Its started :(

"A&G&K&H" wrote in message
...
In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises about
me
weaning H (14 mo).
I guess I'll have to start putting together some good comebacks.
Usually I ream off the WHO recommendations, but I need some other comments
for a particular family member who will always say something like " what
would they know ... my mother's aunty's friend's cousin got insert
horrible
condition because she was bf for more than a year".
I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months younger
than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her choice)
and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying
that
she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being
"stubborn" by continuing to bf H.

You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good ones
please

Amanda

--
DD 15th August 2002
1 tiny angel Nov 2003
DS 20th August 2004


(waving to Amanda)

People ask me all the time, "How long are you going to nurse her for?" I
say, "Until she's done."

:-)

Hope all is well,

Jen

"New York Jen" wrote in message
...
(waving to Amanda)

People ask me all the time, "How long are you going to nurse her for?" I
say, "Until she's done."

:-)

Hope all is well,

Jen


hi Jen (waving back

so glad to hear that lily is still bf ... she musn't be too far of 2yo
now...wow!
i bet she and laszlo are as cute as ever.
....i'm thinking of using the "i'm told that most kids wean themselves by
4yo" line for effect next time i'm asked
hugs to you and your gorgeous kids
Amanda
nak, oht

In message , A&G&K&H
writes
In the past 2 weeks a few family members have started making noises about me
weaning H (14 mo).
I guess I'll have to start putting together some good comebacks.
Usually I ream off the WHO recommendations, but I need some other comments
for a particular family member who will always say something like " what
would they know ... my mother's aunty's friend's cousin got insert horrible
condition because she was bf for more than a year".
I do know why this person is so adamant ... her own DS is 2 months younger
than H and she is weaning him now (at 1 yo ... fine if that's her choice)
and she wants to feel better about her own decision. Its just annoying that
she thinks she knows more than me about it and that I'm just being
"stubborn" by continuing to bf H.

You guys are usually good with the comebacks so think me up some good ones
please

I'll presumably be facing this problem soon, since Jamie's now 11
months. My plan is:

If people ask a question, I'll answer it. Simply, factually, and
enthusiastically, but not preachily or bad-temperedly. Thus:

"Are you still breastfeeding him?"
"Indeed yes! I'm so pleased we've made it this far" (or just the
"Indeed yes!" in a tone enthusiastic enough to make the rest clear).

"When are you going to wean?"
"When he's two." (This happens to be the answer in our case. If the
answer was "Whenever one or other of us gets fed up" or "We don't really
have any plans - we're just going to see how it goes" then that's what
I'd say.)

"Why do you still want to breastfeed him at that age?"
"It's giving him good protection against all those childhood bugs, and
it's comforting for him when the world's a bit too much for him to deal
with."

If people start offering advice, however, then I'm going to take a bit
of a different tack: I am going to try to _avoid_ falling into the
temptation to leap to the defense of what I'm doing. The French have a
great saying - "Qui s'excuse, s'accuse". Doesn't sound as good in
translation, but basically means that in excusing yourself, you're
accusing yourself. IOW, the more you try to defend your actions against
someone who thinks you should be doing things differently, the more it
can backfire by making you look as though you think your actions _need_
defending. Let's bear in mind that if someone is giving you unsolicited
advice, it's not actually your job to explain why you're doing things.
It's _their_ job to explain why they think you should change the way
you're doing things, since they're the one offering the advice. I think
there's a lot to be gained by keeping the focus on this.

So, when someone tells me that they think I should wean, instead of
reeling off the reasons why I disagree, I'm going to try asking them
"Why do you think that?" I'm going to try keeping my tone friendly and
interested rather than challenging, and to keep repeating the question,
or variations on it, as often as I can possibly get away with it. For
example:

"I think you should wean that boy."

"Really? Why do you think that?"

"Because he's much too old to be getting your milk."

"What makes you think that?"

"I knew this distant acquaintance who nursed her baby at that age and
[insert terrible consequence] happened because she was still nursing!"

"Really? What makes you think it was because of the nursing?"

Lather, rinse, repeat. Of course, if I really run into a conversational
dead end at any point of this, then I'll try dropping in a bit of
information:

"I know a woman who nursed her baby until he was two and then tried to
stop, and he just would not stop!"

"Yes, that often happens when you try to wean them before they're ready.
All the women I know of who nursed for as long as their children wanted
to found it was much easier to stop at the end of that time - the
children just grew out of it, you see, so there wasn't a struggle over
it."

But, by and large, I'm going to aim for the "Really? Why do you think
that?" approach as much as possible. It will hopefully drive a few
people nuts. ;-)


All the best,

Sarah

--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.blogspot.com

But how do we _know_ that nobody ever said on their deathbed that they wished
they’d spent more time at the office?

"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
...
If people start offering advice, however, then I'm going to take a bit of
a different tack: I am going to try to _avoid_ falling into the temptation
to leap to the defense of what I'm doing. The French have a great
saying - "Qui s'excuse, s'accuse". Doesn't sound as good in translation,
but basically means that in excusing yourself, you're accusing yourself.
IOW, the more you try to defend your actions against someone who thinks
you should be doing things differently, the more it can backfire by making
you look as though you think your actions _need_ defending. Let's bear in
mind that if someone is giving you unsolicited advice, it's not actually
your job to explain why you're doing things. It's _their_ job to explain
why they think you should change the way you're doing things, since
they're the one offering the advice. I think there's a lot to be gained
by keeping the focus on this.

So, when someone tells me that they think I should wean, instead of
reeling off the reasons why I disagree, I'm going to try asking them "Why
do you think that?" I'm going to try keeping my tone friendly and
interested rather than challenging, and to keep repeating the question, or
variations on it, as often as I can possibly get away with it. For

you know, i think this is so true! i'm going to try & take this stance when
i need to.
--
elizabeth (in australia)
DS1 20th august 2002
DS2 26th September 2005

"In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul."
--Lisa T. Shepherd