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Questions about weaning (21 month old)



 
 
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  #1  
Old March 25th 04, 10:57 PM
HollyLewis
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Default Questions about weaning (21 month old)

DD is almost 21 months, and I would like to wean her by 2 years (July). I
have cut her nursing back to morning, afternoon nap, and before bed, and for
a few weeks this was working out fine. This last week, she has started
waking up at night and wanting to nurse...I was refusing, offering water,
and she would take a sip, and then go back to sleep, but each night it gets
progressively worse (waking longer, crying longer, more insistent on
nursing). She is also doing this after her afternoon nap too. I try to
distract her, offer to go for a walk, movie, every other drink I have and
she won't go for any of it. Yesterday after her nap, she was like this and I
held her off for an hour, and she kept whining, she didn't want anything
else but mama's milk, so I had to give in. Why is she now going backwards? I
am almost at the point that I am going to just give in, but my heart of
hearts tells me that I really want to wean her. I have gotten to the point
where I feel that I have given her 2 years (almost) of mama's milk on
demand, and I would like to have my body back for a few months before I get
pregnant again (hopefully). She is a very picky eater, so that is one of the
main reasons I have continued as long as I have. I offer her food many times
throughout the day, and there is a cupboard for just here stuff that she can
grab whatever she wants, whenever she wants, so I don't know if she really
needs the milk or just the comfort. When I am not there, or DH tries to
comfort her instead, she goes almost hysterical....she want me, and more
importantly, my milk? Do you have any help or suggestions?


--
Michelle P
Ava Marie July 14, 2002


While I sympathize with your feelings, I don't think it's realistic to expect
young children to make progress toward independence in a linear fashion or by
an externally imposed deadline. She's going "backwards" because that's what
toddlers do -- two steps forward, one back (or three forward, one back, one
forward, five back, etc.) is the rule rather than the exception, whether it's
learning to walk, learning to feed themselves, developing the ability to play
alone, becoming comfortable sleeping alone, weaning, or toilet training.

Does she need milk or comfort? Both, most likely. Her reaction is telling you
that you've moved too far, too fast. Back off for a while -- maybe
re-institute the afternoon nap nursing session, and see if that helps her go
without during the night. Try again with the afternoon in another month or
two.

I did something like this with my son, when he was a bit younger than your DD
is now, though I didn't have any plans to wean him completely by any particular
time. When eliminating a particular nursing session didn't really go well, I
stopped trying for a couple months. On the next try, it was easy. I didn't
really view it as going "backwards" -- just as somewhat slower progress than I
might have hoped. A few more weeks or months, out of a nursing relationship
measured in years, just isn't that big a deal.

IMO, 2 years is not a good time for parent-directed weaning, because there are
so many ways in which children that age are exploring independence, and they
need to maintain a secure, familiar base of support in order to comfortably
spread their wings. Instead of making "wean completely by 2 years" your goal,
focus on smaller, shorter term steps, like "eliminate the nighttime nursing" or
"cut back to where my normal ovulatory cycle returns" or whatever is most
important to you *right now*. I think it will be less frustrating for you if
you don't have a definite timeline in mind. And if you find that eliminating a
nursing session results in more tantrums, for example, you'll be able to think
more clearly and calmly about what's the best way to proceed if you're not
mentally moaning to yourself, "I'll NEVER get my body back!" You know?
Besides, once you get her comfortably down to just 1x or 2x a day, you may find
that you feel absolutely fine about continuing at that level indefinitely. I
certainly did. If not, of course, then you can continue the weaning process,
but don't get too committed to not breastfeeding at all before you know how you
feel about breastfeeding *less*. :-) It may well feel totally different.

Best of luck
Holly
Mom to Camden, 3yo
EDD #2 6/8/04
  #2  
Old March 25th 04, 11:49 PM
Michelle Podnar
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Posts: n/a
Default Questions about weaning (21 month old)


DD is almost 21 months, and I would like to wean her by 2 years (July). I
have cut her nursing back to morning, afternoon nap, and before bed, and for
a few weeks this was working out fine. This last week, she has started
waking up at night and wanting to nurse...I was refusing, offering water,
and she would take a sip, and then go back to sleep, but each night it gets
progressively worse (waking longer, crying longer, more insistent on
nursing). She is also doing this after her afternoon nap too. I try to
distract her, offer to go for a walk, movie, every other drink I have and
she won't go for any of it. Yesterday after her nap, she was like this and I
held her off for an hour, and she kept whining, she didn't want anything
else but mama's milk, so I had to give in. Why is she now going backwards? I
am almost at the point that I am going to just give in, but my heart of
hearts tells me that I really want to wean her. I have gotten to the point
where I feel that I have given her 2 years (almost) of mama's milk on
demand, and I would like to have my body back for a few months before I get
pregnant again (hopefully). She is a very picky eater, so that is one of the
main reasons I have continued as long as I have. I offer her food many times
throughout the day, and there is a cupboard for just here stuff that she can
grab whatever she wants, whenever she wants, so I don't know if she really
needs the milk or just the comfort. When I am not there, or DH tries to
comfort her instead, she goes almost hysterical....she want me, and more
importantly, my milk? Do you have any help or suggestions?


--
Michelle P
Ava Marie July 14, 2002


  #3  
Old March 26th 04, 12:34 AM
Larry McMahan
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Posts: n/a
Default Questions about weaning (21 month old)

What Holly said!

Larry

Michelle Podnar writes:

: DD is almost 21 months, and I would like to wean her by 2 years (July). I
: have cut her nursing back to morning, afternoon nap, and before bed, and for
: a few weeks this was working out fine. This last week, she has started
: waking up at night and wanting to nurse...I was refusing, offering water,
: and she would take a sip, and then go back to sleep, but each night it gets
: progressively worse (waking longer, crying longer, more insistent on
: nursing). She is also doing this after her afternoon nap too. I try to
: distract her, offer to go for a walk, movie, every other drink I have and
: she won't go for any of it. Yesterday after her nap, she was like this and I
: held her off for an hour, and she kept whining, she didn't want anything
: else but mama's milk, so I had to give in. Why is she now going backwards? I
: am almost at the point that I am going to just give in, but my heart of
: hearts tells me that I really want to wean her. I have gotten to the point
: where I feel that I have given her 2 years (almost) of mama's milk on
: demand, and I would like to have my body back for a few months before I get
: pregnant again (hopefully). She is a very picky eater, so that is one of the
: main reasons I have continued as long as I have. I offer her food many times
: throughout the day, and there is a cupboard for just here stuff that she can
: grab whatever she wants, whenever she wants, so I don't know if she really
: needs the milk or just the comfort. When I am not there, or DH tries to
: comfort her instead, she goes almost hysterical....she want me, and more
: importantly, my milk? Do you have any help or suggestions?


: --
: Michelle P
: Ava Marie July 14, 2002


  #4  
Old March 26th 04, 12:46 AM
HollyLewis
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Posts: n/a
Default Questions about weaning (21 month old)

What Holly said!

Larry


Oh, wow, I've got the Larry McMahan Stamp of Approval! (Now I'm just trying to
decide whether that's a good thing or not.... ;-) )

Holly
Mom to Camden, 3yo
EDD #2 6/8/04
  #5  
Old March 26th 04, 01:51 AM
Larry McMahan
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Questions about weaning (21 month old)

HollyLewis writes:
:What Holly said!
:
:Larry

: Oh, wow, I've got the Larry McMahan Stamp of Approval! (Now I'm just trying to
: decide whether that's a good thing or not.... ;-) )

: Holly
: Mom to Camden, 3yo
: EDD #2 6/8/04

That's OK. I'm still waiting for the Holly Lewis stamp of approval.
I plan to mount it in a prominent place in my stamp collection.

:-)
Larry
 




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