions and relate how much she appreciated my willingness to be so liberal in helping out with extra visitations. /s/ As usual her response was she never got that much money. But she got the point - it was a major amount she no longer would get. Funny you should mention that. I have an Excel spreadsheet showing the C$ payments, when due, when paid, of course the amount and total paid. Mine counts down the number of payments left, how many months (or fractions thereof) remaining. I never thought of sending it to her but I think I will Thanks for the idea. I also have a countdown clock showing the exact years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds left before Independence Day When I installed it, I had several years left. Slowly, I have watched the years tick by; it seemed like it would be forever when I started counting in 1995. Just an FYI - Don't count portions of months. The last CS payment accrues on the first day of the month and is due by the end of the last day of the month. Even if your child is no longer eligible for CS on the 2nd day of the final month in the order you will still owe for the full month. Pay for the last month in full and smile knowing it is the last payment. And be sure to check what is required in the local court's rules to fully satisfy the CS judgment and close the money judgment file forever. Like I stated, it does not go through the gummit (thank goodness) and the specifics are that my child must be both over 18 and graduated from high school in order to end the siege. His 19th birthday will precede his graduation by about one week, both of which are after the date the C$ is due for that month. That means I will have paid for the month (May) and in June, he will be both over 18 and graduated, ergo, no C$ due. I have been trying to find case law covering having a judge sign off on having C$ ended but have been unable to find anything. Other than just the details of the court order that demands support also contains the elements to end it, so I suppose I will contact an attorney about getting a signed court order stop C$ since I haven't found anything. I paid an attorney $50 for a 30 minute consultation on how to close out the money judgements. He gave me a copy of the state law regarding how to proceed. My case originated in a different county, and not surprisingly, that county does not follow the state law. They have their own procedure. When I ask for the procedure they told me they couldn't give me legal advice. It was like Catch-22. My suggestion is it may not be as straight forward to close out the money judgement as you might assume. |
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